So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Blanco]

The anxiety is growing again. There is not simply enough things to do to keep the anxiety away. I was at the gym today, it helped. I have played videogames, it kinda helps. I have no idea how to fight this anxiety away.

 

It's like a hole inside my chest and it keeps growing and growing. Heart starts to beat faster. And all my mind can do is imagine her having fun and being happy with her darn fishes and kids. While i am alone at home, suffering.

 

If i wouldn't have this feeling i would be allright. But I have no clue how to fight this off.

 

You aren't happy most of the time with her, though. Maybe for like a day, but then she gets distant, or she says something mean, or she doesn't pack your lunch, or doesn't use emojis or something. Dude, this is on YOU.

 

Stop acting like this woman is what's keeping you from happiness. You acted the same way last year with your previous girlfriend. Consider maybe that you're using other people to fill voids that only you can fill.

 

One thing I never see you mention is work. Do you not work? Finding some sort of job would benefit you, because it'd eat up some of the abundant amount of free time you seem to have, and it would likely put you around other people. I get the sense you're fairly isolated from other people unless you're around whoever you're dating.

 

Anyway, this is beyond exhausting. You have to just endure some hardship for a while and deal with your anxiety or sadness. I promise you everyone contributing here has moved past better relationships than the one you're lamenting the loss of. I usually dislike it when I read this, but it's time to man up.

[BlueIris]

I think that your anxiety and pounding heart are withdrawal symptoms. Go to YouTube, listen to some meditations for calming or addiction and ride it out. It will recur so long as you keep going back for another fix.

[Protec]

I was working until now. My job ended the same day i found out she cheated. That's why this is so hard again. Suddenly i am left with nothing again.

 

And i did something stupid yesterday. I drove at her place at night and we talked and ended up having sex.

 

We are still not together. In facebook we are not in RS anymore and still she keeps me as a friend there.

 

I mentioned her that "this is it? We never see each other again?" And she had panic attack. She is manipulating.

 

she is keeping me around as backup for so long she can find a new man. I know it.

She doesn't have any of her ex's as her facebook friends. I know i don't want to be her friend. I have too many emotions.

 

But i need to end this. Somehow. I need to rip it off at once. Why i lack the strenght is beyond be.

 

I know i have friends i can hang out with. I have my sister who i can call to. I go to gym, i go on walks, i have stuff to do.

 

I have to end this. For my own sake. I must not care if she has panic attack or starts crying. I need to say "This is it. This is the last time you see me. Here is all your stuff back and take care of yourself".

 

I would really like to say bye to the kids too...

 

This is why this is hard. I lose 3 persons. This is not just about my GF. I really got attached to those kids too and they got attached to me.

[Protec]

Well, i am getting there slowly.

 

I didn't send any messages to my GF(EX) yesterday and again yet even she opened up on me. Sent me a message where she tells She has problems with herself, her kid has emotion control problems, I HAVE emotion control problems and she doesn't have streght at the moment.

 

Well now she blames me again. I admit i have some anger management issues. Who wouldn't have some emotion control problems when you find out your GF has been cheating around the world... Is it really my fault now? Is it really my fault for getting angry at her?

 

I probably just should've been "oh poor honey...yes it was my fault because you cheated. I did the wrong thing. I never said i love you enough or get you enough presents." Argh.

Edited May 30, 2016 by Protec

[BlueIris]

Well, i am getting there slowly.

 

I didn't send any messages to my GF(EX) yesterday and again et even she opened up on me.

 

She has problems with herself, her kid has emotion control problems, I HAVE emotion control problems...

 

Well now she blames me again. Who wouldn't have some emotion control problems when you find out your GF has been cheating around the world... Is it really my fault now?

 

It doesn't matter. Cut her off. Stop getting back into the web.

 

I was in a horrible relationship a long time ago and one day it dawned on me- just take the blame. Say, yeah, it's my fault. So long as you get away say you're the Pope if you want to. Theoretically, you could say that if she is seriously messed up and you're not, then it is kind of your (and was my) "fault" for not knowing better. But don't care about that. Just solve the fault debate, any and every debate and debating at all, by exiting without going back.

