So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

I'm not saying he go all out and get engaged next week moving in with another but he needs something to help himself come back to zero again so his self esteem can regain and he starts to like himself again.

 

Ya, therapy. And perhaps even medication to level him out would be highly beneficial. Good company of friends, family and new people, maybe even meetups or volunteering as others suggested.

[Art_Critic]

He's only been broken up for 2 weeks and it's terrible advise to go and get with a new woman in the state he is in. For his sake, and for the new woman's sake. People aren't tools to be used for our lack of self-awareness and patience.

 

25th May 2016, 3:54 AM was when he started this thread that SHE LEFT HIM, so the break happened more than 2 months ago.

 

It was his persistence to not take ANY advice on this thread to go NC and move on that lead to where we are today, less than 2 weeks after the LAST breakup with the same girl.

 

It's disingenuous of you to thwart my advice on this thread by telling all that my advice is terrible advice, if you look when I first posted on this thread it was almost 2 months ago and I now believe he isn't going to get better unless he DOES SOMETHING other than what he has tried in the past, like contacting her which by the way he is getting ready to do.

 

IMHO he isn't going to listen to advice that is contrary to making himself feel better.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with going out on dates and putting yourself out there, having a companion to be with and talk to, maybe go to dinner with and someone to spend some time with.

 

I didn't say he needed a NEW GF, I said he needs to put himself out there, that way he will start to feel better about himself and stop this self indulgence with the old relationship.

[Haydn]

Protec,

 

I joined LS after a terrible break up.

 

I wrote page after page of stuff.

 

I received advice here from posters, one is posting on your thread now.

 

I got through it. I even had her stalking me after i took my head out of my posterior me. (Which became rather worrisome)

 

As i was crawling around on all fours looking for the light switch.

 

I got though it. Many posters on your thread got through horrific break ups.

 

Try therapy, try your Doctor for meds.

 

Whatever helps, try.

 

Sometimes a fresh start somewhere else?

 

Whatever you want to do, you can.

 

You are free.

 

Good luck

 

And

 

Take care

[Sunkissedpatio]

Art Critic:

 

Actually, he has been listening to advice quite well and is taking steps in the right direction. I really don't think it is fair to discredit what Protec is doing at his pace. It may not be at the pace all of us would like to see but he is doing it.

 

He is coming along in the past weeks. His break-up was final less than two weeks ago. I think we have read enough stories of break-ups that go on for longer than they should. It's pretty normal actually and in most cases a break-up isn't as clean as it should be. We can't fault him for that because we, and circumstances, are far more dynamic than what we share here. Life does't work in absolutes.

 

There is plenty wrong with him going out on dates, he has expressed a tenacity that borders on obsessiveness and transference is all he will achieve by doing that right now. If you have been following this man's mental state throughout all this and how this relationship has affected him and all that he has shared about his past and own childhood issues. The worst possible thing he can do is go and get with another woman right now.

 

And it's not that those of us that are against it feel he should "suffer alone" but the best way to build self esteem is to overcome adversity and to gain a sense of accomplishment and there is nothing to accomplish by attaching to another woman in his wounded state other than more confusion and extended pain.

 

Given what I've seen here I feel he desperately needs to work on his self-esteem right now. "Getting under someone else" will do nothing significant for his self-esteem.

Edited July 28, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[Art_Critic]

His break up was final less than two weeks ago.

 

I think you are missing my point, the breakup was over 2 months ago, it only dragged out this long because he wouldn't take anybody's advice.

 

What he needs is a boost to his self esteem and he isn't gonna get that by staying at home drudging up this old relationship.. that can happen over time

It's time for some action.

 

Did you read his post today where he is getting ready to contact her ?

[Sunkissedpatio]

I think you are missing my point, the breakup was over 2 months ago, it only dragged out this long because he wouldn't take anybody's advice.

 

What he needs is a boost to his self esteem and he isn't gonna get that by staying at home drudging up this old relationship.. that can happen over time

It's time for some action.

