Boyfriend is leaving comments on another girl's Facebook pictures. What to think?

[Notmyrealusername]

So I'm going to first say that I do not take Facebook seriously. Mostly mine is to keep in touch with friends, events, and networking, I try to keep it semi-professional.The Boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years so far.

 

One day I saw that my boyfriend commented on this girl's picture (not sure why it popped up because me and her are not friends) saying, "Dios mio." This girl (mentally she's a girl, age she is mid 30's) is pretty much your basic Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket, everything is a sexy picture including the ones with her daughter.

 

My initial reaction was where I sort of just shrugged it off but then I went on Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket page and saw that he commented on multiple of her pictures. Saying stuff like, "Dammnnn!!", "This is a great picture!", "You're killing me here...seriously" and "Still waiting on my application." (when she posted one of those stupid 'motivational' pictures about wanting a "real man"). Seeing all of these in succession, one after the other made me angry and kind of stung. I feel disrespected that he is so publicly drooling over this girl who we have mutual friends, who know about us, and who might see these comments.

 

So I decided to go through his Facebook messages. Yes I know, invasion of privacy but I had to know if this stuff went beyond just comments. They don't. Him and this girl don't talk/message each other at all. I don't believe they talk on the phone either.

 

Now I'm wondering if maybe I shouldn't care about this because it's only comments on her pictures, he is not talking to her privately, and his comments get drowned with all the other thirsty guys. Also, it seems that the Boyfriend went to school with her brother (how they know each other) and he has known the rest of the family for over a decade now. Because of there being no other private interaction, the fact that they have known each other (or at least family wise) for a good while, and that I don't like fighting (try to choose my battles sort of speak) I do not feel that this is very important. But having let this mull over for a some time, it stills bothers me a bit by making me feel self-conscious.

 

I did ask a friend about this and they replied with, "If it is only picture comments and no other private communication, then is it really that big of a deal?" This clicked with me where it made me rethink if it's something I should bring up. But it's the feeling of disrespect that keeps making me want to say something. He can comment on her pictures but those comments go way too 'flirty' (i.e. thirsty).

 

I'm asking everyone, what would you do in my position? Also do you think that Facebook comments are even important? Is this even an issue or am I perhaps overthinking this?

Edited May 24, 2016 by Notmyrealusername
spacing

[basil67]

I don't think that it would be unreasonable to tell him that his open flirting with her is making you really uncomfortable and you'd appreciate if he toned it down

 

That said, your judgement of her doesn't reflect well on you. "Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket" I mean, really???

[Gaeta]

If I caught my boyfriend writing comments like these I would blow a fuse if not 2 or 3!! This is trashy, disrespectful and embarrassing and I would make sure he knows it. I would make such a big scene he'll be afraid to approach his pc again. You get the picture.

[frus69]

I think you have every right to be angry. Don't doubt yourself, you aint the crazy one here

[Notmyrealusername]

I don't think that it would be unreasonable to tell him that his open flirting with her is making you really uncomfortable and you'd appreciate if he toned it down

 

That said, your judgement of her doesn't reflect well on you. "Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket" I mean, really???

 

Yeah I was being a bit tongue in cheek with the name. Humor is how I try to deal with being upset sometimes, even if it is crude.

[Notmyrealusername]

If I caught my boyfriend writing comments like these I would blow a fuse if not 2 or 3!! This is trashy, disrespectful and embarrassing and I would make sure he knows it. I would make such a big scene he'll be afraid to approach his pc again. You get the picture.

 

I would not make a big scene over this, I just don't think it warrants it. Also he has to use his PC for work lol.

 

But I do think it is disrespectful and embarrassing. I would rather talk things out in a comprehensive way but am not sure if I should even bring it up.

[KatZee]

Whether it goes past comments or not, the fact that he's openly and publicly stating that he's waiting for her "application" to be her man crosses the line. He's got a girlfriend of almost 2 years and he's "waiting" to be her real man? The F is that ****? I'd be the first to help him fill that thing out, then, bye.

