Obsessively stalking the wife

[MidnightBlue1980]

Thanks of retrieving this thread.

 

- But why didn't I block him? Because I love the idea of him realizing that he is losing me, thus starting to woo me again like how he did it in the beginning stage. Of course, I am going to string him along by promising him that I would meet him soon (which not gonna happen) & playing hot and cold- it would be so sweet when he soon finds out that I don't mean a thing about my words, that he is losing me forever, that he has to look around again for another fuss-free willing woman

 

Most of us do this. It is the dream, they realize what they lost, we laugh at them and move on happily. It really doesn't work and you often get caught in your own web. The problem is you care more than he does so you will never get that satisfaction you are looking for. And sometimes it does go back like it was at the beginning. I waited it out 5 months and boom, he was back, just like you are picturing, but it did not make me feel happy like I thought it would. He was just looking to pick things up where they left off. The first time around in the beginning its new and you didn't have those feelings. Now you do and it will move very quickly from him paying you attention to you getting angry at him and possibly doing the Pick Me dance. That was what happened to me. At least I did not do anything physically. I have that to comfort myself.

[elaine567]

I agree with the others it is a bad idea, you are too emotionally invested to sit back and play that game.

He will chip chip chip away at your resolve and he will keep reeling you back in, and one day you will find yourself back at stage one.

Walk away for good is my advice.

[BenchCoach]

My guess is you'll be back in the affair in no time, if you continue with this little game.

 

What are you trying to prove, anyways?

[KathL]

I agree with the others it is a bad idea, you are too emotionally invested to sit back and play that game.

He will chip chip chip away at your resolve and he will keep reeling you back in, and one day you will find yourself back at stage one.

Walk away for good is my advice.

I was thinking that as long as I don't meet him physically, I win. Doesn't matter if I am being caught up in emotions like anger for the most time. When he eventually realizes that sexting is all he is gonna get, the texts would die down and that's the end. I wouldn't be the one going to pick up where it is left.

[KathL]

My guess is you'll be back in the affair in no time, if you continue with this little game.

 

What are you trying to prove, anyways?

I guess I am still trying to prove that I do matter by finding out if he is willing to go the extra miles to reel me back in. We are apart by two-hours of flight journey. He used to talk about visiting me blablabla.. now if I sit back and don't create the opportunities or make the efforts to meet him, I wonder would he ever come to me. If he doesn't, well riddance.

[KathL]

Most of us do this. It is the dream, they realize what they lost, we laugh at them and move on happily. It really doesn't work and you often get caught in your own web. The problem is you care more than he does so you will never get that satisfaction you are looking for. And sometimes it does go back like it was at the beginning. I waited it out 5 months and boom, he was back, just like you are picturing, but it did not make me feel happy like I thought it would. He was just looking to pick things up where they left off. The first time around in the beginning its new and you didn't have those feelings. Now you do and it will move very quickly from him paying you attention to you getting angry at him and possibly doing the Pick Me dance. That was what happened to me. At least I did not do anything physically. I have that to comfort myself.

What do you mean with "at least I did not do anything physically"?

 

Well whatever satisfaction I was getting from it is slowly fading away..

[KathL]

This is a terrible (and very immature) idea. The best thing to do is to actually follow through on your plan to cut him off instead of leaving the door open.

Cutting him off makes it too easy for him to move on to find another woman.. I want to be the one feeding him promises and lies, like what men always do to us

[lftbehind]

*It would never happen, because you are by far the least valued person in the triangle.

 

They would simply circle the wagons and ignore you.

 

They want to be with each other.

 

And so they are.

 

Not all couples stay together or want to be together after DD. I'm sure that having a DD has finished many marriages.

[lftbehind]

If I had a nickel for every time someone posted that here...

 

Like it's so easy to walk away from a family. Most of the needs are met. Just not the sexy ones. Those are super easy to get on the side. No one wants to be poor and ostracized from the family.

 

I'm not leaving my husband. Why should I? Most things are good. He is neglecting me, so I'm finding what I need from a MM FWB. Life is good now. If dh wants me to himself, he's got to give some more. I never would have strayed if he'd been attentive. Oh well. I like how things turned out.

 

It doesn't sound like a plan that will work in the long run, though. You can't have an affair forever to fulfill needs that might never get met in the marriage.

[ChickiePops]

Cutting him off makes it too easy for him to move on to find another woman.. I want to be the one feeding him promises and lies, like what men always do to us

 

No, what you want (as you admitted above) is to know that you still matter to him. Newsflash - you don't. If you mattered, he'd be with you.

 

How do you win by staying emotionally involved with him? All you're doing it hurting yourself..he doesn't care. That is not winning. Not even close.

 

In fact, it's losing.

[KathL]

No, what you want (as you admitted above) is to know that you still matter to him. Newsflash - you don't. If you mattered, he'd be with you.

 

How do you win by staying emotionally involved with him? All you're doing it hurting yourself..he doesn't care. That is not winning. Not even close.

 

In fact, it's losing.

You are right.

Latest update: I am blocking him. Too much anger inside me.

I wanted things to go back to how they were when we first met - how happy, trusting and intimate we were. Crazy chemistry and whatnot. Unfortunately, everything changed when the fog was lifted and things could never be the same anymore. I shall stop fooling myself. :(

 

Thanks.

Edited July 17, 2016 by KathL
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[sandylee1]

You are right.

Latest update: I am blocking him. Too much anger inside me.

I wanted things to go back to how they were when we first met - how happy, trusting and intimate we were. Crazy chemistry and whatnot. Unfortunately, everything changed when the fog was lifted and things could never be the same anymore. I shall stop fooling myself. :(

 

Thanks.

 

That's your best bet, otherwise you're forever stuck in affair mode and emotionally unavailable for a relationship with an available man.

[13Hearts]

You are right.

Latest update: I am blocking him. Too much anger inside me.

I wanted things to go back to how they were when we first met - how happy, trusting and intimate we were. Crazy chemistry and whatnot. Unfortunately, everything changed when the fog was lifted and things could never be the same anymore. I shall stop fooling myself. :(

 

Thanks.

 

I never want to go back to that time with xMM. Because now I know exactly what that time was for him. A time of purposeful deceit and lies. I don't like people who are deceiving and lie to others. It's wrong, and it's sociopathic. I like GENUINE people, people who truly care about others, people who are supportive, positive, and healthy for you, not lying and deceiving so they can take advantage of your heart, your love, and your desire to spend time with them.