So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

 

You two were never friends. You were just her whipping boy, there to satisfy her needs, take abuse, and then leave.

 

 

We made dinner together, we went to movies together and to the beach. Last time i saw her and we were at beach she said "i could ask my friend if we could go boating with them."

 

Isn't that a friendly behaviour? Asking for movies and making dinner and she invited me to spend time with her and her friends. And just spending time with me. Isn't that what friends do? Spend time together doing fun stuff?

 

And last time i was at her place, she offered me some berries. "you want some frozen berries to take home? I have way too many so you can have some if you want". Isn't that friendly behaviour?

 

But you are right about the car thing though...i don't think she would have come help me. At least not anymore.

[SoulCat]

Protec, the is a massive, huge difference between 'friendly behaviour' and being 'friends'.

 

I display friendly behaviour to pretty much everyone around me, from my neighbours to shopkeepers and from the Big Issue seller to the supermarket delivery man.

 

But those people are not my friends.

 

 

My friends on the other hand, they are treated with respect and love, with care and compassion. I'd walk to the ends of the earth for them.

 

 

I certainly would never treat them the way this woman is treating you. And equally, I would not let them treat me that way either. If they did, they would immediately cease to be my friend.

[Protec]

I have managed not to contact her. I am a mess. I even had to leave from my sisters place because i was in such sour mood i did not want to ruin the evening from everyone else.

 

She is on my mind almost 24/7. All i think is the day we had few days ago. It felt like the very first dates we had. Until she changed again and started saying how faulty of a man i am.

 

And about her mental illness, she forgets to take her medication, she stays up late, she drinks alcohol, she goes to parties. She does everything she is not supposed to do.

And unfortunately it has messed me up too. It's scary how similar the stories are with people who have also dated Bipolar person.

 

i hope you don't forget i've been dealing with a mentally ill person. Maybe that is why i have not wanted to give up. I mean, i would not dump my GF if she would broke her legs so she would be unable to walk. So somehow i've been thinking it's wrong to leave a person who is mentally ill.

 

And because of my own stupidity i am now messed up myself.

Edited June 24, 2016 by Protec

[VeveCakes]

You need to stop the WHYS and stop the booze!

 

She's not your friend, she's a USER! Like any sociopath. You will never know why, what you will know is why you don't demand better. This is what therapy helps with.

[Protec]

You need to stop the WHYS and stop the booze!

 

She's not your friend, she's a USER! Like any sociopath. You will never know why, what you will know is why you don't demand better. This is what therapy helps with.

 

Yes. I hope therapy helps. I had a horrible night. I was sweaty and my heart does all kinds of tricks all the time. I am having so bad anxiety all the time.

 

I just want to call her and talk with her. Not to get answers but just talk about daily stuff. We actually talked a lot when i last saw her. And at some point it felt we were on a date. Like the beach. "I planned this". And the fact she invited me to stay over night. She said "BEcause i am cold at nights..i need someone to warm me". But that is just BS. I said it "you are such a bad liar." "well, i can put on more clothes and you can go sleep at home". "yeah, yeah. Just admit you want me sleeping next to you." Just week ago she thought sleeping over night is too intimate for "just friends".

 

HEre i am, still analyzing things. I just need to stop it. And what i hate the most is she is like nothing has happened. My father saw her last night at the local midsummer event. Where we burn this huge pile of wood to celebrate midsummer. She was happy there with her kids, while i was home heartbroken and confused. I even had a nameday but she didn't wish me that.

 

Can't even go running because i am still not recovered fully from the drinking i had few days ago. Also i am super tired for lack of sleep.

 

But my mind goes back and forth now. I think about the good stuff and then i think about the bad stuff.

 

IT's no friendship if i cannot visit her while her kids are at home. Hell, i've seen the kids for last 6 months. And suddenly i can't. That is no friendship.

That is dictatorship. "Well be friends but on MY TERMS". She has told me many months that she does not have energy for kids and me. I should have believed her long time ago. I understand it's energy consuming. Usually every night she was very stressed after she put kids to sleep and took distance to me. BEcause for some reason when she was stressed she always took distance.

 

She suggested me about 3 months after dating "maybe we should see just every other week when i don't have kids around." So this is not a new thing.

 

But what kind of relationship is that?

