Dealing with isolation and loneliness as of late.

[Biscous]

So a few months ago I got a new job. Work from home 100%, some travel. More pay. Doing what I enjoy. Great! Overall less stressful.

 

Being that I have no coworkers to shoot the sh*t around has starting to weigh on me. I moved to Texas a few years ago by myself, solo. Overall I have no problem with being alone most of the time, but feeling a state of loneliness can make you feel empty.

 

I've been out of a relationship the past few months. Been talking to a few women, but their interests are elsewhere. No matter. Many of my core friends that I've known most my life don't live here so I can't contact them and even sometimes a phone call can be hard because I know they are consumed with their lives, or have gfs and families. One of my closest friends here is a DBA but also goes to school for data science so he's always slammed, though I'm starting to feel a slightly growing resentment towards him because I try to make efforts to see him, even small commitments like grabbing lunch, but he doesn't contact me back or I won't hear from here for weeks at a time.

 

Most my social circles encompass people I know from my old job, the gym, or martial arts. Martial artists people are cool just not much in common. Many of the gymgoers and martial artists I know are a bit on the younger side...I'm 32 so I have different things to talk about and a different tolerance level . My former coworkers my age are more than likely consumed with their families or their own affairs.

 

It is a bit disheartening at times that I feel as though few people contact me to do something. I do every now and then and perhaps it is a bit of a cognitive bias. I am starting to feel that sense of loneliness between working from home...pretty much isolating myself...and coming home to nothing or no one. It is a bit psyche damaging. I am pretty outgoing and have acquaintances that look up to me with a sense of admiration but I yearn for more substantial friendships and relationships, some I feel right now I don't have as much as I used to.

 

I do have some really close friends in my one of my former fight buddies and his family. I do have a slight sense of jealously in the fact that he has his wife and kid. I don't want that immediately but I look at my life...I can buy almost anything I want now and have no one to answer to, but I don't have a family. Going home to yourself you start to become your own worse enemy and talk down on yourself.

 

Like I said friends and family are far away now and it's nice to meet people day to day and I've been trying. I do feel that people are a bit flaky nowadays. People use Facebook to highlight their life, give likes, etc, but many you try to contact are flakes/low commitment. Really disappoints me. So I'm at a point where I need to change things to not feel lonely and be more social in my life.

 

Does anyone have any similar experiences or anything they can offer to perhaps make me get out more and do things?

[scooby-philly]

Hey Biscous

 

Thanks for sharing. I was going to post the same sort of topic - so apparently neither one of us is alone!

 

I can relate to and understand your feelings. While I have a good number of interests - cooking, reading, video games, hiking, photography, etc, and my job is rewarding and I'm a leader in my industry, I've found myself in and out of depression/loneliness over the past few months - well close to a year now - for about the 2 or 3rd time in my life.

 

To your post

 

1. A lot of people think working primarily from home is a good deal - especially if they know they won't slack off and can do the "work". But - it comes with what you said - no one to shoot the breeze with. Does the company have an IM/Skype for Business system? Even an IM chat can help ease the problem. What about a professional development group for people in your industry - new skills, new people - chance to shoot the breeze.

 

2. I spent several years doing missionary work. Turned out I wasn't even remotely religious at all. But because of that choice - I didn't spend most of my 20's with my hs/college friends regularly and when I left while I was able to re-kindle some, a falling out with some over an ex whose side they took meant that a lot of my "friends" turned out not to be that. So I've learned that you have to make your own life. Very often we can invest a lot in people who don't invest that much in us. Not saying that's necessarily your issue per se - but if you've made the best choices career/life wise you could make at any given time, you're not doing anything different than they are. So either they support/love you (even if you don't see/talk to them a lot) or not. In the end, when we die I don't believe anyone is there before the pearly gates, Allah, Budhha, Hades, or Anubis for whatever you belive - but you.

 

3. Meetup.com! SEriously there and lots of other websites you can start making new friends. It's harder as an adult - and if you grew up like I did thinking you'd have a lot of the same friends or invested in people who didn't return the favor, it can feel awkward. But it's natural. It just feels weird b/c it takes time. It's no different than as a kid. Someone you know from a photography club starts talking with you. You schedule some photo trips, and who knows - maybe then end up being a real "friend" outside of photography. But you won't know unless you try.

 

4. When you start to find yourself down - especially if you're spiraling - find something that helps stop. A hot bath, a good book, video games, a walk, driving, running, exercise. Whatever helps. And you don't have to feel bad if you do something and then stop halfway through. SO if you go to the gym to just stop bad thoughts, don't feel bad if you walk in, change, and then decide to walk out.

 

What else can we do from you?

[Biscous]

Thanks so much scooby. Really a lot of stuff to absorb and process.