So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

Well, my ex asked me to go movies with her last night.

I went as you probably knew First i went at her place, we went to shop and bought sushi making kit. Then we headed back and made sushi.

 

I tried to play as distant as i could but i felt the tension between us. It's hard for me to keep my fingers apart from her. But i did not try to touch her or hug her. Anyway, we made sushi and i noticed how she now and then touched my body "accidentally". So i knew something was going on.

 

Then she stopped and hugged me "I need to hug you. I didn't ask you with me just to go movies and make sushi". After sushi she wanted to go lie at couch. Well..things happened. Also the sentence "I don't even want to go fooling with other guys..because i know what i can get from you."

 

I lauhged inside my head. Funny. She cheated on me and now she tells things like that... Funny. But yes, I am safe, i am familiar and for some reason she likes having sex with me again. Weeks before she left abroad and cheated, our sex life was almost non existent.

 

Then we left for movies and after movies i asked if i could spend night at her place. She hesitated at first but then agreed. Then things lead again doing certain thing.

 

At morning we ate breakfast and i said to her "it would be nice doing things with you also when you are not horny" "That's not why i asked you to spend time with me!!!" It again contradicts what she said night before.

 

 

Also i said i had emotions towards her, mistake.

 

Anyway, i had a nice evening with her. It was fun making sushi with her and going to movies. I was pretty distant and i did not talk much.

 

I really should have withhold myself from sex last night. But she is so damn good looking and amazing in bed.

I would have loved to see her reaction "we are friends, so no sex".

 

Also the that she does not want me to sleep over is funny. "It's getting too intimate if you sleep over".

So, sex is ok, kissing during sex is ok, but sleeping over...STOP THE PRESS!

 

As i think sex is the most intimate things between 2 people. But apparently for her sex is just..sex. And even kissing is more intimate to her than sex. It's so confusing. Having sex is ok but kissing is not? But kissing during sex is again ok to her. IT's so...weird.

 

This whole thing is weird. I know she uses me. But still why spend so much time with me? Why bother making sushi, asking me to go movies with her etc? She could just ask me to come over and have sex. But for some reason she enjoys my company. I know she can go to movies alone. She has done so many times. Even when we were together she sometimes went to movies alone. They were kind of films i did not enjoy watching too much.

 

Also i noticed the way she dressed herself, she was more "pretty" than usually. Did she take me out for a date?

I have no idea. Also she asked "it would be nice to go play frisbee golf".

 

Well. Time to hit the road again. Already lost 0,5 kilos. Only 14,5 to go:D

Edited June 20, 2016 by Protec

[Blanco]

So this is gonna be your life, huh?

 

She enjoys your company because, to be put it kindly, you're a kind of a needy sad-sack who will put up with her awful mistreatment of you so long as she's willing to let you plow into her every now and again.

 

Don't bother with therapy. It'll be a waste of everyone's time while you're still determined to avoid your own problems by distracting yourself with her issues and the motive behind her behavior.

 

She doesn't respect you in the least, and quite frankly, I don't blame her.

[frigginlost]

 

Then she stopped and hugged me "I need to hug you. I didn't ask you with me just to go movies and make sushi". After sushi she wanted to go lie at couch. Well..things happened. Also the sentence "I don't even want to go fooling with other guys..because i know what i can get from you."

 

I lauhged inside my head. Funny. She cheated on me and now she tells things like that... Funny. But yes, I am safe, i am familiar and for some reason she likes having sex with me again. Weeks before she left abroad and cheated, our sex life was almost non existent.

 

 

How on earth you cannot read what you wrote and not see it for exactly what it is, is mind boggling.

 

Let me put it to you another way: A predator *always* chooses the weakest of the herd when possible...

 

You are so incredibly weak to her that she knows she can say whatever she wants and it will go right over your head.

 

You are not "safe" and "familiar" to her. You are weak, easy, and gullible. She does not have to change a single thing regarding herself in order to feel good about herself. You are everything she needs to feed her ego.

 

Dude, seriously, you have got to open your eyes...

[Protec]

How on earth you cannot read what you wrote and not see it for exactly what it is, is mind boggling.

