So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Itspointless]

Protec, she is bipolar. This is what a relationship with her will look like for everyone. She isn't calling it that way, but it is. There really is no other thing to investigate about it: this is who she is and this is what you two have.

 

The unfortunate thing is that her kids are attaching to you. That means it will hurt them when you are not there with any explanation to them. It further means they will feel it like you are abandoning them. In itself that is a recipe for some insecure attachments (if they are not already in for it with their mother, which I guess they are). You have some responsibility there too.

[sooshi]

 

I know that i don't want a woman who thinks it's mans job:

 

- To get her a car

- Pay all restaurant bills

- Build a house

- Have lots of money

- To be a man slave

 

And she keeps saying "you will get yourself a nice woman." Gee. Thanks.

 

Are you sure?

 

Because this is what you're getting, and it's what you seem to be really happy with since you continue to spend time with her and talk about how happy and amazing that time is.

[Mumbles]

Protec, she is bipolar. This is what a relationship with her will look like for everyone. She isn't calling it that way, but it is. There really is no other thing to investigate about it: this is who she is and this is what you two have.

 

This ...

 

I followed the first several pages of this thread and have skimmed and speed read through most of the rest. I didn't catch anyone else saying what you have here.

 

She's bipolar

 

Thats the end of the question right there. No more answers, no trying to see if she will ever see the world the same way as others do ... she won't ... ever ....

 

The mood swings, the sudden disappearances and weird responses to situations (no, you can't come in the house even though you are here), the promiscuity ... its all classic bipolar symptoms and you will never -ever- change that. Medication will dull the worst of it, from the outside worlds perspective, but it will also leave her feeling 'dull' and not at all happy.

 

So, its going to come down to you, the OP. Being a doormat, or being supportive and loving and a million other things will never 'turn her around', if you could live a thousand lifetimes it will never be.

 

The decision for you is whether you can deal or not. Thats all there is.

 

When she has a mood swing, can you deal? You can't talk her though it, she's not being logical at these times, you simply have to deal. When she wanders off one afternoon and ends up sleeping with a random guy she met at the mall ... can you deal?

 

There are tenuous links being made in the literature between bipolar and ADD or ADHD, these are -not- the same condition, but, depending on the person, there can be a fair number of correlated experiences and reactions and drives.

 

I mention this because my wife is strongly ADHD. Its a challenge, but to be in a relationship with someone like this you need to do some research on the condition and understand that the 'normal' societal contract will never work. The whole carrot-stick, good deeds encourage good deeds, and certainly not any form of passive aggressive behavior is going to have the slightest impact on your other half.

 

A trap that all to easy for couples dealing with either bipolar or ADHD to fall into is that of the parent-child. The condition sufferer becomes the 'child' and the other partner becomes the parent in a weird self destructive symbioses. Don't do that. Maintain your own strength and your own independence. Run your own life, independently and invite her to join in that with you to whatever depth she is able to maintain as she swings from one extreme to the other.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Personally, as a single father, with young children, no way would I be involved with such a woman. NO WAY. Frankly, w/o children, I would in no way entertain the idea of having to deal with such a condition. Like so many people, they remember and hold onto the good, but forget the bad. Again and again...You are not obligated to stay with her. If you want to help, do so as a friend not a boyfriend.

 

I agree with Mumbles. Do you research and find out what you need to do to prepare if you are willing to take on this situation. I'm sorry, but I didn't read all of the posts. Has she been diagnosed? If not, how in the world are you going to deal with something that she doesn't acknowledge or may or may not exist?

 

Finally, as promising as Mumbles situation is....Bi-Polar IS IN NO WAY as manageable as ADHD...if that is her issue.

[Mumbles]

then she started it again. The same thing i've heard over and over again. "I have confused feelings for you. But seriously i need a man who pays for restaurant bills. A man who can build a house when necessary" and some other stuff. Basically the same thing she said 4 months ago.

 

I think its possible you are misinterpreting her message here. Yes, seems pretty straightforward gold digger statement ... from someone not suffering bipolar. It can be a cruel condition. When she's not having an 'episode' she'll be quite lucid and will have an awareness that she's not always so... thats the cruelty of it.

 

Anyway, lets just step back from the emotion a little bit and have another look at what she said. In someone living the life she is, I'd be much more inclined to take that as:

 

I know I can't keep my **** together, and I need to be with a 'rock' who can.

 

Thats how I'd read that.

 

Never give more than you want to give and give those things freely ... but keep your independence.

