So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[VeveCakes]

You don't need drugs to get better. If you want something that won't mess you up try smoking a joint. Get some good stuff... can do wonders.

 

I found even 5 sessions really helped me after a bad ordeal.

[Protec]

You don't need drugs to get better. If you want something that won't mess you up try smoking a joint. Get some good stuff... can do wonders.

 

I found even 5 sessions really helped me after a bad ordeal.

 

I am anti-drug person. I drink alcohol though.

 

Now i remembered who my ex reminded me of. Cameron Diaz!!

 

Nice body, big breasts, sparkling eyes...She was perfect physically. She really was the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my life. And dated. And i even dated a model when i was younger!

[VeveCakes]

Alcohol is a drug. Don't kid yourself. Way worse than pot. But different strokes for different folks. Whatever you are doing isn't working. Time to broaden your horizon. Maybe watch some Oprah or Russell Brand videos about reclaiming your life...

[Robert]

Let's not turn this thread into what is worse; Pot or Alcohol?

 

Let's keep it on the topic please.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's a money thing...but my sister promised to pay the bill. But i am ashamed because my sister has helped me financially so much already. I cannot alone pay for it. And to get proper help you need to meet doctor at least about 10 times. 1 time doesn't fix me. SO it will be around 1000 euros. That is huge amount of money.

 

I will call doctor next week. I don't want to go to doctor crying (literally) etc. i don't want to end up on pills.

 

SInce i know this is just because i miss her and my mind is playing tricks. I am simply in pain atm. I lost a person i cared a lot and her kids. Yes, they were not my kids but i got attached to them as well.

 

And again i saw dreams i was at her place. This time i saw a dream i got back together with my ex.

 

STill i am thinking why she did it...why did she let her kid get me a gift? She gave the money to her son so he could buy me that batman-keychain.

 

We talked all about our childhood on that day (amusement park day), she told me about her teenage years and where she has lived etc. never before she has told me those things.

 

I felt we became closer because of that amusement park trip. It really messed me up.

 

It was like winning in a lottery and then after you've already bought that million dollar house you get notified "oh oh sorry the lottery ticket was wrong. No money for you".

 

This is not easy for me...calling a psychiatrist, i have never done anything like that before.

 

But please don't forget that i am already seeing that Psych. Nurse. That is something, and it is helping. I have next appointment with her in few weeks.

 

I don't know if pills would help me but i am pretty much against all pills unless they find BIpolar / BPD or something else in me. Because i have pretty bad experiences with those pills...Sure they balanced me out, but also took every emotion from me as well. I didn't feel happy, not sad, i just was. It took out all my creativity so i was unable to even make music. I simply had my brain at "stall". Sex was impossible (no feeling whatsoever down there). Also the horrible night sweat attacks. Bed was literally soaking wet from my sweat. My GF back then didn't like much sleeping next to me then.

 

So i ended up using them quite quickly, because i rather be unstable and feel the joys and sorrows of life than be an emotionless pile of flesh that could not even smile when my GF kissed me.

 

At the moment i am quite balanced. Sure i suddenly get very sad...sometimes very angry. But it's getting slower.

 

But i WILL call the doctor. I am not leaving it like this. I have already gotten myself to the psych. nurse which was very big step for me and i felt so relieved when i did it. It was the first time i addmitted there is something wrong with me.

 

But i admit i had more fun with her than being alone. Again weekend is coming and i have NOTHING to do. I am low on money so even if i had some friends to go out with, i would not have the money to go out. Well i was out with my friends just week ago. So i do have friends.

 

But when i think about it? What do i get if i go to nightclub? I know i won't dance alone and at the moment crowded places me feel bad and i know i don't want to meet any women now.

 

I need a new hobby.

 

Thanks and have a nice weekend.