 

Let me put it to you another way: A predator *always* chooses the weakest of the herd when possible...

 

You are so incredibly weak to her that she knows she can say whatever she wants and it will go right over your head.

 

You are not "safe" and "familiar" to her. You are weak, easy, and gullible. She does not have to change a single thing regarding herself in order to feel good about herself. You are everything she needs to feed her ego.

 

Dude, seriously, you have got to open your eyes...

 

Why bother making dinner with me? It's time consuming, and wouldn't it be better to spend that time with a new man rather than me?

 

Or going to movies? She has friends and she could get a new date easily, why settle with me? All she has to do is set up a tinder account and she would get a date for weekend for sure. She doesn't need me for sex or as buddy to go movies with.

 

That's why i am so confused. I am not relationship material, but good enough for hanging out and sex?

 

But yeah, now would be the best time to cut ties with her. As she does not go clubbling during weekdays and she will have kids back this weekend so she cannot go even out. Now would. be the best time to let her feel how life is without me.

 

But i know i can't keep this going on. I know she only contacts me when she needs me. If i'd ask her out, movies etc. i know she will decline. IT was like that during our "relationship". So i was thinking we probably never even had a relationship.

 

Because last night felt as much relationship as 2 months back.

 

Also she showed signs of jealousy. I said "i need to wash my glasses...they are dirty". "oh, has someone bumped into them? I won't ask any further questions" meaning if some other woman has been so close to me that someones head has touched my lenses, making them dirty.

 

And also after sex she asked "i don't have anyone else to have sex with, i guess you don't have many women in line either?"

 

2 fishing questions if i have dated someone or planning to etc.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Protec

[VeveCakes]

No point in anyone replying on this thread anymore.

 

You're on your own now.

[Emilia]

No point in anyone replying on this thread anymore.

 

You're on your own now.

I think that we are enabling the OP. He knows he has an audience.

[frigginlost]

Why bother making dinner with me? It's time consuming, and wouldn't it be better to spend that time with a new man rather than me?

 

A better question: Why would she "work" at a new relationship with another guy, when he would see straight through her bullsh*t, and kick her to the curb inside 2 weeks? She does not have to do jacksh*t with herself, because she has zero respect for you and knows 100% that you are weak and no matter what she says or does, you will bury your dignity and cower to her. Dude, man-the-f*ck up.

 

Or going to movies? She has friends and she could get a new date easily, why settle with me? All she has to do is set up a tinder account and she would get a date for weekend for sure. She doesn't need me for sex or as buddy to go movies with.

 

Why work at something when she does not have to? Do you think a Lion would chase a healthy meal when it can instead hunt something with a broken leg? You're completely and totally side-stepping what and who she is. She is a pathetic individual, that has someone who believes he is more pathetic in her grasp. Again, man-the-f*ck up.

 

 

That's why i am so confused. I am not relationship material, but good enough for hanging out and sex?

 

 

You are not even good enough for "hanging out and sex". You are good for one reason and one reason only: to feed her ego. The "hanging out and sex" is a by-product of her being able to toy with you. In other words, she knows your weak and gullible and uses hanging out and sex as a way to keep you hooked. Jeez dude, you even stated that she see's sex as just sex, but you spin it as it meaning she's into you. It's not the case at all. She has zero respect for you. None. Nada. Zilch.

 

But yeah, now would be the best time to cut ties with her. As she does not go clubbling during weekdays and she will have kids back this weekend so she cannot go even out. Now would. be the best time to let her feel how life is without me.

 

She knows *exactly* what life is like without you, and she does not care one bit. You refuse to see that...

 

 

But i know i can't keep this going on. I know she only contacts me when she needs me. If i'd ask her out, movies etc. i know she will decline. IT was like that during our "relationship". So i was thinking we probably never even had a relationship.

 

 

Yet you will keep it going on, and you will continue to look for something that was never there because you're weak (sorry) and she knows it.

 

 

Because last night felt as much relationship as 2 months back.

 

Also she showed signs of jealousy. I said "i need to wash my glasses...they are dirty". "oh, has someone bumped into them? I won't ask any further questions" meaning if some other woman has been so close to me that someones head has touched my lenses, making them dirty.

