So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

She sent good mornings to me again "I don't even know if have slept. I feel terrible and my body hurts and aches."

 

I am feeling better today. Bought myself few nice T-shirts.

[Jenmarie]

May i ask how did it ruin your relationships?

 

I just wonder why cannot my ex say to me directly "do not contact me, i don't want to see you anymore". But she keeps saying "oh..i will be busy next week".

 

Just say it darnit I survived the cheating and all other bull**** so i can take one "don't contact me anymore"-message.

 

Last night she sent me a picture of the front yard from her mothers place. They had this "pool party" there and she sent the pic to me at 00:50... why?

 

It's ruined them because of how I act when I'm manic or depressive. When I'm manic, I'm selfish. I do reckless things and I only care about myself, how I feel, etc. I can't really think things through and I don't think about consequences to my actions. I have delusions too. It's hard to explain. But I feel so good, so there's a lot of things I just simply don't care about.

 

With my depressive state, I want to kill myself. For real. So you can imagine how straining it is.

[Protec]

It's ruined them because of how I act when I'm manic or depressive. When I'm manic, I'm selfish. I do reckless things and I only care about myself, how I feel, etc. I can't really think things through and I don't think about consequences to my actions. I have delusions too. It's hard to explain. But I feel so good, so there's a lot of things I just simply don't care about.

 

With my depressive state, I want to kill myself. For real. So you can imagine how straining it is.

 

That's my ex allright. She left me when she was manic. She did not care about me, or anything else. She even said "i feel so awesome". That's when she cheated on me.

 

It actually interesting how bipolars enter manic and they have so much similarities with narcissism...

[Protec]

Last night i was with my EX...yes. I went to her place. I just asked "how are you doing?" i never expected a response from her. But for some reason she replied "i'm at the mall looking for new bras as i keep getting fatter and fatter."

 

Well, later she send a message "night snack and movie with neck massage would be nice..." I did not reply anything but as i had planned surprising her anyway...i went behind her door.

 

I wore my blazer jacket and i had a bottle of red wine on my hands. I rang the doorbell and she opened the door. I told i had a memory stick with me with 3 movies in it "There is a sci-fi movie...since i know you love scifi, and some red wine :)"

 

Still she said no. She did not want to let me in. I did not force or beg. "I just don't want to let anyone inside now, my apartment is a mess. " i don't mind little mess, i've seen your apartment before. IT's always like hit by a hurricane :)". "No. I don't want to be with anyone tonight.".

 

I said "And If you are dating someone, just tell me and i will leave you alone." In a polite manner. She said she is not dating anyone etc.

 

I said "Ok, we don't have to watch movie together. It seems i understood your text wrong, my bad Well, i will go now and enjoy this wine and watch the movie by myself". I was being happy and energetic all the time. No sadness!

 

Then she went in, left the door open. Started cleaning a bit i standed there at the door...i was little confused and took a step inside! She did not kick me out of the house So i thought i was invited in.

 

Soon after she had cleaned a bit i took off my shoes and she made me some bread and peasoup... We watched the movie and suddenly she wanted the red wine as well which she first rejected. It was GREAT wine.

 

She was very distant and nervous around me. And then suddenly when she came back to the couch she said "Hi,you..." and hugged me for a minute. Again she sniffed me, played with my hair. "You are so soft and warm..."

 

We watched movie, had great time, had red wine, and at some point we started kissing again...which lead to sex and me sleeping over night at her place. She slept close to me "maybe i get some kind of effect from you so i can sleep better".

 

I don't analyze anything from her behaviour. I had fun. Even without the sex i would have had fun.

 

We did not argue about anything, it was a nice evening. We talked, we ate, laughed and spent time close to each other.

 

I know the sex didn't mean anything. sleeping over meant nothing. her kind words etc meant nothing. I've seen that behaviour now over and over again.

 

It's funny when we kissed she was "oh god...i didn't even remember how good it felt to kiss you. I'm having goosebumps". I remember how good it was to kiss my 1st GF, and that was 10 years ago.

