Would you let your girlfriend hangout with another guy 1 on 1 the whole day?

[kxb1]

My girlfriend is planning to go on a 3-4 hour trip (leaving early morning comin back late at night) with her close guy friend 1 on 1 next month, she didn't plan on telling me this as we live in different countries. I found this out via facebook comments she posted on his wall. This guy used to hit on my girl a few months before we became bf/gf.

 

I brought this convo up and she seemed upset saying she knows not to cross the line but am I wrong for being jealous/worried?

 

PS. he happens to be a photographer and took pictures with many girls before, altho he never really hit on any of them except my girl, even in public fb posts (and she plays along)...even now.

 

him "I saw you have a bf now, is he ok with us going together?"

her "awww dont say that"

him "I dont talk to anyone anymore, last time I did that she went and got a new bf"

her "lol you're thinking too much <3"

him "ok let me know when you're free, i miss hanging out w you"

[NTV]

Yeah, that's a red flag to me too. Especially the little heart thingy.

 

 

It doesn't sound like just a friendship to me. Especially not from his end.

[Conviction]

I wouldn't be ok with it.

[mikeylo]

Anyone in a serious committed relationship shouldn't / wouldn't be ok with it. If someone is, they aren't committed

[preraph]

Look forgive me but I've learned on here to always check: Have you ever spent time live in person with your gf?

 

Assuming you have and it's a real relationship and not an imaginary long distance one, I only have this to say. You don't have the power to "let" her do anything. That is her decision. All you have the power to do is decide whether you stay or not. Given you're not even in the same country, assuming you've spent lots of time, like at least a year together, then if it's real love and it's meant to be and someone is willing to at some point join the other in the same city, one outing with a male won't stop that. If on the other hand, your plans are not formed as to how to make a lifetime together, you should both be dating others.

[kxb1]

Look forgive me but I've learned on here to always check: Have you ever spent time live in person with your gf?

 

Assuming you have and it's a real relationship and not an imaginary long distance one, I only have this to say. You don't have the power to "let" her do anything. That is her decision. All you have the power to do is decide whether you stay or not. Given you're not even in the same country, assuming you've spent lots of time, like at least a year together, then if it's real love and it's meant to be and someone is willing to at some point join the other in the same city, one outing with a male won't stop that. If on the other hand, your plans are not formed as to how to make a lifetime together, you should both be dating others.

 

Yea I actually spent the last 3 weeks with her, I just came back to usa yesterday. How should I confront her? Straight up tell her I'm not comfortable with her going or..

[Conviction]

Yea I actually spent the last 3 weeks with her, I just came back to usa yesterday. How should I confront her? Straight up tell her I'm not comfortable with her going or..

 

Yes. No need to beat aground the bush. If she's any sort of a mature, respectful girlfriend then she'll understand and not go with him. If she gets defensive about it, then you've got problems.

[bachdude]

I'm actually someone who argues that it is OK for women and men to have friends with the opposite sex outside of their romantic relationship, but for me, as you describe the scenario, this is too much.

 

 

Considering how she was keeping it a secret from you is a also a HUGE red flag.

 

 

Keeping this from you is tantamount to lying.

[alwaysgreener]

Long distance relationships are hard enough, in the little bit of experience I've had this is most certainly a red flag. If she has a problem with how you feel then I hope you begin to untie your emotions to this relationship because like above said, you got issues on your hand.

 

If I was the other guy and liked her, I would be laying my A game down and testing my boundaries all day with her. Frankly if ya'll are supposed to be committed, she's wrong for entertaining an interested guy imo.

[NTV]

Yea I actually spent the last 3 weeks with her, I just came back to usa yesterday. How should I confront her? Straight up tell her I'm not comfortable with her going or..

 

I think you should break up with her on the account that she's not trustworthy.. but who am I? Just some stranger on the internet...

[d0nnivain]

Her going on a day trip with him isn't the problem. Her hiding from you is a problem.

 

 

I spent 2 back to back weekends earlier this year with a male friend -- 12 hours+ each day collaborating on a work project. We took 2 additional day trips for this project 6-8 hours each. If things had gone wrong we would have had to have spent 3-4 days out of town together to deal with it, separate hotel rooms of course. DH was informed about every step. When we were working DH came by with food. DH was the 1st person I called when the project came to the result we wanted & he even suggested that my friend & I go out for a celebratory drink. We were actually already in the bar when I called. lol

 

 

So the trip isn't the problem -- the secretiveness is the problem. If this was above board I'd say trust her.

[preraph]

Yea I actually spent the last 3 weeks with her, I just came back to usa yesterday. How should I confront her? Straight up tell her I'm not comfortable with her going or..

 

So you just really don't trust her at all that she can NOT sleep with a guy she says she's not going to sleep with? If you can't trust her there, you can't trust her in your own town either. It sounds like you already confronted her about it and she told you to chill. I would say if you can't trust her, then it's time you had a talk with her about not being exclusive anymore so you can both date others while you're apart.

[amaysngrace]

She is an inconsiderate girlfriend for not caring about your feelings in all of this.

You should dump her then block her and go out with your buddies this weekend.