 

Why not go out with your friends and not drink? I took a sober month several months ago and you wouldn't believe how much money you save by drinking water over drinking booze. I went out just like I would normally, just stayed away from the alcohol and it wasn't that bad. That's an alternative if you're in a money crunch and probably would be a good thing for you anyway -- when you drink is when your decision-making goes to hell and your obsessing gets stronger.

[Blanco]

I am anti-drug person. I drink alcohol though.

 

Now i remembered who my ex reminded me of. Cameron Diaz!!

 

Nice body, big breasts, sparkling eyes...She was perfect physically. She really was the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my life. And dated. And i even dated a model when i was younger!

 

The good news is that you've probably got a better shot at having a healthy relationship with Cameron Diaz than you do with your ex.

[Protec]

The good news is that you've probably got a better shot at having a healthy relationship with Cameron Diaz than you do with your ex.

 

Thank you! I started laughing. Needed it. I guess i was little drunk when i wrote that last night. I was watching The Mask (jim carrey movie).

 

Listing some bad sides of her:

 

-She always complained when i made her breakfast. I used wrong cheese, wrong butter, sometimes i toasted her breads too much, i made the bacon too crispy.

 

-She complained about me putting dishes in the wrong places, after i was spending over hour cleaning her kitchen.

-She always wanted me to massage her but the never returned the favor.

-She complained about me not cleaning her whole apartment once a week

-She blamed me of her drinking

-She blamed me because of her busy life

-She complained how i don't have enough money

-She complained about my apartment (it's a darn nice apartment! Everyone has said that my apartment looks nice)

-I dressed the wrong way. She wanted me to dress like her EX.

-She complained me not being able to build a house

-She complained when i BBQ'd steaks that they became "little too overcooked"

-Everything had always be done in her way. My way was always wrong.

-When i said something against her it was hell on earth.

-I was not allowed to speak about her illness or medication (It's none of your business)

-She suddenly left the country without even asking me and cheated.

-She did lots of stuff without asking from me first (not that you need to ask permission, but it would have been nice to know little beforehand)

-She almost never took me partying with her (now i know why)

-She dumped me already once at new years eve, only to call me back 2 days later she made a mistake

-She dated several guys at the same time while getting known to me.

-She dated some other guy at the same time while we were broken up but she still kept sleeping with me and spending time.

 

-She always took her words back. "I meant it THEN, now is different day".

So basically she reset her feelings after every night. Love you in monday, hate you at tuesday, love you again at wednesday.

 

-She didn't take her medication and got angry if i said something about it.

 

-She always blamed her illness and made excuses. "Well you know...i just get so depressed i do stupid things. It feels like world is coming down on me..."

Ill or not, if you know you do stupid **** while drunk / in a club / around other guys - stay out of such situations.

 

-She got super mad if i told her to look into mirror. "OH YOU'RE BLAMING ME?!!!!" When i told her i got angry because she cheated on me. Yes, i know i have the ability to control if i get angry or not but i think it was justified to become little irritated.

 

-She basically didn't give **** about me. She did what she wanted, when she wanted and didn't ask about me. Like leaving the country suddenly leaving me alone or going to party alone with her friends.

 

-She always bragged about her cheatings "...and then i cheated my ex because...."

-She bragged about how many guys she's slept with. "Can't remember the exact number, but must be over 40"

-She was jealous of me when i used my phone. "Oh, you're talking with some girls right? My ex always used his phone too."

-She compared me too much to her ex.

-She accused of me leaving her. "You will leave me. I know it. Everyone will leave me eventually because i am like this."

-The push / pull behaviour. The I love you / Love you not. "Go away i want to be alone for few days. Oh never mind i want to see you tomorrow."

-We only saw each other when she wanted.

 

-If i didn't do what she said she became super mad. "Get me my medicines from the cabinet would you?" "Well can't you get them?" "OH! So you are just sitting there doing NOTHING. FINE!" "Ok I will get them, jeez. I am tired too.". And once i was too tired to give her a massage she became so angry she was pissed me for about 3 days.