 

You will never be able to 'build' a life with her, in the sense of starting small and gradually over your married decades building something large. As I said in my previous post, the only hope you have, to keep this girl romantically in your life, is to stay independent, build your own life and your own strengths and invite her to join you in those things without, I might add, transferring any sort of legal (or other) liability from you to her or her to you.

 

That last seems so counter to our understanding of modern romantical love and relationships, but, she will bury you, at a moments notice, financially if you somehow end up becoming fiscally intertwined. Almost certainly this won't be malicious, but it will be real ... for you.

 

 

Again she contradicts herself. Just 3 days ago she said she would never want to lose me as i am so much fun and how i feel like her best friend etc.

 

She will, and you pointing it out won't make the slightest bit of difference. You can't "teach" her the error of her ways as you see them. Again, this stuff isn't coming from a malicious personality, its coming from a diagnosed condition. You might as well scream at the wind. She's a force of nature, deal ... or don't ... we're all free.

 

 

Oh and best part, she GAVE me permission to date "You can go and date other people now". "meet new people so you know what you want from your partner" I have dated enough people to know what i want.

 

I get this from my wife all the time (though as I say in messages above, she's ADHD, not bipolar). Its a multifaceted statement that ultimately is meaningless. On the one hand, she knows she's not 'well' in the sense that most of us understand that word, she feels for you and wants the best for you - at times that might seem to be in the arms of another woman. On the other hand, she's testing you as well, which is a common enough thing.

 

I don't respond as there's no right answer and actions speak louder than words in any case. The fact is, I AM HERE, of my own volition.

 

 

I know that i don't want a woman who thinks it's mans job:

 

- To get her a car

- Pay all restaurant bills

- Build a house

- Have lots of money

- To be a man slave

 

All women want this - get over it.

 

Being a 'man' means giving of those things you have which you -want- to give and not a bit more. This is not to imply stinginess or hardheartedness, its just simple fact and self preservation.

 

If you have the means to give her a car, and more importantly still, you -want- to give her a car, then give her one. If you don't, then ... well... don't.

 

If you are feeling the pressure of 'give me these things I want or I will leave you' ... well, thats just extortion pure and simple. See if she leaves ... if she does, well, theres your answer - my bet is that she won't though.

[Mumbles]

Finally, as promising as Mumbles situation is....Bi-Polar IS IN NO WAY as manageable as ADHD...if that is her issue.

 

Oh yes, I agree and I know. My first wifes sister had bipolar and I know they are quite different conditions as I say in my message above.

 

There is a crossover of behaviour though in many (though by no means all) instances, determined to a large degree by the personalities involved and the severity of their condition.

 

I only really mentioned ADHD because my wife has it, so, its a sort of disclaimer on my behalf and where I am coming from. I know absolutely that they are not the same.

[Protec]

Quick Update:

 

As i (foolishly) thought we were on good terms with her, asked her how was she doing.

 

Well. She hit me in the face with a 100kg slegdehammer.

 

"I am so sorry. There is too much fuss going on...I don't want to hurt you anymore so it's better we travel our separate ways".

 

After bit of text messaging, she was in a festival with her friend and with some guy she had met. And apparently her new guy was banging some other chick in a trailer so... Now she got cheated

 

All i sent was "deserves you right". Then she said "oh f! off and leave me alone and get a life!"

 

Such a sad ending for such a nice week...So i guess that was that then.

 

But i guess she found now what she was looking for. A guy like herself. I don't feel sorry AT ALL.

 

What amazes me is how god damn good liar she actually is. I really thought she asked me to amusement park to have fun with her and her kids. But now it seems she asked me just to be another babysitter, since i know she could not have handled the kids byherself.

 

And i just said her week ago "if you are dating someone else, please let me know".

Well, guess she was banging 2 guys at once, but again, i was too naive to actually believe someone is cabable of something like that.

 

I am too god damn naive.

 

Still need my 80 euro shirt back from her

[Protec]

I had such a nice week...why do they always have to end like this? We actually separated on good terms on thursday.

 

"Let's keep in touch :)" "Let's :)"

 

The good memory i got from wednesday is now all messed up. As we kissed in the observation tower, how she took pictures of me....etc.

 

All is now buried under a image of her bangin some dude in a trailer at some festival, and how she got cheated by that very same dude

 

And she did not mention about me at all to that dude. "oh yeah btw, i just had sex with my ex 4 days ago and spent a day in amusement park".

 

How is someone able to pull stunt like that?

 

All those lies... "You are the best possible companion i could imagine having here". She said in the amusement park.

 

"I want to take you on a sex fair later on this year. I wish we could have even better sex than now..."

 

Well, it happened as you guys said would happen.... She kept me around as long as she found a new guy.

