So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Itspointless]

"Hah, i could have had anyone for just sex". She said with a serious tone of voice and laughed. That was a HUGE red flag there. She said it so proudly...

 

I should have been a man already back then and walked away.

Isn't that the truth for any decent looking woman? Many women just do not say that to men, but I guess you asked for it. I remember that she said other things to you which should have triggered you as red flags.

[Protec]

Will she ever change? Probably not, but who the **** cares?

 

Imagine the man you want to be. Visualize it. Get a clear mental picture of what you want to be like, physically, mentally, how you carry yourself, your career, etc. And then work your ass off to become that person. You can't change the past, you can't change how you acted with this bimbo, but you can change how you act going forward.

 

I've tried to. Currently i am working on my physical health. =)

 

I am just so tired all the time...i have no idea what is wrong with me. Usually i've had much more energy. I sleep enough so it's something else that is dragging me down.

 

And i wrote a good job application to the car sales trainee program I really really really hope i get a shot at it!

 

Also i need to concentrate more on my music....more to everything. It takes a while again until i "find" myself. What i used to be before i met my ex.

 

I am slowly recovering from the damage she caused. At least i don't burst in tears suddenly anymore. But i am still far from being OK. I know myself pretty well when i am feeling "off".

 

There is lots of work to do in me....but i really hope i can get there.

 

I have an appointment with my psych. nurse this week and after that i think i will start looking some doctors who could help me with my self-esteem problems.

 

Basically all my problems are rooted there. I know i can do anything if i just put my mind into it. Even the music thing. I never in my wildest dreams believed i could release something, but i did it. It took me years but i did it damnit. When no one else believed me, i did believe in myself and did it. Sure i gave up couple times...

[Protec]

Isn't that the truth for any decent looking woman? Many women just do not say that to men, but I guess you asked for it. I remember that she said other things to you which should have triggered you as red flags.

 

Well she said all kinds of things... Like she talked about her ex a lot. Badmouthing her every ex. Even the fathers of the childs. And she actually made me believe her ex's were all *******s. Well, maybe some of them could've been but...i think it's been completely different.

 

Anyway. I need to somehow stop thinking of her and reasons and what ifs.

 

I really want to get better person. And i think i have a good thing going on now because i am seeing that psych. nurse. That is a start.

 

I need to learn how to be alone. WIthout friends even! I cannot let anyone else in my life affect to my own happiness. I am my own best friend.

I need to start learning that. And ultimately i am the only person i can really trust 100%.

 

Don't get me wrong. Not going to abandon my "friends". I need to start contacting them more.

 

I am that kind of person that "forgets" about his friends when i find a GF.

I don't do it on purpose. I just need lots of time to recharge myself, so last thing i want to do when i had a day off, is to see my friends.

 

Like when i was with my ex, i saw her 4 days in a row. Then 2 days off, i wanted those 2 days for myself. I just need to have some alone time now and then to do my own stuff.

 

I just need to get back to the rhythm. I have noticed already that i am havinng more "strength". And i mean physical. I lifted some weights today at home and it felt good. I felt the burn inside me again.

 

So i think the flame inside me is actually starting to burn again.

 

You have been great help! It's been a about month now since i've last seen her or talked with her.

 

I admit i do wonder what is going on with her. But at the same time i don't. She let go of a good man and i really did not deserve that kind of treatment.

 

She mirrored much of her flaws to me. She suddenly started claiming how i cannot even keep roof over my head.

[Protec]

Man i am exhausted. Mentally and physically.

 

I've been watching some youtube videos about narcissism Scary how many things apply to my ex as well.

 

I am actually starting to be happy i got rid of her. I know i deserve better than cheating woman who i cannot trust at all. Even if i wasn't a perfect man, no way i deserved to be cheated.

[Protec]

I am happy because today the preview of my latest single got online

 

 

"Finnish producer Project Sirius is back with 'The Horizon'. The track is a straight forward melodic trancer with beautiful piano melodies and a driving bassline, with a hint of that old school trance sound as well."

 

https://youtu.be/uWB15LnxNL8

[Protec]

Thanks for the likes ^^

 

Managed finally to talk with the cute cashier at the local store. I bought few drinks and said "Now i can finally celebrate a bit since my new track is getting released."

