So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[frigginlost]

just came from my 2nd psychotherapy session and i am relieved that my behaviour is normal. Of course there is this issue me, why i stay in toxic relationships and why i keep going back.

 

She made a list. "Now tell me about the good sides and bad sides of her". I told. And eventually when i looked at the list i noticed myself it too, it's completely CRAZY trying even try to be friends with that person.

 

And also she told it's no wonder if i am bit unstable for trying to handle that kind of rollercoaster in my mind.

 

But i talked about my ex with my therapist and she said what ever she did, was not because of her illness, but because of her nature. And i am talking about the narcissistic behaviour in her.

 

That is just her. Not her illness. She is like that. She cleared that mania can cause recless behaviour etc. but it should not switch back and forth that fast.

 

But i am happy, maybe i can finally understand more about myself and why i let people abuse me.

 

Also i allowed her behaviour, so basically when i did try to help my ex, i actually made it worse. It seems like a good idea, "i will do everything for her so she will be well!" but actually it just makes things worse. I tolerate, and tolerate so eventually she learned she can do anything and always come back. Because i hate conflicts so i don't set healthy boundaries.

 

Sure my therapist wondered why i allow myself to be treated that way. Why i stayed? And why i went back?

 

My ex claims she is my soulmate, but you don't treat your souldmates or friends like that.

 

I spent a day with my ex, we had fun but i didn't do it to get her back. I did it to have a nice day. And now i feel fine. I feel somehow different.

 

Maybe because again at monday she said that i am her soulmate and she feels complete with me etc. and yesterday she suddenly sent me a text that i am the reason why she is losing custody. Yes. SHe has had 2 talks with social workers in 6 months.

 

She got child custody complaint made by her own nurse this time. So that's how messed up that person is.

 

But anyway, i am happy i am finalyl starting to go to the psychotherapy sessions and i really hope i can change my behaviour and find myself a healthy self-esteem.

 

As blanco and others have said that i don't have it, you were right and i see that myself now too.

 

Also i try to please people too much, that is causing trouble. I don't see myself as a pushover because i just try to be friendly. But unfortunately it backfires and others see me as pushover so they treat me like they want and because i lack healthy self-esteem i let people to treat me like a pushover and because i hate conflicts, i tolerate the bad behaviour until i snap And that causes the anger management problem.

 

Whew. I hope i sound more healthy than some time ago.

 

I now truly believe that you are a woman beating damaged individual who comes to these boards for attention and nothing more...

[sooshi]

it's completely CRAZY trying even try to be friends with that person.

 

Also i allowed her behaviour

 

I tolerate, and tolerate so eventually she learned she can do anything and always come back. Because i hate conflicts so i don't set healthy boundaries.

 

I spent a day with my ex, we had fun but i didn't do it to get her back. I did it to have a nice day. And now i feel fine. I feel somehow different.

 

Whew. I hope i sound more healthy than some time ago.

 

Unfortunately not.

[BlueIris]

I thought you blocked her? I mean its great you are finally in therapy but you still allowing her in your life!!

 

Block her!

Dont ever visit her! You are fooling yourself if you think you can handle that.

 

But if he blocks her he can't blame her any more and he would have to examine his own thoughts and actions.

[Simon Phoenix]

Protec is Protecing again. Over-under on the days until he forces himself into her place or punches her again? It's not worth even giving advice to him at this point. He can't even do the one fundamental thing he has to do.

 

The fact that you not only unblocked her, but went to see her is disgusting.

[VeveCakes]

I was actually wondering about an update and figured something happened since he hadn't posted in a while. Guess we know why now.

[Itspointless]

Did you actually spent a day with her, are you not talking about the past?

[Protec]

But if he blocks her he can't blame her any more and he would have to examine his own thoughts and actions.

 

I don't blame her. It's me.

[Protec]

Did you actually spent a day with her, are you not talking about the past?

 

I spent this monday with her. I got a message from her, she was at the local flea market. So i went there. After that we went to local mall for some shopping, had a coffee etc. We had fun, as usual. Althoug i admit i felt bit uncomfortable at times...

 

Then we had this idea "hey! Let's make sushi!" so we got to a grocery store and bought the necessary stuff and some white wine as well.

 

We went to her place, made sushi together and had a very nice evening.

And again i hear the usual things from her.

 

"When i look at the stars i think of you."

"You are really my soulmate"

"I don't ever want to lose you. You are great friend."

"I don't feel lonely with you and i can be myself etc."

 

all that stuff.

 

I am NOT trying to get her back. I just wanted to have a nice evening and we had. I enjoyed, had fun. She enjoyed and had fun.

 

That's it.

