So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[VeveCakes]

You have said you have now seen her true self like a hundred times. You know exactly who she is she has shown you time and time again. She can treat you like garbage and you will always go back and she knows that. She will NEVER be good to you.

 

Get help like, yesterday.

[Protec]

Yet you decided to go over to her place when you know full well nothing good would come of it. That's on you.

 

Maybe, when you look into that mirror, you should have a really long hard look at your true self. Because the way I see it is that you are now an unemployed, mentally unstable, alcoholic wife beater.

 

 

Don't be surprised to open your door to find the police waiting for you because your ex has reported your drunk violent a$$ to the police for assaulting her.

 

I have never hit a person in my life. I am not a bad person. But i have no excuses for what i did. I caused it myself. Everything could have been avoided by just not going there.

 

Why i was so fool i thought she actually cared about me...Why the hell she asked me there and not her new guy or one of those other guys she has got known during this time?

 

Why she asked me?

[Art_Critic]

Good Luck Protec, Art out....

[Itspointless]

Or you're just a really good troll who is messing with everyone in this thread. That's possible because otherwise you're just really, really dumb.

Well if he is he has has stolen an identity as the links to his music point to his real name. It actually is very easy to find Protec his Facebookpage, as I did a while ago. So I guess it is the second option.

I really don't know how to put this in words anymore. But i messed up. It's just best if i don't say anything about last night to you guys. Let's just say alcohol was involved, lots of fighting, arguing, and i hit my ex.

Protec I find it very serious that you hit her. I was aware before that you have anger-issues. The fact that you cannot protect your own health is one thing, to endanger another really is something else. This is beyond messing up.

 

You seriously need to wake up man.

[Itspointless]

But at least i finally saw her true self.

I bet she says the same thing about you right now. You already knew that she is bipolar. I do really do not get what is new information.

[SoulCat]

I have never hit a person in my life.

 

Well, you have now, and that's something you'll have to live with and accept the consequences of.

 

 

I am not a bad person.

 

Maybe not, but you are a very messed up person.

 

 

Everything could have been avoided by just not going there.

 

This whole mess could have been avoided if you had blocked her number like practically everybody here, including myself has told you to do.

 

But post after post, page after page, you refuse to listen to any of the advice you've been given or you come up with lame excuses as to why you can't or won't.

 

 

I wish you well, but I'm out too.

[VeveCakes]

I have never hit a person in my life. I am not a bad person. But i have no excuses for what i did. I caused it myself. Everything could have been avoided by just not going there.

 

Why i was so fool i thought she actually cared about me...Why the hell she asked me there and not her new guy or one of those other guys she has got known during this time?

 

Why she asked me?

 

Why? Because she wanted to make sure you were still at her beck and call and she wanted a massage. Who cares, she doesn't give a rats ass about you.

[Protec]

i talked with my sis and monday i am going to get my self a doctor.

 

I deleted her number now. I know doctor alone won't help me but i do want to change.

I am so ashamed about my behaviour these few months and i really want to become a better person.

 

I've always had quick temper ever since i was a kid. And i got bullied because i lost my temper so quickly. My sister is not quick tempered at all so it has to be something to do with me. I mean we both were raised by same parents.

 

Monday i will get myself the appointment time. I cannot handle this alone anymore.

 

First step: Get rid of all alcohol.

[sooshi]

 

I need help.

 

I was happy that she contacted me. all i heard from her the all night was her bragging about all the guys she has seen and laughing how eveything is free and telling how she is now a better person not cheating anymore and taking her drugs again.

 

But she did cheat. Asking you ex to give you a massage and hugging on couch, i think that is cheatin.

 

Yesterday was the 2nd most horrible day of my life. And all i can blame is staring me back from the mirror. Now it's time to seek help.

 

You say that you need help. How many times have you said that now, Protec? How much effort have you actually putting into getting help? Eating a bag of chips and watching a movie have been greater priorities for you. You haven't followed the advice of many others on here--that of blocking her--and you continue to put yourself in the position of a victim. You're doing this to yourself, Protec.

 

She has been showing her true self all along. You've said so many times that you've "finally" seen her true self. I'm not so sure, because you keep sabotaging yourself. Either that, or you're simply addicted to all of the drama that comes with having her in your life.

 

"But she did cheat." How is this a surprise to you? You started this thread BECAUSE she cheated on you. 700 posts later, and it's like you realized it for the first time. So she has cheated on you and maybe she has cheated with you. Either way, it doesn't justify hitting her.

 

Protec, you went and saw her KNOWING that you've been carrying anger towards her. You went and saw her KNOWING that you have anger issues. You went and saw her KNOWING that you issues with self-esteem. You went and saw her KNOWING that you have feared that you would actually hurt her someday. You put yourself in a position to act as you did.

 

It's time to take accountability for your own actions and to stop blaming her or other people for what you do. But then again, many on here have said the same thing and you ignore. You ignore, ignore, ignore, and continue, continue, continue to make excuses about why you should ignore, ignore, ignore.