 

Don't get angry at me. I am finally starting to understand how i need to be around with her. I still have feelings towards her, but when i left this morning, i felt different. I didn't feel sad.

 

I said nothing about getting back together etc. But i still do have strong feelings for her and i will feel sad if she finds someone new. But i feel different...was it because i got my fix? Or has something changed in me in these 2 weeks since i last saw her? I have no idea.

 

But i don't regret what i did last night. I had great time. She seemed to enjoy my company as well. Because at first she was all down but as the time passed, she started to lighten up. She smiled, she became happy.

[Itspointless]

We watched movie, had great time, had red wine, and at some point we started kissing again...which lead to sex and me sleeping over night at her place.

Well as you can't distance at least stop the sex. Don't you see that sex is making you feel like you do? With sex your body produces certain hormones again and again. You say you can't stop yourself, but that is wrong. In the end it really is a choice - a psychotherapist taught me that wisdom - you simply do not want to stop as apparently some attention is better than no attention.

 

There is another option to consider here. Perhaps you do not feel as awful as your writings seem to project to us, otherwise you would not do this. I can only conclude that you do not seem to have reached the bottom of the pit yet.

[keiji]

It's obvious that you'll never learn. You keep finding the most ridiculous excuses to stay in the trenches even though the war is over and you lost a long time ago. That woman is using you and you put up with this humiliation in exchange for the tiniest breadcrumbs, which turn into more suffering the day after. This will last as long as she wants to, unless you find a bit of self-esteem and pride within yourself and cling to it. I wouldn't bet a penny for the latter.

[Protec]

Well as you can't distance at least stop the sex. Don't you see that sex is making you feel like you do? With sex your body produces certain hormones again and again. You say you can't stop yourself, but that is wrong. In the end it really is a choice - a psychotherapist taught me that wisdom - you simply do not want to stop as apparently some attention is better than no attention.

 

There is another option to consider here. Perhaps you do not feel as awful as your writings seem to project to us, otherwise you would not do this. I can only conclude that you do not seem to have reached the bottom of the pit yet.

 

Honestly, i have been really down. But as i told earlier, i am starting to find my old self again. I love taking those walks again, i love going to gym. My crativity as increased, which is a good thing!

 

But apparently i did something right. I just received a text message "Let's go play frisbee golf today?" Responded "sure! but how about we eat first?" "of course we eat first."

 

I

[Itspointless]

Honestly, i have been really down. But as i told earlier, i am starting to find my old self again. I love taking those walks again, i love going to gym. My crativity as increased, which is a good thing!

 

But apparently i did something right. I just received a text message "Let's go play frisbee golf today?" Responded "sure! but how about we eat first?" "of course we eat first."

 

I

Feeling really down is not the same as hitting rock bottom, believe me for that one. You are finding your old self because you never really distanced, that is the sad truth here. Sorry man, but you really are deluding yourself and it is mind-boggling that you seem to miss the point almost every poster here is trying to communicate to you. I am not telling this to put you down, but it feels like there is missing some basic understanding concerning human social reasoning with you. We were told not to diagnose you, but I stick with my advice even though I might be far off with it: ask for a test for autism next Friday, than at least you have that one canceled out.

Edited July 6, 2016 by Itspointless

[Latino4Lyfe]

Hey Protec,

 

I myself am also one of the few on here that have been watching over your thread for a while now and feel it's time to put in my two cents so to say.

 

A lot of what your ex has and lot of what she does is a lot similar to how my ex behaved toward me. I have a thread of my own on here as well detailing my journey with her too. The hot and cold, bipolar, insults, negative actions, random texts etc...now I noticed that a lot of your posts, you feel as if you are somewhat responsible and that even though she's in the wrong, you are the one apologizing and trying to make it right as if you were the one causing the issues. Please note, her actions are hers and hers alone. I get it, I too during my relationship at times felt at fault for things she did as I'm sure many others here have as well with their exes and we have all had our thoughts as well.

