How to deal with scars

[jsdifjf]

Hey there!

 

I don't know how to start this thread... I don't have much experience in forums and I kind of feel "exposed" right now

 

Anyway, so I'm a 26 year old girl and I love my life. However, I've been through a lot. Since I'm a child I've been going in and out of hospitals on a frequent basis. So far I've had 5 surgeries. Some of these situations have been more serious (including cancer) and some less serious. Through puberty I guess I had a hard time accepting all of this, but it improved over time until I got to accept myself and my body for what it is. The problem is that this self-constructed image of myself got shattered once again when I had a bad accident last year and broke my leg, which led to my fifth surgery. On top of my scarred belly due to my four previous surgeries, I now have four very visible scars on my left leg. I'll need another surgery next year, so add a few more to those. Now, I'm not here to complain about the things that happened to me. They made me who I am today. What I want is to learn not only to be fine with everything that happened and to accept my scars, but to fully embrace my body and to be proud of every single scar. Because they are proof that I'm strong and I survived and I know this. But why do I keep feeling insecure about these things? Although they're certainly not to blame for the end of my last relationship, I feel my insecurities were too big of a burden. My ex girlfriend and I started getting romantically involved a short time after the accident. I let my guards down because I already knew her as a friend. She made me feel beautiful and built up my confidence again, but when she dumped me I was back to week one post-accident. The thing is, I really don't want to depend on another human being to understand how beautiful I truly am. Sometimes I look into the mirror and I'm just happy the way I am. But I don't want this to be the exception, I want it to be the norm. Any thoughts on how I can get there? They'll be very much appreciated

Edited May 23, 2016 by jsdifjf

[RecentChange]

Hum - I think you need to figure out the real cause of the insecurity. Is it really the scars? Are they on your face? Are you horribly disfigured by them?

 

I was a rough and tumble tom boy type growing up... I have scars.

 

I have my "franken finger" or mutaldor finger as I often call it - completely severed when I was young - sewn back on, but its pretty scared up / manged.

 

Then I have the scars on my chin (and had to get through being 13 missing a front tooth!) due to a particularly gnarly horse back riding accident.

 

My knee is very scared - took off all the skin, leaving nothing to stitch when I was younger. Used to be bright purple, it has since mellowed out.

 

As I have aged, the scars have lessened. The discoloration is less, the stitch marks etc are still there though.

 

I LIKE my scars, they tell a story. I enjoy sharing those stories with those who ask. Besides the "ruthless and toothless" stage (between my oral surgeries) - I have never felt ashamed of my scars.

 

So, why do you feel insecure? Why do your scars play into that?

[Satu]

Lots of other people have more scars than you might think.

 

You're not really unusual.

 

You just think you are.

 

 

Take care.

[amaysngrace]

No body is perfect.

Even supermodels get airbrushed.

[seamos]

Most likely you're wanting ideas on how other women deal w/ scars since there is such a difference in the popular expectations for body image of the sexes, but I just couldn't resist throwing my .2 cents in since scars are something I have a lot of experience with.

 

I was in a motorcycle wreck just before my 21st birthday... 3 months in the hospital, scars over a large part of my body from the wreck and the surgeries that followed. (I have the police report saying I was a fatality)

 

That was nearly 30 years ago but of course the scars are still all there.

 

I was told that rubbing Vitamin E on them would make them fade but that never worked for me.

 

I looked into getting them covered w/ tattoos but scar tissue won't take ink.

 

I talked to some artists about tattooing around the scars to camouflage them and that probably would have worked pretty well but I never went ahead w/ that.

 

I finally just accepted them but I still was always a little self conscious.

 

What bothered me much more than the scars was that I had lost 3 muscle groups in my left arm during the accident so it kind of just hung there and seemed very noticeable.

 

I do feel less self conscious in some groups of people than in others, of course. Groups associated w/ any of the many forms of body modification are probably the best example of that.

 

In fact I've always felt like I fit right in w/ them even tho I only have a couple tattoos and no piercings. The scars are like a ticket to a lifetime membership of acceptance! LOL

 

Tho I still cringe sometimes when I look in the mirror, all my body's imperfections haven't ever seemed to actually cause me any trouble w/ social acceptance, relationships, friendships, etc...

 

They're definitely more disturbing to myself than they are to others.

 

The three people who posted before me have some great points...

 

"No body is perfect"

 

"You're not really unusual, you just think you are"

 

(your scars) "tell a story"

 

... so you might as well be proud of them.

[Buddhist]

Why not just reach for no longer feeling one way or the other about them? That's the sensible approach. They are there, they're the result of surgeries at a young age. They are otherwise meaningless. I can guarantee that 90% of the time you will the only person who notices them.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Buddhist

[NTV]

I'd like to help... Can you define beautiful for me?

 

 

Do you mean just visually sexually attractive?