So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Blanco]

Seriously, man, I follow this thread mostly because I want to keep proving that I can't possibly feel any grosser from what I read. I keep having the goal posts moved in that respect.

 

What does your dad think of all this. Is he aware of how utterly wretched your mental state is and, honestly, has been for quite a while?

 

Good God man get a grip. Stop focusing on her and start trying to figure out how you're still looking for a way to take the blame for a woman treating you like garbage, pushing-pull with you. Oh, and don't forget about the random dude she let rawdog her which triggered this 300-post insanity manifesto.

[LD1990]

Seriously, man, I follow this thread mostly because I want to keep proving that I can't possibly feel any grosser from what I read. I keep having the goal posts moved in that respect.

 

What does your dad think of all this. Is he aware of how utterly wretched your mental state is and, honestly, has been for quite a while?

 

Good God man get a grip. Stop focusing on her and start trying to figure out how you're still looking for a way to take the blame for a woman treating you like garbage, pushing-pull with you. Oh, and don't forget about the random dude she let rawdog her which triggered this 300-post insanity manifesto.

THIS X1,000.

 

Seriously Protec, it's like this woman ripped out your backbone. She let some dude nail her while on vacation, she came home and let every Tinder match within a 30 mile radius nail her while you sat at home feeling miserable, and you're wondering if you did something to make her mad!?

[Itspointless]

Just why do i feel i f'cked up when i walked out from her apartment last thursday?

I wrote many pages ago that it is my guess that you learned to please your parents while you were young. That means that every attempt to stand up for yourself feels like you are a naughty boy who must be ashamed of himself. You seem to have skilled yourself in that position to the extreme.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Itspointless

[Protec]

Well..my sister is worried about me at least and she said "if i ever see that ****ing whore in my sight, i will unleash hell on her and let her hear what i think about her."

 

But for some reason i cannot defend myself at all. I did the right thing by walking out. But some part inside my brain says "now you hurt her feelings".

 

Why do i care?! What really pisses me the most is i cannot even get angry at her. All i do is think about the good things we had. I am so utterly messed up at the moment. I try to make some sense out of this nonsense but i cannot.

 

Where is the logic that she cheats on me, but later says she wants to keep having sex with me because sex with strangers is not that good? And then just few moments after "i can enjoy sex with anyone, but it's nicer with someone you know and have feelings for". What in the name of god. What kind of person says something like that...

 

What kind of person tolerates something like that? That's what i want to find out. I think that the amount of stress, mental abuse, push / pull, cheating etc. has done some serious damage to my own mental health. I've become so numb. She cheated on me, and 2 days later i have sex with her.

 

When my 2nd GF cheated on me, i couldn't even touch her almost for a month. And she actually supported me to get over the cheating.

 

If she had really cared about me, she would have never got drunk, she would have actually wanted to take her medicines on time, she would have got to sleep early etc. She would have done something to make herself better. But no

 

But, i haven't talked with her since last thursday. I have sent some messages, but she has not replied. And again i wonder why she doesn't just say "please don't contact me anymore". That's what she did back in Xmas when she dumped me for a moment for her ex.

[Protec]

Well, i read the other thread i started at march.

 

Yes. I have been struggling with this exact same behaviour (myself included) since march.

Everything just looping around and around. The exact same problems. Her wanting to spend more time alone etc. not allowing me to be there when kids are etc.

 

Wow. What a buffoon i am. I don't even remember half of the stuff that has happened. But reading that old thread really opened my eyes. No wonder i am feeling mentally unstable at the moment. I've tolerated that kind of behaviour for almost 4 months.

 

Only thing i wonder why she hasn't dumped me long time ago...

[bummer]

Everything just looping around and around. The exact same problems. Her wanting to spend more time alone etc. not allowing me to be there when kids are etc.

break the loop then. We've all watched this single-angle slow-motion train wreck and I worry we enable your bad behaviour. Just stop. It's not her fault either.