 

And also after sex she asked "i don't have anyone else to have sex with, i guess you don't have many women in line either?"

 

2 fishing questions if i have dated someone or planning to etc.

 

So f'ing pathetic that you can't see that there was no jealousy at all on her part. She's feeding you lines because she can. She is toying with the animal with the broken leg in the herd...

 

Man-the-F*ck up.

[Protec]

Yeah...i can't keep on going like this.

 

I will DESTROY myself by continuing this. Found a good article about FWB I Deserve More: Why Being Friends With Benefits Makes No Sense To Me

 

It's definitely not working. Not for me. I desire that woman. Every cell in my body wants to be with her, have fun with her. But she doesn't want anything more so i need to man up...

 

I am miserable all the time. I can't focus. Yes, i had fun with her last night. I enjoy being with her, we had fun night. But i know this whole thing will stop immeaditely when she finds another guy to bang and have fun with. But i can't take this. I want more. I want to hold her hand when we walk in the city. I want to be able to kiss her in public. I want to be able to whisper in her ear "i love you". I want to love and be loved back.

 

And she knows it. I sent her a drunk text last friday "i love you". And i mentioned it to her. So she knows i have feelings for her.

 

And she has no intentions of getting better. Again she was drinking and partying for the whole weekend.

 

But i still cannot stop wondering. When we were about to break up before she left abroad, she did not want even to have sex with me. "I feel nothing for you...sorry". She did not want me in any way.

 

I need to stop this. I have to...

 

But i did not ask her out. I did not send her any messages in few days. She contacted me. And funny...i sent her that nasty text and she is now like i never even sent it. "We are in good terms arent we? :)"

 

She knows damn well i have feelings for her so i don't need to explain anything to her. Even she admitted herself that "being friends with you doesn't work, you have too much feelings towards me". Just few weeks ago.

 

I need to stop thinkin about this all. I just need to stop.

 

Truth is: I would like to be with her but i cannot because she doesn't want to be with me. I would love to solve the problems we had, but it takes 2. If she doesn't want to solve them, there is nothing i can do. Also she is a narcissist. Maybe she is really just a sick f*ck who likes to mess with my brains.

Edited June 20, 2016 by Protec

[Blanco]

Block her number. Even if it's for a month, you need to cut off her access to you if you're serious about breaking the addiction and not just passively saying, "Oh, I need to do this or that."

 

Seriously. I think it's save to say our interest in all of this is waning, if not nearly gone. People don't want to waste their time trying to provide support for someone who is too weak to even endure some unpleasantness for a greater good.

[frigginlost]

 

Truth is: I would like to be with her but i cannot because she doesn't want to be with me. I would love to solve the problems we had, but it takes 2. If she doesn't want to solve them, there is nothing i can do. Also she is a narcissist. Maybe she is really just a sick f*ck who likes to mess with my brains.

 

 

Here, this should make you feel better:

 

If that is truly the case with her (and from everything you have stated about her, it seems to be) than let this sink in: She will never, and I mean never, change. She will continually hunt for the weak.

 

Now, you can either analyze everything like you have been doing, questioning why she is not seeing you the way you want to be seen, or you can be a f*cking man and say "b*tch, I'm six times better than your bat-sh*t-crazy a** sees. I deserve someone to enjoy the rest of my life with, and you deserve the misery that you and only you have created. Best of luck with that".

 

Then, grab your nuts, suck it the f*ck up, ride the pain, and show yourself that you're a f*cking man and some woman out there is going to be damn lucky to find you. Because I guarantee you this: your current state of mind is absolutely horrifying and there is not a "normal" woman out there that would get anywhere near you. The predator women would sense blood in the water and flock to you...

 

Break the pattern. Be the man you seem to want to be. Nothing but yourself is stopping you...

[Blanco]

Seriously.

 

You don't have children with this woman. You don't own a house together. You don't work with her. You don't see her at any of your social hangouts.

 

There's literally no reason why this woman can't be DEAD to you other than your neediness and desperation to make her someone she is not and never will be.