 

"So you have a band or...?"

"no, i make electronic music and at the end of the month it will be for sale"

"Oh wow! That is really cool! Congratulations :)"

 

I was little drunk already xD But i have wanted to say something to her for a long time.

 

Also i saw the psych. nurse today. She gave me "homework". I need to go to movies ALONE and she told me not to think so much

 

I still think i am "strange". I even told the nurse that is there something wrong with me because i cannot have one night stand sex and i don't go party like most of the people?

 

She told me people are different. And said it takes some kind of "strenght" to actually stay home at weekends. Most people go to party because they just cannot be at home. They have to go somewhere...

 

I still have so much to learn. I am 32 years old and i still think am i normal or not.

No matter how much i try to think, if i would go out to a club / bar etc. and try to hit on a woman just for sex...? I get attached too easily. TO me sex is more than just some random ****. and I LOVE SEX. But not with just anyone...

 

Is that normal?

 

Having a very confusing day. Got bit drunk last night...celebrated the release of my track alone in home.

[Itspointless]

No matter how much i try to think, if i would go out to a club / bar etc. and try to hit on a woman just for sex...? I get attached too easily. TO me sex is more than just some random ****. and I LOVE SEX. But not with just anyone...

 

Is that normal?

Wrong question! 'Is that average?'

 

Well, I guess these days it is 'found' to be normal by a majority of people to have casual sex. Does the number of people thinking that way make it normal? I was presented with a chance a few weeks ago. As an experiment I did kiss back just to try (she started). We also touched a bit. I noticed that I have missed the intimacy and it was nice. But I only want to go further with women I feel strong about. For me sex is something special. So that probably wont be happening with that lady.

 

You also really need to read up on introversion, there are good books out there about being more silent, liking alone-time, focusing more on real intimacy. You are so reactive about what people think and trying to be like others to be normal. First try to find out who you are.

[Protec]

Well. I was drinking with friends again. I really need an alco-lock for my phone.

 

I tried to call my 1st GF in the middle of the night. Today she sent me a text "Yeah?".

 

Which is strange because she has not talked with me in years. And i have tried to reach her before (even during daytime). THis was the first time she answered to me.

 

I would have just liked to change few words with her. It's been almost 10 years when we dated. But i guess not.

[Blanco]

She probably wondered what in the h*ll an ex from a decade ago could've possibly wanted in the middle of the night.

[Art_Critic]

Why do you even have numbers from ex's on your phone Protec.. come on man.. you should always delete your ex's and certainly from 10 years ago..

 

Is your recent ex 's number in your phone ?

 

Dude...

[Protec]

IT's been over a month now since i talked with my EX and i am still suffering from mood swings and most of the time i feel miserable and lonely.

 

I am really doing my best learning to be happy alone. I need to do it. So today i thought i go to a shopping mall just to spend time. Well. I just got terribly anxious. I felt the circle around my head getting tighter and tigher...i just had to leave. This is not good. For some reason being in public places makes me feel that way. I have never had this kind of thing going on.

 

I am trying hard to understand that i am what i am and try to accept myself as i am. I need to get back to the state i used to be few years ago. I was happy, i smiled a lot, i had energy...

 

I have watched youtube videos about narcissism and for a moment it helps.

Still my ex is in my mind...daily. I still miss her but got hurt again for what she did to me.

 

I have next appointment with my psych. nurse after few weeks.

 

I just need to get my self-esteem back. I want to wake up and look into the mirror and smile and think "wow. This guy i am seeing from the mirror is awesome, he is everything i want to be".

 

I really could need some flirt right now. Not nightclubs etc. but just a smile from a woman would really save my day.

 

I really hate just these moodswings. I cannot control them at all. They come and go. It's not as bad anymore as it used to but still... I think i took way too much damage by staying in that relationship. But it is easy to be smart afterwards.

 

I should have walked out long time ago. She got me so hooked. She was like a drug to me. But that's what people with narcississtic personalities do.

 

Well, i can only go upwards i guess?

 

I looked up some courses i could attend to. Some cheap ones. Like Japanese language lessons and still haven't ruled out that boxing either. I am just so low on cash i really don't have much extra and i just can't get that darn job.

