So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[NewLeaf512]

Since you like walking what about having a dog walking business? Free to start

[Protec]

Since you like walking what about having a dog walking business? Free to start

 

I am terrible with dogs plus i am allergic to them. And this place where i live is so small i don't think there is use for a dog walker. Unofficially i could do it, but starting a business is not so easy here. And honestly you cannot make a living with walking dogs.

 

Blanco, yeah i guess you are right. But i noticed already something in me. I was able to play videogames for a moment last night. So my concentration is getting better. I just feel so sad going back to what i used to be. When i was with her, i did not have time to play. There was always something to do.

 

I have noticed i sweat every night like crazy. And again i saw dreams about my ex. She was in this beautiful red dress...

 

I still can't get over how darn beautiful she was. :/

 

I was starting to think was there ANYTHING else in her than just her outlooks and great sex or was everything i liked her just superficial? I mean she was so good looking some guy at cruise boat told me "Never let goo of that woman!" She was an absolute stunner. So beautiful my jaw dropped when

she walked down the stairs of her apartment dressed in a sexy way.

I have never seen anything so sexy in my life.

 

But there was something else in her too. I honestly could still do a list of her good sides as easily as her bad sides.

 

My NC is holding better now, i do sometimes have the urge to call her, just to ask how she is doing etc. But i better not to.

 

And still the feeling that i messed up goes in my head. Maybe i should have called her more? Maybe she felt i was moving forward because i did not call her that often, maybe that's why she searched for another guy.

 

No...useless to think stuff like that. She knew i was interested in her.

I mean having sex for 1,5 months since breakup, spending time together, going to movies, amusement park, holding hands, kissing, playing with her kids, sleeping over 3 days in a row...that is not what friends do...

 

We were together, but she gave herself a permission to fool around by saying "we are not together". I have asked everyone, you don't fool around in front of your kids if you are just friends.

 

It was way too bizarre. I still can't understand it. But as people have told me "Don't try to make sense out of nonsense". She was mentally ill, without medication, who knows what goes inside head of hers.

 

I just wanted to know what was real and what was not. Now i am left completely without answers. To me it felt real, every moment of it.

Every kiss, every word, every action.

 

Well. Time to hit the road. Not literally. I was thinking about putting some ankle weights in my legs. Walking around with those and when i take em off...SWOOSH

[Simon Phoenix]

And still the feeling that i messed up goes in my head. Maybe i should have called her more? Maybe she felt i was moving forward because i did not call her that often, maybe that's why she searched for another guy.

 

Trust me, that wasn't the problem. You're a very needy person -- just read this thread. Not saying that to be mean, but to snap you out of deluding yourself.

[NewLeaf512]

Ok Protec. You win. You have shot down yet another idea with another of your 1M excuses. Dog walkers make good, all cash money. That is a fact.

 

You keep going back and back over the same scorched earth without trying to make your life better (walking is not helping), so there is no point to me posting anymore here.

[Itspointless]

You keep going back and back over the same scorched earth without trying to make your life better (walking is not helping),

Well to Protec his defense anxious attached people do just that. Our brains are wired like that. I predict that his brain still needs a long time to calm down. His brain still is in (panic) danger-mode. To your defense, as a rational being he should be able to see what he is doing and act upon it: sometimes we have to act or pretend to come into another mood. I love this video in that regard: Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript | TED.com

[Protec]

Ok Protec. You win. You have shot down yet another idea with another of your 1M excuses. Dog walkers make good, all cash money. That is a fact.

 

You keep going back and back over the same scorched earth without trying to make your life better (walking is not helping), so there is no point to me posting anymore here.

 

Newleaf, Not here. There is really no need for dog walkers where i live. Seriously. Trust me. I know where i live. Sure, i could put a flyer at my local shop, but i don't think anyone wants to give his/her dog to a 32 year old guy who has never owned a dog. Also, i am allergic to dogs. Also, "illicit work" here in finland is very frowned upon. If someone finds out someone pays you in cash and you don't let the government know that you don't pay taxes for your income...you are breaking the law and that leads you to other problems I respect you are trying to give me ideas, but PLEASE don't get angry if don't accept those.