 

I am almost positive that when she gives the kids away again she will contact me. She gets lonely without the kids around the house, and my guess is that it's not easy to find a man that you feel natural being around with.

[Protec]

My sister called and was worried about me. I have terrible heart problems. She said "I just want my little brother back who smiles and does stuff like he usually does".

 

She is right...i haven't really been myself lately.

 

I guess i have become depressed myself because of this situation...

 

I have never had a physical symptoms because of breakup. Now i cannot sleep, my heart has rhythm problems...

[Itspointless]

My sister called and was worried about me. I have terrible heart problems. She said "I just want my little brother back who smiles and does stuff like he usually does".

 

She is right...i haven't really been myself lately.

 

I guess i have become depressed myself because of this situation...

 

I have never had a physical symptoms because of breakup. Now i cannot sleep, my heart has rhythm problems...

Many of us have been a mess after break-ups. That analyzing you are talking about I almost have done that two years with my latest. I have said it before, you have to work your way through it and that can be insanely tough. But she is not worth a heart-attack or psychosis. Listen to your sister, she is right.

[Protec]

I am actually quite worried about my health. I've had arrythmia the whole day. Tomorrow i will go ER if this is not well by tomorrow. I feel normal but my heart does all kinds of jumps and stuff.

 

I even tried if it would ease if i send message to my ex. It didn't. I sent just a picture to her because i was driving around.

 

This is very bad thing i am having right now. No kidding. I have never experienced anything like this.

 

I just HOPE i hope she is going trough similar symptoms.

[Itspointless]

I am actually quite worried about my health. I've had arrythmia the whole day. Tomorrow i will go ER if this is not well by tomorrow. I feel normal but my heart does all kinds of jumps and stuff.

 

I even tried if it would ease if i send message to my ex. It didn't. I sent just a picture to her because i was driving around.

 

This is very bad thing i am having right now. No kidding. I have never experienced anything like this.

 

I just HOPE i hope she is going trough similar symptoms.

No you have to stop sending her things. It does not stop anxiety as it makes you wait for a reply. She does not go through these symptoms she has passed that station a long time ago. Have you ever tried to meditate? You try to focus on your breathing and start counting them. Just focus on your breathing and do that for 5 minutes. Do that every time you notice that you notice your heart racing.

[LD1990]

Damn dude, the excuse train just rolls on with you.

 

Spoiler alert: you're not going to die from lack of contact with this woman. Your heart is not going to explode. Everything you're feeling is in your head. You are driving yourself crazy. It's all just anxiety.

 

She isn't going through anything because she doesn't have the kinds of feelings you do.

 

If you actually want to move forward in life, you need to block her and delete her contact information. Anything less than that is just you half-assing it and making excuses to justify your failure (I just contacted her because of my imaginary health problems).

[juniorrocha]

Protec, all I can tell you is that it's very sad that you aren't being able to get over this yourself. Everyone goes through heartbreaks; in fact, it's been 4 days since I broke up for good with my ex, who was also a liar, cheater, often had shady behaviors, etc. We love them, we think of them the entire day, but we need to find our ways without them. We will heal and move on. Because we deserve better. Because we can live without them. 4 days of NC and I'm already feeling a bit better. It will only get even better.

 

Don't make things worse for yourself. You have to calm down, occupy your head with anything BUT your ex. ANYTHING. Start with small goals. Start with minutes of NC. Then hours. Then days. Then weeks.

 

She may have problems, but so do you. You keep insisting on that friend thing, why she said this, why she said that. NEWSFLASH: NOTHING. MATTERS. ANYMORE. And it doesn't matter because afterall, the only thing that's important after a break up is that it's over. The reasons are negligible.

 

Listen to everyone's advice here, find help, start therapy (you really seem to need it), focus on yourself, but please get out of that woman's way.

 

Else I'm afraid you'll never be happy.

[Protec]

I just feel stupid for walking out, again. "This was the last time we see each other".

 

All i keep thinking how much fun she is having now with her kids and all. And i used to be part of that. Just few weeks ago i spent weekend at her place while her kids were at home. She wanted to give us another shot. It lasted 2 days then she kicked me out again.

 

This has been strange on / off thing for a month now.

 

Summer is always hard time for me even without breakups. I dreamed the whole winter about this summer. There was so much stuff we were supposed to do together with her.

