So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

But i forget all my troubles for today.

 

My new single is finally released and if you like it and want to support me buy it or listen it on spotify

 

The Horizon by Project Sirius on MP3, WAV, FLAC, AIFF & ALAC at Juno Download

[xxoo]

3) I need an answer that was i the bad guy in relationship? My ex sure seemed to think that way. After all the cheatings etc. was I the reason why the RS didn't work? She blamed me about so many things.

 

 

You can not control what other people think, feel, do, or believe.

 

The anger and violence is about control. And still, here, you will not accept her decisions.

 

Let. It. Go.

[Protec]

Read some articles about narcissism:

 

"If he gambles – it is to prove right a method that he has developed or to demonstrate his amazing mental or psychic powers."

 

I remember the time we were in the cruise boat casino. My ex claimed with blue eyes she has ability to see how the rouletter person throws the ball and she can calculate where the ball ends.

 

I told her it was impossible. She got furious at me. "YES! YOu can see it! It's just skill!"

Well, she ended up losing all her money.

 

But that was one example.

 

I am excited and bit scary about the appointment tomorrow. I've never been in real psychotherapist before. I think those kind of people have heard lots of different stories.

 

I just wish things would have gone differently...

Edited August 31, 2016 by Protec

[Blanco]

Stop reading articles in an effort to further analyze her. You were pretty certain MONTHS ago that she was BPD/narcissist, so at this point, you're just treading over old ground and putting an unnecessary focus on someone you won't ever see or talk to again*.

 

 

*Wishful thinking on my part, no doubt.

[Protec]

Stop reading articles in an effort to further analyze her. You were pretty certain MONTHS ago that she was BPD/narcissist, so at this point, you're just treading over old ground and putting an unnecessary focus on someone you won't ever see or talk to again*.

 

 

*Wishful thinking on my part, no doubt.

.

 

She is bipolar, that is for sure. She has diagnosis for it and goes to psychiatrist once per week.

 

Oh well it doesn't make any difference. I just hope i get some clarification to things when i go to psychotherapy. My self-esteem is shread to pieces by her.

She made me feel like there is nothing good about me as a person.

 

Well, tomorrow i will be one step forward. I am really thankful to my sister. She promised to pay my therapy sessions. I really can't pay them myself.

 

Now it's time to go to gym. Maybe i forget about my issues for a while at least.

[VeveCakes]

Actually you did it to yourself by continually allowing her into your life and dictate how you feel. No one can you make feel anything. That's on YOU.

 

Own up to your mistakes! Stop blaming her and for the love of god stop tying to analyze her too.

[xxoo]

 

Oh well it doesn't make any difference. I just hope i get some clarification to things when i go to psychotherapy. My self-esteem is shread to pieces by her.

She made me feel like there is nothing good about me as a person.

 

The clarification may be: remove yourself from people whose behavior is bad. Instead of persisting in and focusing on controlling them, put that effort and persistence and focus into controlling you.

[Protec]

Actually you did it to yourself by continually allowing her into your life and dictate how you feel. No one can you make feel anything. That's on YOU.

 

Own up to your mistakes! Stop blaming her and for the love of god stop tying to analyze her too.

 

That's bull****. Other people can make others feel different things, at least be part of it. If someone treats you badly, that usually causes bad feels. That is some twisted thinking you have there.

 

It's not always black and white. It usually takes 2 people. I don't get angry if i am alone at home. I do get angry if someone annoys me

 

I am HUMAN, not emotionless robot. She cheated on me and i should have just not felt nothing?

 

That is just load of crap.

 

I don't blame her for my problems, but i do blame her for hurting me emotionally. I didn't do it. She did.

 

Imagine it physically, i punch someone and the other guy failed to dodge. "You fault, you're too slow. Why didn't you dodge?".

 

She punched me mentally, i didn't dodge. I took the hit.

[VeveCakes]

Missed the point entirely. YOU can let your hurt last or YOU can do something about it.

 

Whatever, it's all her fault then. Good luck man.

[Protec]

Missed the point entirely. YOU can let your hurt last or YOU can do something about it.

 

Whatever, it's all her fault then. Good luck man.

 

English is not my first language so i may have understood it wrong.

 

I don't blame her for the pain i am now. This is my fault yes. And i try the best i can to get over it. I was at the gym today, for a walk, made some music, played games with online friends etc. Something to remove the pain.

 

I don't blame her for that.

[sooshi]

I don't blame her for my problems, but i do blame her for hurting me emotionally. I didn't do it. She did.

 

Yes, she cheated on you. It was her choice. That hurt.

 

She also put you down.

Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

 

The problem is, you went back to her.

Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

...