 

And what do you say walking is not helping? It helps. It helps me relax, i listen music and walk in nature. It makes me feel better. Also i have started to run more during my walks. Little by litle i will increase the pace.

 

And i found a great job opportunity for myself. The local car dealership is looking for new trainees! That is a great opportunity, since i've been in job interview for that very same dealership few years ago.

 

Currenltly i am happy that my new track got positive feedback from Giuseppe Ottaviani!!! My childhood "hero" at least one of them in the music business. I am so excited that my 2nd single will be released worldwide!

 

I am getting more stable but i admit my mind goes back and forth. But definitely better than week ago.

 

But i am still going between self-blame and anger, sometimes i feel fine but then i remember how happy i was when i was with her...and then i remember how sad i was with her. But she will part of me forever since she is part of my upcoming single "The Horizon". She inspired me.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Protec

[Itspointless]

"illicit work" here in finland is very frowned upon. If someone finds out someone pays you in cash and you don't let the government know that you don't pay taxes for your income...you are breaking the law and that leads you to other problems [...] And i found a great job opportunity for myself. The local car dealership is looking for new trainees! That is a great opportunity, since i've been in job interview for that very same dealership few years ago.

Yeah same here. You have to be registered as an entrepreneur, which has a lot of consequences that are not smart for someone in your position. Protec are you sure that the traineeship is not aged limited? Here at least all knowledge intensive traineeships are for people to the age of 25, sometimes 30 (which sucks). Talent apparently is also age-limited, lol.

[Protec]

Yeah same here. You have to be registered as an entrepreneur, which has a lot of consequences that are not smart for someone in your position. Protec are you sure that the traineeship is not aged limited? Here at least all knowledge intensive traineeships are for people to the age of 25, sometimes 30 (which sucks). Talent apparently is also age-limited, lol.

 

The trainee position is open for everyone who has some experience of working in sales before.

 

I don't lose anything by applying

 

Looked some school classes but there is nothing interesting for me.

 

I still see dreams of my ex. I still think of her :/ NC is easy to hold but this feeling of not getting a good closure is eating me up. I know there is no anwer. There are hundreds of stories about dating bipolar people who just suddenly leave after saying "i love you" few days earlier.

 

I feel terribly lonely at evenings. I really do miss talking with her.

[Protec]

So...it's friday night and i can't think anything else than heat up my sauna after i've done my daily walk / run. And maybe watch a movie and hit the bed.

 

I am not yet confortable about meeting other people, as it may do good to me, but it also can backfire and make me feel even worse. And i am not yet ready to meet new women at the moment.

 

Also nightclubs can be very lonely places as i am not the #1 guy when it comes to smalltalk or trying to hit women. I am terribly shy closing females (due to low self esteem?) I know i have nothing to worry about but stilll...

 

Well, maybe some other weekend?

 

What do you think? Are nightclubs good places? Usually they are too loud places to do any kind of small talk anyway. also i am afraid i will run into my EX.

 

As there are not that many places persons my age can go to. Most of the places are targeted at 18-25 year olds.

 

Well, i guess nightclubs are not everybodys thing.

 

ALso i thought about tinder but i don't know... It could help if i'd get some likes from women...but again it could backfire and make me feel even more terrible.

 

Maybe i just now concentrate being on my own for a moment. I am just so terribly lonely. I don't even want to invite friends at my place because i have no couch.

 

Blergh.

[Itspointless]

What do you think? Are nightclubs good places? Usually they are too loud places to do any kind of small talk anyway.

No, I do not think they are good places. It are places filled with hormones.

 

I think sportclubs or meet-ups are better places for you to just meet people.

[Protec]

No, I do not think they are good places. It are places filled with hormones.

 

I think sportclubs or meet-ups are better places for you to just meet people.

 

Yeah. Those few times i've been in nightclubs even with friends, i usually feel like an outsider. I did have fun with my Ex though...which was very strange for me.

 

Well, it's too soon for me anyways to try to meet women. But i would not mind some complany :/ BUT!

 

I need to learn how to be alone. When i can be confy by myself, then i will get rid of my codepencency. =)

[Itspointless]

Yeah. Those few times i've been in nightclubs even with friends, i usually feel like an outsider. I did have fun with my Ex though...which was very strange for me.

