So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

She's not lying to you - at the time she makes these moves and these comments she's being completely honest ...at...that...moment...

 

Yeah. That's what she always said. "At that moment i meant it. Today is different."

 

I know part of her behaviour was caused by her illness, but it was hard to understand. I knew when they are manic they do stupid stuff, like buy a plane ticket to athens and leave. And then cheat... but it still hurts.

[Protec]

Serious question: what is going to come out of this thread?

 

Is it only me who is seeing an unhealthy codependent entanglement between the OP and regular posters? The thread seems to go around in circles and just feeds some kind of need in the OP.

 

I know everyone wants to help but I'm wondering whether it's the opposite.

 

You are helping. Now i am 2nd day NC. I havent sent a thing to her.

This is tough as i keep thinking about her and last week all the time.

 

This is much tougher than i expected.

 

But as before, day after day i should feel better.

 

But i still miss her. That is weird. Why do i miss person like that?

[Protec]

I've been reading this thread and trying to refrain from posting in it. But I must say a couple of things.

 

 

If this woman is indeed diagnosed with bi-polar than everything you have experienced with her is very much what those who deal with a person with bi-polar experience. The confusing messages, the mood swings, the impulsivity and reckless behaviour, the very loving side and then the axe coming down for the sudden switch. They are very much Jekyl and Hyde and they will confuse you and reel you in and slam the door in your face when you think you can trust them. Loved ones of those with bi-polar are often abused.

 

I have a lot of experience dealing with a loved one who is bi-polar. Unless she is on lithium she will continue to be everything that is described in this thread. All the excuses that she makes for the meds and docs not working feel real to her because chances are the meds she is on are actually NOT working (unless it is lithium) so they get discouraged and drop the plan..

 

Well, her pdoc changed her OFF from lithium. Trust me, all these mood swings etc started when she changed her medicine.

 

She started have much more of the mood swings after her doc changed medicines because my ex told the doc the old ones wasn't working. But they worked MUCH better than the current ones which she now dropped off completely.

 

She never listened to me. I told her nicely that i have noticed a change in her mood swings after she changed meds and go back to those before.

 

But the reason she wanted to change meds was because she had lots of side effects...

 

I do feel sorry for her. It must be a horrible sickness. And the fact you constantly hurt your loved ones...

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

But i still miss her. That is weird. Why do i miss person like that?

 

Because of the moments of clarity that you experienced with her, those snippets of time stick with you and give you hope that they can change that they will be like that for the long term and it never happens. The cycle starts again and you get sucked in and then spat back out again.

 

You need to accept that those moments, while real, also come with the other side and once you accept both sides for reality, not just the good moments, you won't miss the good as much.

 

It's too soon right now, you just cut her out. You will miss her a lot and there is nothing you can do to avoid that right now. Keep asking questions if you need to be stay strong and move on.

[Blanco]

Serious question: what is going to come out of this thread?

 

Is it only me who is seeing an unhealthy codependent entanglement between the OP and regular posters? The thread seems to go around in circles and just feeds some kind of need in the OP.

 

I know everyone wants to help but I'm wondering whether it's the opposite.

 

I agree and considered posting about it a few weeks back. It's clear at this point that we cannot actually help the OP, yet we continue to read, and some of us continue to contribute. In a way, some of us have probably become somewhat addicted to the drama, too!

[Sunkissedpatio]

Well, her pdoc changed her OFF from lithium. Trust me, all these mood swings etc started when she changed her medicine.

 

She started have much more of the mood swings after her doc changed medicines because my ex told the doc the old ones wasn't working. But they worked MUCH better than the current ones which she now dropped off completely.

 

She never listened to me. I told her nicely that i have noticed a change in her mood swings after she changed meds and go back to those before.

 

But the reason she wanted to change meds was because she had lots of side effects...

 

I do feel sorry for her. It must be a horrible sickness. And the fact you constantly hurt your loved ones...

 

Man I feel so bad for you and her. That is exactly what happens. The lithium does cause some horrible side effects. But it is the only thing that manages the disease.

 

You got to see her while on the lithium which was her in the best state she will ever be and now you are trying to re-create that and have that again and it just isn't going to happen on other meds. I know what I am telling you.. most of my adult life I have dealt with the aftermath of someone changing meds and what you are describing. It's devastating and you just wish they could be "normal" and when they are level headed and loving and not accelerated and talking at a thousand miles a minute and getting agitated over nothing or down in the dumps depressed like a lifeless little bird you want those moments to last forever but they never do.

