So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

I apologized my behaviour from my ex. I went at her place and apologized. She forgave me.

 

I feel better now but still i need help for my issues.

[Protec]

And i just came to say that i blocked her number and deleted her.

 

No more crazy women in my life and now i can finally start concentrating on healing.

[Protec]

BEcause of my own foolishness, i have to start the NC again from scratch. But this time it will keep.

 

I managed to keep one month already, and i failed when she contacted me. This time i will succeed! I have already taken some steps to right direction.

 

If i keep thinking "you already managed one month! You can do it again!" I will succeed.

And if she ever contacts me, some way, i will say her this "F*ck off, i don't give a damn."

[BlueIris]

I mean this is a serious matter. I really need to get this under control. It may ruin my whole life if i hurt someone again.

 

I feel so terrible about hurting her. And i know it doesn't sound like it, but i cared about her very much. ...

 

And that person's life. It could do damage to any other person you hurt.

Learn to walk away and close the door for good and forever in peace before other people get hurt.

It is wonderful of your sister to be helping you with this. When you get angry, shift your focus to the generosity and love your sister is giving. It will help diffuse your anger.

[wow123]

BEcause of my own foolishness, i have to start the NC again from scratch. But this time it will keep.

 

I managed to keep one month already, and i failed when she contacted me. This time i will succeed! I have already taken some steps to right direction.

 

If i keep thinking "you already managed one month! You can do it again!" I will succeed.

And if she ever contacts me, some way, i will say her this "F*ck off, i don't give a damn."

 

Why are you still planning how you'll react to next contact? This girl is literally going to destroy the rest of your life if you continue down this path.

Edited September 7, 2016 by wow123

[Protec]

Why are you still planning how you'll react to next contact? This girl is literally going to destroy the rest of your life if you continue down this path.

 

I was upset when wrote it last night.

 

I will NOT contact her anymore and i will not respond to her anymore. IT's time for me to move on. This has been the most awful breakup in my whole life.

[Protec]

And that person's life. It could do damage to any other person you hurt.

Learn to walk away and close the door for good and forever in peace before other people get hurt.

It is wonderful of your sister to be helping you with this. When you get angry, shift your focus to the generosity and love your sister is giving. It will help diffuse your anger.

 

Yes i am really thankful to my sister. She is genuinely worried about my health. I am not saying i try to get rid of anger. Anger is healthy emotion if it's kept under control. I just need to learn how to control it and express it in healthy way.

[Itspointless]

Anger is healthy emotion if it's kept under control. I just need to learn how to control it and express it in healthy way.

Anger is a healthy emotion - yes

if it's kept under control - no

I just need to learn how to control it - no

and express it in a healthy way - yes

[Protec]

Anger is a healthy emotion - yes

if it's kept under control - no

I just need to learn how to control it - no

and express it in a healthy way - yes

 

Well yeah. It came out wrong. But you translated my message pretty well.

 

Having my 2nd day of NC, AGAIN. But somehow i don't feel as bad as i thought i would feel. I have appointment with my Psychiatic Nurse in an hour. I think it's the last appointment because i am going to Psychotherapist as well.

 

I have next appointment with psychotherapist next week. Also i should get my self the apppointment with psychiatrist. God it sounds like i am all mentally insane

 

I want to than you all, everyone for your help and i am truly sorry i was too weak to obey your instructions. I know you all meant well and wanted me to get well too, i appreciate that.

 

You are all worth of gold and sorry if i have snapped back at you people sometimes.

 

This whole thing has been an absolute mess and honestly this has been the most awful breakup in my life. I have never been in this state, ever in my life.

 

I have been under so much stress, my head is a mess because of all this.

 

I feel like i want to make a song for you guys. MAybe i will. When i get my head back in order and i can actually concentrate on making music again.

 

I will keep posting here something now and then. Because at the moment i am feeling quite good but i know i will come down sooner or later. This is not over yet.

[Itspointless]

Well yeah. It came out wrong. But you translated my message pretty well.

 

Having my 2nd day of NC, AGAIN. But somehow i don't feel as bad as i thought i would feel. I have appointment with my Psychiatic Nurse in an hour. I think it's the last appointment because i am going to Psychotherapist as well.