 

-I always had to perform at 100%, if i wasn't, she became angry

 

 

Now there is a LIST!

Edited August 6, 2016 by Protec

[Protec]

Actually...that list is...quite impressive. And those are ALL REAL.

 

Eventually i stopped making her breakfast because **** it, if i do something from my heart and every single time i just got **** on me "wrong cheese! Wrong butter! Too crispy!" Then i learned: Hey, she is not being thankful of me doing something for her, it's the opposite. So why even try?

 

I make perfectly good sandwitched and even my other ex said i make good breakfast.

 

But only because i didn't to it EXACTLY as she does her own breakfast, it was no good.

 

Everything had to be EXACTLY done in her way or it was hell on earth. Who gives a **** if there is wrong cheese on your bread or wrong butter? Or if the becon is slightly too crispy ( i like crispy bacon myself). I have NEVER complained when someone has made me breakfast. Sure if it's completely uneatable like bread is black as night, burned then i might say "honey...I guess these breads flew bit too close to the sun :)"

 

My ex made me feel completely worthless, useless man i can think of. Well one thing she praised me of. She always enjoyed sex with me. Not ONCE she complained having sex with me. Well i guess i was good at something at least.

 

I could also do a list of her good sides....but maybe it's better not. I need to get her off the pedestal she is at the moment in my head. Sure she had good sides but just look at that LIST! No wonder i am all 'ucked up inside.

[NewLeaf512]

I am anti-drug person. I drink alcohol though.

 

Now i remembered who my ex reminded me of. Cameron Diaz!!

 

Nice body, big breasts, sparkling eyes...She was perfect physically. She really was the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my life. And dated. And i even dated a model when i was younger!

 

Protec, for your reference https://goo.gl/images/jneRMx is a photo of Cam Diaz. You may be thinking of someone else. I have hardly any "assets" but she has less.

 

You don't have a time machine none of us do. Don't look behind yourself, you're not going that way.

 

Have you called the doctor? What happened Wednesday? How long has it been now since the breakup? Haven't you wasted enough time on this now, or are you happy to keep dwelling in misery?

 

There are so many people here who have tried hundreds of times to guide and reassure you and offer suggestions to help you move forward.

Absolutely pages worth. For every suggestion you have an excuse.

If you do not want to get better please post that. That way other posters can stop wasting their time writing. It's kind of at that point.

[Itspointless]

Listing some bad sides of her:

 

-She always complained when i made her breakfast. I used wrong cheese, wrong butter, sometimes i toasted her breads too much, i made the bacon too crispy.

-She complained about me putting dishes in the wrong places, after i was spending over hour cleaning her kitchen.

-She always wanted me to massage her but the never returned the favor.

-She complained about me not cleaning her whole apartment once a week

-She blamed me of her drinking

-She blamed me because of her busy life

-She complained how i don't have enough money

-She complained about my apartment (it's a darn nice apartment! Everyone has said that my apartment looks nice)

-I dressed the wrong way. She wanted me to dress like her EX.

-She complained me not being able to build a house

-She complained when i BBQ'd steaks that they became "little too overcooked"

-Everything had always be done in her way. My way was always wrong.

-When i said something against her it was hell on earth.

-I was not allowed to speak about her illness or medication (It's none of your business)

-She suddenly left the country without even asking me and cheated.

-She did lots of stuff without asking from me first

-She almost never took me partying with her

-She dumped me already once at new years eve, only to call me back 2 days later she made a mistake

-She dated several guys at the same time while getting known to me.

-She dated some other guy at the same time while we were broken up but she still kept sleeping with me and spending time.

-She always took her words back.

So basically she reset her feelings after every night. Love you in monday, hate you at tuesday, love you again at wednesday.

-She didn't take her medication and got angry if i said something about it.

-She always blamed her illness and made excuses.

-She got super mad if i told her to look into mirror.

-She basically didn't give **** about me.