 

Well, it's too soon for me anyways to try to meet women. But i would not mind some complany :/ BUT!

 

I need to learn how to be alone. When i can be confy by myself, then i will get rid of my codepencency. =)

Hm, well ... Learning to be alone is good. But being able to be comfortable alone and not being codependent are two different entities that influence each-other. Both are important. But knowing how to be alone does not lead to not being codependent.

Edited August 12, 2016 by Itspointless

[SoulCat]

I don't even want to invite friends at my place because i have no couch.

 

 

How about reaching out to your friends saying 'Hey guys, I'd love to get you all round to my place but I'm currently a bit light on furniture. Anybody have an old couch they no longer need?'

 

You could thank them by cooking them a meal, or host a movie & popcorn night.

 

You'd be surprised how many folks have old furniture stored away in their garage, attics etc that they'd love to get rid off.

 

 

Give it a try, you've got nothing to lose and a possible couch to gain.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't they just have regular bars/pubs where you live? Not a nightclub but a quieter bar where you can sit back, talk, watch sports if you want, etc?

[Protec]

How about reaching out to your friends saying 'Hey guys, I'd love to get you all round to my place but I'm currently a bit light on furniture. Anybody have an old couch they no longer need?'

 

You could thank them by cooking them a meal, or host a movie & popcorn night.

 

You'd be surprised how many folks have old furniture stored away in their garage, attics etc that they'd love to get rid off.

 

 

Give it a try, you've got nothing to lose and a possible couch to gain.

 

There is no room for couch at the moment in my apartment. I have so big bed it does not fit in the bedroom, so my computer is in my bedroom and my bed is in my livingroom taking up so much space. I should probably try to move the bed to the bedroom but i need to ask help for that. It weighs so much i cannot move it alone.

[Protec]

Don't they just have regular bars/pubs where you live? Not a nightclub but a quieter bar where you can sit back, talk, watch sports if you want, etc?

 

Yeah of course we have those. And i prefer bars/pubs more. Still i feel bit unfomfy going such places alone.

 

Suddenly i notice all my friends almost have families, kids, job, etc. life of their own and they don't have time to spend with me like "good old days". I guess that's life.

 

I was so happy when i found my GF....too bad it ended like that. Oh well, probably i would had to give up my music hobby if i'd actually moved in with her.

[Itspointless]

Suddenly i notice all my friends almost have families, kids, job, etc. life of their own and they don't have time to spend with me like "good old days". I guess that's life.

You will get used to that, I am now. Good friends will stick with you, but in another frequency. Never let examples of other people dictate what you are supposed to do. Try and find people who like the same things as you. Meet-up is one way to do that, hobby-clubs another. There are also meet-up groups for running.

Edited August 13, 2016 by Itspointless

[Protec]

You will get used to that, I am now. Good friends will stick with you, but in another frequency. Never let examples of other people dictate what you are supposed to do. Try and find people who like the same things as you. Meet-up is one way to do that, hobby-clubs another. There are also meet-up groups for running.

 

That is one thing i need to deal with in myself. It seems that i do not accept myself fully as i am.

 

I remember when one woman asked me "Is there something wrong with you because you don't like nightclubs?!"

 

I just...rather spend my money in better way than drinking down my throat. But it depends. of couse i can visit nightclubs if the company is right, but alone?

 

I feel like some sort of freak if i don't do things that are socially "normal". Like going out to party every weekend.

 

I admit it could do good to me to go out...but i dunno...i feel strange at the moment.

 

I need to find a wayto make myself happy.

 

I know one night stands are not the thing. I am too sensitive for that kind of stuff. As i once learned when i had sex with a woman i did not care that much about, i felt terrible afterwards. So it's not just sex i am looking for...

 

I just feel so different. Everyone is having fun at weekends ****ing whatever the can, they get drunk, dance. Why can't i be like that? Do i want to be like that?

 

I know i want to party sometimes, with my ex i had one hell of a time at the cruise boat dance floor. I really felt alive. But...i was there with a person i cared about. I shared that moment with her.