 

(It was kind of funny when I took all the fault and blame. There was nothing more he could say. I also added that he deserved better since I do such terrible things to him and just can't stop. That was sweet. Silence for once. )

[Blanco]

Yes, it is your fault at this point, because you keep engaging her.

 

We can't help you, my man, because you aren't even taking the most basic and obvious advice, which is to stop communicating with her.

 

She cheated on you and is now shifting blame to you. And why wouldn't she? You're still there. The fact that you're even hearing her out at this point, let alone permitting her to put the blame for her actions on you, just reinforces her existing knowledge that she can say and do whatever she wants to you.

[Protec]

Yes, it is your fault at this point, because you keep engaging her.

 

We can't help you, my man, because you aren't even taking the most basic and obvious advice, which is to stop communicating with her.

 

She cheated on you and is now shifting blame to you. And why wouldn't she? You're still there. The fact that you're even hearing her out at this point, let alone permitting her to put the blame for her actions on you, just reinforces her existing knowledge that she can say and do whatever she wants to you.

 

Just removed her and from her mother from facebook. I still don't know how to delete pictures from there. As i would like to remove some pictures i updated there just few weeks ago.

 

My EX on the other hand has taken lots of new attractive photos of herself and and whatknot.

 

She probably has a new man already.

 

I will end everything today. I will take all the stuff at her place. As she said "i can bring your stuff to you if you want to, someday". But i will NOT be dumped via text message.

 

Tomorrow i will go get a doctors appointment. And i will tell him/her about my issues with Co-dependency and anger / emotion management.

 

This ends now. I need to let everything go before i am in a mental hospital myself.

 

This relationship has been so much more toxic than what my last one was. I really really need to be more careful in the future. And even with this woman i let my guard down too easily. I should have waited longer. I should have not taken her back even at new years eve. I made a mistake there.

 

I did learn a lot. I did learn a lot about how to be with kids, i learned new sides about myself, i learned lot about bipolarity and borderline issues. I learned how to have fun.

 

I really did love her. I have no idea if i am cabable of dating anymore after this. Because when we did have good times, they really were good. I am not lying. They were perfect. She was everything i've always wanted woman to be. WHEN things were good.

Edited May 30, 2016 by Protec

[Protec]

Aand she asks now "hey! How are you doing?". Not going to answer.

 

You wanted to be single. Now be single.

[Blanco]

Block her number. She's eventually going to say something you feel incline to respond to. It's best to be proactive and block the number so that when that text comes your way, you don't even know about it.

[Protec]

I did not take the stuff at her place. I don't want to see her.

 

Now as i replay the events i've been trough...i should've left LONG time ago.

 

i have never been so scared in my life when she suddenly "sleepwalked" and started wrapping toilet paper around her head and dipping greens into her body. "i am japanese human plate"

 

THAT WAS SO SCARY.

 

I really hate for not having her ex's phone numbers "PLEASE GET THE KIDS AWAY FROM HER!!!". That's what i would love to send.

 

OH god what i have been trough.

 

And once i came downstairs, had a shower. She was downstairs. And when i got downstairs she asked "you weren't here all the time?" "no, i just came from shower." Then she had this shocked expression on her face. "I saw a figure here downstairs...i thought it was you..." and she started crying. She had hallucinations!!!

 

That's what i've been trough as well.

 

Holy hell.

[BlueIris]

Congratulations! Good for you!

Figure out how to delete FB pics next and methodically shut off all avenues of contact and it will only get better.

[Protec]

Block her number. She's eventually going to say something you feel incline to respond to. It's best to be proactive and block the number so that when that text comes your way, you don't even know about it.

 

Well that's why she asked me how i am doing. I have noticed the pattern. When ever i take distance, she comes closer.

 

She has never asked me how i do until i haven't sent her anything in few days.

 

I will block her from whatsapp tomorrow. I still need to save the messages for possible therapy session. I want to show what i have been through. Or maybe not. I just wonder what i do with the stuff. She still has some of my clothes and i really don't want those to be a "lifeline".