-She always bragged about her cheatings

-She bragged about how many guys she's slept with. -She was jealous of me when i used my phone. "Oh, you're talking with some girls right?

-She compared me too much to her ex.

-She accused of me leaving her.

-The push / pull behaviour. The I love you / Love you not. "Go away i want to be alone for few days. Oh never mind i want to see you tomorrow."

-We only saw each other when she wanted.

-If i didn't do what she said she became super mad.

-I always had to perform at 100%, if i wasn't, she became angry

OK, well done. Now read it every time you start missing her. I removed your explanations for us as it will divert from it

[Protec]

I was also thinking about making a list of her good sides. I want to see what i can come up with. But not today.

 

I was again running today. 2x 3km It's become a habit now. I still have hard time being alone in my apartment but little by little i will get used to it again.

 

NewLeaf512,

 

I am trying my best to get over her. I will never forget her, that's for sure. But this takes time. I have not contacted her.

[Haydn]

I was also thinking about making a list of her good sides. I want to see what i can come up with. But not today.

 

I was again running today. 2x 3km It's become a habit now. I still have hard time being alone in my apartment but little by little i will get used to it again.

 

NewLeaf512,

 

I am trying my best to get over her. I will never forget her, that's for sure. But this takes time. I have not contacted her.

 

We never forget anyone. We become indifferent to them.

 

You will.

[NewLeaf512]

I was also thinking about making a list of her good sides. I want to see what i can come up with. But not today.

 

I was again running today. 2x 3km It's become a habit now. I still have hard time being alone in my apartment but little by little i will get used to it again.

 

NewLeaf512,

 

I am trying my best to get over her. I will never forget her, that's for sure. But this takes time. I have not contacted her.

 

You don't forget. I had 2 horrific situations and I don't compare people's pain to mine because my experience is mine and yours is yours. My H killed himself. I didn't think I'd ever survive. It changed me. I'll never forget. I accepted. And moved forward. My next (and last) relationship blew up like a bomb in my face. It hurt. It still does but less. (Over a year on). But what would be the bloody point of wasting my life away begging like a dog at the feet of a man who DOES NOT WANT ME?

 

I went to therapy. You need therapy. I had to get a new job. You need to get a job.

 

Do you want to flush your dignity and self-respect down the loo?

[Aniela]

I was also thinking about making a list of her good sides. I want to see what i can come up with. But not today.

 

I was again running today. 2x 3km It's become a habit now. I still have hard time being alone in my apartment but little by little i will get used to it again.

 

NewLeaf512,

 

I am trying my best to get over her. I will never forget her, that's for sure. But this takes time. I have not contacted her.

 

Don't make a list of her good sides. If you do that at all, it should be way down the line, when you really aren't interested in her, anymore. Stick with the list of bad things, and read it whenever you miss her, as somebody else suggested.

[Protec]

You don't forget. I had 2 horrific situations and I don't compare people's pain to mine because my experience is mine and yours is yours. My H killed himself. I didn't think I'd ever survive. It changed me. I'll never forget. I accepted. And moved forward. My next (and last) relationship blew up like a bomb in my face. It hurt. It still does but less. (Over a year on). But what would be the bloody point of wasting my life away begging like a dog at the feet of a man who DOES NOT WANT ME?

 

I went to therapy. You need therapy. I had to get a new job. You need to get a job.

 

Do you want to flush your dignity and self-respect down the loo?

'

 

I never begged her. And yes i need a job but it's easier said than done. So tired of hearing "you need to get a job.". I AM TRYING. And i had a job just little over 2 months ago. I just was at job interview this week.

 

And at the moment i don't have money to go to school. I will look into it if there is some evening schools etc.

Edited August 7, 2016 by Protec

[Protec]

Damn. Even thinking about dating someone new makes me very anxious. Again everything has to be started from scratch...

 

It's so annoying getting known to someone again from the scratch. Telling the same stories, etc etc.