 

I've managed to survive breakups before. I just wonder why i don't have any hatred towards her? She cheated, has treated me like crap, etc. why can't i have any negative emotions towards her? She has put me so much trough ****.

 

Her going to parties alone with her friends (made me very anxious), blaming me for every problem in relationship, calling me stupid, retarded etc, i am not ambitious enough, i would make a bad father, etc. LEft me alone suddenly and went abroad to bang some guys, then acted like nothing happened at all and she blamed me for getting angry. She had many panic attacks and anxiety attacks that worried the living **** out of me, she hallucinated, she had troubles with her medicines.

 

In other words: She did not care one bit about my feelings.

 

She forgot taking her medicines, she gets drunk, she parties, she stays up late. She does all the things she is not supposed to do because of her bipolar condition.

Yet she does them all the time. And she blamed me for her condition going worse.

Very adult like behaviour. She always blamed me for all her problems.

IT even felt like she blamed me for her life being too busy because of the kids.

 

I am having so hard time to accept it's over. Because i still have her teethmarks on my shoulder, it reminds me of the passion we still had towards each other, and that was 4 days ago.

 

She made me happy but also at the same time she made me feel like crap. When i was happy with her i was really really happy and felt like i had found my soulmate. But when she started acting cold, indifferent and basically pushed me away, it ripped my heart apart every time.

[Protec]

This is a response to myself.

 

Hey Protec!

 

I read your thread and wow, what a rollercoaster! You are in some tricky situation and obviously you still have feelings for this woman. You are not acting well either, you have walked out...what 4 times now and always gone back? That is not very stable behaviour. I understand you are messed about this situation.

 

To me it seems you are desperate to have this woman back. I know i don't know you and your GF, but it seems she is very toxic to you. It's not healthy and normal to go back and forth in emotions. One day she loves you, next day she pushes you away.

She cheated on you, misses you, wants you back, then again dumps you, then takes you back and wants to be your friend but still acts like you are still a couple?

 

What keeps you in her? Are you afraid you cannot find anyone like her anymore?

Maybe you have fun times together, it seems when she is "normal" you have very good time together and you seem to have strong chemistry left.

 

But is it worth it? Is it really worth all the mental and physical pain? Think about it.

You still love her and if she would really want you back, she would be willing to even discuss about it. Maybe she is confused, maybe she really doesn't know what she wants and that is why wants to keep you as friend.

 

But her behaviour towards you is not acceptable. She knows you have feelings towards her and still she wants to have sex with you and hang out like you are together as a couple.

 

She is messing with your head man. At some level, she cares about you, otherwise she would not ask you to movies or make food with you or spend free time. So obviously she likes hanging out with you.

 

But what you need to do now is take some distance from her.

 

You don't need to block her or burn your harddrive because you have pictures of her. But just limit your communications now for a while. Let your emotions cool down. You are way too emotional to handle this situation right now.

 

If you have something to say at her, say it. But nothing about relationships or begging etc. You don't need to hate her or anything. Just let things cool down.

And if she sends you something you can answer if you feel like it.

 

I understand it's hard, i mean you just (according to your words) had a very nice day together and inside your head you are still a couple. You have not left her. You have not accepted yet that it's over.

 

She has feelings for sure, and it seems like she is very confused as well about all this.

 

But don't have any wishful thinking that "if i keep her as friend she will come back!"

Don't DO IT. She may come back or maybe not, and if you stay as friends, keep having your casual sex etc. it will most likely stop when she finds a new man.

 

You will be ditched as a used cola can. And it will hurt even more than what you are experiencing now. Do you even want a woman like that back? She cheated, and she never respected your feelings when she left to party alone and she knew it will make you unconfortable.

 

Also it sounds you are co-dependent and even seem to be bit jealous. But i kind of understand it. She is not exatly the most trusthworthy woman. And if she told you in the start of relationship she has cheated her other ex's and has had sex almost with 40 guys, i understand that could cause some "jealousy". issues. But that is again something you need to work on yourself!

 

I read that you are going to therapy soon and i really hope you talk about these issues.

 

Stay strong

 

----------------------------

 

This is one of the weirdest things i've ever gone

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I have also dated a person with a mental health condition. My ex-boyfriend is diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, but he refused to seek treatment. I know all about the extreme highs and very low lows. The love-bombing followed by tantrums and emotional and verbal abuse.