 

I just don't know how to be alone. I know i should have not seen her. But inside me i wanted to.

 

1) Sit home alone, feeling lonely watch movie and go to sleep.

 

or

 

2) Make good food, enjoy some wine, company and enjoy the evening and not feel lonely.

 

IT's not hard choice. That's why i am stuck. We have fun together at times.

I don't know how to let go of someone i enjoy being with.

 

I had fun that day. We made jokes, we made each other laugh, we really enjoyed each others companion. We fell asleep next to each other. That's it.

 

I am just so lonely.And when i am with her i don't feel lonely....that's the only explanation. With my friends i feel lonely, with my family i feel lonely. If i am in a crowded place i feel lonely. And i have no idea WHY i feel lonely.

 

I wish i wouldn't. I want to be happy by myself and that is why i joined the psychotherapy. To find answers and to fix it. I want to be happy on my own. I don't want to be codependent about other people. And it's just not some people, it takes a rare person to make me feel "complete".

 

I feel lonely even with my family. Even with my friends. I have no idea where that feeling comes from.

 

I know my sister cares about me a lot, and my father too. Still i feel lonely when i am around them.

 

But when i am with my ex gf, i feel fine. She is one of the rare people that removes my feeling of loneliness. It's not about her being a woman, no. I've had female friends and even with them i feel lonely.

 

It's not just about someone being a woman or just having someone near me. It's something more i cannot describe. And i have no idea what it is.

 

I want to know why i feel lonely even amongs 20 people. I want to know why i feel lonely with my friends i've known since i was a kid.

 

I don't enjoy this. I am not happy at the moment and i want to be.

 

There are issues in me and i want them solved and fixed. And it has nothing to do about my ex GF. She has nothing to do with this anymore, this is something that is inside me. And being with her made me think about all those things.

 

So there. This is not about her anymore. This is about me. She is out of the "picture". Anything i do, or don't is not because of her, it's because of me.

 

She can do whatever she wants, i know we will never be together anymore. I hope i could maintain her in my life in some way, but if i can't then i can't.

 

Only thing that messed me up was her going back and forth. "be my friend, **** off, be my friend again, **** off". And yes, it did some damage to me and i wish i could somehow learn not to care.

[VeveCakes]

Excuses excuses excuses....and WHY are you drinking?

 

I thought you blocked her and agreed to stay off the booze?

 

Count down on until you sleep with her and she tells you shes banging half the county and you lose it on her again and end up in jail next time.

 

Get a hold of your life bro.

[Itspointless]

I spent this monday with her. […] We have fun together at times. I don't know how to let go of someone i enjoy being with.[…] I want to be happy by myself and that is why i joined the psychotherapy. To find answers and to fix it.

But don’t you see it are not the answers that will fix it, it are the actions you take responding to those insides. There also is not a way to let go, we all have to force ourselves and go through hell. I find it mind boggling that you keep going back again and again and again, etc.

 

You need to find the answer to the question why you do not want to help yourself, instead you want to be fixed.

[frigginlost]

But don’t you see it are not the answers that will fix it, it are the actions you take responding to those insides. There also is not a way to let go, we all have to force ourselves and go through hell. I find it mind boggling that you keep going back again and again and again, etc.

 

You need to find the answer to the question why you do not want to help yourself, instead you want to be fixed.

 

What he needs is a jacket with sleeves that tie in the back...

 

Everybody needs to stop asking this guy questions. He is very adept at talking in circles and I even doubt that it is his ex contacting him, but rather him doing the contacting.

 

He's a woman beater that has had page after page after page of advice, and has used the same merry-go-round response with every reply to those giving it to him.

 

He's a manipulator and doesn't see it... or he is purposely doing it.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Protec,

 

I'm sorry, I along with everyone else have been following your thread for many months now, and yeah it's just one big circle with you, at the end of the day you will still go to her and dig yourself deeper. You have gotten so deep that the people that have replied to this thread since it's inception can break no contact with their exes and still not reach where your at. You can give as many excuses as you like but your actions definitely say otherwise.

 

I know it's hard, but it's for the best, leave her alone and take care of yourself.

[Blanco]

This thread is the movie franchise that won't stop pumping out awful, derivative sequel after sequel.

[Blanco]

What he needs is a jacket with sleeves that tie in the back...

 

Everybody needs to stop asking this guy questions. He is very adept at talking in circles and I even doubt that it is his ex contacting him, but rather him doing the contacting.

 

He's a woman beater that has had page after page after page of advice, and has used the same merry-go-round response with every reply to those giving it to him.

 

He's a manipulator and doesn't see it... or he is purposely doing it.

 

Pretty much.