 

So i guess i need to go and get my stuff from her someday...

[ExpatInItaly]

Well that's why she asked me how i am doing. I have noticed the pattern. When ever i take distance, she comes closer.

 

She has never asked me how i do until i haven't sent her anything in few days.

 

I will block her from whatsapp tomorrow. I still need to save the messages for possible therapy session. I want to show what i have been through. Or maybe not. I just wonder what i do with the stuff. She still has some of my clothes and i really don't want those to be a "lifeline".

 

So i guess i need to go and get my stuff from her someday...

 

No, you do not.

 

You ask a friend or family member to get it. You ask her to box it up and leave it outside your door, or vice versa.

 

You do not go and retrieve it from her. Not directly.

 

You are still looking for ways to keep that door open.

[Protec]

Well. It's really just one t shirt.

 

I still have some of the stuff she gave me as present. The bracelet and the batman saving bank i really do like.

 

But even today, i watched that batman and thought "She was so sweet giving me something like that..."

 

So i know it will just mess with my healing process. Also when i wear the bracelet, it feels like she is with me, so i haven't even used that bracelet in few days.

 

This is so hard for me, since i really did love her. Despite all the s**t she did, i did love her genuinely and i loved her kids.

 

Oh well.

[PrettyEmily77]

Well. It's really just one t shirt.

 

I still have some of the stuff she gave me as present. The bracelet and the batman saving bank i really do like.

 

But even today, i watched that batman and thought "She was so sweet giving me something like that..."

 

So i know it will just mess with my healing process. Also when i wear the bracelet, it feels like she is with me, so i haven't even used that bracelet in few days.

 

This is so hard for me, since i really did love her. Despite all the s**t she did, i did love her genuinely and i loved her kids.

 

Oh well.

 

Dude, you're not addicted to her, you're addicted to the drama she's bringing to the table.

 

Box all the mementos and put them in a garage / at a friend's attic / somewhere you can't easily access everyday if you really want to keep them.

 

Leave her the shirt and get a new, better one.

 

As for deleting pics off FB:

 

Click the photo to open it

Click Options on the menu bar below the photo

Select Delete This Photo and click Confirm

 

Save them on a usb first if you want to keep a reminder of what NOT to do (you'll get that later) as once they're deleted off fb, you can't get them back.

[Protec]

I've been thinking about erasing every memory of her. Every single picture. Every single awesome moment we had. I love her too much.

 

I am so sad it came down to this...i would have fighted, i wanted to save the relationship.

I just wanted her back, the old her. Not that manipulative person who was cold as ice.

 

I just wanted to see her one more time. The woman i fell in love to.

[Blanco]

Stop saying you were in love with her. You were/are addicted to her and the drama she brings. That's not the same as being in love.

 

You keep talking about the "old" her, as if the person she has been for the majority of this brief relationship wasn't the real her. The woman you supposedly fell in love with was the illusion. The person she's "become" is who she has always been.

[Protec]

Stop saying you were in love with her. You were/are addicted to her and the drama she brings. That's not the same as being in love.

 

You keep talking about the "old" her, as if the person she has been for the majority of this brief relationship wasn't the real her. The woman you supposedly fell in love with was the illusion. The person she's "become" is who she has always been.

 

She really was a wonderful woman for the first 3 months at least. So truly did fall in love with that woman. She was real at least to me. But she probably just was mirroring my love into her.

 

MAybe when i met her she was in mania stage, i have no idea since back then i could not yet read her behaviour. I started learning about bipolarity symptoms etc. just few months after dating her. Still, can't put everything behind her sickness, but it's very clear that the sickness is affecting her behaviour and choices. but it's HER fault not keeping it in control.

 

And again she had sent me message. It's like a clockwork. Every evening almost exactly 22:30.

 

"Please tell me you're doing fine in there? i know you're angry and sad but I really do care about your emotions and you".