 

I am seriously thinking about calling my ex again....but i know i can't do it. She has a new happy man now and she is happy with her new man.

 

Blergh.

[NewLeaf512]

'

 

I never begged her. And yes i need a job but it's easier said than done. So tired of hearing "you need to get a job.". I AM TRYING. And i had a job just little over 2 months ago. I just was at job interview this week.

 

And at the moment i don't have money to go to school. I will look into it if there is some evening schools etc.

 

I didn't say school. I didn't say you begged. You have left your dignity in the first by chasing her (almost the same as begging)

 

You said you didn't like the jobs hours. I went on over 45 interviews until I got a job. I made looking for a job and sending CV and making calls and writing emails my full time job until I got an actual job. No one walks up to your door and knocks and offers you a job. Getting a job takes work and it's not easy. You have to make it a priority.

 

Or you can be happy being broke and not being able to go out.

[NewLeaf512]

Damn. Even thinking about dating someone new makes me very anxious. Again everything has to be started from scratch...

 

It's so annoying getting known to someone again from the scratch. Telling the same stories, etc etc.

 

I am seriously thinking about calling my ex again....but i know i can't do it. She has a new happy man now and she is happy with her new man.

 

Blergh.

 

 

Protec

 

Please work on yourself first.

Edited August 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Blanco]

OP, do you even have a sense of what it is you want from life? Sometimes I think one of the reasons you become so infatuated with these women and then take the subsequent breakups so horrifically is that you seem to lack much direction elsewhere in your life.

 

This is not me saying that driven people aren't affected by relationships ending. But I do think people who have goals or a sense of purpose unrelated to relationships are people who generally bounce back faster from breakups.

[Protec]

I didn't say school. I didn't say you begged. You have left your dignity in the first by chasing her (almost the same as begging)

 

You said you didn't like the jobs hours. I went on over 45 interviews until I got a job. I made looking for a job and sending CV and making calls and writing emails my full time job until I got an actual job. No one walks up to your door and knocks and offers you a job. Getting a job takes work and it's not easy. You have to make it a priority.

 

Or you can be happy being broke and not being able to go out.

 

I don't know about situatioon in your country but here it really is AWFUL.

I am only a salesperson and just month ago a huge chain (in finnish scale) went bankrupt leaving 1300 salespersons unemployed. There is no jobs for me at the moment.

 

I've always managed get a job, always. This is the first time in my life i have hard time getting one. Don't say i haven't tried. I have tried. I've been in many interviews.

[Protec]

OP, do you even have a sense of what it is you want from life? Sometimes I think one of the reasons you become so infatuated with these women and then take the subsequent breakups so horrifically is that you seem to lack much direction elsewhere in your life.

 

This is not me saying that driven people aren't affected by relationships ending. But I do think people who have goals or a sense of purpose unrelated to relationships are people who generally bounce back faster from breakups.

 

It's only been under a month since we finally broke up. I cannot recover in a month. No way.

 

Well one of my goals in life is to find a woman. I want to have a family someday.

 

I want to have a nice, steady job

 

I want to have a bigger apartment someday (Need money for that)

I want to see the world (can't do without money)

I want to experince things (Can't do without money)

I want to be in good health, that's why i run / walk daily and go to gym.

I want to keep making my music and keep improving in it.

 

Those are some goals? I mean i've always dreamed about having a family of my own. That's why i maybe took this breakup so badly. Because they really started to feel like family to me.

 

PLease don't say i have not tried to get a job. For one interview i got myself clothes for 300 euros (sister paid). It was a interview for car salespersons job. I really, really wanted that job, so i needed some nice clothes. BUT for nothing.

 

I have been in countless interviews past these years but nobody wants me.

I've been applied as a janitor, storage worker, mcdonalds, salesperson positions, etc. but no. NOT EVEN MCDONALDS want to hire me. Well i would't want to buy a burger from me even.