 

No wonder i am feeling mentally unstable at the moment. I've tolerated that kind of behaviour for almost 4 months.

 

Only thing i wonder why she hasn't dumped me long time ago...

You are driving yourself mad. You've short-circuited grieving and everyone here is losing patience! We want to help but you must listen and act accordingly. You block her, you stop sending texts. You do NC. You leave her alone and work on your boundaries and codependency. She's gone. No amount of rationalizing will explain what's going on. Just walk away and find your balls somewhere down the road in the gutter. Work on reattaching them.

[Protec]

I have not talked with her in almost 5 days.

 

I need to work on my co-dependency and other issues. It seems most of my co-dependency comes from fear of losing other and lack of trust and that causes me to act clingy and needy.

 

Well, i always had problems to trust her because she

 

1) Dumped me already once at New Years Eve after 3 weeks of seeing each other

She said "i did not dump you because we were not even exclusive yet. I was confused what was really going on". A lie. She knew i was interested in her.

 

2) She bragged about how many guys she has slept with and cheated on her ex while drunk. Suddenly left with some other man because "i was mad at my ex". Nice.

 

Those are not things that build trust. And gorgeous woman as she was and she got me hooked on her, i started acting clingy and needy. I was afraid i lose her.

 

So everything got pretty f'd up right from the start.

 

I have not acted clingy and needy with all my GF's. It's all about if i can trust them or not. Usually if i cannot trust them i start getting clingy... IT's also part of my self esteem issue. Also i get attached way too quickly.

 

Just like my other ex...i decided to move in with her just after 1 month of dating. I was so in "love" with her.

 

But i definitely have some issues and needs to be worked on. Funny thing is also that my ex was always jealous of me. She always thought i was cheating on her when i used my phone. "oh talking with girls again are we?". That was insane. I was reading news, wathing videos from youtube, talking with friends. She accused me of cheating.

 

So i guess she had some self-esteem issues as well.

[bummer]

Stop rationalizing. It's not her fault. Stop blaming others. Stop stop stop! You said the same last week and for the last few months. STOP.

 

Just reply to us on LS that you are blocking her for good. that NC is your new mantra and best friend. Tell us you are dropping yourself off social media. Say you are throwing out your phone for good measure. Mean what you say And follow through. And take a long walk to India to find yourself. Just stop all this nonsense, man.

[ChocolateRain]

And take a long walk to India to find yourself.

 

that's a long walk

[Itspointless]

I need to work on my co-dependency and other issues. It seems most of my co-dependency comes from fear of losing other and lack of trust and that causes me to act clingy and needy.

Protec I do not keep repeating the term insecure attachment because I like the sound of it so very very much. Search for it on the internet, especially anxious attachment.

[MovingOnIsHard]

I just read this thread... and now im dizzy..

[Protec]

I just read this thread... and now im dizzy..

 

I'm sorry.

 

Sent message to EX, asked if she is angry at me. She said she is not angry at me. She has been busy.

 

Good. Now i can sleep better. I actually relaxed a lot. But still funny how she instantly replies when i think that she is angry etc. She didn't give a **** about my good night message 3 days ago.

 

But i relaxed a bit. I just don't want anyone (who i know personally) to hate me. Yes. I said it... Classic trait of codependency.

 

Actually Blanco, i want to thank you. Without you i would have not been able to see my own faults and you pointed them out when my last breakup happened. But back then i was too blind to see (stubborn). But now i am going towards the right way and i admitted i have a co-dependency problem.

 

Next week i have the appointment and i hope i will be guided towards getting myself better I just have to face the fact this is something i cannot manage on my own anymore.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Protec

[frigginlost]

I'm sorry.

 

Sent message to EX, asked if she is angry at me. She said she is not angry at me. She has been busy.

 

 

Holy crap, man...

 

Wow. Just wow...

 

What you just did with that text is ask a murderer if they were mad at you for dirtying the bullet they shot you with.