 

I can't begin to describe to you the chaos that characterized the relationship. It was emotionally exhausting. I too tried to make excuses, telling myself his illness causes him to behave erratically and dangerously. The bottom line was the same - my heart and sense of self-worth was in pieces, and his volatile behaviour never got any better.

 

But you know what? I also can't begin to describe to you the sense of peace and stability that characterize my life today. We have not had any direct contact for some time now. And I am happy about it. He moved on to another woman whom I actually know through a mutual friend. And by all accounts, their relationship is just as tumultuous as ours was. He married her not long ago, and I am being honest when I say I don't feel a flicker of sadness or jealousy. it is not the marriage I would have wanted. I was "replaced", so to speak, and someday you will be too. And believe me when I say that's the best outcome here, for you.

 

Your life is in your control. You are doing an awful lot of negative self-talk. But if you want to get better, you have no choice but to cut ties with her. She isn't ever going to be the partner you want. Never. She didn't change. This is who she is always was.

 

You want your sanity back?

 

You know what to do. It's up to you if you want it badly enough.

[Protec]

Yeah, she really did not even want to get better. Which is sad because she was very awesome person when she was in her normal state.

 

I am just afraid i will never find a person that makes me feel that way (the positive way).

I have never had so much fun in my life with any of my girlfriends. It really felt like i had found my missing piece.

 

That is why i am having so hard time letting go. She was literally perfect in every way. The "good" side of hers is something i have always dreamed of.

 

We had so good chemistry between us, i am worried if i ever meet a person with chemistry like that. It was pure passion and lust between us. You can't fake it. I still have her teethmarks all over my body as a reminder how passionate our sex was between us.

 

Just like you said, love bombing followed by emotional and verbal abuse...it's so exhausting and confusing. And she hasn't done a sinlge thing in trying to get better.

 

She is about to lose her kids again and still she continues to use alcohol and party etc.

My wild guess is she blames me for losing her kids. ALso she is about to lose her apartment. She does not have money to pay the rent because her financial skills are awful.

 

She is not a bad person... but i once asked her about her money use and she just got angry. "I am not going to live like some poor people do. I have always lived like this and i have always been able to buy whatever i want, when i want." so there she goes, spending all her money and savings.

[Itspointless]

I am just afraid i will never find a person that makes me feel that way (the positive way). [...] I have never had so much fun in my life with any of my girlfriends. It really felt like i had found my missing piece. [...] That is why i am having so hard time letting go.

I think there are many many members here who say the same about their ex. For me there was nothing different than what you are describing here. There is a reason why I started about Aspergers and that is your refusal to break from your patterns.

We had so good chemistry between us, i am worried if i ever meet a person with chemistry like that. It was pure passion and lust between us.

As you have a insecure attachment (no that is not a disease or disorder) you confuse the wrong kind of excitement with love.

She is not a bad person...

Well she probably has nice qualities, but the combination of you two is a bad one. Read ExpatInItaly her post every time you start idealizing her again.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Itspointless

[Simon Phoenix]

As long as you continue to half-ass your recovery you're never going to get through this. Your absolute refusal to not block or cut off communication is insane and asinine. You have to stop cutting corners and sabotaging yourself. She is remarkably consistent with her overall behavior, and the only one who can't see that is you.

 

She's not going to change. There's no reason for her to change, especially in regards to you, because she has no respect for you. And unfortunately, I can't blame her for that, because you have very little respect for yourself.

 

You survived your entire life before meeting this woman, you'll survive this and be just fine as long as you stop making excuses to sabotage yourself and stay in the muck.

[Protec]

I have never blocked anyone from my life, but i have deleted numbers.

 

I will manage. Today has been considerably easier than yesterday. Friday was the worst.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have never blocked anyone from my life, but i have deleted numbers.

 

I will manage. Today has been considerably easier than yesterday. Friday was the worst.

 

Well, today is a great day to start. Seriously, no more cutting corners and being lazy.

[Protec]

As you have a insecure attachment (no that is not a disease or disorder) you confuse the wrong kind of excitement with love.

 

I myself cannot have sex unless i have feelings towards other person.

And i really was in love to that woman, to her good qualities.