[ChickiePops]

Not to worry, she'll be back when she needs money. Then she'll go bang 5 more guys in a trailer, lather rinse repeat.

 

Move. On. Seriously...being a doormat is not even remotely sexy.

[Itspointless]

I am too god damn naive.

No Protec, you are not naive. You have the wisdom everyone is telling you here, you choose to stick your head in the sand every time. That is not naivety, that actually is stupidity.

 

naive

nʌɪˈiːv,nɑːˈiːv/

adjective

adjective: naive; comparative adjective: naiver; superlative adjective: naivest; adjective: naïve; comparative adjective: naïver; superlative adjective: naïvest

(of a person or action) showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgement.

"the rather naive young man had been totally misled"

 

(of a person) natural and unaffected; innocent.

"Andy had a sweet, naive look when he smiled"

 

stupidity

stʃʊˈpɪdɪti,stʃuːˈpɪdɪti,stjʊˈpɪdɪti,stjuːˈpɪdɪti/

noun

noun: stupidity; plural noun: stupidities

behaviour that shows a lack of good sense or judgement.

 

the quality of being stupid or unintelligent.

"a comedy of infantile stupidity"

[BlueIris]

Quick Update:

 

As i (foolishly) thought we were on good terms with her, asked her how was she doing.

 

Well. She hit me in the face with a 100kg slegdehammer.

 

"I am so sorry. There is too much fuss going on...I don't want to hurt you anymore so it's better we travel our separate ways".

 

After bit of text messaging, she was in a festival with her friend and with some guy she had met. And apparently her new guy was banging some other chick in a trailer so... Now she got cheated

 

All i sent was "deserves you right". Then she said "oh f! off and leave me alone and get a life!"

 

Such a sad ending for such a nice week...So i guess that was that then.

 

But i guess she found now what she was looking for. A guy like herself. I don't feel sorry AT ALL.

 

What amazes me is how god damn good liar she actually is. I really thought she asked me to amusement park to have fun with her and her kids. But now it seems she asked me just to be another babysitter, since i know she could not have handled the kids byherself.

 

And i just said her week ago "if you are dating someone else, please let me know".

Well, guess she was banging 2 guys at once, but again, i was too naive to actually believe someone is cabable of something like that.

 

I am too god damn naive.

 

Still need my 80 euro shirt back from her

 

Let the shirt go.

 

Although it does give you an excuse to keep interacting with her and getting so pissed off, appalled, outraged by her behavior.

 

C’mon, Protec. She called it off a while ago and you kept hanging around and pretending that you two were still together. Time to stop condemning her.

 

Go NC and let the shirt go.

 

Oh, and you're not naive. You play the nice guy, ignore facts, and then get angry at her-- the not-nice faux-Nice Guy who'll get the attention and sex knowing exactly what the deal is, and then blame her.

[Protec]

Not to worry, she'll be back when she needs money. Then she'll go bang 5 more guys in a trailer, lather rinse repeat.

 

Move. On. Seriously...being a doormat is not even remotely sexy.

 

She cannot get money out from me. She has been using me just for sex and as a companion until she has found someone "better".

 

Good thing is that i hate her now. I really do.

 

Yes, i was stupid...stupidly i wanted to believe that her actions were good and honest, that she really meant when she said i was a nice person and all.

 

I am so angry at her. Or maybe i am angry at myself...for being stupid.

 

And yes, secretly i hoped we could have something again. All that sex and cloness, her kind words to me etc...How stupid of me to believe those.

 

I asked her many weeks ago that she would tell me if she finds a new guy and i would let her be...but no. She used me till the end. That's why she let me spend 3 nights at her place, she needed me to join the amusement park. She needed someone to look after her older kid. That's all i was. A babysitter...i had fun.

 

But it's pretty much ruined now.

Edited July 17, 2016 by Protec

[Itspointless]

Protec, she is bipolar! You cannot understand her from your frame. You are constantly trying to push a square into a triangle.

[BlueIris]

Protec, she is bipolar! You cannot understand her from your frame. You are constantly trying to push a square into a triangle.

 

That's right.

 

At some point, you realize that you can't keep damning that person with a mental illness and have compassion... or you leave if you can't handle it. Continuing to require something they can't give and then lashing out at them isn't nice or naive.

 

I know because I did it once. I have an ex who had untreated bipolar I w psychotic elements. Even married him! If you're "relatively" mentally healthy and they're not, how long can you justify being angry at them and making them responsible for the relationship? It eventually becomes cruel.

[Blanco]

She hasn't done anything wrong. She showed you who she was long ago. She has not presented herself as anything more than what and who she is. YOU are the one who's projected onto her what you want and think she should be.