 

I have next appointment with psychotherapist next week. Also i should get my self the apppointment with psychiatrist. God it sounds like i am all mentally insane

 

I want to than you all, everyone for your help and i am truly sorry i was too weak to obey your instructions. I know you all meant well and wanted me to get well too, i appreciate that.

 

You are all worth of gold and sorry if i have snapped back at you people sometimes.

Don't know if we are worth of gold, but you see snapping back or exploding is what at the bottom of it: it are behaviors and believes you have learned that you need to investigate for yourself. You always tried to control it - as there has been fear beneath it when young -but essentially it is about clear and honest communication and feeling secure to do so. Even though there are sometimes people who are a pain in the ass. With such people it sometimes is better to control yourself at that moment and let it out a little afterwards in a constructive way.

 

Also investigate why you have have these defensive (?)thoughts against going to psychologists or psychiatrists (you not alone with that one). Do you think it makes you weak? I personally found it strong when people take the steps to learn more about themselves or ask help with the fact of living and the existential problems they encounter. I rather meet these people than people who haven't investigated themselves, as usually it are the latter who cause problems or project their problems onto you.

[marky00]

Is this a different girl from the breakup in 2015?

[Protec]

Also investigate why you have have these defensive (?)thoughts against going to psychologists or psychiatrists (you not alone with that one). Do you think it makes you weak? I personally found it strong when people take the steps to learn more about themselves or ask help with the fact of living and the existential problems they encounter. I rather meet these people than people who haven't investigated themselves, as usually it are the latter who cause problems or project their problems onto you.

 

I am not defensive, i am seeing psychotherapist now and also i saw my Psychiatric Nurse today. She has been very helpful. I have never lauhged or kept people who see mental health professionals weak. Never ever. When i was younger i went to see psychiatrist because of depression when my mother died. Lots of people go to psychologist or so. There is nothing embarrasing there.

 

I am more worried about what other people think about me...

 

But as i saw the nurse today, it helped me a lot. It's great talking with her as she doesn't judge me, and she sees i am completely normal person although i have some anger problems obviously, she said "you have no reason going to psychiatrist". That made me feel so good.

 

Also as i told about my ex's behaviour, nurse said it definitely sounds like mania symptoms (bipolar), and it started when the sun started to shine. Bipolar people usually get mania during summer...

 

And as i remember my ex's words "i love this feeing, i am going to enjoy this while it lasts" or something like that.

 

First time during these months i actually felt i am not the insane one. Of course i did stupid things and i need help for that as i have had those problems before.¨I need to find healthy way to express myself so i don't get angry.

 

And as the nurse said too, anger is healthy emotion and when used right you can do even great things.

 

Finally i felt better. I was actually smiling when i left the nurses office.

[Itspointless]

I am not defensive, i am seeing psychotherapist now and also i saw my Psychiatric Nurse today. She has been very helpful. I have never lauhged or kept people who see mental health professionals weak. Never ever. When i was younger i went to see psychiatrist because of depression when my mother died. Lots of people go to psychologist or so. There is nothing embarrasing there.

 

I am more worried about what other people think about me...

 

But as i saw the nurse today, it helped me a lot. It's great talking with her as she doesn't judge me, and she sees i am completely normal person although i have some anger problems obviously, she said "you have no reason going to psychiatrist". That made me feel so good.

 

Also as i told about my ex's behaviour, nurse said it definitely sounds like mania symptoms (bipolar), and it started when the sun started to shine. Bipolar people usually get mania during summer...

 

And as i remember my ex's words "i love this feeing, i am going to enjoy this while it lasts" or something like that.

 

First time during these months i actually felt i am not the insane one. Of course i did stupid things and i need help for that as i have had those problems before.¨I need to find healthy way to express myself so i don't get angry.

 

And as the nurse said too, anger is healthy emotion and when used right you can do even great things.

 

Finally i felt better. I was actually smiling when i left the nurses office.

Sometimes you take things said a bit too literal, but perhaps that is - as with me - that English is your second language. What I meant is that perhaps it is a defensive strategy, and I hear your next remark: oftentimes that is unconscious and is better to be discovered in therapy than told by someone else to be honest.

