Need to get back on track.

[fatty]

Hello,

 

Long time since I posted so please excuse my format. It is hard for me to properly states what is wrong so if i babble just hold on and i will come ot the point.

 

I just went throught alot of ****, pardon my language, currently in my life. To put things in perspective, I cleaned up my mistakes this year and caused alot of downward spirlaring in my life.

 

First, I didnt go at all in second year of University because I couldnt handle my financial situation properly, I spent the money from government loan on other things. So I couldnt go back till i repaid university. This was in september when I decided. I felt like a loser, well i was, because my whole family didnt support me, i never told them the truth about what I really did wiht the money or else I would have gotten slaughtered. So my parents called me ofcourse useless and other name callings. In my group of freinds I felt as I am not a leader anymore. I felt/ still feel paranoyed sometimes that my freinds think of me as a complete ditz because i do not go to school. I fell that they label me sometimes as "Dropout" or "Useles"

 

I could not find a job, i did odds and ends here and there to finally pay off the money i owed ( i did 2 days ago finally!!!!).

 

This year i went through alot of changes, I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years because I treated her like ****. As she says I have become cold hearted which is 100% true. I have turnted into a cold hearted person, life has made me turn like this.

 

I dont know where I am emotionally and how i feel. I gained alot of wieght, i feel soo sad i dont know what to do. I was 200 lbs and fit a year ago. now i am 250lbs and have a gut. I was goal oriented and ambitious now I have no desire or passion to do anything.

 

My freinds are going to the gym now, i am happy for them on the outside but I am dying of jealousy. I hope they stop going cause it will make me feel better. They have also mentioned my overwieght and how I was etc.. I do not know how to get back on track with my life. I am also paranoyed about death, I feel that I can die any second. I dont have panic attacks or crazy about it, i just think about it once in a while.

 

If someone is willing to lend a hand, i could sure use one right about now.

[seagirl]

Anything I can do, just let me know! I am also trying to get myself back on track with my own weight, so maybe we can lean on each other!

[suegail]

I remember reading a story about Ulysses Grant, about his early years and that he'd failed at many things he'd tried, he tried farming and real estate, failed, resigned from the army because of his drinking, was deeply in debt, family and friends considered him a failure, then along came the civil war and he borrowed a horse and rode off to become one of the greatest generals who'd ever lived.

 

Lots of people who've lived to accomplish a great deal suffered through early failures and numerous setbacks.

 

I'm sure that as long as you don't allow this feeling of failure to take over your life you can do well. You've gone through some down time, but now set yourself some goals, write them down, make a plan, decide what you're going to do, and allow nothing to stop you.

 

Your debt is now paid off? Get back to the college and take some classes. I work with a young lady who just graduated from college and she managed to work full time (because she had to, she's the main support for her family) and she took full time college courses until she graduated with her degree. She was exhausted by the end of it all, but she did it. What an accomplishment! and I'm sure that if you really want to, you can do the same. If you don't, you'll spend your life wishing you had. Don't allow that to happen to you.

 

It sounds as if you're feeling defeated and bitter and it's affecting your relationship with others. That's understandable, but try to think positive from now on. "I can do this and I will do this. Now is the time." If you allow too much time, years to go by, you'll find yourself feeling that the choice is no longer there, you may feel helpless to do anything about your education and looking back on all the things you didn't do, wished you had done, working for low wages - - it's a bitter pill to swallow.

 

You can do it. Let nothing get you down. Make your mind up and get your shoulder to the wheel.

[fatty]

That is some solid advice.

 

I guess you are right, I am letting things get to me. I keep telling myself "Be happy with your self cause this is who you are" but I cant contain it someitmes when all my freinds are talkign about active things, they all look soo good and well me, i just ..... . I get soo jealous and burn inside cause it bothers me that they are goin to the gym and living so well. I just cant seem to snap out of this no matter how many times i tell myself I can do this.

 

And you are correct time is slipping away and i dont do anything about it.

 

I have to take some sort of baby steps to get back on track and stop getting jealous. I wish i could turn back time.

[suegail]

I believe people can get into great shape without spending money on going to a gym. I know it's nice to have the equipment to work with, but what about jogging? I heard about a guy who felt depressed and wanted to 'end it all' and decided he didn't want to die in a way which would make it obvious he'd killed himself. He thought to himself "I'm in terrible shape. If I run everyday as hard as I can, I'll drop from a heart attack. It has to happen." So he began running everyday and before too long he was losing weight and feeling physically better than he'd ever felt in his life and the depression just lifted.

 

Couldn't you get yourself on a diet of high protein, low fats and get your own workout routine going? I'll bet that if you got started now within a month you'd start dropping weight and feeling more fit and active and alert and energetic. It would improve your life very much and you'd be pleased to see your friends again because you'd feel ever so much better about yourself.

 

Okay, dear one, get started and report back here within two weeks. okay? *S*

 

God Bless....