Girlfriend picking up guys at bars, and keeps shady contacts phone FB snapchat etc

[Jason09]

She made lots of promises about not fooling around with other guys anymore. She slept around a lot before she met me. Cought her the other night and explain in the next paragraph, her excuse for everything is "I've been in bad relationships before, its hard to just stop." She likes attention and tells me she will sometimes do what it takes to get it, but like getting numbers at bars, she swears it would go nowhere its only for attention. Ok..

 

Here's what happened. Were out at a little dance place, she goes to the bathroom, I keep dancing with myself and drinking a little. Neither of us had too very much. Like 15 minutes passes, I go out front to smoke, there she is with her arm around some guy who is pulling out his phone to take a selfie with the chick he just met. I go back in, she stops me with "whats wrong?" and he passes by asking if she wants a drink. Its a typical guy meets girl at bar and buys her a drink. Later on she says she was drunk. A text comes onto her phone with no name at 1:30am, I ask her "did you give out any numbers?" She swears over and over "no... I only gave out bogus numbers to entertain them. It was only for attention." The next day the guy texts hey its me from the bar.. you wrote your number on my arm. (instead of putting in his phone he had on the spot). Then he says "is it ok to text you since you said you have a boyfriend?" She says to me "oh.. though I scrambled the number up haha" Then a few hours later.. another guy texts her she met that night out front. So no fake numbers were given and she lied. Its obvious what she was up to. She swears it would go nowhere. She admits it was only for attention.

 

So now, I asked to look in her phone if she has nothing to hide. She agrees. I see her "blocked contacts list" is smaller than it used to be. She says its just the same, I'm just not remembering. Ex boyfriends, guys she hooked up with, guys who offered her things she says she denied. But only 4 blocked numbers. These people show up on her Facebook, snap-chat, Instagram, all the places you can send and receive direct private massages on. But she isn't blocking, isn't removing, they are still in her FB contacts (not necessarily friends list.. but you know, your contacts that link FB to other apps). I tell her it makes me uncomfortable, and if they really mean nothing to her anymore, than there should be no reason not to block communication and remove their contact info so they cant contact in private messaging apps. Ive asked her to block people who never wanted to be just-friends with her, people she had flings with in the past, ex boyfriends, etc. And Im seeing its not being done. That's telling me something. Or am I thinking into it too far. What can I say to her? Its got to stop, I cant continue like this.

Edited May 24, 2016 by Jason09

[Gaeta]

Why do you date her at all ? You think men in general date women like this ? Would your dad, brother, friend, colleagues date a woman like this? If you had a son or a kid brother what would you tell him about dating a woman like this ?

[PegNosePete]

Goodness, I would've ditched her on the spot. She would've been taking a bus home from that club. What's wrong with you man? Where is your self esteem?

[ExpatInItaly]

Why are you dating her in the first place?

 

Standards. We all need them.

[Jason09]

Goodness, I would've ditched her on the spot. She would've been taking a bus home from that club. What's wrong with you man? Where is your self esteem?

 

I'm trying to give benefit of doubt and see if things change. She says she will stay away from bars and clubs, and stop fooling around. She told me that the next day after we talked. Thats why. I had the goodness to hear her out. Took a while to get the truth. But now actions have to happen in-order for us to continue. She always gets upset and says about herself "im not doing enough" but at this point Im just getting a clear sign she wants communication with these people on purpose. And that's shady no-matter what reason she comes up with. I want to work on our relationship and give her a chance, but Im running out of steam.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm trying to give benefit of doubt and see if things change. She says she will stay away from bars and clubs, and stop fooling around. She told me that the next day after we talked. Thats why. I had the goodness to hear her out. Took a while to get the truth. But now actions have to happen in-order for us to continue. She always gets upset and says about herself "im not doing enough" but at this point Im just getting a clear sign she wants communication with these people on purpose. I want to work on our relationship and give her a chance, but Im running out of steam.

 

 

Do you really want to be with a woman who needs to be told and reminded not to pick up other guys?!

 

This should not have to be something that a girlfriend needs to have repeated to her. It should be a given.

 

The fact that it's not a given with you two and you're sticking around is mind-boggling.

[joseb]

I'm trying to give benefit of doubt and see if things change. She says she will stay away from bars and clubs, and stop fooling around. She told me that the next day after we talked. Thats why. I had the goodness to hear her out. Took a while to get the truth. But now actions have to happen in-order for us to continue. She always gets upset and says about herself "im not doing enough" but at this point Im just getting a clear sign she wants communication with these people on purpose. And that's shady no-matter what reason she comes up with. I want to work on our relationship and give her a chance, but Im running out of steam.

 

Jason, are you for real? Like, do you really think you are in any kind of reasonable relationship with her?

 

She is acting 100% single. Does she know you are going out?

How long have you been "together" ?