 

I am happy to read that you do not see it as weak to go to these people. I do hope though you told your psychologist my remark from last week that you need to work on your on inner perfectionist and critic, as it are those that are on top of the root of why you are so worried about what people think about you. That in combination with you insecure attachment. I have been working on these things for years myself and recognize it with you.

 

Perhaps the psychiatrist is not needed, but personally I am happy you have to go there for that test. A psychiatrist has more use than only help the insane

 

Protec, your ex clearly had problems, but the fact that you kept going back was and is worrisome. You need to go to the core of that. Plus you need to work on processing your anger in a good way, so you wont be that guy that ends up in prison because he went mental for a minute or two and killed someone. Mind you, these things often happen in rage or while drunk, or ....

[Protec]

Sometimes you take things said a bit too literal, but perhaps that is - as with me - that English is your second language. What I meant is that perhaps it is a defensive strategy, and I hear your next remark: oftentimes that is unconscious and is better to be discovered in therapy than told by someone else to be honest.

 

I am happy to read that you do not see it as weak to go to these people. I do hope though you told your psychologist my remark from last week that you need to work on your on inner perfectionist and critic, as it are those that are on top of the root of why you are so worried about what people think about you. That in combination with you insecure attachment. I have been working on these things for years myself and recognize it with you.

 

Perhaps the psychiatrist is not needed, but personally I am happy you have to go there for that test. A psychiatrist has more use than only help the insane

 

Protec, your ex clearly had problems, but the fact that you kept going back was and is worrisome. You need to go to the core of that. Plus you need to work on processing your anger in a good way, so you wont be that guy that ends up in prison because he went mental for a minute or two and killed someone. Mind you, these things often happen in rage or while drunk, or ....

 

Yes it may be the reason why i take things literally because english is not my first language and sometimes i write things and they come out bit wrong.

 

Yes, i talked with the nurse today that i have noticed i am too critical towards myself and perfectionist because i have also noticed it myself.

 

I think most of my core problems come from low self esteem .

 

Even the nurse wondered why i wanted to spend time with that woman. I seriously have no answer. I understand that the person is toxic for me and there is no way to have a relationship with that woman.

 

But, this is a good start.

 

I am exited about all this. I really want to find "myself" again. I think years of bullying did some damage to me and i never recovered fully.

 

But we'll see!

 

Thanks for your kind words ItsPointless.

[Protec]

Managed to hold my line last night. My ex tried to call me at 5 in the morning. I did not answer. LAter she sent again the longest text message where she tells she needs me and i am her soulmate, but she is afraid of me.

 

I am really worried about her. I know, i should be worried about myself. But Her behaviour has gone downhill ever since we broke up.

I just hope i could go to her apartment and pour every drop of alcohol down from the drain. But i can't.

 

She needs to solve her problems without me. I was there, i wanted to help and she pushed me away countless of times.

 

I mean just tuesday i was threatened by police and she told me to "f'ck off" so to speak.

And now again she tries to call me and sends messages how i am her soulmate...

 

You don't ditch your soulmates like that. You don't tell your soulmate to "f'ck off" and ask them to come back few days later.

 

And i failed too, i was very drunk last night but i did not call her or anyone else. I was just installing windows 10

 

Sorry i wrote about my ex. I should just concentrate on healing. But i can't help it. I really am worried about that woman. I don't want anything bad to happen to her. Her behaviour has been completely out of control for months now.

 

Ever since that amusement park trip her condition has gone downhill rapidly. There is no one to look after her anymore. And my nurse said at thursday that it sounds like she is suffering from mania.

 

I'm just worried about her, that's all.

[Blanco]

Managed to hold my line last night. My ex tried to call me at 5 in the morning. I did not answer. LAter she sent again the longest text message where she tells she needs me and i am her soulmate, but she is afraid of me.

 

And i just came to say that i blocked her number and deleted her.

 

*sigh*

 

C'mon.

[Protec]

*sigh*

 

C'mon.

 

I can't keep her blocked. I did it once, but i put it back... i can' do it. I have never blocked anyone in my life.

 

But i did not respond to her phonecall, or her text message. I read it and that's it.

 

And i will not respond to her or contact her.

[xxoo]

I can't keep her blocked. I did it once, but i put it back... i can' do it. I have never blocked anyone in my life.