 

You have probably noticed i don't write so often here anymore. I try to take a "break". Because everytime i write here, i think of my ex. But as my nurse said, i just need to face the pain. If i hide from it, it will last longer.

 

Just want my old self back.

[deep_night]

it's easy to blame yourself, but it's not practical. tolerating that behaviour means you weren't completely emotionally healthy either (i know, i've been disrespected myself also in the past). it's very painful... having to grieve about a lost relationship and also dissect your own patterns and unhealthy behaviours.

 

and you aren't strange for not liking one night stands, it's a quality i personally find attractive. my ex was/is the same way and i love this about him.

[Itspointless]

IT's been over a month now since i talked with my EX and i am still suffering from mood swings and most of the time i feel miserable and lonely.

Protec it took me more than two years to get to a better place.

 

Your ex was bipolar, not narcissistic. I understand why you say it, as the result was a bit the same. But if she had been narcissistic it actually would have been sadder, than you really only would have been her source and nothing more. You at least had the mood-swings, people with narcissistic partners mainly know abuse.

 

Give yourself time and continue being proactive! And yes, your nurse is right, denying your grief is not the best way to go.

[Protec]

I am a mess. My brains let me see another beautiful dream about me being with my ex and i am seriously about to collapse soon. It feels like i have the bipolarity myself!!!

 

YEsterday i was fine. I went to gym. I was happy. TOday? Complete opposite. Everything sucks. My apartment sucks. I suck. My life sucks. What is going on??? Why do i have such mood swings from day to day?

 

I have never, ever experienced anything like this.

 

Itspointless, true, she was bipolar but definitely had lots of narcissistic traits in her. LAck of empathy etc.

 

This is awful. I feel i can't ever get up from this. And i would want to ask that cute girl out who is working the nearby shop but...i just don't think it's wise. I could be rejected and that would maybe shoot me deeper into depression.

 

But as my friend said: You can only go up from the bottom.

 

But today as i was watching Angry Joe (youtuber), i realized that watching channels like that IS part of me. And if i had stayed with her, i would have not been able to watch such videos etc. She would have never allowed me to watch some gaming youtube videos....

 

And this god damn apartment is a mess. Now there is some strange smell coming from the kitchen sewer. Already notified the handy man if he could come and check. God damnit. Nothing goes right at the moment.

 

I am very allergic to molds and different chemicals. I had to quit my steady job because of that. Doctors said i was fine but i get horrible reactions from certain chemicals...

[Blanco]

Do not date. You have nothing to offer a woman right now except for a messy apartment with a weird smell.

 

Fix yourself first.

[MidwestUSA]

Turn the water on in the kitchen and let it run. It's probably coming from the P trap.

[sooshi]

I am a mess. My brains let me see another beautiful dream about me being with my ex and i am seriously about to collapse soon. It feels like i have the bipolarity myself!!!

 

YEsterday i was fine. I went to gym. I was happy. TOday? Complete opposite. Everything sucks. My apartment sucks. I suck. My life sucks. What is going on???

 

What's going on? Your attitude sucks, that's what.

 

Yesterday, you went to the gym. You were happy.

 

You can go to the gym today, too. You can be happy today, too.

 

You feel freedom in watching those videos, a freedom you did not feel like you had with your ex.

 

That's something worth being happy about.

 

You can afford to go to the gym. You have the ability to walk, to run, to see, to move, to make soul-moving music. Are those things not worth feeling joyous over?

 

Do some apartment cleaning. Get a plant or two to purify the air. While cleaning, visualize it as a symbol of cleaning up your life. Cleaning yourself up.

[NopeNah]

Clean your place and fix your plumbing by yourself.. It's easy to do and you seem bored. Buy or get some free furniture, so you can have people over. for heaven(if there is one) sake, stop blaming ALL of YOUR problems on this short relationship! Time to man up!

[Protec]

Clean your place and fix your plumbing by yourself.. It's easy to do and you seem bored. Buy or get some free furniture, so you can have people over. for heaven(if there is one) sake, stop blaming ALL of YOUR problems on this short relationship! Time to man up!

 

I live on rent so you are not allowed to do plumbing yourself.