[Notmyrealusername]

Whether it goes past comments or not, the fact that he's openly and publicly stating that he's waiting for her "application" to be her man crosses the line. He's got a girlfriend of almost 2 years and he's "waiting" to be her real man? The F is that ****? I'd be the first to help him fill that thing out, then, bye.

 

This is also VERY true. I'm probably going to bring this up soon. But first, need to finish my final and graduate (still in college).

[Notmyrealusername]

Any suggestions on how to open this conversation? Technically, he doesn't know that I have seen these comments and some of them I saw because I went on his Facebook (she has friends only and public stuff).

[bluefeather]

"Still waiting on my application." (when she posted one of those stupid 'motivational' pictures about wanting a "real man").

 

I had to stop there because that pissed me off. If I was in your shoes, that'd be the end of it.

[acrosstheuniverse]

If you can't see a single message between them both, he's probably deleted the entire thread. I can't imagine that they have absolutely no interaction yet he feels comfortable posting that kind of stuff on her photos. If she's the sort to like the attention and he's sleazy enough to give it I'd bet money on them having had some kind of interaction:

 

Her: so you like my picture? Thanks

 

Him: you're welcome baby, where's my application then?

 

Her: hahaha well it might be in the post

 

And so forth.

 

If my boyfriend commented on a female friends picture that she looked beautiful (as he has before, but actual close friends at an event all dressed up not a sleazy pic of a girl he doesn't know) that wouldn't bother me at all, just as I'm sure he wouldn't get bent outta shape if I commented that a male friend was looking sharp or whatever. But the flirting, the 'where's my application' the 'what are you doing to me' would have me outta the door. That's emotional cheating in my book. He's reaching out to her suggestively, and acting like he's single.

 

Either he doesn't think you'll ever see it (so he's sneaky and dishonest) or he thinks you might but doesn't give a toss cos he knows you'll let him get away with it. Neither are good scenarios.

[Emilia]

This is also VERY true. I'm probably going to bring this up soon. But first, need to finish my final and graduate (still in college).

There is no time like the present. Honestly, guys (and girls) behave like this because they know they get away with it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your boyfriend is being disrespectful to you by leaving those comments. They're not just a simple "You look great!" This is more than that, in my opinion, and it would embarrass me. Others can see it.

 

Sorry, but I don't think you're over-reacting. I would let him know how it makes you feel; if you don't, he will keep it up.

[PegNosePete]

Any suggestions on how to open this conversation?

I would handle it thusly:

 

"If you want to act like a horny single guy, commenting and drooling over other women on social media, then you can go right ahead and be single. If you want to remain in this relationship then you have to start acting like you're in a relationship. Choose. Right now."

[Lois_Griffin]

Do you REALLY need this childish nonsense in your life?

[Space Ritual]

I would dump him actually.

 

Guys who troll FB skankabillies and comment on their pictures really are clueless. In your case these two know each other so it makes it kind of worse. It is kind of evident that your bf has had some sort of long standing flirtation with this woman at the very least that she welcomes. It is easy for both of them to discount to people who may be concerned about it because they in fact know each other. They can always fall back on the "But I've known He/She/her for years". routine.

 

That being said, anyone in a relationship who is going out of their way to make an ass of themselves in public on social media going overboard in photo comments is someone who sees no problem with pushing the envelope in any situation.

 

If I were you I would not put up with it one second. Guys tend to move on to the next skankabilly on Facebook with a rack or a butt showing if they get shot down in public or in private by said target, since we have really short attention spans on social media and a need for instant gratification. I would bet there is more to this.

 

Don't feel bad about snooping. He gave you plenty of reason to be suspicious, and the raging LS debate over privacy won't be resolved today. lol

[stillafool]

 

That said, your judgement of her doesn't reflect well on you. "Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket" I mean, really???

