WhatShldIDo Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 I have this friend and she has a son and never spends time with him. She is out all hours of the night in search of.. her drug, just put it that way. I was dating her for a while and she left me for her dealer. Shes been using since she was 12 and shes 26 now, so thats a long time. She's homeless, while her son stays at her grandma's, and her mother is taking care of her son. Well, thats when the mother and this girl aren't looking around to get high. She jumps from guy to guy, no stable relationships in her life. Being homeless i think she kinda takes what she can get in the sence of housing, hot shower, love, etc. I asked her if she liked the way she was living, obveously the answer was no. So i offered her a place to stay, food, clothing, and the oppurtunity to get her GED. That's all I asked was she get her GED and sober out a little. Then we could move in her son and try to get her back on the right track. I didn't get an answer from her on that proposition, but instead she dissapeared for the last week. She calls and says she wants to see me at 7 pm, at 2:30 am she calls me to see if she can come over, but I have work in the morning's.. you know? I want to help her really bad, is it hopeless? Can I help her? I know when i went into rehab myself, they said you can only help those who want to be helped. Maybe she doesn't want to be helped? Or is it the 2 warrants she has starts the mind set of, "Why try to quit? It will catch up to me one day." What can I do to help her? I love this girl, and I found out the hard way that if she can't be with her son (and trust me she can see and be with him, she just chooses not too) then can she really be with a guy and truely love him? Or am i beating my head against a wall? Please, anything, any advise, course of action, direction to be pointed, please let me know. I'm lost, confused, heart broken, MIA, and all jumbled up in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 I understand that you want to help her but I don't think you can. She doesn't want help. She wants to be enabled while she continues to do her drugs of choice. It's sad that her child is suffering but at least it has the grandma. My brother is a drunk and a druggie. I just went through this with him. After not speaking to him for three years because he showed up at my mother's funeral high and drunk, he called me to get him help. He was homeless- no job- nothing. I helped get him into a free treatment facility because he had nothing. He stayed two weeks and then left. He's not like "those people". He got into a fight and was almost killed. Called me to come and pick him up. I told him no. Hard to do, yes. He has to hit bottom though and he can't do it if I'm helping him. If he never hits bottom it's up to him, not me. I can't control him. I have a life of my own that I have to live. I cried after I told him no. I told him I loved him and always would but I couldn't solve all his problems for me. That I had tried to help him and he didn't go through with it. This place would have helped him get a job and save for his own place, everything. You cannot help her. It would take a couple of years for her to change, even if she wanted to. Do you want to waste your life waiting on her to change, MAYBE? Find someone that's clean and sober and has no issues and let her deal with her mistakes herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatShldIDo Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 I guess your right. I feel that i have done everything I could for her, and I even extended my hand to help her back up and she just doesn't want it. She's been a run-away for years now and has never had a job in her life. Maybe the way she lives is the only thing she knows? Maybe what she does and how she is has become normal to her to the point where there's no turning back? Am i making any sence? Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Ouch Ms. Pixie. My little brother is committing suicide by drink as well. It hurts. To the Original Poster - Ask your sponsor. You probably already know what he's going to tell you - but ask anyway. Your recovery is also in jeapordy in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 I didn't know you were in recovery. If you are then you certainly know what to do. Depending on when you got sober/clean you could be breaking the rules outlined in the book by doing this. Doesn't it say one year under your belt before you attempt any serious relationships or something like that?? New Wife- yeah, it's hard. He's been like this since he was 15- he's 29 now. Everyone in my family is a drug addict or alcoholic but me- I've never had the urge to be either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WhatShldIDo Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 I used to go to meetings and my sponsor wasn't much help for me. I actually stopped going to meetings and stuff. Thats why i am asking for advise. Link to post Share on other sites
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