And there is no more room for more furniture in my apartment. I am very satisfied about this apartment. I have all new furniture here (from IKEA...) but it's a nice and clean apartment. But the smell drives me crazy...

[basil67]

I just need to get my self-esteem back. I want to wake up and look into the mirror and smile and think "wow. This guy i am seeing from the mirror is awesome, he is everything i want to be".

 

This bit isn't realistic.

 

Aside from those true narcisists who think they are perfect, I doubt there is anyone who is 100% satisfied with who they are.

 

It's more about being content with who you are....flaws and all.

[Protec]

What's going on? Your attitude sucks, that's what.

 

Yesterday, you went to the gym. You were happy.

 

You can go to the gym today, too. You can be happy today, too.

 

You feel freedom in watching those videos, a freedom you did not feel like you had with your ex.

 

That's something worth being happy about.

 

You can afford to go to the gym. You have the ability to walk, to run, to see, to move, to make soul-moving music. Are those things not worth feeling joyous over?

 

Do some apartment cleaning. Get a plant or two to purify the air. While cleaning, visualize it as a symbol of cleaning up your life. Cleaning yourself up.

 

I really try to feel happy. All those things you said, it's true. But for some reason when i wake up i just feel miserable, weak, sad. And no matter how i try to see it, i just can't cheer myself up. I try to listen good music, go for a walk etc. nothing helps. But actually, when i was with her i did not miss playing games, i did not miss watching those videos. I wanted to change because of her.

 

Then some days, i wake up i feel fine "oh what a beautiful morning! :)" And nothing in my life has changed, i just suddenly feel fine.

 

I have no idea what causes it and why. But it's very hard to explain the feeling.

 

It's not that i feel just sad, it's not sadness like when something goes wrong. It affects my whole body. I just don't "feel" it.

 

Those days i go to gym i feel fine, i feel energetic, "gonna go lift some weights yeah!!!". I have this burn inside me.

 

But these other days...i feel powerless, hopeless, lethargic. I am not tired, not sleepy. I just don't have the drive.

 

I still have few appointments with the psychiatric nurse, then i need to go to a proper psychiatrist to talk about this. I have postponed it because i was so unstable few weeks ago they would have just given me loads of medicines.

 

I am not 100% against the meds, but if i can avoid them, i will.

 

I am just wondering what on earth causes my mood swings. Is it something i eat? Alcohol? Lack of alcohol? I have no idea. But i am really, really trying to be without alcohol at least.

 

And i would like to contact my ex someway. Email..i dunno. I would like to tell her how i felt.

 

I saw my friend yesterday. It helped a bit but i know even friends are not the answer for what i am going trough. This is something inside me. And i admit i need help to fix this.

 

 

Time to go for to shop and get some vinegar. Gonna put some vinegar around my apartment, that should take care of some of the scents. =) And after that i go for a LONG walk.

 

I know people have it worse than i do. I just overthink, overanalyze everything.

[Itspointless]

I have no idea what causes it and why. But it's very hard to explain the feeling.

No it isn't, I mentioned it before. Your now detoxing from all the love-hormones.

 

Apparently you never really were into your other exes as the feeling you describe is the only feeling I know when breaking up: usually for many many months.

[Protec]

Guess who contacted me? Yes. That's right. My Ex-GF.

 

I did not read her text. I did not reply. No, i did not delete it. But as the old saying goes: Curiosity killed the cat...and i don't want to be that cat.

 

"Hey. How are you doing?..." that's all i saw from the message. But i know she needs something. She doesn't give a flying **** how i am doing. She didn't give a damn then so i really don't think she will give a damn now.

 

I wish i could reply to her something like "Why contact me? You have plenty of men to talk with."

[Protec]

No it isn't, I mentioned it before. Your now detoxing from all the love-hormones.

 

Apparently you never really were into your other exes as the feeling you describe is the only feeling I know when breaking up: usually for many many months.

 

I've had the breakup pain before but not in this magnitude.

[Art_Critic]

Why isn't she blocked ?

 

BLOCK HER

 

 

and don't reply.. if you need to go back a read some of your older posts on what she did to you and how it made you feel..

 

You will feel like CRAP if you reply to her...