[Protec]

She hasn't done anything wrong. She showed you who she was long ago. She has not presented herself as anything more than what and who she is. YOU are the one who's projected onto her what you want and think she should be.

 

You are right. I am angry at myself. She sent me a message that "it was just FWB thing...a friend thing."

 

But i cannot understand such concept. To me sex is something more. Also i don't understand what kind of FWB thing is when kids are involved!

 

You don't take your FWB buddy to amusement park with your kids! Or spend 3 days out from 7 with your FWB buddy!

 

And you definitely don't call your friend/fwb buddy a darling, or kiss them and praise how wonderful person you are.

 

**** that. I am so pissed. At myself, and at her.

 

I AM GLAD she got cheated by her new wonderful man. What a relationship it will be. It started with a cheating And basically my ex has cheated on this man long time now.

[Simon Phoenix]

She cannot get money out from me. She has been using me just for sex and as a companion until she has found someone "better".

 

Good thing is that i hate her now. I really do.

 

Yes, i was stupid...stupidly i wanted to believe that her actions were good and honest, that she really meant when she said i was a nice person and all.

 

I am so angry at her. Or maybe i am angry at myself...for being stupid.

 

And yes, secretly i hoped we could have something again. All that sex and cloness, her kind words to me etc...How stupid of me to believe those.

 

I asked her many weeks ago that she would tell me if she finds a new guy and i would let her be...but no. She used me till the end. That's why she let me spend 3 nights at her place, she needed me to join the amusement park. She needed someone to look after her older kid. That's all i was. A babysitter...i had fun.

 

But it's pretty much ruined now.

 

10 bucks says she'll text you again and you'll go after her like a lost puppy once again. You have no self-control.

[Blanco]

Stop blaming her. You went along with it.

 

How can you possibly be dumbfounded that a woman who was at risk of losing both of her children (ostensibly for being a crappy parent) would do things that aren't in her children's best interest, such as bringing men in and out of their lives?

[Itspointless]

Good thing is that i hate her now. I really do.

 

Yes, i was stupid...stupidly i wanted to believe that her actions were good and honest, that she really meant when she said i was a nice person and all.

 

I am so angry at her. Or maybe i am angry at myself...for being stupid.

Dude in a way you share something with her and that is black-and-white thinking. The terms good (honest) and wrong are not applicable here. And perhaps it still is a newsflash, but she probably does mean it when she says those things to you. It is that bipolar cycle remember: idolizing versus devaluing.

 

You still seem to think that she can help herself. Well I think we know the answer to that by now. Lets presume that you actually can help yourself, well who than is here to blame after bumping his head how many times?

 

Perhaps you should not hate her but pity her, it seems she has a sad life before her.

[Protec]

Well, at least there is no going back anymore. I unloaded every negative thought i had for her and sent it.

 

Yes. I did it. also to make sure she really hates me. Immature, yes. But i hate her so much. SO MUCH. She probably wanted me to feel sorry for her "my new man cheated me..." she got so pissed when i replied "deserves you right".

 

I want her to hate me. If she hates me she does not come running back when things go ****. She is not even sad.

 

"Relationships end. Time to move on."

 

Easy for her to say. Maybe she is having bipolar attack again since her language seemed different again...she is unmedicated because she stopped taking her medicines.

 

I pity her, and feel sorry for her new man, but still i hate her. And i hate myself.

 

I have no other choice but to hate her.

 

Stupid mixed feelings. Why did it have to go like this? I know it doesn't matter now. But why this week out of all? We had so much fun...we were like a family. Even the trip home was fun.

 

And now i feel bad for saying such evil things to her. "i hope your new man is an *******. You deserve one. I hope you cheat on him too like you cheated on me. You are lying, rotten human being, i hope nothing good happening to you. If you and your new man come across me, you better change direction."

 

I am so angry. Filled with anger, hate... It's been a while since i've actually cried.

 

Now i cry.

 

I tried my best. I wasn't enough. I still feel i lost an important person. As i learned so much from her.

 

Why did it have to end like this...on such bad terms.

[Blanco]

Why, after all this time, do you still seem so woefully uninformed about what bipolar actually entails?

 

How is that you can, after all this time, still be legitimately perplexed as to why a person with bipolar is acting so erratically?

 

Jesus.

[Protec]

Why, after all this time, do you still seem so woefully uninformed about what bipolar actually entails?

 

How is that you can, after all this time, still be legitimately perplexed as to why a person with bipolar is acting so erratically?

 

Jesus.

 

It's not easy to understand, at least not for me. To me her words are real, her behaviour is real. It's hard for me to think "hmm..maybe she is just ill now so she is acting this way".