 

Doing that with unknown person? No. I would have not enjoyed it.

 

Oh god i feel like i am losing my mind

 

Maybe i need to stop overthinking.

[Itspointless]

Not everyone is the same Protec. When I take personally-tests - I even had one taken by a professional coach/psychologist at my previous job - I always end up in a very rare category. So that means that my normal is not per se normal for others: most of the time it is not. Is that a problem? Heck no. If for example people have a problem with the fact that I often need alone time too well that is their problem, not mine. More and more I am accepting who I am, not who people want me to be.

 

People who ask if there is something wrong with you only show you that there is something wrong with their imagination. Normal does not exist, average does.

Edited August 14, 2016 by Itspointless

[Protec]

Not everyone is the same Protec. When I take personally-tests - I even had one taken by a professional coach/psychologist at my previous job - I always end up in a very rare category. So that means that my normal is not per se normal for others: most of the time it is not. Is that a problem? Heck no. If for example people have a problem with the fact that I often need alone time too well that is their problem, not mine. More and more I am accepting who I am, not who people want me to be.

 

People who ask if there is something wrong with you only show you that there is something wrong with their imagination. Normal does not exist, average does.

 

Very nice answer. That is true, normal does not exist. Average does.

My normal is weird to someone else and vice versa.

 

I definitely suffer from low self-esteem, as least at the moment, but i think it has been there in some way or another for some time.

 

Found this website: Fear & anxiety, Self-esteem attacks, Lack of self-confidence, workaholic behavior, poor boundaries, Sorensen Interactive Self-Esteem Test

 

And definitely there are things that match me, so most of my problems are most likely caused by low self esteem. Sure, some days i may feel fine, i am brave and even talk to the pretty cashier at nearby shop, i feel great, etc. etc.

 

I should be happy about my new song getting released....

[Protec]

Also starting to notice again that almost any of my friends never call me, i am always the one to take contact.

 

But it has been that way my whole life. I have no idea what is.

[Itspointless]

Also starting to notice again that almost any of my friends never call me, i am always the one to take contact.

 

But it has been that way my whole life. I have no idea what is.

It probably is a pattern, as lovers and friends do not have to take any action to get attention by you. But before we can reach that conclusion you also must ask yourself, have I paid attention to them when I had a girlfriend?

 

some guys only return when they are dumped. Those people are often removed from my list of friends.

[Protec]

True, true.

 

Again i saw dreams about my ex. She is STILL in my mind almost every hour. Still trying to figure out what she meant and what she didnt. It's pointless. But maybe little by little i will lose the "habit".

 

STill miss her very much. I don't even know why. After all she put me through...

 

I remember when we started dating and i asked her "I hope you didn't just get me for sex". With a jokey voice i said it.

 

"Hah, i could have had anyone for just sex". She said with a serious tone of voice and laughed. That was a HUGE red flag there. She said it so proudly...

 

I should have been a man already back then and walked away. From the very first time when she dumped me at new years eve...i shoud have not caved in. "Sorry, i demand loyalty from my woman which you obviously lack. See ya".

 

That would be the perfect answer. The would have showed her that i respect myself and not let any woman just use me as a toy.

 

And i once rejected a woman because of that reason. I talked with a woman online and was asking if we could meet. "Well, if the other 2 dates i have turn out bad then i can go out with you". I responded immeaditely "Sorry but i am not your backup. Bye".

 

So i do know how to turn people down. But for my ex...i was already attracted to her. So i decided, what the hell, let's give it another shot.

 

I dunno, part of me is glad i stayed with her. I did have fun times, i did learn a LOT from her and also i learned a lot about myself.

 

I wonder if she will ever change...

[LD1990]

Will she ever change? Probably not, but who the **** cares?

 

Imagine the man you want to be. Visualize it. Get a clear mental picture of what you want to be like, physically, mentally, how you carry yourself, your career, etc. And then work your ass off to become that person. You can't change the past, you can't change how you acted with this bimbo, but you can change how you act going forward.

[Simon Phoenix]

I wonder if she will ever change...

 

Not for you. Because there's no reason to. And you need to stop wondering about this. C'mon dude.