[TunaCat]

Her going on a day trip with him isn't the problem. Her hiding from you is a problem.

 

Exactly!

 

I would be fine with a day trip with someone of the opposite sex. BUT if I found out my significant other was hiding this from me, then I'd be pissed and because lying is a deal-breaker to me, I'd be leaving the relationship.

[Gloria25]

Look forgive me but I've learned on here to always check: Have you ever spent time live in person with your gf?

 

Assuming you have and it's a real relationship and not an imaginary long distance one, I only have this to say. You don't have the power to "let" her do anything. That is her decision. All you have the power to do is decide whether you stay or not. Given you're not even in the same country, assuming you've spent lots of time, like at least a year together, then if it's real love and it's meant to be and someone is willing to at some point join the other in the same city, one outing with a male won't stop that. If on the other hand, your plans are not formed as to how to make a lifetime together, you should both be dating others.

 

I agree with you to a point...cuz yes, LDRs are hard to maintain.

 

But if gf agreed to LDR, she needs to respect what she agreed to. That means no partying with guys, no lunches with guys, and definitely no trips with guys.

[blackcat777]

I would never send another man hearts or spend an entire day alone with him, period. The person I do that with... is my boyfriend.

[big dog]

Personally...i think she's going a bit too far.... I think i'd explain it to her in straight terms..

[urmysong]

The trip is not a problem if it is just a business trip. Hiding it from You is a problem.

When You were together for 3 weeks, how was it? Were You two good together? How is she? Do You feel something different about her, how she act and treated You?

If she is serious with You, she will be very honest with You telling You everything about it. And she will not do things or going with someone guy if she cares about Your feelings.

[kxb1]

The trip is not a problem if it is just a business trip. Hiding it from You is a problem.

When You were together for 3 weeks, how was it? Were You two good together? How is she? Do You feel something different about her, how she act and treated You?

If she is serious with You, she will be very honest with You telling You everything about it. And she will not do things or going with someone guy if she cares about Your feelings.

 

everything was great, that's what i dont get. she posted so many pics on fb showing off her friends (thats how this guy knew we're together) so there's no secret about us, just that she told me she might not even go/no time whatever. But last nights fb comments "i would love to go, june/summer is pretty hot, we should go ______" it's like to her she doesnt see anything wrong with this situation, to me and most people in this thread, it's not something a girlfriend would do, especially not tellin me (maybe waiting until theyre 100% sure going first, maybe not planning to tell me at all)

[Gloria25]

everything was great, that's what i dont get. she posted so many pics on fb showing off her friends (thats how this guy knew we're together) so there's no secret about us, just that she told me she might not even go/no time whatever. But last nights fb comments "i would love to go, june/summer is pretty hot, we should go ______" it's like to her she doesnt see anything wrong with this situation, to me and most people in this thread, it's not something a girlfriend would do, especially not tellin me (maybe waiting until theyre 100% sure going first, maybe not planning to tell me at all)

 

Well, maybe we got one of those "Alpha" guys trying to make a move here

[basil67]

It depends on who it is and what they are doing. If it's an old friend and there's never been a hint of attraction or flirting between them, I would be OK.

 

But if I had doubts about their connection, it would be whole other story.

[puzzleddad67]

The other man who broke up my family played the friend thing. All the while, telling her I didnt deserve her blah blah.

 

Net result= affair and divorce.

[katiegrl]

My girlfriend is planning to go on a 3-4 hour trip (leaving early morning comin back late at night) with her close guy friend 1 on 1 next month, she didn't plan on telling me this as we live in different countries. I found this out via facebook comments she posted on his wall. This guy used to hit on my girl a few months before we became bf/gf.

 

I brought this convo up and she seemed upset saying she knows not to cross the line but am I wrong for being jealous/worried?

 

PS. he happens to be a photographer and took pictures with many girls before, altho he never really hit on any of them except my girl, even in public fb posts (and she plays along)...even now.

 

him "I saw you have a bf now, is he ok with us going together?"

her "awww dont say that"

him "I dont talk to anyone anymore, last time I did that she went and got a new bf"

her "lol you're thinking too much <3"

him "ok let me know when you're free, i miss hanging out w you"

 

I'm not getting her response to him asking her if her bf (you) is okay with this trip.

 

"awww don't say that"?

 

What does that even mean?

 

Really strange.

 

Also her heart after "you're thinking too much."

 

Something is going on DON'T kid yourself!

 

No you are not wrong for feeling jealous and upset but you *are* wrong for not "letting" her go. Or thinking you have the right to control what she does and doesn't do.

 

You can't control her.. if you are uncomfortable with it, which IMO you should be, cuz I think something is definitely going on, just end it.

 

I mean you are in different countries for heaven's sake .......it is ridiculous to think you can have any sort of a close intimate relationship with another person when they live 5000 miles away.

 

May as well walk away now and avoid further BS. Which there no doubt will be .....

[PegNosePete]

"awww don't say that"?

 

What does that even mean?

I think she means, I don't want to talk or think about him while I'm talking to you!

 

Not a good sign, at all.

[Jabron1]

This doesn't sound like a very serious relationship to me. So, why treat it like one?

 

You are more invested than she is. That's all.