 

As a human i want to believe the nice and caring side of her is the normal her...

 

She stopped taking her meds and that's why she is probably on a journey (still part of her), but i hate her for that reason. She does not believe the doctors, she stopped medicine on her own.

 

REsult of her illness or not, i had enough. I tried. I tried to be understanding, i tried to be caring, loving etc. The result "SOrry but i ****ed another guy so we cannot be friends anymore."

 

Too much. Yes, i should've ended this immeaditely after her adventures in Athens.

 

My fault. I could have ended this before it even started, but i lacked strength.

I just could not hate her back then. Even now i find it hard but this actually hurt me even more than her cheating.

 

BEcause back then when she cheated on me, we were basically broken up. We had no sex anymore, no closeness etc. so i kinda expected it.

 

But now we had so nice week with her and last week also i had some nice days with her so i though things are getting better between me and her. Then came this.

 

I really did not expect this....but i was afraid of this.

 

Now i need to enter NC. No matter how much pain i need to pull trough it.

[Protec]

Why i didn't believe you guys...why i was so stupid. This hurts 20x more than the cheating.

 

She is now "happily" dating someone else while i was left alone. Boom. Just like that. She doesn't even share a tear. I slept 3 hours last night. 3 HOURS. And the dreams i saw were all nightmares about her and her kids.

 

I woke up few times thought all this was just a bad dream then i remembered it was true. Too tired to go running, too tired to go to gym... :/

 

Now she had it all, she had me as her sex buddy and companion while she was searching for a new guy. "well didn't i tell you that you were free to do whatever you wanted? We were not together.". Yes. But i am not emotionless bitch like you are.

I cannot have FWB thing going on with anyone. Sex means more to me. Kissing and hugging means more.

[frigginlost]

Why i didn't believe you guys...why i was so stupid. This hurts 20x more than the cheating.

 

She is now "happily" dating someone else while i was left alone. Boom. Just like that. She doesn't even share a tear. I slept 3 hours last night. 3 HOURS. And the dreams i saw were all nightmares about her and her kids.

 

I woke up few times thought all this was just a bad dream then i remembered it was true. Too tired to go running, too tired to go to gym... :/

 

Now she had it all, she had me as her sex buddy and companion while she was searching for a new guy. "well didn't i tell you that you were free to do whatever you wanted? We were not together.". Yes. But i am not emotionless bitch like you are.

I cannot have FWB thing going on with anyone. Sex means more to me. Kissing and hugging means more.

 

Protec, we all told you this was going to happen. And to be honest, I truly believe it may happen again because you have a pattern that is just as glaring as hers.

 

But, if you truly hate her, despise her, and want to get even with her, there is only one thing that will accomplish that...

 

Ignore her.

 

As it always has been, the ball is in your court.

[Protec]

Protec, we all told you this was going to happen. And to be honest, I truly believe it may happen again because you have a pattern that is just as glaring as hers.

 

But, if you truly hate her, despise her, and want to get even with her, there is only one thing that will accomplish that...

 

Ignore her.

 

As it always has been, the ball is in your court.

 

I will never, ever go back to her. No matter how much she begs. I had enough. I slept 3 hours last night.

 

I am not mad for what she did, i am mad at what she said. "You are like my best friend..." you don't ditch your best friend when you find someone new.

 

I am angry because she doesn't even feel sad. I am angry because this is too big change for me in a short time.

 

Just few days ago i was having fun with her and her kids in amusement park. I honestly thought things had changed between us...but no. She just used me. I am sorry but i cannot see through lies...

 

If someone says to me "i love you". I believe them.

 

And that woman did not even tell her new guy she just had sex with me few days ago and spent a day in amusement park with her. She is a lying bitch.

She doesn't even wait and just jumps into a new relationship.

 

And i am angry at myself because i handled this bad. I should have just ignored her after she sent that "it's over" text. Maybe just send "ok." or not even that and let her be. But no.

 

I got so frustrated, so angry i wrote all kinds of evil stuff at her. I should have handled it like at Xmas. I just forgot about her after she sent "i'm back with my ex, we cannot be friends anymore". But back then i was not so emotionally involved with her...

 

And again i blame myself. Well i let this thing continue. All i wanted was that perfect summer day with her, i got it but now it got ruined by all this.

 

Now i have this image of being in amusement park with her mixed seeing her fooling around and having fun with her new guy.

 

Memory got ruined....every time i look at that picture i remember "this was taken at the week she found the new guy". Just 2 days!!!

 

Just 2 days after we were in amusement park kissing etc. she is ****ing a new guy already.

 

She really moves on fast.