 

But here's the thing, like the many others have told you on here...you do need to let this girl go. If you have any sort of chance at regaining not only yourself, but for her to at least even respect you and who knows maybe in the future her getting herself together and communicating with you the right way(not saying it will happen, but that it has happened to some on here and usually the ones that it happened to found someone a LOT better;)), then she needs to see what life would be without YOU in it. This whole overthinking, the random texts, the visits...it's not worth it man. I'm speaking from personal experience and from reading the experiences on here. As long as you still go to her, as long as you answer her texts and keep rushing to her, she is not going to fully love you and respect you. You are basically her fallback, her doormat and in return she will keep doing what she does. She's basically having her cake and eating it too.

 

If I were you right now, I would go ahead and text her to cancel that frisbee golf date today. Right now, you are repeating your cycle of having a good night to having a disappointing day here soon . Cancel the date and then just leave her be, if she texts or calls ABOUT anything, don't answer, do not fall for it. She needs to see what life without you around is like and you need to take full care of yourself and work towards your goals. I see you are a musician and going to the gym regularly, keep those things up man. Work hard and do good for YOURSELF.

 

Right now, I have not heard nor seen my ex in MONTHS and like you, at first I did feel miserable without her...but as time has passed and I worked on myself hard, things have gotten a lot more positive for me and still is as I speak . I don't need my ex for a damn thing, now does she need me? Possibly but who cares? She made her choice just as your ex made hers. Let her suffer for her actions.

 

I hope everything goes well for you, take care.

[VeveCakes]

She told you she didn't want you there yet like a sad pathetic lost puppy you just lingered until you got your way.

 

You need therapy and you need it now. This addiction to this unhealthy relationship is going to end up ruining your life. Enjoy the frisbee until you aren't needed anymore and something better for her comes along.

[LD1990]

Don't get angry at me. I am finally starting to understand how i need to be around with her. I still have feelings towards her, but when i left this morning, i felt different. I didn't feel sad.

 

Why are you even here? Do you just want people to pay attention to you? In 350+ posts, you've literally never listened to anyone's advice. All you do is disregard it, do your own thing, declare that things are getting better, and then whine about how hard life is a couple days later when she inevitably treats you like garbage.

 

By the way, acting distant and nervous when you show up unannounced? I wouldn't be surprised if she had hooked up with another guy earlier in the day.

[Simon Phoenix]

Last night i was with my EX...yes. I went to her place. I just asked "how are you doing?" i never expected a response from her. But for some reason she replied "i'm at the mall looking for new bras as i keep getting fatter and fatter."

 

Well, later she send a message "night snack and movie with neck massage would be nice..." I did not reply anything but as i had planned surprising her anyway...i went behind her door.

 

I wore my blazer jacket and i had a bottle of red wine on my hands. I rang the doorbell and she opened the door. I told i had a memory stick with me with 3 movies in it "There is a sci-fi movie...since i know you love scifi, and some red wine :)"

 

Still she said no. She did not want to let me in. I did not force or beg. "I just don't want to let anyone inside now, my apartment is a mess. " i don't mind little mess, i've seen your apartment before. IT's always like hit by a hurricane :)". "No. I don't want to be with anyone tonight.".

 

I said "And If you are dating someone, just tell me and i will leave you alone." In a polite manner. She said she is not dating anyone etc.

 

I said "Ok, we don't have to watch movie together. It seems i understood your text wrong, my bad Well, i will go now and enjoy this wine and watch the movie by myself". I was being happy and energetic all the time. No sadness!

 

Then she went in, left the door open. Started cleaning a bit i standed there at the door...i was little confused and took a step inside! She did not kick me out of the house So i thought i was invited in.

 

Soon after she had cleaned a bit i took off my shoes and she made me some bread and peasoup... We watched the movie and suddenly she wanted the red wine as well which she first rejected. It was GREAT wine.

 

She was very distant and nervous around me. And then suddenly when she came back to the couch she said "Hi,you..." and hugged me for a minute. Again she sniffed me, played with my hair. "You are so soft and warm..."