[Gaeta]

She is laughing at you in your face. You gave her the benefit of the doubt already when you started dating her and she promised no more fooling around. She failed.

 

You must be the joke in town with a girlfriend like this.

 

You told us about what you're seeing, imagine all that she does that you don't know.

 

Dump her or spend the rest of your life being her fool.

[Acerboy]

What is wrong with you man? I can't believe anybody would even post this, and I have been lurking around this site for a long time.

[Jason09]

Yes I can see were things have been going over the past 4 months. I want to say we are good together, and we are in lots of ways. But I feel played and with actions not meeting what she says, I feel like she's making a fool out of me and getting away with what she can. Basically she's going to go as far as she can. Its like walking on me at this point. I really want us to work out, but I need to know what would need to change on her part. I get the feeling she says she wants things to change, but in her heart she really just does not care as much as she says.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are there no other women in your area to date or something?

[Jason09]

Are there no other women in your area to date or something?

 

I don't date for the sport. I waas wanting to pick one person, accept them for who they are, and work on things over a period of time to make things work out rather than ditching. At this point, Im just trying to define if I am working on something, or just putting up with things that really are not going to change. Its a tough call. I really have strong feelings for her and understand her.

[Gaeta]

I don't date for the sport. I waas wanting to pick one person, accept them for who they are, and work on things over a period of time to make things work out rather than ditching. At this point, Im just trying to define if I am working on something, or just putting up with things that really are not going to change. Its a tough call. I really have strong feelings for her and understand her.

 

Pick someone that is relationship oriented with good qualities. I am going to use an English expression and I am sorry if it comes across harsh but you can't turn poop into gold.

[Jason09]

Instead of taking initiative, things like blocking people who never wanted to be just-friends out, I have to constantly plead with her to do it rather than her just doing it like anyone else would. For example, her old Buddy last I heard stopped coming by her restaurant, and when she saw him he was really rude to her.... this guy adds her on snapchat less than a month ago. Why? And why is she ok with this? Why on earth should I be ok with this? And with direct communication options on snapchat and whatever other self destructing 'pics' you want to send people. These people should be gone. It should be a no brainier and I shouldn't have to even ask. Im starting to see where her priorities are I guess, and its not making sure this relationship lasts. She gets mad at me for not trusting her when my back is turned. I had a hard time before that night, and even harder now. Who in their right mind would? I just need things to solid change at this point in-order for this to continue. Basically she's going to go as far as she can. And that's the same as walking on me at this point.

[Acerboy]

Looks like this thread was made just for attention. I doubt this actually happened. You can't be that naive to be continually justifying being with her after every other poster has told you not to. And it is becoming annoying!

[Jason09]

Looks like this thread was made just for attention. I doubt this actually happened. You can't be that naive to be continually justifying being with her after every other poster has told you not to. And it is becoming annoying!

It does look that way. Cause its ridiculous I know. It is ridiculous. I have a hope that things will change and she will do what she says she will. The only thing that has kept me going is she says she has been faithful to me over the past few months, and I believe it. She says she will stay away from these places that bring temptation to be her old self. And I'm holding her to it at this point. Im just holding onto solid things done to keep us together. There is nothing more really I can do than that.

[d0nnivain]

I don't date for the sport. I waas wanting to pick one person, accept them for who they are, and work on things over a period of time to make things work out rather than ditching. At this point, Im just trying to define if I am working on something, or just putting up with things that really are not going to change. Its a tough call. I really have strong feelings for her and understand her.

 

It does look that way. Cause its ridiculous I know. It is ridiculous. I have a hope that things will change and she will do what she says she will. The only thing that has kept me going is she says she has been faithful to me over the past few months, and I believe it. She says she will stay away from these places that bring temptation to be her old self. And I'm holding her to it at this point. Im just holding onto solid things done to keep us together. There is nothing more really I can do than that.

 

 

Oh heavens. You must be the most naïve person. Your GF is LYING to you! She is sleeping with multiple guys & does not have it in her to be faithful. She thinks you are a chump. She is never going to stay away from bars & places where she is tempted. Heck, she is tempted everywhere she goes. She's having too much fun.

 

 

If you want to continue to have fun with her (i.e. sleep with her) fine that is on you but use protection, get yourself tested regularly and assume she is sleeping with lots of other guys. She is not a person who believes in monogamy.

 

 

If you want a faithful loving GF, she will never be that.

[salparadise]

It does look that way. Cause its ridiculous I know. It is ridiculous. I have a hope that things will change and she will do what she says she will. The only thing that has kept me going is she says she has been faithful to me over the past few months, and I believe it. She says she will stay away from these places that bring temptation to be her old self. And I'm holding her to it at this point. Im just holding onto solid things done to keep us together. There is nothing more really I can do than that.

 

It's not going to change. This is who she is. That's what everyone is trying to tell you. You're in complete denial. Faithful? Dude, how can you possibly be this naive? Are you going to have to catch her with her knees up around her ears before you open your eyes?