[juniorrocha]

What you just did with that text is ask a murderer if they were mad at you for dirtying the bullet they shot you with.

 

It is sad how he is his own worst enemy.

[Simon Phoenix]

You say you are working on co-dependency, but in the next breath you're texting her. You aren't doing anything but sabotaging yourself. All you do is talk, talk, talk, but when push comes to shove, you do the exact same sabotaging behavior and wonder why you don't make progress.

 

This isn't f--king rocket science: STOP TALKING TO HER AND BLOCK HER. The amount of rationalization and goalpost-moving you do to avoid doing the one thing you need to do is absurd.

[Itspointless]

I'm sorry.

 

Sent message to EX, asked if she is angry at me. She said she is not angry at me. She has been busy.

You do not need to say sorry to us but to yourself. That is also the pleasing part I was talking about.

 

Seriously Protec after reading and commenting in this thread and the one last year I have the feeling you would be helped more with an evaluation of a good psychiatrist than a psychologist. Ideally you would see both.

 

Yes you are codependent which is connected to your insecure attachment that is caused by your upbringing and lots of insecurity during that phase. Your refusal to act and sticking to your pattern and the way you write makes me think you really could be helped with a good psychiatrist, (one who does not immediately prescribes drugs to medicate).

Edited June 27, 2016 by Itspointless

[Blanco]

I'm sorry.

 

Sent message to EX, asked if she is angry at me. She said she is not angry at me. She has been busy.

 

Good. Now i can sleep better. I actually relaxed a lot. But still funny how she instantly replies when i think that she is angry etc. She didn't give a **** about my good night message 3 days ago.

 

But i relaxed a bit. I just don't want anyone (who i know personally) to hate me. Yes. I said it... Classic trait of codependency.

 

Actually Blanco, i want to thank you. Without you i would have not been able to see my own faults and you pointed them out when my last breakup happened. But back then i was too blind to see (stubborn). But now i am going towards the right way and i admitted i have a co-dependency problem.

 

Next week i have the appointment and i hope i will be guided towards getting myself better I just have to face the fact this is something i cannot manage on my own anymore.

 

You really don't get it, do you? You're essentially a drug addict. You're a total wreck without your drug. Then you finally cave and feel a little relief. It's only a matter of days, or hours before you're climbing the walls again.

 

GET HELP. We are of no use to you. This has clearly gone beyond what strangers on an internet forum can do. We are strictly here for the car wreck factor now.

[Protec]

You say you are working on co-dependency, but in the next breath you're texting her. You aren't doing anything but sabotaging yourself. All you do is talk, talk, talk, but when push comes to shove, you do the exact same sabotaging behavior and wonder why you don't make progress.

 

This isn't f--king rocket science: STOP TALKING TO HER AND BLOCK HER. The amount of rationalization and goalpost-moving you do to avoid doing the one thing you need to do is absurd.

 

I simply did it to ease my own pain. That's all i asked from her and i did not reply anything back. I have much easier time now. I don't why i care if she hates me or not. But now that i know she is not angry with me, i feel better.

[Itspointless]

You really don't get it, do you?

I simply did it to ease my own pain. That's all i asked from her and i did not reply anything back. I have much easier time now. I don't why i care if she hates me or not. But now that i know she is not angry with me, i feel better.

Blanco is talking about the why-factor you think you feel better now. The fact you do not see this yourself is pointing to something bigger you really need to investigate with your psychologist. I do not say that to offend you as you seem to think.

[Simon Phoenix]

I simply did it to ease my own pain. That's all i asked from her and i did not reply anything back. I have much easier time now. I don't why i care if she hates me or not. But now that i know she is not angry with me, i feel better.

 

Until two days from now when you get worried if she doesn't like you again or whatever other reason you invent in your mind as an excuse to continue the same self-destructive behavior. And what you posted sounds like the behavior of a drug addict.

 

"I just snorted a line of cocaine to make myself feel better."