[Itspointless]

I went as you probably knew

I am sorry to say but you remind me a bit of a moth who is flying to the lamp over and over. I try to understand it, but I cannot. Is it weakness, or do you perhaps exaggerate when you tell us on how bad you feel? Have you ever had a moment in your life that you said OK, till here and no further? That point where you feel you soul will disintegrate otherwise. If you write the above it almost feels like you see it as some kind of game.

Yeah...i can't keep on going like this. [...] I will DESTROY myself by continuing this. [...] I am miserable all the time. I can't focus. [...] I need to stop this. I have to...

Your writing reminds me very much of that friend of mine, he always writes everything down in a literal way. Somehow your posts read very familiar and due to that I am not so sure if you really think this or just repeat what we say and try to convince yourself or say it as we expect you to. Your posts read as 'I say this, but secretly I do not want to'.

 

If your mindset will be like this in therapy, your therapist will quit after a while. In therapy it is expected that you proactively work on things. You have to be the owner of your problem to act on it. It always is a choice to not work on yourself, but than things will remain the same and problems will repeat in some form over and over again. It is a choice and it is yours to make. But right now it does not feel like you want to change, sorry but it really doesn't.

 

Do you want to change?

[Protec]

I have to change for myself. I can't ever move on if this continues.

 

But I am just so addicted to this woman. The sex is phenomenal. She is the most beautiful woman i have ever had sex with in my life. And on top of that the sex is good.

 

But we did have good time together. I have so hard time to understand that sex + having good time does not make a relationship. I admit last night hurt me. Sex felt good yes, and being close to her but my mind gets confused when i cannot hold her hand...or say sweet things to her. Every time i just hope "this time things will get better". I do it again and again.

 

I need some kind of plan now.

 

A month already. I have seriously wasted a month of my life trying to solve this unsolveable mess.

 

I know i am allowing her to do this to me. So this is also my fault. I just cannot understand why she is doing this...why would anyone just want to use someone like this?

[GorillaTheater]

You're from Finland, right?

 

 

In 1939-40, the vastly outnumbered Finns fought the invading Russians almost to a standstill. They fought like maniacs, inflicting at least 10 times the casualties on the Russians than they suffered themselves. They were some of the toughest men to ever grace the planet.

 

 

And right now every last one of them is turning in their graves. I'm surprised Helsinki isn't crumbling from the shockwaves.

[BlueIris]

… The sex is phenomenal. She is the most beautiful woman i have ever had sex with in my life. …

 

So you’re not crazy or broken or anything. You’re just willing to tolerate certain things to have great sex with a gorgeous woman. It’s a choice. You know the deal and you’re willing to make that deal. Fair enough. I recommend not complaining about it.

 

ETA: I did the same thing once too.

Edited June 20, 2016 by BlueIris

[Itspointless]

I have to change for myself.

Do you notice? I asked do you want to change? Having to is not the same.

[Blanco]

But I am just so addicted to this woman. The sex is phenomenal. She is the most beautiful woman i have ever had sex with in my life. And on top of that the sex is good.

 

Admittedly men put up with a lot of nonsense for sex, but no woman is worth even half of the pure insanity you've tolerated from this woman. You're letting your relative inexperience with women heavily skew this woman's beauty and sexual prowess. In other words, I highly doubt this woman is so incredible in bed given her medical ailments. You're simply, as you admit, addicted to her in general.

[Blanco]

Do you notice? I asked do you want to change? Having to is not the same.

 

I don't think he really wants to. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this circular discussion more than 200 replies into a thread that STARTED with this woman cheating on the OP.

 

It would not shock me in the least if this woman is carrying OP's child by the end of the year. She has a poor track record of taking necessary precautions in that area. Combine that with the OP's sheering unwillingness to get out of his own way, and I just foresee an end result where the OP is truly trapped with this woman once and for all.

[VeveCakes]

Do you have borderline personality disorder?

 

What's happening with therapy?

[Protec]

Do you have borderline personality disorder?

 

What's happening with therapy?

 

No i don't have. Don't know. No one has called yet. I went to the public doctor and the lines are long there...

 

If you need quicker help you need to be REALLY messed up. That's what the doctor said. Like you need to hallucinate or be a serious threat to other peoples lives, be a complete whackjob. And i don't have money to go personal doctor because it costs around 100 euros / hour.