 

It is unfortunate you had to fall in love with someone that is mentally ill...I feel for both of you.

[Protec]

Because of the moments of clarity that you experienced with her, those snippets of time stick with you and give you hope that they can change that they will be like that for the long term and it never happens. The cycle starts again and you get sucked in and then spat back out again.

 

You need to accept that those moments, while real, also come with the other side and once you accept both sides for reality, not just the good moments, you won't miss the good as much.

 

It's too soon right now, you just cut her out. You will miss her a lot and there is nothing you can do to avoid that right now. Keep asking questions if you need to be stay strong and move on.

 

Yeah.

 

I am just sad it had to go this way... There was good in her.

[Protec]

I agree and considered posting about it a few weeks back. It's clear at this point that we cannot actually help the OP, yet we continue to read, and some of us continue to contribute. In a way, some of us have probably become somewhat addicted to the drama, too!

 

it's disease that spreads! No, thanks really for sticking up with me. This is basically the only place i can express my feelings etc.

 

I try hard now to stick to NC. But i am having these stupid ideas of:

 

- Writing her an apology letter with photo of the selfie we took in amusement park + 20 euros money for the gas.

 

- Sending her an apology email

etc.

 

I still have mixed feelings inside my head. I feel sorry for her and angry at the same time. Also i hate myself for being a complete jackass.

 

But talked with my sis today and she told if she pays for my therapy. So i could go to a professional. But i first need a note from my nurse. Gonna talk about it.

 

I am not normally like this. I think (as the nurse also thought) this is trauma.

Something unexpected (to me) happens and i react in a powerful way.

 

Why do i get traumatized because things like this, that is what should be solved.

 

Emotional and psychological symptoms of trauma:

 

Shock, denial, or disbelief (check)

Anger, irritability, mood swings (check)

Guilt, shame, self-blame (check)

Feeling sad or hopeless (Check)

Confusion, difficulty concentrating (check)

Anxiety and fear (Check)

Withdrawing from others (somewhat true)

Feeling disconnected or numb

 

Physical symptoms of trauma:

 

Insomnia or nightmares (yup)

Being startled easily

Racing heartbeat (sometimes)

Aches and pains

Fatigue (yes. I am very tired.)

Difficulty concentrating (yes. even finishing a movie is hard)

Edginess and agitation (yes.)

Muscle tension

 

The psych nurse also thought i am just experiencing a trauma. That could be very true. Because i am not normally like this. I don't normally go through peoples doors etc.

 

But for some reason people who leave me etc. hurt me, causes trauma in me.

 

Post traumatic stress disorder...

[Protec]

And currently i am so messed up that even if a song that reminds me of her i have to change channel immeaditely. I had so strong feelings for her.

 

Is lithium really the only medicine to keep bipolarity under control?

[Sunkissedpatio]

Protec you have received a lot of really great advice on here for the most part not the mean comments but the comments that are trying to help you recover.

 

You are not unlike EVERYONE ELSE when they break up. Most people feel out of control and do stupid things when they hve lost someone they love in a break-up. A break up is like a death. So of course you are acting out of character, of course you have to change channels when you listen to "the song that reminds you of her" We all have to do that, we are all wired pretty much the same way when dealing with loss of love.

 

 

You are not unique in your suffering. The feeling of abandonment when you are left is real for most of us. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but the reason I am telling you this is because we all had the same crazy moments trying to let go so if we try to share some tactics that will help you ease some of that pain we are doing so from experience and from a clearer mind.

 

Give yourself a break and accept that what you are feeling IS normal. It is supposed to hurt like crazy and it is supposed to feel like you are never going to get over it. But you will and it does get easier and clearer days will come.

[Sunkissedpatio]

 

Is lithium really the only medicine to keep bipolarity under control?

 

 

I asked this very same question to my current therapist just to see what her take was on it. She said that in her experience, yes, that is the most effective. Of course brain medications have different effects on different people.

 

Maybe in Europe there are other newer discoveries but in NA it seems to be the "go-to" drug for bi-polar.