 

We watched movie, had great time, had red wine, and at some point we started kissing again...which lead to sex and me sleeping over night at her place. She slept close to me "maybe i get some kind of effect from you so i can sleep better".

 

I don't analyze anything from her behaviour. I had fun. Even without the sex i would have had fun.

 

We did not argue about anything, it was a nice evening. We talked, we ate, laughed and spent time close to each other.

 

I know the sex didn't mean anything. sleeping over meant nothing. her kind words etc meant nothing. I've seen that behaviour now over and over again.

 

It's funny when we kissed she was "oh god...i didn't even remember how good it felt to kiss you. I'm having goosebumps". I remember how good it was to kiss my 1st GF, and that was 10 years ago.

 

Don't get angry at me. I am finally starting to understand how i need to be around with her. I still have feelings towards her, but when i left this morning, i felt different. I didn't feel sad.

 

I said nothing about getting back together etc. But i still do have strong feelings for her and i will feel sad if she finds someone new. But i feel different...was it because i got my fix? Or has something changed in me in these 2 weeks since i last saw her? I have no idea.

 

But i don't regret what i did last night. I had great time. She seemed to enjoy my company as well. Because at first she was all down but as the time passed, she started to lighten up. She smiled, she became happy.

 

You have issues that are above this board's pay grade. Please get help.

[Alpha_Male]

Start date new girl while you're still with her.

Create many options. Once again you have problem with her, its easy for you to forget her and move on.

Instead of become "dependable" like now.

[Protec]

Well i had 2 fun days with her again.

 

We had so much fun again. The night when i surprised her, we had nice time. And the next day she invited me to eat with her and play frisbeegolf. We had a blast. I made her laugh so much she almost peed in her pants. Also she said how i feel like her best friend but also someone who she wants to have sex with...and basically she praised me again. how i am the most important person in her life and she would never want to lose me as we get along so easily and she does not have to pretend to be someone else.

 

We had great sex again (and after sex we even cuddled...strange), we went into sauna, watched movies, went to flea markets, IKEA, and to some chinese place to eat.

 

Issues? Yes... my only issue is that i am in love with a woman and i cannot let go of her. And yes, it's real issue. How to let go of a person you enjoy being with? Again, we did not fight at all. We had really fun time together. I relaxed and forgot about my own life for a moment (money issues, unemployment etc.) For a moment i was free.

 

But i spent too much time with her again. 2 days we had fun, at the end of 3rd day she changed again (stress and lack of sleep seems to trigger her). But i don't think about it anymore. I just feel bad for her....she stopped taking her medicines again "they don't help. doctors know nothing etc."

 

I should have left her after the 2nd day. But i don't care. I cannot care anymore. I know that's the cycle.

 

almost cried last night when she said "Look what's on the shelf. it's the magic rock". While we were still in relationship and her younger kid had trouble sleeping i came up with this "magic rock" idea. I gave him a small rock and said it was charged with magical energy to protect him against bad dreams...but at some point it was lost but he find it again

 

It's funny how little 4 year old kid can remember something like that. It's been at least 4 months since i gave that rock to him. And it's just a normal rock

 

"I heard my boys talking about it few nights ago about the rock".

 

Sigh. Miss those kids.

 

And it hurts when she keeps me as a secret from them...when we were playing frisbeegolf her older kid called, she talked into the phone like she was there alone "yes i am here playing frisbeegolf and i earlier i grillled some food". We played, we grilled as i helped her...hurts kinda lot when she has "killed" me off from their lives.

Edited July 8, 2016 by Protec

[Itspointless]

I should have left her after the 2nd day. But i don't care. I cannot care anymore.

But why should we care than? (Probably because you want our approval).

 

Keep us updated on what your therapist has told you today.

[ExpatInItaly]

Protec, you realize she is probably seeing someone else too, right?

[Protec]

Protec, you realize she is probably seeing someone else too, right?