 

What you do is not about making us proud. Think about what you are doing to yourself. Look at how horrible you feel. Do I really need to go back through the entire thread to make bold every instance of how she has hurt you and how this relationship has been so blatantly eroded your health?

 

Just BLOCK her already. Not doing so at this point is clear evidence to me that you don't really want to get better after all. Sure, you say you do, but if there's one way to truly show it, Protec, it's to block her once and for all. If you decide you want to continue to make excuses about not blocking her (ie., you can unblock her so easily, etc.), then go ahead--but you're losing a lot of us on here along the way because it seems like while you "get" the words and advice we offer, they don't really sink in on a deep emotional level, and it's been a vicious cycle throughout these 700+ posts.

 

Take care, Protec. I hope you start Protecting yourself.

[sooshi]

First step: Block her.

[Protec]

At first i did not even want to write about it here. But i thought it's better to come clean. I won't lie, i won't hide. I did what i did. I can't change it anymore.

 

I just want my old self back.

 

Now i have to start all over again. I made good progress during the month, i started working out again, this week i have been in the gym twice. Also i do daily walks and walk about 10km daily.

 

And i have started to go out with my friend when he takes the dog out.

[Itspointless]

At first i did not even want to write about it here. But i thought it's better to come clean. I won't lie, i won't hide. I did what i did. I can't change it anymore.

 

I just want my old self back.

You need to work on the root of your anger Protec. We cannot force people to love us. Just as alcohol cannot fix our problems, even though it can feel great while numbing our senses on the short-term. The simple thing is that we cannot protect you from yourself, let alone other people who angry you. It sucks Protec but add the 't' to you name and protec(t) yourself and with that other people.

[sooshi]

It's great that you're getting exercise and some (presumably) healthy socializing time.

 

I think it's unrealistic to get rid of all alcohol as a first step (or any step). I don't think alcohol is what caused you to hit her. I think it was a symptom and manifestation of all of your pent-up anger, fear, loneliness, and sadness. It's self-compassion that you need to work on. Then, drinking less alcohol, and doing healthier, more productive things, will come more easily to you. Also, self-compassion would show up in the act of blocking her. It also means not more spending time with her. No contact with her at all.

 

So, you hit her. You did something awful. May that serve as the catalyst for true, lasting inner change.

[ExpatInItaly]

You are effing lucky she didn't call the police. Do you really want a criminal record to go along with everything else? Heck, she still might report you.

 

You have lost control and become abusive.

 

This has become completely insane. You can go on and on about how you now see the "real her" (how many times have you said that?) and that you need help. But words mean zero when they're not backed up by actions. You've refused to take the most important yet most basic step by blocking her, and look at the disaster you created.

 

Your violent behaviour is disturbing and you should never go anywhere near her or her children ever again.

[Simon Phoenix]

I feel so horrible. I am not trolling. I wish i would. And yes, i am stupid. I can only blame myself.

 

But at least i finally saw her true self. She doesn't care about anyone. Asked me to massage her instead of her new guy....sounds pretty solid relationship.

 

She does the same thing to every guy and eventually will hurt every guy like she hurt me. She will just use them and toss away when she is done. Just like she did with me.

 

And i feel horrible for what i did. Nothing gives person a reason to hurt someone. I feel terrible for my actions and i know i did something so bad it cannot be ever fixed. I ruined her life and i ruined my life.

 

Whatever. I have lost all sympathy for you, but you've crossed the line to abuse. Real men do not hit women.

 

I deleted her number now.

 

BLOCK HER NUMBER I'm sorry, it's like you go out of your way to do everything but the first fundamental thing you need to do. The fact that you'd rather punch a woman than break your streak of not blocking phone numbers says a lot about you. And it's not very good.

Edited August 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inappropiate language

[Blanco]

I've said it before, but anyone who never read Protec's thread last year about his previous girlfriend should definitely check it out, because the parallels are incredible. So many things down to the refusal to block the ex's number.

 

It just goes to show you how little the OP learned from the toxic experience of the last relationship, as he's not only repeated all of the mistakes with this relationship; he's upped the ante by working in physical abuse.

[Blanco]

I have never hit a person in my life.

 

Well, hold on here. Maybe you've never hit another person in your life, but this is not your first taste of doling out physical abuse to a woman:

 

From your previous thread*:

 

I need you guys to know something about me.

I have quick temper. Ok. And i did something bad to my 1st girlfriend. There is no excuse to what i did and it even today i regret it. But i phycially hurt her. I didn't punch her or anything but i did hurt her.

 

*I know referencing previous threads is somewhat frowned upon here, but I think this is important for proper context.

[Protec]

I've had panic attacks the whole day. I was eating sushi with my sister (She treated) and suddnely i burst in tears. I feel terrible for what i did. I am not asking for sympathy and i was thinking for a long time will i even write about it. But i decided to write about it.

 

She is gone now from my life.