 

Again i am having so much anxiety, Feels like my heart is giving up. And i just woke up. That's why i am going running next.

 

I just can't stop thinkin about the stuff she said.

[Protec]

Admittedly men put up with a lot of nonsense for sex, but no woman is worth even half of the pure insanity you've tolerated from this woman. You're letting your relative inexperience with women heavily skew this woman's beauty and sexual prowess. In other words, I highly doubt this woman is so incredible in bed given her medical ailments. You're simply, as you admit, addicted to her in general.

 

No, she really is good in bed. She has lots of experience. That's how she seduced me in the first place... i thought i saw a dream when she walked down the stairs having some kind of kinky outfit on her. And she has several of them...i did not even see them all i am quite sure.

 

She really was awesome. That is one reason why i liked her so. Because i hate those boring type women in bed.

 

We had very good sexual connection. I mean really. That was one thing we had no problem in. Except for the last weeks before she broke up but usually we had really really good sex life. I love sex, she loved sex and we both find each other attractive.

 

But i guess relationships are more than just sex... And i am type of person who also takes distance when other one does. I kind of go into "safe" mode. I think it in a way "if i don't say or do anything, i can't make the situation worse".

[Itspointless]

Again i am having so much anxiety, Feels like my heart is giving up. And i just woke up. That's why i am going running next. [...] I just can't stop thinkin about the stuff she said.

Protec, I personally think that if you continue this way you are setting yourself up for a new psychosis. You had it before, so the chance that you have it again is already bigger for you. This kind of instability and the stress it causes is exactly what can trigger it.

 

I hope the above is enough for you to not want her as a quick fix. Wanting to give up a bit - as you have to - is not enough. You need to feel the urgency for you.

[Protec]

Well. Today i am going to movies with old friend of mine.

 

I've known the guy since i was 10 years old so we have a long history. Let's see how this goes.

 

Having hard time not to contact my ex. Last sunday we talked we would go together to movies at tuesday (today) because today you get movie tickets almost at half price.

 

 

I still miss her like hell. I am having so much trouble not calling to her. I did talk with her today for 15 minutes, as i asked her about the movies. Then she told had been drinking, again. I am bit worried what is going on with her since this the 4th day she drinks a lot. I know it's not my problem anymore but still i wonder why she acts like this. At sunday she seemed almost normal.

She keeps saying she is so depressed. MAybe this situation is hurting her as well?

 

I am so addicted to her physically this is horrible. Just 2 days ago i saw her...and now i am a shaking mess. I am having rhythm problems with my heart. I've had it all day. That's how bad my anxiety is.

 

I hope going to movies with my friend helps.

 

Another summer ruined again by a woman. LAst summer got f'ked up because i had terrible hours at work and GF dumped me, this summer went bad because GF dumped me.

I am just really in no mood to go dating etc. And i even shouldn't. IT would be wrong towards the other person that all i think is my ex.

 

All i do when i walk in the city is look other women and think "they are nothing like her...no one is as beautiful and they seem boring". Honestly i loved her mind. Her ideas, her visions and creativity. She had such an imagination. We often talked about doing our own art show. She would paint the pictures and i would make music to those paintings. She is bit of s a lunatic and unfortunately i am bit off myself too. It was also her mind i got attracted to. She treated me badly...but i have still never experienced a woman like her.

 

Don't mind about the text above. I am simply expressing my feelings. Maybe i should write them in a notepad instead of here.

 

Here is a link for one of my creations:

Edited June 21, 2016 by Protec

[VeveCakes]

I think you may have Borderline... $100 an hr is worth it. It needs to trump going out and alcohol and whatever else you spend money on that isn't a need.

 

This is a need, it's going to help with everything you are here crying about every day.

[scorpiogirl]

No i don't have. Don't know. No one has called yet. I went to the public doctor and the lines are long there...

 

If you need quicker help you need to be REALLY messed up. That's what the doctor said.

 

I think you qualify. As was suggested earlier, just print out all this crap you've written here and you'll be first in line.

Why don't you focus on finding a job?? Instead you're sitting at home playing video games, reading up on mental illness and other rubbish. Find. A. Job.