[Protec]

Sunkissedpatio,

 

I know everyone experiences breakups but i am actually scared about my behaviour when i encounter breakups. When i once broke up from my other ex, i had to take a sick leave from work. I lost my ability to work. I just suddenly bursted in tears etc. I cannot keep it together.

 

That is not normal...i react way too powerfully to situations like this. But of course, people are different. Some may act "good riddance" and keep living like nothing happened.

 

Now what bothers me is the thing that i am thinking if i ever find someone who i enjoy being with so much. We had our issues and problems. But we really had fun together when she was "normal".

 

She had so many good things in her i am afraid if i never find a woman like her in my life. Well woman like her but without the reckless behaviour please.

 

She had so many good sides in her. That is why i wanted desperately to keep her around. It wasn't just because of the sex. but i adored her creativity, her energy to do all kinds of things with her hands, the imagination...

 

And the way she touched you. No one has ever touched me so gently, so lovingly played with my hair.

 

I am seriously, seriously going to miss her. She had so much character that i am afraid any normal woman will feel boring after her. And i am not talking about the drama here.

But if you just could've seen her... Strangest woman i have ever met in my life. Evil as hell and manipulative, but when she was "normal" she was the most amazing person i have ever met in my life. But the bad side... unfortunately it was part of her too.

 

But i want to remember her as the woman who baked pies for her kids. A woman who does puzzles in the middle of her living room floor. A woman who has butterfly stickers on walls.

 

But it's hard to separate which one was her normal self and which one not. They were all part of her. That's why this was so hard because the "two personas" in her were like day and night.

 

That is also one reason why it hurt so much. Because in my mind she was this sweet, caring and loving person. The one i met. So it's hard to imagine person like that being wasted as hell and having sex with everything that moves. Two completely different persons in one.

 

I know i should not think stuff like that... i will only miss her more.

[Itspointless]

This is much tougher than i expected.

 

But as before, day after day i should feel better.

 

But i still miss her. That is weird. Why do i miss person like that?

Yeah dream on, before it is getting better it will get a lot worse first and with me that lasted for months.

 

I wonder have you actually been reading what was told to you here? It has to do with the hormones you produce when you see her. In this sense you literally are addicted. People in love are compared with people addicted to heroin.

But for some reason people who leave me etc. hurt me, causes trauma in me.

 

Post traumatic stress disorder...

Seriously Protec? This hardly can't be a new conclusion. I have written this many pages ago to you. Still I find it positive that you are starting to conclude this yourself. It is just a bit annoying that you only just believe it with that nurse saying it to you. Well I cannot blame you either, you don't know our credentials

Serious question: what is going to come out of this thread?

 

Is it only me who is seeing an unhealthy codependent entanglement between the OP and regular posters? The thread seems to go around in circles and just feeds some kind of need in the OP.

 

I know everyone wants to help but I'm wondering whether it's the opposite.

I too realized this a while ago, but not reacting is not in my nature. Yeah, I know ...

[Protec]

Well, better late than never i guess.

 

I just feel bad i lost a "friend". Also i realize now that i never asked her to spend time at my apartment at all. I was always at her place.

 

But she had 3 rooms, 90m2 of area. I have 2 rooms, 39m2 of area. And she always said she hates flats. "I don't understand people who live in flats".

 

Well sorry... she has lived her whole life in a house. I found it actually quite offensive.

I still remember when i was talking with her in tinder, it was so close i did not actually even want to meet her.

 

But still even after all this, i am happy i met her. She just was a terrible chat talker. She never used any emojis etc so you never knew what tone she had in her voice.

 

But i am still keeping NC!

[Protec]

Still keeping NC but it's hard. I want to call her all the time or send a message. To apologize, or just to hear how she is doing.

 

Gotta stay strong!

[ExpatInItaly]

Still keeping NC but it's hard. I want to call her all the time or send a message. To apologize, or just to hear how she is doing.

 

Gotta stay strong!

 

Delete her number.

[Art_Critic]

Still keeping NC but it's hard. I want to call her all the time or send a message. To apologize, or just to hear how she is doing.

 

Gotta stay strong!

 

Good for you and also good that you are experiencing the emotions, experience them and face them but don't break NC.. there isn't anything left there for you...

[Protec]

But now i realize again how lonely i am... this empty hole inside me. Feeling alone in the whole world. I have friends, but they just don't "do the trick".