 

Honestly, i don't think she is. She spent 3 days and 2 nights with me, so my wild guess is if she would be seeing someone, she would ask that someone to play frisbeegolf with her etc.

 

I know if i would be dating someone else, i would concentrate 100% to that new person instead of my ex.

 

Yes, today i saw the Psychiatric mental health nurse. I will have new meeting with her, so we can discuss and find out what would be best option for me.

 

It was really a mess because i jumped from thing to other.

 

As for now she guesses i am suffering from something trauma based symptom. As i think about it too as i only act like this when something major in my life happens.

 

She gave me homework. I need to do a list about things i like and disline in myself. She also asked about my self-esteem...i said it varies a lot. Also she said we should find out what kind of person i want to be. Problem is that i like myself pretty much, but i would like to balance out those horrible mood swings in certain situations.

 

Only thing is that i react too strongly to different events. I am sensitive person. Far more sensitive than your average male is.

 

Maybe she will forward me to psychologic, maybe not. We will see.

[Itspointless]

Maybe she will forward me to psychologic, maybe not. We will see.

Yes, that there is trauma included would have been my guess too. In fact you already told us.

Well, i was diagnosed with depression when my mother died. And i could not go to army because i had a...what's it called..physcohis? Too big change too soon and i will go nuts. Like suddenly having to go to army, different enviroment, i couldn't sleep in 3 days. Bed was too hard, i was annoyed by roommates, etc. So i finally had to get out of there.

 

It has something to do with my feeling of security. As when i was young we lost our apartment few times (poor family, no money to pay the rent). So it had effect on me. And i have a feeling all these current events lead to that as well.

 

Every major life change, losing apartment, suddenly changing enviroment (vacations are ok, they are planned), but basically every NON PLANNED event in life gets me f-d up, badly. You have seen me here.

I think you will be sent to some kind of cognitive therapy, where you will be learned some tricks. I hope though that it also will include some depth-work.

[Protec]

Yes, that there is trauma included would have been my guess too. In fact you already told us.

 

I think you will be sent to some kind of cognitive therapy, where you will be learned some tricks. I hope though that it also will include some depth-work.

 

Yes. We will see.

 

Again i haven't talked with my ex in 3 days. Sent her good night message last night and she responded immeaditele "Oh you're passing out already? ;D" I hate when she always thinks i am drinking.

 

I was not. I was tired because i was drinkin day before with my friends

 

Í really need to cut down drinking. No woman likes a man who gets wasted once a while. I was in really bad shape yesterday, ruined my whole day.

 

I miss her. I am terribly, terribly much in love with that woman. :/

What bothers me the most is i think that i cannot find a woman like that ever in my life, or maybe even better!

 

And her words haunt inside my head...just this wednesday she said those things again.

 

"I never want to lose you from my life"

"I love your positivity. You are always smiling."

"You are like my best friend who i want to have sex with"

"It's so easy and natural being with you. I don't have to pretend anything"

"We have this strange connection between us, this secret world of ours"'

 

She said those but they are almost 1:1 what i have thought about her.

Is it mirroring? I don't know but i have never told her about "our secret world". She came up with that herself.

 

I know those words mean nothing. But i still find it funny she says the same things she said when she "loved" me. And the sex is better than ever between us.

 

Time to go for a walk!

[Clarkwg]

Well I have just read this thread from start to finish, all 369 posts & must confess in the first 10 pages I actually thought the OP must be kidding but sadly he's probably not.

 

Anyway, I went through similar experience (only no where even nearly as extreme, not even close) where by I kept getting dumped but then I kept going back & begging because I was obsessed with this troubled girl. I did this for nearly a decade. It screwed me up big time whilst it was happening, we even had a daughter together which makes it even harder but I kind of became used to it & accepted that this is how it's gonna be due to my lack of self worth & thinking this pretty girl was worth being mentally abused for. Now the real mental breakdown started for me when she decided to get a new mug to be her play thing & dumped me for good & 18 months on now I'm still now over the whole sorry episode & don't know if/when I ever will be.

