So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[LD1990]

I'm sure things will be different this time.

 

Until you screw up breakfast. Or she needs space to hook up with more guys from Tinder. You're this woman's doormat, which sounds like a miserable existence, but hey, if that's what you want out of life, go for it.

[Protec]

I'm sure things will be different this time.

 

Until you screw up breakfast. Or she needs space to hook up with more guys from Tinder. You're this woman's doormat, which sounds like a miserable existence, but hey, if that's what you want out of life, go for it.

 

I went to doctor today. I need to find out why i stay in relationships like this. and why i take so much abuse. So i am actually trying to fix my weaknesses.

 

I haven't asked anything about how many guys she has slept with during our break. but i know she has gone out partying at least once with her single friend.

 

She admitted her head is not ok. I suggested her to write down in a memo "Protec is a good guy, treat him well. You like him." so whenever she just suddenly feels like she has no feelings for me...

 

But seriously, this is a bad situation. And unfortunately i don't have the power to cut her away from my life. At least not yet.

 

I do care abot her. I really do. But i am not ok.

[Itspointless]

I went to doctor today. I need to find out why i stay in relationships like this. and why i take so much abuse. So i am actually trying to fix my weaknesses. [...] And unfortunately i don't have the power to cut her away from my life. At least not yet.

You know these are excuses to stay inactive right now, right?

[Emilia]

I went to doctor today. I need to find out why i stay in relationships like this. and why i take so much abuse. So i am actually trying to fix my weaknesses.

That's actually a really big step. Very well done. Keep going.

[Blanco]

I went to doctor today. I need to find out why i stay in relationships like this. and why i take so much abuse. So i am actually trying to fix my weaknesses.

 

A good first step to fixing that weakness would be to, you know, not hang out with someone who doesn't even think you're competent enough to fix breakfast.

[LD1990]

So i am actually trying to fix my weaknesses.

 

You know at some point you're going to have to step up and do something. Going to therapy, that's great and all, but a therapist can only help so much. You asked for people's advice here, and you've got 11 pages of people telling you to go NC on this woman. You still refuse to do so. You refuse to block her, to really cut off contact. So you can go to a therapist, get that therapist's advice, but you'll have to be willing to take action if you actually want to benefit from this therapy.

[Blanco]

Exactly. You can't go to AA meetings and expect change to happen if you're busy getting plastered when you're not at those meetings.

[BC1980]

But seriously, this is a bad situation. And unfortunately i don't have the power to cut her away from my life. At least not yet.

 

You might not ever feel that you have the power to cut her off, but you have to do it anyway. You might feel incredibly weak and feel like you can't go through with it, but you have to do it. After that, you will have the space to build yourself up to be strong. But you can't become strong while you are still in contact with her. If you are waiting for a magical moment to arrive when you feel okay with going NC, that might never happen. You're never going to be ready.

[Blanco]

And you're never going to have more than a few days of "peace" with this woman. Stop putting so much stock into a small string of good days when history has shown that these are always followed by verbal abuse, detachment, and disrespectful behavior.

[Protec]

And you're never going to have more than a few days of "peace" with this woman. Stop putting so much stock into a small string of good days when history has shown that these are always followed by verbal abuse, detachment, and disrespectful behavior.

 

Yes. It happened again. Well, she was nice for 3 days. And said "we are not in relationship, we are simply seeing each other". Maybe she meant dating, not sure.

 

So, yes. She wants to keep her options open so she can dump me when she finds a new, better man.

 

I tried to reason with her "Just 2 days ago you admitted your mood can change suddenly, and it has nothing to do what i have done." "No. No, just stup your babbling! I haven't said anything like that. Don't blame me here!"

 

Again. Just 24 hours ago she was looking me with those loving eyes of her "Are you ok? All those things i've done to you..."

 

And now she is a completely different person again. I said "i haven't even fully recovered from your cheating..." "OH! SO you bring that up again! I think this is it then."

 

Why..why someone does something like this? I try so hard to understand but i cannot.

 

Sorry to bother you. I know, i know. NC. I just can't do it. I have tried. I never manage to go past day 3.

 

She is insane. That is not just bipolar anymore. I think she need serious help.

 

And so do i.

 

Thank you all. I love ya guys.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yes. It happened again. Well, she was nice for 3 days. And said "we are not in relationship, we are simply seeing each other". Maybe she meant dating, not sure.

 

So, yes. She wants to keep her options open so she can dump me when she finds a new, better man.

 

I tried to reason with her "Just 2 days ago you admitted your mood can change suddenly, and it has nothing to do what i have done." "No. No, just stup your babbling! I haven't said anything like that. Don't blame me here!"

 

Again. Just 24 hours ago she was looking me with those loving eyes of her "Are you ok? All those things i've done to you..."