 

Did you read his post today where he is getting ready to contact her ?

 

Sorry if I offended you by saying it was terrible advice, that was harsh on my part. I hear what you are saying. Your point doesn't elude me. And your advice is not a bad idea under different circumstances. I personally just feel that for this particular case, maybe not.

 

I would hazard to guess most breakups aren't final when they actually should be and people discard all the advice of those that surround them until something is triggered within themselves to close that door. Personally, I can't fault him for keeping it going, as bad and obvious as it was to those of us looking in, because it's common for people to waffle in break-ups. It just so happens his waffling was all document here for all of us to offer conjecture and advice.

 

 

I agree, he does need a boost to his self-esteem I guess the worry is that because he is in such a fragile state he might do more harm than good to himself and others. I don't mean physical harm I mean transference for the other person and more feelings of unfulfillment for himself.

 

Yes I have seen he is ready to contact her, he posts about that frequently but somehow there is always someone around here that talks him off the ledge. So for what he has exposed of himself so far (I mean we are 36 pages deep here) he does come on here frequently and expresses the need to take a step back but he doesn't and that shows tremendous strength on his part despite what he journals for us. We have to acknowledge that at least.

 

I tend to look at situations with all things considered, sometimes you can't apply the same expectations across the board...you know what I mean? But that's just me.

[Protec]

25th May 2016, 3:54 AM was when he started this thread that SHE LEFT HIM, so the break happened more than 2 months ago.

 

It was his persistence to not take ANY advice on this thread to go NC and move on that lead to where we are today, less than 2 weeks after the LAST breakup with the same girl.

 

It's disingenuous of you to thwart my advice on this thread by telling all that my advice is terrible advice, if you look when I first posted on this thread it was almost 2 months ago and I now believe he isn't going to get better unless he DOES SOMETHING other than what he has tried in the past, like contacting her which by the way he is getting ready to do.

 

IMHO he isn't going to listen to advice that is contrary to making himself feel better.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with going out on dates and putting yourself out there, having a companion to be with and talk to, maybe go to dinner with and someone to spend some time with.

 

I didn't say he needed a NEW GF, I said he needs to put himself out there, that way he will start to feel better about himself and stop this self indulgence with the old relationship.

 

The final breakup happened just few days ago. Just 2 weeks ago i spent 3 days and 3 nights with her and her kids. Yes, we were "broken up". But still...

[Protec]

Thank you so much for your kind words...

 

I try hard to keep myself going on. But this is hard. I never wanted to break up from her. Even the last time i saw her and when we hugged i said "Let's not burn the bridges between us. You are far too important..."

 

She started crying.

 

We hugged more and she again played with my hair. I hugged her tighter. She put her hands on my waist. I put mine on hers "Please...do not make this harder than it already is.", she said.

 

I hugged her even more. She sniffed me. I kissed her forehead.

 

Even after all that...i still kissed her on the forehead.

 

I cannot explain it. I cannot describe it. I just wanted that woman in my life more than i've wanted anyone else. I cannot explain it with any words. Was it lust? Passion? What was it. I have no idea but i have never felt that way with any person in my whole life

 

Even after all what she did to me. I would have taken her into my arms with open hands and I would have kissed her and said "It's ok, we can survive this".

 

Not very smart. But that's how i felt. That's how i still feel. I never felt like this with any of my girlfriends. I never even kissed their foreheads.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Protec love isn't smart or stupid, there is no rationale that plays into the emotions that make up love.

 

I'm telling you this with all the good vibes in the world: A post like what you just reminisced about really does you more harm than good. It's still pretty fresh so it's understandable. It keeps you deep in that state of pain. You are also trying to break the "addiction" that love becomes.

 

Imagine a cocaine addict trying to quit sitting around thinking about how powerful and mighty they felt when he was high last. He may have been at a really great party surrounded with very attractive women doing lines with them by the swimming pool, he is offering an endless supply of fun to these women and they stick around for the free drug and the world just feels like it couldn't get better in that moment. So after three sordid days of partying, debauchery and sex the body shuts down and it's time to go home.