 

Even after she cheated on you, you continued to put yourself in a position to get hurt. Aside from the cheating, it's on you that you stayed. And because you went back to her (again and again and again and...), you allowed yourself to get hurt emotionally.

[Simon Phoenix]

That's bull****. Other people can make others feel different things, at least be part of it. If someone treats you badly, that usually causes bad feels. That is some twisted thinking you have there.

 

It's not always black and white. It usually takes 2 people. I don't get angry if i am alone at home. I do get angry if someone annoys me

 

I am HUMAN, not emotionless robot. She cheated on me and i should have just not felt nothing?

 

That is just load of crap.

 

I don't blame her for my problems, but i do blame her for hurting me emotionally. I didn't do it. She did.

 

Imagine it physically, i punch someone and the other guy failed to dodge. "You fault, you're too slow. Why didn't you dodge?".

 

She punched me mentally, i didn't dodge. I took the hit.

 

And you kept coming back for more, which is your damn fault. She is who she is -- you can't change that and it's a waste of your time to figure out why. What you can figure out is a) why you kept coming back for more and b) why you let yourself get to the point you decided to punch her and c) why you are stupid that you still refuse to block her after all this.

 

All you do is deflect responsibility, which is why you never make any progress. It's all someone else's fault.

[BlueIris]

She left to Athens last friday and yesterday i received message that she had terrible hangover while drinking too much wine and getting known to locals.

 

She cheated.

 

Then she sends all kinds of text messages to me like "I can't control this sickness, my head is out of order. You deserve someone better and all i do is hurt everyone around me etc."

 

I didn't respond and few hour later came another text "Are you ok? I am not ok. My heart beats like crazy, i feel terrible and awful etc". I did not read the message fully. I coudn't give a rats behind anymore.

 

Then few hour later, another text: "I know i don't deserve a response from you but i want you to know that i care about you very much. I am worried about you". What a load of BS.

 

Again i didnt read the full message and did not respond.

 

Few hours later my phone rings. She is calling me!! She hasn't called me in 3 months and NOW she calls me from ATHENS. I didn't respond. Didn't send any good nights messages or good morning messages.

 

This is the exact same pattern she did on me before. She dumped me once at new years eve, and the same thing happened then. She dumps me, few days later started the phonecalls and "im so sorry i love you i care about you". I was stupid even then. Yes.

 

I was in a pretty, pretty dark place last night. I had too much alcohol and i basically passed out to bed. Not my proudest moment. Also i was mad at everything and everyone, so here comes the overreactive nature again.

I had so much adrenaline in my body. I should've gone to ER to get some medicine for my state. But i did not break anything etc. I just went completely berserk.

 

My plan is to go to doctor and ask for emergency medication IF something like this happens again i can take a pill and cool down. At least some kind of therapy. I wonder it myself too why i take so much abuse from other people.

 

I am pretty cool and easygoing usually but when i get angry i really do get angry and that scares me so much. So much negative thoughts. It really didn't help when brain just imagines a vision where some greek guy is bangin my GF.

 

But i forgot, she cares so much about me and just wants me to be well

 

Protec, you've been doing this for 8 months now. This ^^ is your post from May and she had broken up with you at New Years too.

 

Your out of control behavior isn't new. You admit it right here in the quoted post.

 

Stop fixating on her and what's wrong with her. It's not her fault.

 

Look at yourself only and if you loop back to blaming her, ask yourself why you won't look within.

[Protec]

I will go to psychotherapist today. I need answers why i stayed in such abusive relationship.

 

So as i told you, I am getting help.

 

I have never, ever had to go to psychotherapist or psychiatric nurse after break up. Never. I wish i could have had the strenght to leave earlier, unfortunately i wanted blindly to believe i could get the same woman back i fell for.

 

I hope no one of you have to experience something like this ever. I wouldn't even wish this kind of **** for my worst enemy. She had the ability to be the sweetest woman possible and underneath she was cheating, lying, evil and completely without empathy towards other.

 

I mean she even managed to turn the cheating over and blame me. She cheated, i got angry and she turned it over. Suddenly i was apologizing from her. So i started blaming myself. She cheated but i got angry and she said to me she left me because of me getting angry. So she nicely managed to dump me and feeling completely fine about it. Afterall, it was my fault for getting angry for her little adventures. Nice.

 

She never even wanted to discuss about it with me. "You know how i am...i have this illness and i was so depressed i took alcohol and..." That's it! That was her explanation.

 

I need my self esteem back. I am not a bad person.

[ExpatInItaly]

Many of us have had partners who have mental health problems. Some of them worse than what you're describing with her. I am speaking from experience. I dated a man who makes your woman look not so bad, believe it or not. You're not the only one who has dealt with people like this, Protect.