 

And now she is a completely different person again. I said "i haven't even fully recovered from your cheating..." "OH! SO you bring that up again! I think this is it then."

 

Why..why someone does something like this? I try so hard to understand but i cannot.

 

Sorry to bother you. I know, i know. NC. I just can't do it. I have tried. I never manage to go past day 3.

 

She is insane. That is not just bipolar anymore. I think she need serious help.

 

And so do i.

 

Thank you all. I love ya guys.

 

She's not the one who needs help in this situation and she's not the one to blame. It's on you for not having the backbone and common sense not to put up with it. Honestly, everything that happens with this woman from this point on is your fault because you don't have the self-respect and intelligence to let this go. You can't control her, you can only control you. And you are failing at the latter miserably.

[Art_Critic]

I have treated you in such horrible ways. What makes you go trough all this?"

 

The problem with this is that she is losing respect for you for being an available doormat.

If you are going to continue to see her then the hurts are going to continue, the least you can do is try to not be her doormat and at least go live a life without her somewhat, that way if you are not sooo available she will respect you more.

 

I went to doctor today. I need to find out why i stay in relationships like this. and why i take so much abuse. So i am actually trying to fix my weaknesses.

 

Good for you, listen to them and be open and honest with them..

 

That's actually a really big step. Very well done. Keep going.

 

Agreed..

 

 

Sorry to bother you. I know, i know. NC. I just can't do it. I have tried. I never manage to go past day 3.

 

She is insane. That is not just bipolar anymore. I think she need serious help.

 

And so do i.

 

Thank you all. I love ya guys.

 

You aren't bothering anyone here.. just try and help yourself with this..

 

At least you keep coming back to this thread and venting, that is good.. practicing NC with LoveShack won't help

 

We have all been where you are so nobody is judging you but you are going to have to be proactive and take the bull by horns on this one if you want to stop to get off the roller coaster.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Just 24 hours ago she was looking me with those loving eyes of her "Are you ok? All those things i've done to you..."

 

And now she is a completely different person again. I said "i haven't even fully recovered from your cheating..." "OH! SO you bring that up again! I think this is it then."

 

This is so sad. It really sounds like she enjoys inflicting this pain on you. It must give her a huge sense of power and control being able to manipulate you whenever she feels like it.

 

You are worth more than this.

[Blanco]

She just sounds like she's a wholly miserable person who feels trapped by her conditions and the ramifications of her lousy choices. She's able to temporarily alleviate this with male attention and taking people down a notch.

 

One crucial thing I've taken away from past relationships is that I won't settle for one where the other person doesn't have my back or isn't trying to "lift me up" to be the best version of myself that I can be.

 

Life is too short to waste on people who treat you like a burden unless you're doing something for them.

[Protec]

Well... she apologized her behaviour again. "I am sorry i went overboard last night..."

Even her kids looked shocked when she said to them "ok kids, say bye bye to Protec"

 

"Why...why does he have to leave? Are you leaving?" Asked the kid. Also the kid asked several questions from her when she put them to sleep. So the kids sensed something is not right. And those kids really love me.

 

But anyway my ex said to me (she was angry as hell last night...) "We are not in relationship, we are just currently dating/seeing each other" I don't really know how to translate it. We are not together...but seeing each other.

 

And the fact, we still have sex and i have spent last few nights sleeping with her while her kids have been at home... I think it's more than just dating.

 

I will die if she goes out looking for other guys.

 

Too bad she is mentally ill...She can be an awesome person. We had so much fun those 2 days when she was back to "normal".

 

Funny thing is that she ignored everything she said to me the other night "My mind can change anytime. TOday i feel like this...but what about tomorrow?"

 

It's really scary.

 

This whole thing triggered again in a similar manner:

 

-She enjoyed bit of white wine

She couldn't get sleep almost at all

-Very tired the next day

-Lots of fibromyalgia pains

.You can see she is super stressed and tired

-She "snaps" because i did not pay for the bag of potatoes and mentioned "well i thought that red wine was for both of us"

-She "kicks" me out and hates me. I annoy her with just my precence.

 

It's so damn strange. REally, she is Jekyll and Hyde. And i can't never talk with her.

LAst night i tried to reason with her in a calm manner, but everything i said she just got even more angry.

 

Like when i said "remember you said to me other night your mind can change over night?". "Oh stop lying and that useless babbling! Don't try to speak me around".

 

It's impossible. When she is in that state, facts make her just angrier.

 

"You know your behaviour is hurting me?" "Oh, boo hooo our little protec gets hurt..."

 

She becomes a friggin demon. I still care about her. Because i know it's her illness...

I just wonder how on earth i could get her into doctor...that is more than bipolarity here.