 

That's basically what you just wrote. And that's not how you move forward. You need to man up and stop folding like wet cardboard every time you feel bad. Breakups are hard, but you are making it so much harder because you refuse to display any backbone or self-control. Every time you go for the temporary fix, you dig a deeper hole for yourself.

 

Stop backsliding.

[Protec]

You do not need to say sorry to us but to yourself. That is also the pleasing part I was talking about.

 

Seriously Protec after reading and commenting in this thread and the one last year I have the feeling you would be helped more with an evaluation of a good psychiatrist than a psychologist. Ideally you would see both.

 

Yes you are codependent which is connected to your insecure attachment that is caused by your upbringing and lots of insecurity during that phase. Your refusal to act and sticking to your pattern and the way you write makes me think you really could be helped with a good psychiatrist, (one who does not immediately prescribes drugs to medicate).

 

Well, we see where i get directed.

 

And about this No Contact rule? It just doesnt work with me. It feels too forced.

 

I found a good quote:

 

"What if we’re using the no contact rule to get over someone, to create distance and give us time to heal?

 

Unless we spoke our truth during the relationship and are at peace with ourselves, implementing a no contact rule will make us feel bad. We’ll feel worse.

 

Any rule we create, which causes anxiety within us, shifts the focus from moving forward to staying stuck right in resistance, not acceptance "

 

That is what i feel. I was not at peace with myself. Now that i know she is not angry at me, i feel more at peace. And i definitely felt bad every time i tried to do the no contact. It just doesn't work with me.

[VeveCakes]

NC doesn't work for you because you don't do it and also because the minute she messages you you think she cares. She doesn't. She is not capable.

[Itspointless]

That is what i feel. I was not at peace with myself. Now that i know she is not angry at me, i feel more at peace. And i definitely felt bad every time i tried to do the no contact. It just doesn't work with me.

It does not work with you because somehow it makes you fear that she is angry at you. The no contact rule causes anxiety because our hormone system is out of balance and needs to adjust to the new situation. It never gets the chance if you follow your own ways.

[BlueIris]

Well, we see where i get directed.

 

And about this No Contact rule? It just doesnt work with me. It feels too forced.

 

I found a good quote:

 

"What if we’re using the no contact rule to get over someone, to create distance and give us time to heal?

 

Unless we spoke our truth during the relationship and are at peace with ourselves, implementing a no contact rule will make us feel bad. We’ll feel worse.

 

Any rule we create, which causes anxiety within us, shifts the focus from moving forward to staying stuck right in resistance, not acceptance "

 

That is what i feel. I was not at peace with myself. Now that i know she is not angry at me, i feel more at peace. And i definitely felt bad every time i tried to do the no contact. It just doesn't work with me.

 

It is forced. You have to force yourself to stop. Read about the 12 steps before you go see your therapist. It might help.

 

Your anxiety is because NC would deny you your drug. That's what addicts feel- anxiety at not being able to use their drug and then a feeling of peace when they take a drink or a hit or whatever. Addicts often bargain with themselves to avoid having to give up the drug, telling themselves they can just cut back, manage it, promise to just take little sips. In recovery language, often addicts have to "hit bottom," which means that life is so miserable overall that they make the internal shift/decision to give it up completely. You sound like you're in bargaining right now.

 

I don't think you've hit bottom so you don't want to quit yet.

 

I wonder what will happen if she completely cuts you out and goes NC. It could happen, probably when she gets a serious boyfriend who tells her to stop interacting with you. I really hope you decide to quit and get help before then.

[LD1990]

Honestly at this point I can see why she cheated on you and now uses you for her amusement. If you act like a sniveling, spineless little boy that's how you're going to get treated. Women are attracted to real men and you're the opposite. Where a man would take action you take the most passive route possible. My job's seasonal? I'll sit on my ass for months when I'm out of work. I should go run? I'm too sad.

 

You've been throwing yourself one giant pity party for a month. Man the hell up, this is beyond pathetic. What would your father think if you showed him this thread?