 

Message to OP, from reading this it seems you don't have a house/assets together, also you don't have children together??

If the above is correct then you are in a better position than I was to make that clean break which you need to ASAP as it will carry on & carry on until you are broken in an unrepairable way (although I fear that may have already happened) good luck dude.

Edited July 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Protec]

Well I have just read this thread from start to finish, all 369 posts & must confess in the first 10 pages I actually thought the OP must be kidding but sadly he's probably not.

 

Anyway, I went through similar experience (only no where even nearly as extreme, not even close) where by I kept getting dumped but then I kept going back & begging because I was obsessed with this troubled girl. I did this for nearly a decade. It screwed me up big time whilst it was happening, we even had a daughter together which makes it even harder but I kind of became used to it & accepted that this is how it's gonna be due to my lack of self worth & thinking this pretty girl was worth being mentally abused for. Now the real mental breakdown started for me when she decided to get a new mug to be her play thing & dumped me for good & 18 months on now I'm still now over the whole sorry episode & don't know if/when I ever will be.

 

Message to OP, from reading this it seems you don't have a house/assets together, also you don't have children together??

If the above is correct then you are in a better position than I was to make that clean break which you need to ASAP as it will carry on & carry on until you are broken in an unrepairable way (although I fear that may have already happened) good luck dude.

 

Thanks. I am just having problems letting go because sometimes we do have fun together. Like last wednesday, it was almost perfect day.

 

But foolishly i mentioned in my text message that "i miss you a little".

 

then she started it again. The same thing i've heard over and over again. "I have confused feelings for you. But seriously i need a man who pays for restaurant bills. A man who can build a house when necessary" and some other stuff. Basically the same thing she said 4 months ago.

 

Again she contradicts herself. Just 3 days ago she said she would never want to lose me as i am so much fun and how i feel like her best friend etc.

 

Oh and best part, she GAVE me permission to date "You can go and date other people now". "meet new people so you know what you want from your partner" I have dated enough people to know what i want.

 

I know that i don't want a woman who thinks it's mans job:

 

- To get her a car

- Pay all restaurant bills

- Build a house

- Have lots of money

- To be a man slave

 

Wow. I mean...wow...this is...eh...i am smiling? I know i have heard that same thing many times but it still hits me in the face every single time.

 

I just need to ignore it. But i think she thinks little bit too highly of herself.

 

She is unemployed. She has 2 kids with different fathers. She has mental illness. She has fibromyalgia. She is on rehab.

 

Good luck finding a guy who will tolerate that kind of behaviour. And no, she won't change...unless a miracle happens.

 

Why did i slip that "i miss you" there? Why? I should have just said to her then that "i miss making sushi with you, not you".

 

And she keeps saying "you will get yourself a nice woman." Gee. Thanks.

[Clarkwg]

Thanks. I am just having problems letting go because sometimes we do have fun together. Like last wednesday, it was almost perfect day.

 

But foolishly i mentioned in my text message that "i miss you a little".

 

then she started it again. The same thing i've heard over and over again. "I have confused feelings for you. But seriously i need a man who pays for restaurant bills. A man who can build a house when necessary" and some other stuff. Basically the same thing she said 4 months ago.

 

Again she contradicts herself. Just 3 days ago she said she would never want to lose me as i am so much fun and how i feel like her best friend etc.

 

Oh and best part, she GAVE me permission to date "You can go and date other people now". "meet new people so you know what you want from your partner" I have dated enough people to know what i want.

 

I know that i don't want a woman who thinks it's mans job:

 

- To get her a car

- Pay all restaurant bills

- Build a house

- Have lots of money

- To be a man slave

 

Wow. I mean...wow...this is...eh...i am smiling? I know i have heard that same thing many times but it still hits me in the face every single time.

 

I just need to ignore it. But i think she thinks little bit too highly of herself.

 

She is unemployed. She has 2 kids with different fathers. She has mental illness. She has fibromyalgia. She is on rehab.