 

And monday i will get my self a professional doctor appointment. If i cannot do it my sister said she will. I don't want to hurt anyone else anymore. I need to find out what causes these rage attacks and how to control them.

 

I feel absolutely terrible.

 

All i can do now is start from all over again. I need to forget the past, i can't change it anymore.

 

I don't blame her for my actions. This is 100% my fault.

[Protec]

Well, hold on here. Maybe you've never hit another person in your life, but this is not your first taste of doling out physical abuse to a woman:

 

From your previous thread*:

 

 

 

*I know referencing previous threads is somewhat frowned upon here, but I think this is important for proper context.

 

After that incident i managed to keep my anger in control for a long time. But now all this stress from having no job, no money, being in abusive relationship, has weared me down. I have no strength left anymore to control it.

 

I am mentally burned out. I am so tired from all of this. Not just the relationship but my life. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again. I need to get myself back up and running.

 

I never thought this would come into this.

[LD1990]

So a couple weeks ago you were breaking down her door to force your way into her apartment. Now you've hit her.

 

What's next? You strangle her?

 

I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to see the headline "Crazy DJ in Finland murders his ex-girlfriend after chronicling mental breakdown on an internet forum" in another couple weeks.

[Blanco]

After that incident i managed to keep my anger in control for a long time. But now all this stress from having no job, no money, being in abusive relationship, has weared me down. I have no strength left anymore to control it.

 

I am mentally burned out. I am so tired from all of this. Not just the relationship but my life. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again. I need to get myself back up and running.

 

I never thought this would come into this.

 

It's because you don't listen to anyone. I'm not sure how you never thought it was going to come to this. You two clearly are high-conflict people and you just won't stay away.

 

You're addicted to drama and it's time to stop acting like it's all because of the women you date.

[Protec]

It's because you don't listen to anyone. I'm not sure how you never thought it was going to come to this. You two clearly are high-conflict people and you just won't stay away.

 

You're addicted to drama and it's time to stop acting like it's all because of the women you date.

 

I don't blame the women i date. Nothing gives me right to hurt anyone. No matter how much someone nags to me somewhere, i must handle the situation.

 

But to my question to someone who has experience:

 

Which one i should go to first? To psyhcologist or to psychiatrist? I really have no idea about those and they are expensive (180 euros /h).

 

I want to know why i can't handle my anger and get treatment for it and for all my other issues as well (bad self esteem mostly).

 

I can live without medication.

 

I watched again some good videos from assc direct and about hoovering.

 

But i am sorry i have been too weak.

 

Even my sister said it to me yesterday. "Why don't you listen to me? You always say you listen but end up doing complete opposite. I told you months ago to stay away from her and what did you do? If you want me to pay for your doctor you STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT WOMAN, understand?"

 

I feel horrible. I went for a walk again and looked for open job positions. There is few i need to apply to. one is my old work place where i worked last summer.

[Timshel]

 

But to my question to someone who has experience:

 

Which one i should go to first? To psyhcologist or to psychiatrist? I really have no idea about those and they are expensive (180 euros /h).

 

I want to know why i can't handle my anger and get treatment for it and for all my other issues as well (bad self esteem mostly).

I can live without medication."

Can you? In the U.S., a psychiatrist is necessary for a script. Often long term therapy is with a psychologist in conjunction with a psychiatrist for management of medication(s).

 

Start therapy with a psychologist and together a decision regarding the necessity of medication will be determined.

 

Get crackin', Protec.

 

eta: Primary Care Physicians (P.C.P's), P.A.'s and N.P.'s are also able to write a script. Just start with the psychologist.

Edited August 28, 2016 by Timshel

[Protec]

 

But to my question to someone who has experience:

 

Which one i should go to first? To psyhcologist or to psychiatrist? I really have no idea about those and they are expensive (180 euros /h).

 

I want to know why i can't handle my anger and get treatment for it and for all my other issues as well (bad self esteem mostly).

I can live without medication."

Can you? In the U.S., a psychiatrist is necessary for a script. Often long term therapy is with a psychologist in conjunction with a psychiatrist for management of medication(s).

 

Start therapy with a psychologist and together a decision regarding the necessity of medication will be determined.

 

Get crackin', Protec.

 

eta: Primary Care Physicians (P.C.P's), P.A.'s and N.P.'s are also able to write a script. Just start with the psychologist.

 

 

I will call the center tomorrow and ask which one i should visit first.But i think psychologist is definitely the first choice. I think he/she can forward me to right place. Do phychologist do those tests that am i depressed etc? or is it phychiatrist job?

[Timshel]

 

 

I will call the center tomorrow and ask which one i should visit first.But i think psychologist is definitely the first choice. I think he/she can forward me to right place. Do phychologist do those tests that am i depressed etc? or is it phychiatrist job?

 

Both are able. I haven't a clue about protocol where you are Protec...but in the U.S. what is *typical*....psychologists generally handle therapy and diagnostic testing. In other words, the meat of psychotherapy in general.