 

He's a few weeks from HITTING this woman because he was so incensed by her sleeping with other men, and now he's here pretending to be Mr. Cool with his "it's whatever, I'm not even trying to get her back" BS that anyone who's read through more than a page of this Manifesto of the Insane could see right through.

 

I feel bad for his sister, who's paying out of pocket to get her brother help, and the guy can't even go a week without getting involved again with a person who is helping him destroy his life.

[Blanco]

Speaking of Protec's sister, I could've sworn I had read something about a condition regarding her paying for his psych treatments. Alas...

 

Even my sister said it to me yesterday. "Why don't you listen to me? You always say you listen but end up doing complete opposite. I told you months ago to stay away from her and what did you do? If you want me to pay for your doctor you STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THAT WOMAN, understand?"

 

This was TWO weeks ago.

 

Protec tries to project himself as being this great guy who's just a victim of circumstance, but the truth is, he's a selfish expletive who's usually just thinking about what HE wants.

 

Sounds like he has very few people in his life who give a d*mn about him (and spoiler, ol' girl ain't one of them!), and it sounds like he's soaking another bridge with kerosene if his sister meant what she said in the quoted passage above.

[Protec]

deleted post

 

Yes i do. I struggled hard and i managed not to talk or see her for one month.

And then i went back when she contacted me. And why she contacted me? Because i did not block her. That's why.

Edited September 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
deleted quote ~6

[Itspointless]

Yes i do. I struggled hard and i managed not to talk or see her for one month.

And then i went back when she contacted me. And why she contacted me? Because i did not block her. That's why.

Block that woman, do it for your sister.

[Protec]

What he needs is a jacket with sleeves that tie in the back...

 

Everybody needs to stop asking this guy questions. He is very adept at talking in circles and I even doubt that it is his ex contacting him, but rather him doing the contacting.

 

He's a woman beater that has had page after page after page of advice, and has used the same merry-go-round response with every reply to those giving it to him.

 

He's a manipulator and doesn't see it... or he is purposely doing it.

 

Some of my text may come out little wrong as english is not my main language.

 

I am not a woman beater. Yes i hit her with open hand.

 

WOman beater hits woman on purpose and several times. I have never hit woman before in my life...I was shocked about the fact i actually did it. I did it out of rage, not on purpose. I don't enjoy hurting people. I felt terrible afterwards and i still feel terrible about it.

 

I talked about this incident with my psychotherapist and she said every person has their limit. Some people handle it better, some worse and apparently i went so much over the line it came out in the worst possible way.

I am not a violent person.

 

I don't think myself as a manipulator...but i guess we will find out as i keep going to therapist if i am the manipulator or not.

 

I don't like this anymore than you do. I wanted this to end month ago when i managed to cut contact with her for a month...

 

Actually, now is my best chance to disappear from her life. She accused that it's my fault she will lose custody of the kids. I said "You will do fine. Take care."

 

Now would be my best chance. This is a clear pattern, it has been for months, even when we were together.

 

1) She acts nice towards me, says nice things etc. "soulmate, best friend"

2) I play along, we have fun

3) Suddenly she starts accusing me, disappears etc. creating drama

4) I panic. Try to fix things. Drama is ready.

5) She tells me to piss off etc.

6) I am left emotionally wounded "But we just had such a nice day together.."

7) After weeks, she contacts me again

 

Go back to 1.

 

I am stuck in a loop. And i have no idea how to jump out

 

MAybe i just give my phone to my sis. She defiitely has the strength to delete her number and block it.

 

I don't know if she does it on purpose but every time we have had a few nice days together she destroys it some way. "I will call police on you! I have a new man and we cannot see each other again! You are the reason why i lose custody of my kids! You are bad influence for me!"

 

Every single time. And i always go back.

[Itspointless]

I am not a woman beater. Yes i hit her with open hand.

 

WOman beater hits woman on purpose and several times. I have never hit woman before in my life...I was shocked about the fact i actually did it. I did it out of rage, not on purpose. I don't enjoy hurting people. I felt terrible afterwards and i still feel terrible about it.

 

I talked about this incident with my psychotherapist and she said every person has their limit. Some people handle it better, some worse and apparently i went so much over the line it came out in the worst possible way.

I am not a violent person.

But you do realize, beatings often are done in rage (in a blur), by people who are ashamed by their actions afterwards?

[BlueIris]

Tell her, “I can not be your friend and spend time with you again because I need to move on. I wish all the best for you but do not contact me again. I need to do this for my own well-being.” Then block all means of contact that you are able to block.

 

Your premise is that she has bipolar disorder and that you do not have a serious mental health problem so it does not make sense that you place the responsibility on her for future contact and for the dynamics of the relationship. Especially if you are the healthier person, it’s your responsibility to sever contact and maintain No Contact.