 

No she doesn't. If she would really care about me, she would have understood that she is sick, having mania and gotten help to her symptoms and not put me trought emotional push/pull hell and she would have not left to athens alone. And if she would've really cared about me she would have not cheated me. If she would have REALLY cared, she would have wanted to solve this all and not dumped me and blamed me, because I HAVE emotional control problems.

 

She just wants some kind of respond. That i am ok or that i am angry or sad. Still not giving the pleasure.

 

I just wonder what is going inside her head. Part of me would like to believe that she actually does care. But then again, no. She probably doesn't. She just wants attention and when she gets it, she forgets me again.

 

Because last sunday, i messaged her i am out for a walk because of so much anxiety, she did not even respond. She didn't care i was having anxiety attack. She didn't even ask "how are you doing...are you going to be fine?". So no, she does not CARE. She only cares about herself. How she is feeling. She wants to feel fine. When she feels fine, she doesn't give rats behind if i would be under a truck.

 

i need to write it down as much as i can. No batman statues, cakes, nothing matters. Caring is not materia. Caring is actions. Caring is not words. Caring is showing. She only cares for me when i take distance (i am not under her control). Exact same thing after the cheating. I did not respond for a day and she goes haywire.

 

And actually i am doing little better now. I knew there would be a message in my phone when i wake up.

 

Yeah and also i remembered to delete her netflix profile and changed password. Just feel bad because her kids were usually watching cartoons from netflix but i cant let them have it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why won't you block her exactly? I tend to agree with blanco that you're addicted to the drama.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why won't you block her exactly? I tend to agree with blanco that you're addicted to the drama.

 

This?

 

It makes no sense not to block her if you actually want to move forward.

[Protec]

I have now kept 2 days of radio silence. Last message i sent her was sunday at midday.

 

Just hour ago she sent a message "your package is still there(earrings). If you have the receipt left i guess you really would like to return these".

 

Can't even return those. They were not expensive so not gonna bother. But she clearly wants to see me. And in her other message that i read only today, she said she feels bad for breaking up with me and interaction between us hasn't be very good.

 

But that is bull****.

 

I saw the selfies etc. happy updates she made. She even posted a picture other day, this is hard to translate from finnish but it said something like "Two-sided mental disorder? More like Two-hundredSPEEDED mental disorder!!" It's not quite correct translation but seems like she is just happy and well enjoying fully her mania symptoms.

 

So there is no reason to talk with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have now kept 2 days of radio silence. Last message i sent her was sunday at midday.

 

Just hour ago she sent a message "your package is still there(earrings). If you have the receipt left i guess you really would like to return these".

 

Can't even return those. They were not expensive so not gonna bother. But she clearly wants to see me. And in her other message that i read only today, she said she feels bad for breaking up with me and interaction between us hasn't be very good.

 

But that is bull****.

 

I saw the selfies etc. happy updates she made. She even posted a picture other day, this is hard to translate from finnish but it said something like "Two-sided mental disorder? More like Two-hundredSPEEDED mental disorder!!" It's not quite correct translation but seems like she is just happy and well enjoying fully her mania symptoms.

 

So there is no reason to talk with her.

 

So again, why are you not blocking her?

 

There must be a reason why you have not done so. What is it?

[Protec]

So again, why are you not blocking her?

 

There must be a reason why you have not done so. What is it?

 

It's like i feel there is still something unsolved.My other half says there is nothing more to discuss or trying to solve and parrt of me hopes we could stay as friends, and i know it's impossible. I will end up in pain again when she starts dating a new man, and i know she will ditch me in an eyeblink. "Sorry, my new man doesn't like having my ex around".

 

I am now fighting against myself. Delete everything about her! Don't do it yet! Maybe there is something left.

 

Maybe i just need one more punch in the face (not literally) from her to understand it's really over.

[Protec]

Now she tried to contact me "my car broke down! can you come and help me tow my car"

 

why did she not call. why send a text?

[Art_Critic]

Maybe i just need one more punch in the face (not literally) from her to understand it's really over.

 

the feeling after you go pick her up because her car broke down should do it, don't go pick her up... she is using you, as you do more and more of these types of things for her you lose some of your won self respect, take some of it back and stop contacting her and block her