Almost at my wits end on Girlfriend chatting with other guy

[JoeSmith357-1]

It sounds like she hasn't even argued or pleaded or made concessions or whatever. If so that shows what she thought of you, you were nothing more than a roof over her head and now she accepts that the jig is up without argument and she is moving on to her next host.

 

You had a lucky escape here.

 

I would disagree with that. The way it went down, she did try to change my mind. She has not found a new place to live yet. In fact, I don't think she is even looking.

 

She is staying at a mutual female friend who lives near us temporarily. I think she thinks we can get back together, I think that's the angle of her leaving most of her stuff here. The kid also finishes school this Friday and then flies out of state to spend the summer with his dad next week.

 

Or as an excuse to see me. Yes she has a key. I told her I changed the alarm code, so she cannot come unannounced or the cops will be called.

 

We have not spoken since she left.

 

The mutual friend whose place she is staying texted me last night saying she is "all broken up". She keeps asking me what happened and i'm not getting into it with her. I told her to ask my ex. I don't know if this is some angle to try to get me to work it out or what.

 

To be honest, the more I think about this, the madder I get. I truly was being played for a fool.

[PegNosePete]

She keeps asking me what happened and i'm not getting into it with her. I told her to ask my ex. I don't know if this is some angle to try to get me to work it out or what.

She's just sticking her nose in. You know your ex has most likely told her her side of the story which is probably very different than yours. And you know anything you tell her will go straight back to your ex. So you did right to not go into it with her. Talk to your heart's content with your friends and family.

[usa1ah]

I would disagree with that. The way it went down, she did try to change my mind. She has not found a new place to live yet. In fact, I don't think she is even looking.

 

She is staying at a mutual female friend who lives near us temporarily. I think she thinks we can get back together, I think that's the angle of her leaving most of her stuff here. The kid also finishes school this Friday and then flies out of state to spend the summer with his dad next week.

 

Or as an excuse to see me. Yes she has a key. I told her I changed the alarm code, so she cannot come unannounced or the cops will be called.

 

We have not spoken since she left.

 

The mutual friend whose place she is staying texted me last night saying she is "all broken up". She keeps asking me what happened and i'm not getting into it with her. I told her to ask my ex. I don't know if this is some angle to try to get me to work it out or what.

 

To be honest, the more I think about this, the madder I get. I truly "was" being played for a fool.

 

 

 

WAS being the key word here.

 

 

I think you should have told the mutual friend that your ex was sexting an old BF behind your back. That way she has both sides of the story.

[kgcolonel]

Hi Joe.....any updates, is she still "out and about".....sorry you are going through this....

[JoeSmith357-1]

She moved her stuff out into storage a few days after the last post I made, still living with the mutual friend. I believe she did come clean to the mutual friend. I had not spoken to her since she finished moving her stuff out about a month ago. Until this past weekend. I have also not seen anyone else.

 

She has been blowing up my phone, trying to meet up or at least talk.

 

This weekend, I relented, we met for dinner. We talked until the restaurant closed, which I am sure pissed off our waiter. Then we went to a place open 24 hours just to get coffee and talk some more (IHOP).

 

Long story short, she ended up coming back to my place, staying the night, which turned into the entire weekend.

 

She was completely apologetic, remorseful, etc. I think I am going to try to work it out with her, with some severely inflexible conditions. Transparency on communications mediums being one of them.

 

We are supposed to meet up later in the week. We have texted back and forth.

 

Honestly, although I was completely devastated by this, and genuinely hurt, I did love her more than anyone I have ever been with. I felt such a connection with her, and we worked so well as a couple.

 

I think she got a taste of what life was without me, and she felt the same way.

 

She said basically that, that she wanted to be with me, but "got high" on the attention she was getting from other guys.

 

I just don't know what to think.

[kgcolonel]

I wish you all the good fortune in the world here. I went through something similar years ago, even engaged at one point. Caught her "staying out all night with a "friend"" .

 

We R twice but when she came to me a third time, (I knew she was already preggos with her Fiance's baby) saying that she'd learned her lesson and would never tell me no again, I suggested that she needed to stick with her Fiance and we have not spoken since.....

 

I really hope it works better for you though.

 

your thread really struck a chord with me...fyi

[PegNosePete]

Personally I think you need your head read if you take her back after what she's done.

 

But it's your life and I wish you good luck, I genuinely hope we're all wrong and you live happily ever after.

[Space Ritual]

I just don't know what to think.

 

I know exactly what to think.

 

That in a few months, maybe a year, you will discover something else or someone else involved with her. At that point, you will have the same pain you have now just a little deeper.