 

But i did not respond to her phonecall, or her text message. I read it and that's it.

 

And i will not respond to her or contact her.

 

You can block her. You don't want to. Be honest with yourself, at least.

[Blanco]

I can't keep her blocked. I did it once, but i put it back... i can' do it. I have never blocked anyone in my life.

 

But i did not respond to her phonecall, or her text message. I read it and that's it.

 

And i will not respond to her or contact her.

 

Yeah, because it's worked out great for you so far.

 

You love drama.

[Blanco]

Think about it: You're a woman beater now because you refused to block her. You've learned NOTHING.

[ExpatInItaly]

]I can't keep her blocked. I did it once' date=' but i put it back... i can' do it. [/b']I have never blocked anyone in my life.

 

But i did not respond to her phonecall, or her text message. I read it and that's it.

 

And i will not respond to her or contact her.

 

And how did that work out for you?

 

Clearly, you love the drama too.

[Blanco]

There is literally not one good reason to not have her blocked at this point. You apologized for your actions and that should be the end of her in your life. Who cares if you didn't respond? She still gets to reserve a massive amount of space in your head with any attempt at contact.

 

It just blows my mind that after all this time and after all these apparent rock bottom episodes, you still cannot get out of your own way. Even people who learn things the hard way eventually realize that a stove is hot. But you? You cannot stop reaching for it no matter how burnt your hand gets.

[Protec]

just came from my 2nd psychotherapy session and i am relieved that my behaviour is normal. Of course there is this issue me, why i stay in toxic relationships and why i keep going back.

 

She made a list. "Now tell me about the good sides and bad sides of her". I told. And eventually when i looked at the list i noticed myself it too, it's completely CRAZY trying even try to be friends with that person.

 

And also she told it's no wonder if i am bit unstable for trying to handle that kind of rollercoaster in my mind.

 

But i talked about my ex with my therapist and she said what ever she did, was not because of her illness, but because of her nature. And i am talking about the narcissistic behaviour in her.

 

That is just her. Not her illness. She is like that. She cleared that mania can cause recless behaviour etc. but it should not switch back and forth that fast.

 

But i am happy, maybe i can finally understand more about myself and why i let people abuse me.

 

Also i allowed her behaviour, so basically when i did try to help my ex, i actually made it worse. It seems like a good idea, "i will do everything for her so she will be well!" but actually it just makes things worse. I tolerate, and tolerate so eventually she learned she can do anything and always come back. Because i hate conflicts so i don't set healthy boundaries.

 

Sure my therapist wondered why i allow myself to be treated that way. Why i stayed? And why i went back?

 

My ex claims she is my soulmate, but you don't treat your souldmates or friends like that.

 

I spent a day with my ex, we had fun but i didn't do it to get her back. I did it to have a nice day. And now i feel fine. I feel somehow different.

 

Maybe because again at monday she said that i am her soulmate and she feels complete with me etc. and yesterday she suddenly sent me a text that i am the reason why she is losing custody. Yes. SHe has had 2 talks with social workers in 6 months.

 

She got child custody complaint made by her own nurse this time. So that's how messed up that person is.

 

But anyway, i am happy i am finalyl starting to go to the psychotherapy sessions and i really hope i can change my behaviour and find myself a healthy self-esteem.

 

As blanco and others have said that i don't have it, you were right and i see that myself now too.

 

Also i try to please people too much, that is causing trouble. I don't see myself as a pushover because i just try to be friendly. But unfortunately it backfires and others see me as pushover so they treat me like they want and because i lack healthy self-esteem i let people to treat me like a pushover and because i hate conflicts, i tolerate the bad behaviour until i snap And that causes the anger management problem.

 

Whew. I hope i sound more healthy than some time ago.

[Itspointless]

Sure my therapist wondered why i allow myself to be treated that way. Why i stayed? And why i went back?

I doubt she wonders about it, or you should look for another therapist who asks the right questions. But it seems that someone with authority has the power to convince you, that is a positive thing.

[VeveCakes]

I thought you blocked her? I mean its great you are finally in therapy but you still allowing her in your life!!

 

Block her!

Dont ever visit her! You are fooling yourself if you think you can handle that.