 

You have hit her and have admitted that you have a lifetime of raging and losing control of yourself, so it’s concerning to me that she does contact you. She should not be contacting or seeing someone who has raged at her or hit her.

[Haydn]

WTF are you doing Protec?

 

You are piling misery upon misery and not just on you.

 

Her...

 

`US`

 

You hit her. That`s the end.

 

I suspect she is terrified of you now and is trying to placate you.

 

Leave her alone.

 

Haydn, out.

[LD1990]

LMAO. You're starting to see the pattern now? You're late to the party Protec, everyone else saw it about 750 posts ago.

 

You're not going to change. You've proven time and time again that you're not man enough.

[VeveCakes]

BLOCK HER

B

L

O

C

K

H

E

R

Change your number....delete hers...do it for your own sanity and if not, do it for us!

 

We are begging you....!!!

[Latino4Lyfe]

Protec, if giving the phone to your sister so she can block your ex for good is what will work for you to start picking yourself up, then by all means do it ASAP.

 

It's like I said yesterday, right now you are at a completely other level with this, that basically if all of us in here right now just decided to pick up our phones and just contacted our exes for whatever, we still would not reach where you are at. This is very intense. Give it a few weeks give or take the cycle will begin again...you want off the cycle? Give the phone to your sister or whoever and have that number blocked.

 

Move forward

[frigginlost]

Some of my text may come out little wrong as english is not my main language.

 

I am not a woman beater. Yes i hit her with open hand.

 

An act of violence is an act of violence. I'm not going to listen to your semantics. You hit a woman because you did not get your way.

 

WOman beater hits woman on purpose and several times. I have never hit woman before in my life...I was shocked about the fact i actually did it. I did it out of rage, not on purpose. I don't enjoy hurting people. I felt terrible afterwards and i still feel terrible about it.

 

You did it out of rage and not on purpose? Do you understand how incredibly stupid you sound? I did not run over that person in the crosswalk who was moving slowly on purpose. I did it out of rage. Excuses, excuses, excuses. On the merry-go-round we go...

 

I talked about this incident with my psychotherapist and she said every person has their limit. Some people handle it better, some worse and apparently i went so much over the line it came out in the worst possible way.

I am not a violent person.

 

Another stupid excuse. Your actions show that you are a violent person and are incapable of controlling yourself. That is on nobody but you. End of story. You want to justify your actions based on "I don't know how to control myself" and ignore multiple pages of people telling you exactly what to do, fine. But I'm gonna be one of the loud ones to call your pathetic arse out. You struck a woman out of rage. You are a violent person.

 

 

I don't think myself as a manipulator...but i guess we will find out as i keep going to therapist if i am the manipulator or not.

 

I don't like this anymore than you do. I wanted this to end month ago when i managed to cut contact with her for a month...

 

No. You managed to lie to yourself for a month. You knew exactly what was going to happen and took no steps to stop it from happening. And don't give me that "I did this and did that" routine. You did nothing to square your head away. Not. One. Thing.

 

Actually, now is my best chance to disappear from her life. She accused that it's my fault she will lose custody of the kids. I said "You will do fine. Take care."

 

Your best chance was 50 pages ago, but you knew better than anyone else and ended up becoming violent. The only way I see you ever disappearing from her life is if you are put in rehab somewhere where you cant see or contact her.

 

 

Now would be my best chance. This is a clear pattern, it has been for months, even when we were together.

 

1) She acts nice towards me, says nice things etc. "soulmate, best friend"

2) I play along, we have fun

3) Suddenly she starts accusing me, disappears etc. creating drama

4) I panic. Try to fix things. Drama is ready.

5) She tells me to piss off etc.

6) I am left emotionally wounded "But we just had such a nice day together.."

7) After weeks, she contacts me again

 

Go back to 1.

 

 

All of the above is rehashed garbage you spew out to justify your actions. How many 1-7 lists are you going to write? How many new bullet points will the next one contain of a new idea or reaction? Your list should contain 1 item and 1 item only *never talk, hear, or see from her again*.

 

 

I am stuck in a loop. And i have no idea how to jump out

 

 

There are 70 pages of ways to jump out, but you are such a selfish individual, you wont listen to any of them. It's your way or the highway which was proven when *you struck a woman* for not getting your way.

 

 

MAybe i just give my phone to my sis. She defiitely has the strength to delete her number and block it.

 

I don't know if she does it on purpose but every time we have had a few nice days together she destroys it some way. "I will call police on you! I have a new man and we cannot see each other again! You are the reason why i lose custody of my kids! You are bad influence for me!"

 

Every single time. And i always go back.

 

You never left.