How do you resolve problems when one does not see an issue?

[Agirlhasnoname]

Hello. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. My husband and I have been together for some time. I know our problems stem from poor communication. I try to convey my needs, wants, and feelings in a fair way. Only to be ignored. I'll try not to sound too jumbled here yet this is how my head feels. Like I'm spinning around with this man in a never ending circle. I ask him to let me know if he's going to be late heading home from work...9 times out of 10 he won't. I ask him not to yell at or in front of our children, he does on almost a daily basis. And so on. He is childish when I get a little upset when he does these things. He says that "in my eyes, he cannot do anything right" and yells and pouts. On the contrary, it's only the same 5 or 6 things he disregards that he doesn't do right. We sought counselling years ago and that was a bust. Most recently, after he lost his temper with me and things cooled down a bit he batted his eyes at me and asked if he could get a motorcycle. I just looked at him. I was flabbergasted. We have bills, mortgage, children in need of new clothes. I've made drastic cuts to our household. To be frank, we are just getting by financially with some recent changes we've been through. So I just said "No, we have responsibilities. We can't afford it right now. Let's wait until we get on our feet and than some." He replied " I can just use the money in savings". And that did it for me. I got angrier and said "NO! Use your head". And walked away. Well fast forward to almost 24 hours of him ignoring me. I overheard him telling a buddy of his on the phone that I was a "bword and said no. That we have responsibilities blah blah blah. That he was p'd at me and avoiding me because he was mad and really wanted the bike". All and all just acting like a brat. So after some cooling off time for me I approached him and once again explained to him why we can't afford it. He stormed off shaking his head. Why can't I get this through to him. Needs before wants I say. I don't know what to do at this point. He is his own person. But what about all of us as a unit? I've tried verbally communicating and writing things down. When I talk with him he talks over me. He says that we should do as his parents did. Not make a big deal of it and move on. So basically just keep it all to myself and get over it. I'm sorry, that just doesn't work for me.

[Liam1]

Hello. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do. My husband and I have been together for some time. I know our problems stem from poor communication. I try to convey my needs, wants, and feelings in a fair way. Only to be ignored. I'll try not to sound too jumbled here yet this is how my head feels. Like I'm spinning around with this man in a never ending circle. I ask him to let me know if he's going to be late heading home from work...9 times out of 10 he won't. I ask him not to yell at or in front of our children, he does on almost a daily basis. And so on. He is childish when I get a little upset when he does these things. He says that "in my eyes, he cannot do anything right" and yells and pouts. On the contrary, it's only the same 5 or 6 things he disregards that he doesn't do right. We sought counselling years ago and that was a bust. Most recently, after he lost his temper with me and things cooled down a bit he batted his eyes at me and asked if he could get a motorcycle. I just looked at him. I was flabbergasted. We have bills, mortgage, children in need of new clothes. I've made drastic cuts to our household. To be frank, we are just getting by financially with some recent changes we've been through. So I just said "No, we have responsibilities. We can't afford it right now. Let's wait until we get on our feet and than some." He replied " I can just use the money in savings". And that did it for me. I got angrier and said "NO! Use your head". And walked away. Well fast forward to almost 24 hours of him ignoring me. I overheard him telling a buddy of his on the phone that I was a "bword and said no. That we have responsibilities blah blah blah. That he was p'd at me and avoiding me because he was mad and really wanted the bike". All and all just acting like a brat. So after some cooling off time for me I approached him and once again explained to him why we can't afford it. He stormed off shaking his head. Why can't I get this through to him. Needs before wants I say. I don't know what to do at this point. He is his own person. But what about all of us as a unit? I've tried verbally communicating and writing things down. When I talk with him he talks over me. He says that we should do as his parents did. Not make a big deal of it and move on. So basically just keep it all to myself and get over it. I'm sorry, that just doesn't work for me.

 

Can you try counseling again. Some religious organizations offer free group sessions.

 

Could this be a mid-life crisis?

 

Or, perhaps he is just too immature to realize that you family is financially struggling and can not afford to spend money on a motorcycle.

 

Do not tell him he is immature, it will not work. Only a counselor can do this.

 

Counseling is also needed to rule out personality disorders