My Frat Boy

[Ophelia]

Well, I've gotten myself into quite a twisted situation. I met this guy, Nick, about two months ago at the grocery store where I work part time. We hit it off right from the start. Now, for the past 2 months, we've had a purely sexual relationship. We spend the night together about twice a week in either my dorm room or at his fraternity house. In the beginning, it was nice because there were no emotions involved. But, now I've found that I've developed feelings for Nick and would like to start publicly dating him. So, my question is: how do I go about discussing the topic with him? I can't tell whether or not he is interested in dating me. He hasn't dated anyone since we started sleeping together. However, no one (with the exception of a handful of his frat brothers and my roommate) know that there is anything going on between us. What do you think?

[Tony T]

I really apologize for appearing so ignorant here...but you say you have been as absolutely physically intimate as you can possibly be with another human being for the last two months and now you are wondering if dating is a possiblity.

 

Now, where I'm from it's always the other way around. People date for a while and then go for the sex...but, wow, I'm not knocking what you've done here. You go for it the way you want, babe. What a treat it would be if we could all go for it right from the start...and then work back from there. What a concept.

 

This is the first time I ever realized that might be a problem.

 

Your first obstacle to overcome is where he is in life. College dudes are sort of keen on getting as much xxx as possible and you were a dream come true for him.

 

I really don't mean to diminish the seriousness of the problem you have now because you are really in a jam. If you haven't gotten vibes that this guy would like to at least get to know you a little better from the genitals up, there may be a problem. You were in charge of setting the stage for this relationship and you did a good job.

 

My first advice to you is to cut off the sex. Let him know that you have come to feel that you would like to get to know other aspects of him better. I don't think you ought to discuss the intensity of your feelings quite yet. Just tell him you feel there may be something special here you'd like to explore.

 

If after that he heads for the door, all bets are off. If he decides he wants a dating relationship, then great...you're on first base. After a period of time dating him and doing ordinary things like going to dinner, dancing, concerts, lectures, walks on campus, visits to the local zoo, etc., then you can work the bedroom stuff back into the picture.

 

Continuing to engage in lovemaking with a guy who is only after sex will be emotionally damaging to you. Unless this guy expresses more than horniness for you, you're a whole lot better moving on.

 

This may be difficult to pull off but if he's got any kind of heart at all, he'll want to date you and get to know the person he's been having sex with.

 

Not to criticize you or anything but you might want to think about doing this in reverse next time...you know...going out with a guy first, getting to know each other and then getting into the sex part later.

 

But between you and me, I wish there had been more girls like you around when I was in college.