[Zahara]

It does look that way. Cause its ridiculous I know. It is ridiculous. I have a hope that things will change and she will do what she says she will. The only thing that has kept me going is she says she has been faithful to me over the past few months, and I believe it. She says she will stay away from these places that bring temptation to be her old self. And I'm holding her to it at this point. Im just holding onto solid things done to keep us together. There is nothing more really I can do than that.

 

She knows you have little to no respect for yourself, so there is no incentive to change. What you've taught her is that you'll accept just about anything to be with her. You've established yourself as a doormat and she knows this -- what she has is easy because she has to put forth ZERO effort in order to maintain and keep you. When you teach a cheater that you'll tolerate bad behavior, trust there will be more.

 

What is the value of your relationship when you have to measure it based on the frequency one has been faithful? It's incredible how low you've set the bar for yourself. You're in deep denial.

 

I can't imagine what "solid things" mean other than the few good moments you have that's completely overshadowed by manipulation, lies and infidelity.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't date for the sport. I waas wanting to pick one person, accept them for who they are, and work on things over a period of time to make things work out rather than ditching. At this point, Im just trying to define if I am working on something, or just putting up with things that really are not going to change. Its a tough call. I really have strong feelings for her and understand her.

 

Then your picker is very, very broken.

[Jason09]

I guess so. Right from the start, she kept her ex's boyfriends and guys who hit on her.. you know, people who never wanted to be friends to begin with, around and in her phone and 'nearby.' Basically, communication has not been cut off. For a reason, its clear. She said she considers them "friends." From a guy's point of view, theres no way they are friends.

 

She knows that and weve talked about it. I had to plead with her to get them out, only to find that not all her 'buddies' or ex's are blocked. How could they be? I looked at her phone and there are 4 blocks.. and there are a lot more people than that. And thats just the people I happened to find out about. Its like she only puts off the people I happen to find. If someone means nothing and they really are in the past.. than it should be a no brainer to cut contact. Some Buddy you met on tinder would not be adding you, or you him, for example. It would be done. The other night she uses the "making friends" phrase again.

 

Now I know what to think when I hear that. cause she made it clear. It wasa typical guy meets girl at bar, buys drink, she accepts, phone numbers exchanged, pics taken together, has to ask if its ok to talk to her since she has a BF. Like she was trying to suggest Im a doormat and its an open relationship. She denies it, but I didn't need to see everything to know that's what she wanted them to think. Its just concerning that initially she only blocked people I happened to find out about. And basically is like "there, happy now?" Well.. yes. It should be a no brainer! Ive actually taken the initiative to block people. Like do it myself without being told.

 

People that make her uncomfortable, people that could be a problem, if they had a past with me then people with a past. Even though there were none. She almost has to be persuaded to do the same thing. Im starting to think there is a reason, cause its too easy to keep contact, send a message, and delete it. And even then, 4 months and its still not really being done with a full heart. If at all. No new messages on her phone, then one night 2 guys cause I was with the phone. Guarantee those would have been deleted by her.

 

And then what? Would it have gone nowhere? The one guy adds her on FB. He would have been mixed in with the other friends and I would have to find out about it. Its just promise after promise at that point. We talked about cheating being more than just sleeping with someone. That night was cheating imo. I have a reason for being suspicious. And it cannot happen again

Edited May 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

The only way it won't happen again is if you break up with her.

[Jason09]

Thanks guys

[katiegrl]

Instead of taking initiative, things like blocking people who never wanted to be just-friends out, I have to constantly plead with her to do it rather than her just doing it like anyone else would. For example, her old Buddy last I heard stopped coming by her restaurant, and when she saw him he was really rude to her.... this guy adds her on snapchat less than a month ago. Why? And why is she ok with this? Why on earth should I be ok with this? And with direct communication options on snapchat and whatever other self destructing 'pics' you want to send people. These people should be gone. It should be a no brainier and I shouldn't have to even ask. Im starting to see where her priorities are I guess, and its not making sure this relationship lasts. She gets mad at me for not trusting her when my back is turned. I had a hard time before that night, and even harder now. Who in their right mind would? I just need things to solid change at this point in-order for this to continue. Basically she's going to go as far as she can. And that's the same as walking on me at this point.

 

[]

 

**WE** already get what BAD news she is. WE already get her behavior is atrocious. WE already get that she is making a fool out of you, laughing at you.

 

Are you trying to convince yourself by repeating what WE already figured out after your original post?

 

And have told you throughout this entire thread?

 

[]

 

Benefit of the doubt? Dude there IS no doubt ...... she is a liar, a cheater, horrible!

 

Gather whatever self esteem and self respect you have left and DUMP HER.

 

Today.....now!

Edited May 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

Folks, let's focus on the relationship and dispense with the judgmental labels of the thread starter. I added some paragraphs for readability due to a report. Thanks!