 

The next day reality starts, you spent more money than you could imagine, you don't even know how you will make rent, your head feels like it is going to explode your stomach is empty from so much vomiting but you still feel like all you can do is vomit. Your cell phone is filled with messages from your boss because you missed work for two days and now you are about to lose your job, and you feel so depressed and low and horrible about yourself that you think you might just want to die instead of deal with all this reality.

 

In that moment you know you can't go back. Your life is falling apart and the only way to gain it back is to leave the drug behind you. So a few days go by and you start to feel a bit better and you still want to quit.

 

If you spend too much time remembering the pool party part of the experience you will never EVER be able to get over the addiction and the first thing you will want to do is call the dealer and get another gram so you can have that part of the experience back.

 

I promise you, you will kiss other foreheads again. Maybe she was put in your path to teach you to be more affectionate, or more in tune with your feelings and less shy about expressing them. No relationship is in vain, they all teach us something about ourselves that we can improve for the next person that is meant to be in our path.

 

You are meant to love again, we all are, and you will do it in a way that expresses all the great things you learned from this relationship. Hey you might even have a few kids of your own in a few years. You just don't know what the universe has in store for you, so work hard now in preparation for when your next gift arrives.

 

Love is a gift that thankfully comes more than once. These words are meaningless to you now, but it is nice to know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

[Protec]

I expressed my feelings to her very well...better than with my other GF's. I got her roses when she was sick, i helped her, i told her i cared about her, i showed it by being gentle and nice towards her...

 

I am just seriously worried. She had so many things right. If i could choose my dream woman, it would be her but without the bipolar illness and habit to cheat and party every free weekend.

 

I am afraid i will never find someone like her again... NEver felt that kind of chemistry before. That passion, lust. Never. I did not imagine it. It was there. I have never had sex with anyone 2 hours straight and still wanting more. And it was both sided!

 

TIme to go to sleep...i am just so lost at the moment. So lost. She was my missing half...

[Blanco]

I think you are missing my point, the breakup was over 2 months ago, it only dragged out this long because he wouldn't take anybody's advice.

 

What he needs is a boost to his self esteem and he isn't gonna get that by staying at home drudging up this old relationship.. that can happen over time

It's time for some action.

 

Did you read his post today where he is getting ready to contact her ?

 

He has shown no ability to temper his emotions and not fall head over heels for the first woman who gives him a modicum of positive attention. Putting himself back out there right now only opens him up to the likelihood of repeating the same thing he's done twice already.

 

There will come a point when getting back out there is a necessary step, but he has so much work to do on himself. He cannot continue to siphon other women to feed his self-esteem; not if he ever hopes to have a healthy sense of self, let alone a healthy romantic relationship.

 

I'm a big believer in that we often attract who and where we are in life. At the risk of sounding mean, Protec is a mess and no quality woman would have the poor judgment to get involved with him romantically at this time.

[Blanco]

If i could choose my dream woman, it would be her but without the bipolar illness and habit to cheat and party every free weekend.

 

Do you understand out remarkably dumb this statement sounds?

 

If it weren't for this flaw and this flaw and this flaw and this flaw and this flaw and this flaw, she would've been your dream woman.

 

She let you bang her and kiss her forehead and play daddy to her kids when she wasn't almost having them taken away because she's a neglectful mother. That doesn't make her your soulmate. That, along with everything she did, just makes her someone who makes really poor, in-the-moment decisions and is a garbage mom.

[Simon Phoenix]

I expressed my feelings to her very well...better than with my other GF's. I got her roses when she was sick, i helped her, i told her i cared about her, i showed it by being gentle and nice towards her...

 

I am just seriously worried. She had so many things right. If i could choose my dream woman, it would be her but without the bipolar illness and habit to cheat and party every free weekend.