 

But at a certain point, I had to take responsibility for the fact that I went back, knowing what he is like. He wouldn't have been able to inflict as much damage had I not chosen to stay as long as I did. (I lasted about a year) Did I deserve it? No. Do I accept responsibility for my role in allowing it to continue? Yes.

 

Don't assume that none of us here have been where you are. Yes, it's awful and emotionally very damaging. But your behaviour has been deplorable. That is where you should be seeking help first. Stop making this all her fault and all about her. You have a boatload of issues that are going to get you into serious hot water someday if you don't attend to them now. Be honest with your doctor about your anger and physical violence.

 

This woman is really only a small part of the puzzle here. She didn't force you to behave the way you did. That was a choice on your part, including your choice to hit her. Time to man up and take accountability.

[Protec]

How many times i need to say this? I have gotten help. I have seen the psychiatric nurse now 3 times and today i went to private psychotherapist. 85 euros for 45 minutes.

 

I don't assume i am the only one being in hard relationship. And i don't blame my ex for everything. Fault is in me too.

 

I came back from the psychotherapist.

 

Didn't learn nothing yet, but i am seeing her again. And i should see a psychiatrist for evalutation to get government aid for psychotherapy.

 

I take responsibility. I hit her due my own problems. She said something that annoyed me, true, but i still should have not reacted that way. I just could not control it = I have a problem i need help with. I go so blind with rage i just cannot control it. AT ALL.

 

And yes, i told the therapist about my anger issues how it's been part of me my whole life.That's why i went there. I want to control my anger in healthy way and get my self esteem back.

 

It's been part of me always and finally i am getting help for it. I also told about my self esteem issues and i was honest about my anger.

 

She looked shocked when i told her people used to pick on me at school because i had "short" fuse. But people thought it was funny to see me rage and run after them.

 

So. Finally my healing process has started. I feel somewhat relieved, and bit nervous.

[Itspointless]

Didn't learn nothing yet, but i am seeing her again. And i should see a psychiatrist for evalutation to get government aid for psychotherapy.

Good. Don 't expect miracles, these things can take a lot of time.

[Protec]

I mean this is a serious matter. I really need to get this under control. It may ruin my whole life if i hurt someone again.

 

I feel so terrible about hurting her. And i know it doesn't sound like it, but i cared about her very much. Whenever she had problems i was there to help her.

 

I bought her roses and chocolate and helped her when she was sick, i stayed awake with her when she had panic attacks, i hugged her gently when she started crying for seeing hallucinations, i carried her around when she couldn't barely move because of her fibromyalgia. I drove at her place middle of the night when she texted she had panic attack. I was always there for her when she needed.

 

I cared about her. Best feeling for me was to see her smile and i forgot about my own wellbeing completely. I never stopped to think "hey, what do i get from all of this?"

[Protec]

Good. Don 't expect miracles, these things can take a lot of time.

 

Yes she told me it can take a long time and i really have to work for it too.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Protec

[Protec]

The first session was mostly about talking about my problems, so called "getting known" what is my issues etc. She asked me some questions and i answered. That's all we did today. Getting known to me, about my past, parents etc.

 

I don't know what else you want me to do? I managed to get my self to talk with the psychiatric nurse, and now i finally managed to get my self an appointment with psychotherapist.

 

This is not easy for me. For someone else it would be a cakewalk. But this has been very hard road for me.

 

I am doing the best i can. I try every day to go for a walk and do something productive to keep myself going forward instead of backwards. Yesterday i was at the gym again. Having a good workout.

 

And i am dead serious about getting better. Why do you think i would go to psychotherapist and pay lots of money for it? I want to learn how to deal with my anger issues and i want to know why i stay in abusive relationships.

 

My sister is paying for the sessions, so i really don't enjoy much knowing she pays for it. But she is worried about me, as i am worried about myself too. I have never been like this in my life.

 

I do what i can!

Edited September 1, 2016 by Protec

[sooshi]

Protec,

 

You're doing what you can. Good luck.

 

I'm out.

[ChickiePops]

The first session was mostly about talking about my problems, so called "getting known" what is my issues etc. She asked me some questions and i answered. That's all we did today. Getting known to me, about my past, parents etc.

 

I don't know what else you want me to do? I managed to get my self to talk with the psychiatric nurse, and now i finally managed to get my self an appointment with psychotherapist.

 

This is not easy for me. For someone else it would be a cakewalk. But this has been very hard road for me.

 

I am doing the best i can. I try every day to go for a walk and do something productive to keep myself going forward instead of backwards. Yesterday i was at the gym again. Having a good workout.