 

I agree. What do you call your bf since he is the one who hurt you? Not her.

[bluefeather]

I agree. What do you call your bf since he is the one who hurt you? Not her.

 

Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket could be an accurate title if the girl is a narcissist. A much more clever one too, IMO.

[Cinnamonstix]

Your bf is not bf material. I see no point in a conversation, because you really shouldn't have to tell someone to not be trashy, flirty, disrespectful to you, etc., unless you actually like those qualities. But you don't. So take it from someone that is on the outside looking in and isn't all caught up in the cloudiness of your emotions and history together. This isn't the guy for you. Someone else will make you much happier and wouldn't even want to make such remarks about another girl.

[DevotedBaker54]

I can understand why this would make you upset. Have you talked to your boyfriend about the comments? If you feel disrespected, then I would explain to him why you feel this way. Your bf shouldn't do anything to disrespect you. If you were making these comments on other boy's pictures, how would he feel?

I think communication is the way to go in this situation.

Best of luck and I hope things work out

[stillafool]

Social Media Sucking Trash Bucket could be an accurate title if the girl is a narcissist. A much more clever one too, IMO.

 

That's IF the girl is a narcissist. OP doesn't know her personally. However she is in a relationship with her bf. Why not call him names since he's the one hurting her. As usual it's easier to blame the woman for his desires.

[bluefeather]

That's IF the girl is a narcissist. OP doesn't know her personally. However she is in a relationship with her bf. Why not call him names since he's the one hurting her. As usual it's easier to blame the woman for his desires.

 

agreed. regardless, the OP never replied on what she did with her bf, so this is pretty moot.

[almond]

"Dammnnn!!", "This is a great picture!", "You're killing me here...seriously" and "Still waiting on my application." (when she posted one of those stupid 'motivational' pictures about wanting a "real man").

 

If my boyfriend decided to use his Facebook account to blatantly hit on other girls like this, he'd be picking up his belongings off the lawn to pack his car, and she'd have to send his "application" to his new address.

 

The fact that you're not even sure if this is worth having a discussion over is very concerning. I've been with my boyfriend for eight years and love him dearly, but if he pulled this crap I'd kick him to the curb before he knew what had hit him.

 

Completely unacceptable in my opinion and shows a level of disrespect and lack of boundaries that I could absolutely not tolerate in a serious partner.

[Poutrew]

Well, you could give him a taste of his own medicine. Find some good looking hunk's Facebook page and start commenting on his pictures. Don't be secretive about it, so you BF will eventually check out the comments, and tell you what he thinks about his girlfriend drooling over some other man's pictures. It probably wont be good. Then you can ask him what is his excuse? "Yeah, that's right baby. I saw the lascivious comments you leave all over 'Betty's' Facebook pics. Sounds like you wanna be there to clean her up, ya'know?" If he gets the message and cleans up his act, then your relationship probably has a chance. If he doesn't, then it's time to get serious about finding a more mature male specimen to hang with.

[RecentChange]

Well, you could give him a taste of his own medicine. Find some good looking hunk's Facebook page and start commenting on his pictures. Don't be secretive about it, so you BF will eventually check out the comments, and tell you what he thinks about his girlfriend drooling over some other man's pictures. It probably wont be good. Then you can ask him what is his excuse? "Yeah, that's right baby. I saw the lascivious comments you leave all over 'Betty's' Facebook pics. Sounds like you wanna be there to clean her up, ya'know?" If he gets the message and cleans up his act, then your relationship probably has a chance. If he doesn't, then it's time to get serious about finding a more mature male specimen to hang with.

 

Don't do this unless you want to play games, and make your relationship a tit for tat of crappy behavior.

 

Personally the "application" comments would have been it for me.

 

I would have told him I saw it, and asked him what the hell!?! You are in a relationship but blatantly looking for a new one? I guess I am just a place holder then huh?