 

I am afraid i will never find someone like her again... NEver felt that kind of chemistry before. That passion, lust. Never. I did not imagine it. It was there. I have never had sex with anyone 2 hours straight and still wanting more. And it was both sided!

 

TIme to go to sleep...i am just so lost at the moment. So lost. She was my missing half...

 

If this is your dream woman, you have really sh--ty dreams.

[frigginlost]

I am just seriously worried. She had so many things right. If i could choose my dream woman, it would be her but without the bipolar illness and habit to cheat and party every free weekend.

 

I can't believe I'm reading that. Do you realize how incredibly dumb that sounds? It's like saying "This prostitute would be my dream woman if she didn't charge me, or have that STD, and that pimp. I'll never find someone who makes toast as good as her".

 

I fully believe you are going to crack NC before long.

 

Go to the Dr and get some drugs. You are seriously starting to spiral again...

[Protec]

He has shown no ability to temper his emotions and not fall head over heels for the first woman who gives him a modicum of positive attention.

 

That is not right. As i said before, i will not date just any woman just because they show me attention. I cannot date a person who i don't find interesting, attractive etc.

 

I really did like her. I don't have to make a list. You know how it feels when you start falling for someone. Yes, true, maybe i fell for her little bit too quickly....

 

When i was single, i talked and have met women who have showed interest in me. I have did not date them, or dated them again. Why? They were insterested in me. Because i did not find them attractive, interesting etc.

 

I even dumped a woman once. Yes. I even had sex with her but i just couldn't stand being with her. I met her for 3 weeks. She was interested in me. Definitely. But she just wasn't it. So i do have the ability to leave someone.

I rather was single than with a woman i did not like...

 

It hurts when you guys say that "you just dated her because she showed attention to you. You just didn't want to be alone"

 

True, maybe i didn't want to be alone but i did not date her just because she showed interest in me. I liked her because i enjoyed being with her.

 

Ever since i saw her the first time i knew i wanted to see that woman again.

And after our 2nd date i was positive i want to get know to her better.

 

She was pretty, she was fun, she was interesting, we talked about movies, about space, about ghosts, about egypt, about supernatural things. We made jokes, we goofed around. It felt good and natural with her.

 

I know she is not the woman i need to be with. I deserve stability and security in my life, just like all of us. I don't want to be afraid every time my woman decides to go to a club with friends or somewhere else alone that will she come back or not...

[Protec]

I can't believe I'm reading that. Do you realize how incredibly dumb that sounds? It's like saying "This prostitute would be my dream woman if she didn't charge me, or have that STD, and that pimp. I'll never find someone who makes toast as good as her".

 

I fully believe you are going to crack NC before long.

 

Go to the Dr and get some drugs. You are seriously starting to spiral again...

 

I don't need drugs. I just need to get over her. It will take some time.

Don't insult me. Yes she had bad sides in her. VERY BAD SIDES, but also she had VERY GOOD sides.

 

That's why this was so hard. This whole thing. Because of the 2 sides of her and those switching back and forth all the time.

 

Sure, i allowed that. I had the ability to leave whenever i wanted. But it is not that easy. I knew she was ill. I just felt "i cannot leave a sick person. Things will get better again". That is what kept me going. I just wanted to believe that she will get better and those mood swings of her would end eventually.

 

But they didn't. I was stuck in a loop.

 

I hope you all undertstand i was not dating a healthy person. She suffered from Bipolar and had very strong traits of NPD in her.

 

There are countless of similar stories than mine all over the web. Difficulties letting go, sudden changes in behaviour etc. it leaves a person very confused when one day they say "i love you more than anything". And next day they are like they don't even know you. Then suddenly they are in love with you again.

 

It was so rough rollercoaster to me mentally.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, my ex suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. Talk about extreme and sudden mood swings! It was truly awful for me, and he refused to get help after being diagnosed.

 

So, please don't assume that nobody here can understand what you experienced with this woman. Many of us can, because we have also been with people suffering from mental health/personality disorders.