 

I remember now that i used to hate being alone even when i was younger. I've always felt alone, like no one really understands me. And when all my friends left to army, i was basically alone, i used to have panic attacks, but they ceased as i got older.

 

But definitely there is something else because i've always just tried to find "love" to fill the void inside me. Friends are nice but they don't remove the loneliness.

 

Of course now i feel more lonely because i just lost my ex.

 

And i realised now that if she would have went away for a trip, i would have not felt like this if i know i will still see her. She is gone, but still available = no panic.

 

But now that i know i will never see her again, just messes me up.

[Protec]

She is my first GF i learned to know...

 

I knew what kind of music she liked, what kind of wines she liked, what kind of clothing she liked, food tastes, movies, activities, favourite colours etc.

 

I have never known anyone that well. For some reason i remembered everything she told to me.

 

This is very bad... I need to get rid of these feelings.

 

Will meet better woman than her? Most likely...i mean she was not exactly the most loyal person. But I loved the versatility in her....she was rare.

 

Crap. :/

[keiji]

She is my first GF i learned to know...

 

I knew what kind of music she liked, what kind of wines she liked, what kind of clothing she liked, food tastes, movies, activities, favourite colours etc.

 

I have never known anyone that well. For some reason i remembered everything she told to me.

 

But that's nothing exceptional, Protec. It's normal to know your SO. That's how it works.

 

Stop turning her into some sort of untouchable goddess. She's not.

[Blanco]

Knowing someone's favorite color and music doesn't make them your soulmate unless you're still in the sixth grade.

[Blanco]

You need to snap out of la-la land and knock off this "rare" and "versatility" BS. You started a thread a few months ago about how you felt this woman had "nothing in her life" going on aside from her kids. The same kids, may I remind you, who were potentially going to be removed from her custody.

 

By your various accounts, this woman doesn't work. She parties in excess. She cheats. She's a bad mother. She has few interests. She's demanding. She's cruel. She's unreliable.

 

I'm not seeing the versatility. And rare? Dude, low-grade women are a dime a freaking dozen. Just because this woman looked at you and let you shove it in her when she wasn't making your life a living hell doesn't mean that she was some once-in-a-lifetime gift from the heavens.

 

Enough.

[DKT3]

Wow talk about romanticizing. Dude you can turn any corner or flip over any rock and find a woman that has a total lack of respect for you, they are called stranger....this woman is or never was on your team.

 

I'm just curious as to how you will act when you find even a decent woman.

[Blanco]

He won't until he works on himself, because as it is, any decent woman would be repelled by him.

[Sunkissedpatio]

But now i realize again how lonely i am... this empty hole inside me. Feeling alone in the whole world. I have friends, but they just don't "do the trick".

 

I remember now that i used to hate being alone even when i was younger. I've always felt alone, like no one really understands me. And when all my friends left to army, i was basically alone, i used to have panic attacks, but they ceased as i got older.

 

But definitely there is something else because i've always just tried to find "love" to fill the void inside me. Friends are nice but they don't remove the loneliness.

 

Of course now i feel more lonely because i just lost my ex.

 

And i realised now that if she would have went away for a trip, i would have not felt like this if i know i will still see her. She is gone, but still available = no panic.

 

But now that i know i will never see her again, just messes me up.

 

Protec this may be a lot for you to consider right now because you need to move past the deep pain you are feeling to even consider what I am going to say but when you are a little bit more clear headed you should really consider the notion that you need to learn to fill that void in your heart all on your own. That will make you stronger and less vulnerable to women who will hurt you like this.

 

The reason you need to learn to feel fulfilled and happy all on your own is because unless you do that you will keep choosing romantic partners out of your subconscious unfulfilled childhood needs and no one can fill that void as an adult.

 

Therapy is a good start to do that, to get to the root of what those needs are so that you can determine how to choose a partner.

 

This may be all too advanced for where you are at right now but something to consider in your journey.

 

Think of this this way:

 

Love should be two trees with their roots, and a solid trunk (that is the foundation of each person) and then the romance should happen up the top where all the branches and leaves are. When the trunk is weak you cannot do that. You are looking for someone to make your tree trunk strong and that is not going to happen from someone else. It will for a while (which is the honeymoon phase) and then we realize that people disappoint us and can't possibly fix our foundation.

 

When you are ready you should ask your nurse to recommend someone you can talk to about that.