 

Pain that you got suckered again. Pain that you didn't move on when you had the chance to. Pain that you let yourself down and realized that you are nothing but Plan B, like she proved you were.

 

But when you come back after she does it again, many of us will not say "We told you so". Simply because that's how these updates after a long period of time usually work out. They start with I should have listened to you"...

 

Oh well, some of us are gluttons for punishment. Guess you will find out one way or another.

 

Good Luck.

[AMJ]

Women like this need constant gratification and attention from men to feel good about themselves. She's not gonna change. If she hasn't fixed herself and figured out her issues by now, she probably never will. Don't be surprised when she hurts you again.

[todreaminblue]

I really hope for your sake that the transparency in communications helps solidify your relationship...you are taking a risk trying again......i have been there done that....forgiveness and trying again has to have a limit......to keep your self respect...and also you need to accept if she does this again....its never goign to be different...i really hope it works out for you and her......

 

just dont become too trusting...and watch out for signs...be cautious...and i wish you well...deb

[Weezy1973]

Look up Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. See if any of the traits fit. Not saying she is BPD but seems to have some of the traits. What she did to get you back is called "hoovering" - that is when they basically tell you exactly what you want to hear. And it works.

 

And it worked. Problem is she won't change.

[Keke1]

Personally I think you need your head read if you take her back after what she's done.

 

But it's your life and I wish you good luck, I genuinely hope we're all wrong and you live happily ever after.

Same movie with different actors. We've seen this before.

[Omei]

What you need to do is take all her stuff put it in a box or bag whatever leave it outside and call her to come get it.

 

Your kindness towards the type of person should end right now and you need to get her gone so you can move on with your life you do not owe her a thing and if she wants to keep her things there she either needs to start paying you a holding fee or get out.

[Omei]

Don't settle for a cheater because you think you can't get anyone else or are too lazy to find someone else.

 

She was only sorry when she was caught you take her back she will do it again knowing your just a chump who will always break down and take her back.

[salparadise]

One of the things she brought up is, she likes to flirt with guys. She says its ok for women to flirt with guys. I disagreed and said people in committed relationships don't flirt. I said I don't flirt with other women, etc.

 

Women like this need constant gratification and attention from men to feel good about themselves. She's not gonna change. If she hasn't fixed herself and figured out her issues by now, she probably never will. Don't be surprised when she hurts you again.

 

 

I wish JoeSmith the best, but it makes me sad to see how this turned out. This isn't a one-time incident, it's a fundamental need for validation expressed through sexualized interactions with multiple men... a need to be wanted in that particular way. Joe should heed what Weezy1973 said a few posts up. This stuff runs deep.

 

I think he's going to find it like those gag candles they put on birthday cakes that you can't blow out... every time you think you've put out all of those little fires, another one flares back up. There will always be backdoor guys sniffing around because she recruits and encourages them. It's fundamental to her personality, which I do believe is disordered.

 

I've dated a few like that. I not only know how it works, I know how it feels. I am now with a wonderful woman who doesn't have any such need and it's like night and day. It brings such a sense of peace and congruity in place of the constant anxiety and doubt.

 

Every man should settle for no less than a good, stable woman who respects him and gives him undivided attention. The quality of life difference is immeasurable. It's like living on a different planet.

[ExpatInItaly]

She is going to do it again.

 

Why?

 

Because she apparently hasn't done squat to address the real problem, which is her overwhelming need for attention from other men.

 

Perhaps she will last a couple more weeks, a couple more months. But mark my words, you are going to get hurt again.

 

What you should really be doing is asking yourself where the heck your standards disappeared to, and why this is your idea of a workable relationship.

[salparadise]

What you should really be doing is asking yourself where the heck your standards disappeared to, and why this is your idea of a workable relationship.

 

 

And why you don't believe that you deserve to be treated with a modicum of respect. Are you afraid that no healthy, loyal, loving woman would be interested in you?

[Cinnamonstix]

Honestly, although I was completely devastated by this, and genuinely hurt, I did love her more than anyone I have ever been with. I felt such a connection with her, and we worked so well as a couple.

 

I think a big part of the reason you "love" her so much is that she makes you feel more insecure than anyone else has. That can light a fire in someone, but it's not real love.

 

This will not work. She has done no real work on herself. Not enough time has passed for any real change. You are reclaiming your title as a doormat. She will not respect you for giving her another chance. She knows she doesn't deserve it.

[Darren Steez]

Co-dependent.

[usa1ah]

I think you are making a big mistake.

 

 

If you proceed with this, get her to go to see someone to help her with her problems.

 

 

If not she WILL hurt you again.