[LD1990]

I will die if she goes out looking for other guys.

 

No, you won't. You started this thread because she cheated on you and you've seen that she has Tinder on her phone. You already know you're not the only guy for her.

 

I just wonder how on earth i could get her into doctor...that is more than bipolarity here.

 

You can't. The desire for help has to come from her, not you.

 

It sounds like you're resigned to a life of suffering abuse from this woman. Good luck, you're going to need it. Try and keep her away from the sharp objects when she's throwing a tantrum.

[Blanco]

All I took away from your latest recycled update is that the innocent children are being negatively affected by your toxic relationship with this woman.

 

You're never going to have a real relationship with this woman. Go away for the sake of her kids who haven't done anything wrong except for having a lousy mother.

 

Your continued involvement makes you as guilty of screwing with the psyche of these kids. Their lives are gonna be tough enough. Stop adding to it.

[Itspointless]

I just wonder how on earth i could get her into

doctor...that is more than bipolarity here.

You are not her caretaker, don't go there.

[Emilia]

Stop trying to control this woman Protec. That's what codependency is: suffocating someone with your kindness. You can't MAKE someone go to a psychiatrist. She is an adult, she has the right to be a nutcase if that's what she wants (though poor kids). Focus on yourself.

[Blanco]

Protec, you can't fix a broken person who does not want to be fixed. This is even more true when you are yourself broken.

 

You're spending way too much mental and physical energy into a lost cause (her) when you should be allocating those resources to your own long-road to emotional stability.

[ExpatInItaly]

Therapy is going to be a complete waste of time if you don't cut ties with her.

[Protec]

Well. I walked out. Literally.

 

Last night i received a text from her "I can't breathe! I am having very bad anxiety attack and no one to help me"

 

As i was worried, i replied to her "Are you ok? Want me to come over?"

She did not respond.

 

Jumped on my car and drove there. She let me in, she was shaking. Hugged her then we watched TV. No kissing etc anymore because she doesn't like me anymore.

 

We went to sleep. Woke up, and then i asked "so no more kissing huh? You seeing new man already?" Yes, it was weak from me, but i just had to ask. "No. First i need to get rid of you first ;)" And she kissed me on my shoulder. I showed my insecurity again.

 

 

"So now that we are dating you're not looking for other guys, right? Because iam not looking for other women when i am with you" No response from her.

 

Then she said it "I am sorry, but you are just not within my criteria. Sorry for sounding like this but we tried." "It was for 2 days..." "Yes, but i noticed the same problems arise again. Sorry i am this shallow person".

 

Put on my shoes, took my stuff from the table (phone, wallet, keys) and walked out. I didn't say a word. I just left.

 

There is nothing more for me to say. I am thinkin about writing her a text, but maybe not. would really like to tell her few things (evil things), but again. That would not help anything if i am evil towards her.

 

If i send her a message "please don't contact me under any circumstance"? But i guess maybe not even that.

 

This is too hard for me. I cannot take this. Just monday she planned a vacation trip with me again. "Save money fast so we can go on a vacation together"

 

And now this.

 

Yes. I don't fit in her criteria. She needs a moneyman. Someone stupid enough to pay all her bills and provide good life while she can party, shop and enjoy life. I did not pay her bills etc. and even if i would have money, i would not have paid them.

 

It is not my duty to keep her alive. She is responsible for her own life and keeping the kids alive.

 

God i would like to vent on her. "Please leave alone and enjoy your miserable life as mentally ill and don't come crying back when you notice you make the life of your new man hell as well. Make sure you cheat him, lie to him etc. You don't deserve a man like me. I am a good guy and deserve someone who loves me back and takes care of me too when i need it."

 

I'm so angry right now i need to go running, gym day is tomorrow, and i don't have enough energy to go to gym (no breakfast at all because i walked out from her place).

 

How dare she say such things to me. Now is my best chance to let go of her as i am very angry to her.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Now is the perfect time to block her and starting putting this mess behind you.

[Protec]

And i hate the low blows she does.

 

"You don't know how to be a head of a family". Well no ****! Hard to develop family running skills when you are living alone.

 

GOD i even sent her a short venting message.

 

But she makes me furious. Is this normal feeling right? Is it normal being angry after being mind-fcked once again? Yes. I am angry. I believe i have every single reason to be angry and frustrated.

She hides behind her god damn illness. "..i know it's not normal to change mind like this...i try..i really try".

 

And why i walked out is because of her kids. I don't want them to see us arguing.

 

Gotta go running now before i explode I am so angry at the moment. I knew this would happen. But i am so darn stupid...why i am like this? Why do i believe her lies? OVer and over and over again.

Edited June 16, 2016 by Protec

[SoulCat]

Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

 

How many times, Protec? How many times?