 

I too found it difficult to accept that these two sides to my ex - the Jekyll and Hyde - are who he is. He is never going to be only the nice side. And when he was nice, he was lovely. But I never knew when that would suddenly disappear and be replaced with rage-filled tantrums, insults and emotional abuse.

 

And you know what? I had to draw a line for myself. I couldn't expect him to fill some void in my life and I built up my self-worth again and kicked him to the curb. I am not his therapist or his emotional whipping post.

 

And there are better options out there. You just haven't met them yet because you're still attached to your ex.

[Protec]

OP, my ex suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. Talk about extreme and sudden mood swings! It was truly awful for me, and he refused to get help after being diagnosed.

 

So, please don't assume that nobody here can understand what you experienced with this woman. Many of us can, because we have also been with people suffering from mental health/personality disorders.

 

I too found it difficult to accept that these two sides to my ex - the Jekyll and Hyde - are who he is. He is never going to be only the nice side. And when he was nice, he was lovely. But I never knew when that would suddenly disappear and be replaced with rage-filled tantrums, insults and emotional abuse.

 

And you know what? I had to draw a line for myself. I couldn't expect him to fill some void in my life and I built up my self-worth again and kicked him to the curb. I am not his therapist or his emotional whipping post.

 

And there are better options out there. You just haven't met them yet because you're still attached to your ex.

 

I just cannot set up the borders. I know i didn't accept her behviour, that's why i was hurt. I just didn't know how to set up those borders, how to defend myself.

 

Every time i tried, she just got mad at me. I told her that her push/pull behaviour hurts me and leaves me confused. She just got mad.

 

I need help to set boundaries what is ok and what is not.

 

I still would like to send her a message...but i guess she knows i miss her.

And it would help nothing. Maybe momentarily it would ease my pain.

But it would come back as double because i would then wait for her answer...whatever it could be.

[ExpatInItaly]

Delete her number.

 

No more excuses.

[Protec]

Delete her number.

 

No more excuses.

 

It's useless to delete her number. I can get it back in 5 seconds if i need to.

[Itspointless]

It's useless to delete her number. I can get it back in 5 seconds if i need to.

It is an extra step.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's useless to delete her number. I can get it back in 5 seconds if i need to.

 

Your refusal to take such a seemingly simple step is self-defeating.

[Protec]

Your refusal to take such a seemingly simple step is self-defeating.

 

I have managed to keep NC now for almost 2 weeks.

 

I remember her email address. I will find a way to contact her if it goes that bad.

 

So if i don't text her, i will email her.

 

I just try to hang in there.

 

All i should do is to focus on myself and get myself better, i try but i am too tired to go to gym etc.

 

I did walk for 5km today, it took me 1 hour, i did some important stuff (sent some papers to officials so i can get rent-benefit from government).

 

And i put a new track in youtube:

 

I just miss her like hell. And the fact that she is having fun, enjoying life pisses me off. It's amazing how easy it's her to find a man. To find a sex partner. I have always search for months to even be able to meet someone. I don't go out much, because i am low on money all the time and it costs... it's always 50 euros if you go out. And that is too much from my current income and it's no proof i will find anyone. I rather spend that 50 euros for a gym membership.

Edited July 29, 2016 by Protec

[Itspointless]

It's amazing how easy it's her to find a man. To find a sex partner. I have always search for months to even be able to meet someone. I don't go out much, because i am low on money all the time and it costs... it's always 50 euros if you go out. And that is too much from my current income and it's no proof i will find anyone. I rather spend that 50 euros for a gym membership.

It is the difference between men and women. But Protec, it does not say it is easy for her to find (real) intimicy. Indeed spend the money on a gym membership. Searching usually does not help us find, more often things have a way of finding us at some point. Patience is an important quality.

[Art_Critic]

And the fact that she is having fun, enjoying life pisses me off.

 

 

You could be enjoying life too... it's all up to you....