 

But you know how miserable it makes you feel? I cleaned cruised boats when i was 18 years old. I did it well. Now i cannot get a job even as part time janitor.

 

All the jobs go to younger people. Nobody hires unemployed 32 year old man. They rather hire the young 18 year old with no job experience.

 

But please don't say i have not tried. I just was in a job interview so isn't that a good thing? Even getting into a interview these days is a miracle since there is easily over 500 people wanting that same job.

 

Anytime soon i am literally going to say "**** this all" and give up.

I have been thinking about setting up my own shop that would sell games etc. but it's too big of a risk.

[Protec]

But you are right Blanco.

 

I want to date because i don't want to be alone. I want to have someone to share experiences with.

 

Lets take going abroad for example. Even if i had the money to leave, i probably would not. Why? I would be maybe too scared to leave alone and how could i enjoy the trip when i have no one to talk about it when i am there? i have no one to share the experience and share the joy?

 

This is a problem. I have always dreamed of going to Japan. And we talked about going to Japan with my ex. But going alone?

 

I am able to dream about going somewhere alone, but i could not actually do it.

I live through other people it seems.

 

I would like to party, i would like to go to thearers, concerts, events, etc. but i cannot do it alone. I am just unenable to enjoy things when i am alone.

 

That is a huge problem.

 

Why i cannot enjoy things alone? Usually when i am alone somewhere i just see all the couples holding hands, smiling, having fun. And then i start to think "why i have to be alone? I want to have someone to share things with too".

 

And friends don't do it. I like my friends, some of them are awesome.

 

It's strange. It has to change.

 

That's why i liked my ex so much. She made me to be the man i wanted to be. With her i was alive. I enjoyed life. I enjoyed everything we did together.

 

Of course also i miss the closeness of other person. I really don't know anything better than sitting on a sofa under a blanket being next to each other

 

Sorry about the babble. Time to go for a morning walk....

 

I do 2 walks now daily. One at the morning and other one at the evening.

[NewLeaf512]

I don't know about situatioon in your country but here it really is AWFUL.

I am only a salesperson and just month ago a huge chain (in finnish scale) went bankrupt leaving 1300 salespersons unemployed. There is no jobs for me at the moment.

 

I've always managed get a job, always. This is the first time in my life i have hard time getting one. Don't say i haven't tried. I have tried. I've been in many interviews.

 

I'm in a place in Europe that's is just as bad. The 45 interviews took over 500 CV and 5 months and the reason I have a job now is that a friend helped me.

 

Having a job and an income wasn't just something I was getting around to when I felt like it. I wanted to pay bills and not be in a position where I needed help from my family. I wanted to have the self respect of not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I hated it, getting dressed up and going to mentally tap dance for strangers that I hoped would give me a job, but I did it because I needed a job.

 

How many hours a day are you devoting to this?

 

Have you rung the doctor today yet?

[Blanco]

Truth is, the economy is pretty bad in most countries. Jobs aren't hanging off trees and, as many will attest to, finding one can be a challenge even with persistence.

 

I live in a fairly economically depressed area, but I still see help wanted signs all the time at places such as fast food joints and gas stations. It's not glamorous work, but do you really never see any such postings?

 

I don't think anyone is saying you aren't trying; it's just maybe you haven't explored all options. Have you put the same effort into finding any job that you put into this relationship and trying to keep her happy?

 

I've mentioned it before, but you seem like a passive personality who sort of lets life happen to you. I guess I'm having trouble seeing you being unrelenting in pursuit of any sort of job that will provide steady income.

[Blanco]

As for being happy doing stuff alone, you just need to do it. There's no getting around it.

 

I have been crushed by a breakup more than once. I leaned on friends and family, but I also forced myself to do things alone, if for no other reason than to become comfortable with my own company.

 

You need to use this time to finally lean into doing things by yourself so that those times when you are by yourself don't feel so unbearable. You'll come out the other end a more balanced person; one who needs people to add enhancement to his life; not give it meaning.