vass Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I´ve been dating with this guy for 7 months. Everything was great at the beginning but we stopped having sex for 4 months. He told me he was very frustrated cause he was looking for a job without any luck. He asked me to be patient, and I was. But I was feeling very insecure and my mind was always telling me that he was cheating (even though he was always with me, staying almost the whole week at my place). I felt unloved, unattractive and all the things you can feel when your boyfriend doesn´t touch you! We had fights over this and he always broke up with me in the heat of the moment. I talked to him and everything was fine again. He doesn´t know how to communicate and I noticed that he didn´t have erections in the morning. He´s a type 1 diabetic, 42 years old. I started reading about diabetes and I found out that it´s common to have erectile dysfunction. To make the story short... Last tuesday I found a pharmacy receipt in the car. He bought viagra but he didn´t tell me that he has problems in that area. So, last tuesday I saw that he added a big breasted girl to his facebook (porn girl type) and I told him if he wanted to be with her. He told me: you are making me mad... He didn´t answer the phone so I escalated things and I sent him a photo of the receipt from the pharmacy. He told me that he bought that pill to use it with me, but he broke up with me, saying horrible things. He went to my house to pick his things up last sunday. He left a bunch of stuff like shoes, jackets, suits, tshirts, and so... He told me that he wanted us to be friends but that he can´t have a relationship right now, not with me, not with anybody. Any thought from guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I dated a guy once who had some problems and he was emotionally destroyed by it. I don't really know whether ED causes the emotional turmoil or the other way round (I suspect it's a bit of both) but there is no coming back from this usually. Clearly he has all sorts of confidence issues. You should have broken up with him sooner. Clearly he isn't in the right mindframe to have a relationship. I think you should stop talking to him and find someone who has the right mind frame. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vass Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 Problem is... he´s too ashamed to tell me things. I feel guilty because sending him the receipt was something kind of aggresive. I love him very much, but right now he is so angry. I don´t know. I need advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 You shouldn't have sent him the receipt, that's the worst thing you can do to a guy, agreed. But, conquering shame is his issue, not yours. You can't fix him. I don't really know how much anyone can do about Type I diabetes but you can't fix his ED for him and you can't fix his shame for him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vass Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 I know ED is his issue and his problem, but I was his partner and I suffered too. Do you think he could calm down, and come back? I need some kind of hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Why do you want him back? He has serious emotional issues and you are not his therapist. You have had a very turbulent and short 'relationship', you need to move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vass Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 Because I love him and I truly believe he is my soulmate and we can conquer any problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 Because I love him and I truly believe he is my soulmate and we can conquer any problem. But it's not true How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author vass Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 I´m his same age. If there´s love, there´s a solution. Don´t you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I´m his same age. If there´s love, there´s a solution. Don´t you think? No of course not. A lot of people are incapable of having a healthy relationship that is good for either people. What you are heading towards is codependence with this guy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vass Posted May 24, 2016 Author Share Posted May 24, 2016 I know about codependence :/ Mmmmh, probably a guy could know better how it feels to have ED. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) I´ve been dating with this guy for 7 months. Everything was great at the beginning but we stopped having sex for 4 months. He told me he was very frustrated cause he was looking for a job without any luck. He asked me to be patient, and I was. But I was feeling very insecure and my mind was always telling me that he was cheating (even though he was always with me, staying almost the whole week at my place). I felt unloved, unattractive and all the things you can feel when your boyfriend doesn´t touch you! We had fights over this and he always broke up with me in the heat of the moment. I talked to him and everything was fine again. He doesn´t know how to communicate and I noticed that he didn´t have erections in the morning. He´s a type 1 diabetic, 42 years old. I started reading about diabetes and I found out that it´s common to have erectile dysfunction. To make the story short... Last tuesday I found a pharmacy receipt in the car. He bought viagra but he didn´t tell me that he has problems in that area. So, last tuesday I saw that he added a big breasted girl to his facebook (porn girl type) and I told him if he wanted to be with her. He told me: you are making me mad... He didn´t answer the phone so I escalated things and I sent him a photo of the receipt from the pharmacy. He told me that he bought that pill to use it with me, but he broke up with me, saying horrible things. He went to my house to pick his things up last sunday. He left a bunch of stuff like shoes, jackets, suits, tshirts, and so... He told me that he wanted us to be friends but that he can´t have a relationship right now, not with me, not with anybody. Any thought from guys? He has broken up with you so you don't have a choice. But even if you did get to override his decision, all of the reasons bolded above are why you should accept that he has ended it- and none of those are about ED. They're about how he acts. Edited May 24, 2016 by BlueIris 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I know about codependence :/ Mmmmh, probably a guy could know better how it feels to have ED. as BlueIris said, it's not about ED or fixing his ED. It's the fact that he can't hold down a relationship. It's done, over. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 Because I love him and I truly believe he is my soulmate and we can conquer any problem. Forget this rubbish about being soul mates. There's no such thing. For a start he obviously doesn't feel the same way, or he would still be with you. Soul mates share everything; trials, tribulations, troubles, burdens and joys. This is so far off the scale as to be risible. Really, you need to back off, move away and leave this be. He doesn't want a relationship. More importantly, he doesn't want one with you. Accept it, learn from it, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 You have fallen into the trap of getting a man and then writing a love story around him, a love story that doesn't match up to the real man. He doesn't want a relationship with you, he has made that glaringly obvious. This story with the lack of sex, the no touch routine, the disinterest, I don't want a relationship with anyone, I just want to be friends, is pretty common on here and usually means he has found someone or just wants someone else, and within weeks he will be loved up with another. Sorry! Even if it is purely a health issue, you want to save him but he doesn't want to be saved, not by you anyway. He has tried breaking up with you on multiple occasions but he didn't have the courage to follow through, now he has that courage. Leave him alone. Move on, can't you see having a relationship with a man like this is would be troublesome and heart breaking for you long term. He doesn't open up, he has a habit of wanting to break up with you, he fights with you, he won't even touch you, he makes you feel "less". Why would you ever want that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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