 

Good luck finding a guy who will tolerate that kind of behaviour. And no, she won't change...unless a miracle happens.

 

Why did i slip that "i miss you" there? Why? I should have just said to her then that "i miss making sushi with you, not you".

 

And she keeps saying "you will get yourself a nice woman." Gee. Thanks.

It seems you already know the situation inside out & you know all the answers & advice already but you choose not to put it in practice.

I honestly think the thing wrong with you is you are prepared to take this mental push pull behaviour from her 6 days per week because the 1 day per week when she is ok with you outweighs the other other bad 6 but the longer it goes on the worse damage is done to you mentally.

 

It's like this, will you take 6 days per week of horrible mental abuse in return for 1 day of normality? Deal or no deal & you are saying DEAL because the thought & pain of not having that 1 day of normality Is too much for you to contemplate plus maybe the deluded thoughts that one day she will be the girl you want her to be...... Well she won't.

[LD1990]

Good luck finding a guy who will tolerate that kind of behaviour. And no, she won't change...unless a miracle happens.

 

Newsflash: she has already found that guy, and it's you. No matter how poorly she treats you, it just takes her one text message and she'll have you running over to her place to kiss her ass. This woman has you absolutely whipped.

[juniorrocha]

I find it hard to believe that I clicked on this thread again to see the OP is still making the same mistakes.

 

I feel very sorry for you, Protec. It's very sad to see you have absolutely no self-respect. I do hope that someday you'll find peace, though.

 

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

[Protec]

I cannot help it. I love that woman.

 

I spent again 3 days with her. She called me monday morning "Hey, umm, we were playing that frisbee golf last week, one of my discs is still with you right?"

 

"Yeah...i forgot to give it to you."

"Well, would you like to bring that disc back and maybe...join me and my kids for a round of frisbee golf? Also...take some clothes with you if you by accident happen to stay overnight :)"

 

Then it started again. We went playing frisbeegolf, this time i was allowed to see her kids again. We had fun, played little frisbeegolf, she invited me to her place to eat, and i spent over night...

 

Tuesday came, we went to beach with her and the kids, did all kinds of stuff together and we really enjoyed each others company. We made pizza together, i played with the kids, i watched movie with my ex and we had again some mind blowingly good sex.

 

"I wish we could have sex till the end of our lives together.", she said

 

I still have a huge hickey on my neck that she did to me...not very proud of it. It's been over 10 years since i last had a hickey on me.

 

And at wednesday morning we went to amusement park the 4 of us. 2 hours of driving there. First we went to observation tower and looked at the scenery. There she came close to me, looked at me for a long time and then she kissed me with so much electricity i have not felt for a long time "How can you be so wonderful all the time?".

 

And the rest of the day was a blast! We had so much fun together with her and her kids. I was happy. I really was happy and i was thinking "could i enjoy the same way if i was alone here?" No. She and her kids made me enjoy that day.

We kissed (a lot), held hands etc...she was happy, her kids were happy. It was perfect day.

 

And at one point her older kid gave me a Batman-keyring that he bought from a souvenir shop. That was nice

 

And we took some selfies together with my ex...which was strange because last selfie we have taken together was from april.

 

We had amazing 3 days with my ex...we did not argue at all. And even at thursday morning when i left home she kissed me and hugged me.

 

But still, we are not together... I just wonder why? This is no friendship we have between us. No friends do stuff like that together. She kissed me in front of her kids.

 

At one point she said "Red is the color of our family today". I had red shirt, she had red shirt, her kids had red shirts. And she took pictures of me...she has not done that in ages.

 

I haven't seen her kids in a month...now suddenly she lets me spend 3 days with them and even kisses me in front of them.

 

Well, no use to analyze it further. I would like to have her back fully in my life.

 

We really do get along great. At least for now. I feel like this breakup actually did good to us. We enjoy sex together now more than ever. We have fun, we are more relaxed etc.

 

Anyway, have a nice weekend!