 

But yes, passion and sexual chemistry alone is not love. you are right about that.

 

But there was more than just that in our relationship At least at the first...until things got wrong.

 

With this woman i usually felt that i had to be James Bond or something. Once a month a vacation to somewhere, expensive dinners, gifts, and something exciting to do all the time. That is a relationship out from a movie, or from some rich persons life. Nothing was enough.

 

I am just your average joe, i cannot keep up that kind of lifestyle.

 

I just wonder why she broke up with her rich ex...if money is so god damn important. Oh, she probably lied and her ex dumped her.

 

Yes, lots of things was wrong in that "relationship".

 

But i really shouldn't bother thinking about it. She has very unreal expectations of what a man should be. She is basically searching for this dream man that is everything without ANY bad qualities.

 

Lots of money, a leader type personality, adventurous, funny, charming, gentle, poetic, romantic, cleans the house, is fantastic cook, athletic, can build a house, willing to pay for her bills and expenses, being good with kids, buying gifts, vacations, has to be great in bed, has to be handsome...sure there may be a man like that. But she seems to forget that she is unemployed single mom with mental illness who is on rehab to get herself better.

 

Better not thing about that anymore. It's waste of energy. She is what she is and that's that.

 

But it helps me to write down her bad qualities. But still i laugh about when she said to me "money is not important. Having a loving man waiting at home is. I was in a relationship where i had (her man) lots of money and could buy anything, but there was no love."

 

And now again "Money is everything!!!".

 

Good night or day to you all!

 

Trying to get some sleep but it's like being in a jungle here atm. Humidity level is 99% and almost 28 degrees warm. I hate it

[Protec]

Just why do i feel i f'cked up when i walked out from her apartment last thursday?

 

Oh wait. I walked out because she said what happened wednesday was "only as friends, sorry i mislead you". And i walked out because she said "I don't want you to be here when kids are, so they don't get confused". And "You are not just what i look in a man. Sorry but there is not enough emotions left".

 

I hate my brains. I cannot stop them at all and all the time "what if this...what if that...".

Useless.

[juniorrocha]

Useless.

 

Exactly. Useless.

 

The first few days are the worst. Get through them and you'll start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Then keep moving until you reach that light.

 

Yes, it's hard. Yes, you'll think of her the entire day. Yes, there will be harder days and times where you'll just feel the need to get in touch to "relieve" your pain. But each time you think of contacting her, contact us instead, post here.

 

You can do it. But for your own sake, do it.

 

At the end of the day, the only person getting hurt is you.

[Protec]

Just woke up just to feel this terrible anxiety, for some reason again i am having.

 

I saw dreams about her. I think i made a huge mistake by walking out. I never wanted to hurt her but i think my behaviour last thursday hurt her. But i didn't do anything wrong? I was confused about the events that happened last wednesday, i was hurt. I still have feelings and she invited me to spend night...so i thought she wants something more and again she said "just a friend".

 

Also i wonder what on earth my father said to her last friday when he saw her in that midsummer event at least something "so what's the crisis now between you and protec?" Pretty god damn stupid.

 

I feel terrible. I am in no mood going to gym or running. All i want to do is sit inside watching movies all day. At least when i was still talking with her i was somewhat happy. i knew she was in some way in my life.

 

She hasn't blocked me from whatsapp. She knows to do that because she blocked me once before when she dumped me. Why not now? Why not send me a message "please don't contact me again?"

 

She didn't even say anything when i left at thursday. "I have so much paperwork to do. I cannot concentrate now. Talking about this makes me so anxious" She always avoided talking about our relationship between us.

 

So much i want to send her a message "are you angry at me?"

 

I think i made a mistake by walking out. But i was frustrated, hurt! I said it because i was angry...i did not say anything bad to her. And i feel like going behind her door again "Hey, can we talk. I am sorry what i said."

 

I hate this.

[juniorrocha]

You do realize that's self-sabotage, right?

 

You keep thinking of where YOU went wrong, when it's obvious SHE is the wrong one.

 

Just hold on. Be patient. Things will get better. It's hard, but it's possible. Everyone's been through it.

[Blanco]

Your inability to actually process anything remotely helpful in this thread is nothing short of astonishing.

 

You sound like a drug addict scraping at rock bottom to see if there is hopefully further depths you can reach.