 

And i am dead serious about getting better. Why do you think i would go to psychotherapist and pay lots of money for it? I want to learn how to deal with my anger issues and i want to know why i stay in abusive relationships.

 

My sister is paying for the sessions, so i really don't enjoy much knowing she pays for it. But she is worried about me, as i am worried about myself too. I have never been like this in my life.

 

I do what i can!

 

1. No, it wouldn't be a cakewalk for everyone else. Therapy isn't easy for anyone..every single human being on this planet has issues of some sort or another. That's just silly talk.

 

 

2. You used to chase after people when you were upset?

[Protec]

1. No, it wouldn't be a cakewalk for everyone else. Therapy isn't easy for anyone..every single human being on this planet has issues of some sort or another. That's just silly talk.

 

 

2. You used to chase after people when you were upset?

 

Yes, as a kid i got bullied so much i lost my temper and furiously ran after them. I never punched anyone or anything. But apparently my friends enjoyed it.

 

I guess i finally developed my anger as some kind of defense mechanism. I mean i have lack a healthy way to express my anger.

 

And i am seriously a nice guy. That's the problem. I am too nice and i can't defend myself against abuse of any kind and finally i explode in unhealthy way.

 

At one point i thought i'd had ADHD but i am way too organized to have that and i was actually overly calm in school.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Protec

[aliveagain]

I will go to psychotherapist today. I need answers why i stayed in such abusive relationship.

 

So as i told you, I am getting help.

 

I have never, ever had to go to psychotherapist or psychiatric nurse after break up. Never. I wish i could have had the strenght to leave earlier, unfortunately i wanted blindly to believe i could get the same woman back i fell for.

 

I hope no one of you have to experience something like this ever. I wouldn't even wish this kind of **** for my worst enemy. She had the ability to be the sweetest woman possible and underneath she was cheating, lying, evil and completely without empathy towards other.

 

I mean she even managed to turn the cheating over and blame me. She cheated, i got angry and she turned it over. Suddenly i was apologizing from her. So i started blaming myself. She cheated but i got angry and she said to me she left me because of me getting angry. So she nicely managed to dump me and feeling completely fine about it. Afterall, it was my fault for getting angry for her little adventures. Nice.

 

She never even wanted to discuss about it with me. "You know how i am...i have this illness and i was so depressed i took alcohol and..." That's it! That was her explanation.

 

I need my self esteem back. I am not a bad person.

 

My ex was her twin, bipolar and totally fu*ked up. She would go off her meds while abusing alcohol and other substances because she loved the high she got when she was manic. I endured infidelity, an affair child, her refusal to admit her infidelity even after a DNA test proved that Jesus had a better chance of being the father then me. She was all grown up and knew right from wrong, she knew putting other men's unprotected penis's in her vagina was wrong but she did it for two years anyway until I found out. Have you any idea how hard it is to have to tell hundreds of people you work with that your little boy isn't yours 9 months after they threw him a baby shower? This will be your life if you don't smarten the fu*k up, run, save your life because nothing you or anyone can do will ever change her.

 

To this day I remain unlisted so she can't find me because she still try's and it has been 8 years since I kicked her cheating ass out. She is 5'10" tall without shoes on, long blond hair and looks like Barbie. She reads about my accomplishments but she will never find me again. She is the anchor in your life that stops your ship from leaving the port, cut the line.

[Protec]

My ex was her twin, bipolar and totally fu*ked up. She would go off her meds while abusing alcohol and other substances because she loved the high she got when she was manic. I endured infidelity, an affair child, her refusal to admit her infidelity even after a DNA test proved that Jesus had a better chance of being the father then me. She was all grown up and knew right from wrong, she knew putting other men's unprotected penis's in her vagina was wrong but she did it for two years anyway until I found out. Have you any idea how hard it is to have to tell hundreds of people you work with that your little boy isn't yours 9 months after they threw him a baby shower? This will be your life if you don't smarten the fu*k up, run, save your life because nothing you or anyone can do will ever change her.

 

To this day I remain unlisted so she can't find me because she still try's and it has been 8 years since I kicked her cheating ass out. She is 5'10" tall without shoes on, long blond hair and looks like Barbie. She reads about my accomplishments but she will never find me again. She is the anchor in your life that stops your ship from leaving the port, cut the line.

 

That sounds like hell. I have no intentions of getting her back. she will never get better. She still drinks, she goes from man to man, has stopped taking her meds, hears things, sees things. She is going worse and worse.

 

Even without me she still drinks a lot. She always blamed me. But surprise, she still drinks almost every day. So at least i can take that off from my chest.

 

I will keep on my journey to find out about my anger problem and get help to it. Also i want to learn about myself why i keep staying on abusive relationships and learn to defend myself without getting angry and getting my low self-esteem back.