Im an alcoholic

[kasop]

Ive been coming to LS for awhile now. Mostly for my last relationship. I have posted alot when i was hurt but always left out one detail. I'm an alcoholic.. or at least a drunk by other standards. Im 26 and have been drinking sense i was 19. at least 6-8 beers a night. Its progressed sense this last year. I mix liqueur in on occasion and find myself drinking mid day on weekends. Im a decent looking guy, play sports regulary, and have a very physically demanding job. im still 30lbs over weight. Ive had several girls leave me because i drink to much. I would never hold back my drinking because in my beleif i wasent doing anything wrong.

 

It wasent until my last relationship ive realized i have a problem. I am complelty in love with her and she has shown me something that i enjoy more then the drink and thats her. after everything we have been through.. after months of silence and my drunken proposal to her that she didnt believe she actually wanted to give it another chance. it was like a miracle had happened. We were hanging out and having a great time. This had only been going on for 2 weeks when i called her after a binge on tequila and she didnt answer. i flipped out on her and accused her of a bunch of stuff she wasent even doing. the next morning i felt like the stupidest person on the planet and she wouldnt talk to me til about a week later when she said theres no chance.

 

Its even worse in the morning. The depression is absolutely crippling. Ive had periodic thought of suicide. ive done my best to keep the drinking down lately. i actually put myself to bed rather then drink myself to it. Thats when the dreams kick in and they are always about her. The drinking is starting to make me more depressed then happy. Still i DO NOT believe in aa. id rather die then become part of a religious cult. im sorry if that offends you. ive been having pains in the lower right part of my chest and its scaring me. I havent seen a doctor sense i was 18. I dont really know what i expect from posting this. I geuss its just for me to vent. Replys are always welcome

[Michelle ma Belle]

First, congratulations OP on admitting you're an alcoholic! The first step in recovery is recognizing you have a problem.

 

My last and most significant relationship was with a man who was an alcoholic. He was very upfront about it right from the very moment we met and although it frightened me in the beginning, there was something about him that was undeniable and I had to see where it went, although never anticipated we'd end up in a relationship together.

 

Despite his crippling disease, we had an amazing love affair! It wasn't without it's challenges of course since alcohol does change people but I learned how to 'manage' him when he was drinking. But as always when it comes to addicts, it can get extremely exhausting for the other partner after a while.

 

 

He seemed to cling to me for dear life because he often drank a lot less when he was with me without even realizing it but when we were apart, it was balls to the wall. I often feared for his safety since he too suffered from crippling depression when he was away from me.

 

He had talked about getting sober many times in the 3 years we were together and although he wanted to, like you, he has so against AA or any kind of treatment or therapy thinking it was 'weak' to think such things could make a difference. He tried to go cold turkey several times but only made it a few weeks before he fell off the wagon and seemed to drink to make up for the time he was sober.

 

Regardless, I loved him unconditionally but it was definitely taking a toll on me and our relationship. And he knew it. I told him that as much as I loved him and always would we could never have a future together as long as he was a drunk.

 

During one of our visits, we ended up having a disagreement that sent him into a drinking frenzy all night while I was sleeping. It was the first time I witnessed his rock bottom first hand and it was sobering to say the least. He was a hot mess.

 

It was then when he realized that even with me, he had a false sense of 'control' regarding his drinking and conceded that he indeed needed professional help. We worked together to find him a rehab facility and arranged for his departure.

 

A huge part of rehab is attending AA. At first he was very reluctant to participate and was very guarded when it came to sharing or even listening but eventually he started to open up. The more he did, the better his recovery.

 

When he finally left rehab, he moved into a sober living facility and continued to attend AA. Addicts are strongly encouraged to attend 90 AA meetings in the first 90 days out of rehab to establish a routine but also ensure the support. Sometimes he went more than once a day depending on how he was feeling. He also jumped around until he found a meeting that he felt most comfortable with.

 

Out of everything he's done to achieve his sobriety, AA was/is hands down the one thing he says was his lifeline. That and sober living.

 

To comment on your fears regarding AA, yes, AA was originally built on Christian values BUT there ARE some AA meetings that are non-religious. You just need to do some research in your area. Calling the main AA hotline and asking questions is the first step.

 

I'm happy to say my ex celebrated 1 year of sobriety this past March and is still going strong

 

Good luck.

Edited May 25, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle

[kasop]

 

I'm happy to say my ex celebrated 1 year of sobriety this past March and is still going strong

 

Good luck.

 

So you two are still broken up.. even after his recovery? im really starting to believe this will never allow me to ever have a happy relationship. Also i cant just up and go to rehab. No insurance. Id lose my job and my car. I would end up on the street.

[Art_Critic]

Hi Kasop,

 

I'm Art_Critic.. I'm an Alcoholic and have been sober for 29 years this coming June 28th.

 

The only requirement of AA is the desire to quit drinking, it isn't a religious organization..

The term "GOD" as we understood him isn't referring to the religious god but to the spiritual Higher Power...

As Alcoholics we can be self centered at times and struggle with a belief system, AA helped me with that and working the steps has helped keep me sober most of my life..

 

Alcoholics Anonymous History and the Bible: "God as We Understood Him"—The A.A. Story

 

I think you should get yourself in an AA meeting, call your local chapter or look them up and go sit in a meeting and just open your ears..

Remember, the only requirement is the DESIRE to quit drinking.

 

BTW, admitting you are powerless over Alcohol is the first step and it is a tough one to do.

 

Every person has a different bottom, hopefully yours will be the relationship that has been damaged because of the drink, you can't expect them to just take us back, we have to deal with the problem first and after we understand how we hurt them then we can ask for forgiveness, that however is a ways down the line, right now you have to quit drinking and worry about your health and yourself first and then worry about making amends.

 

~Art

[Michelle ma Belle]

So you two are still broken up.. even after his recovery? im really starting to believe this will never allow me to ever have a happy relationship. Also i cant just up and go to rehab. No insurance. Id lose my job and my car. I would end up on the street.

 

We had a long distance relationship. When he got sober, we continued our relationship but he found himself struggling being apart from me and now that he didn't have alcohol to lean on, he had to work through his feelings and it was challenging for him.

 

At the advice of his sponsor and even sober coach, they all recommended that he needed to make his sobriety his prime focus and give it 100% if there was any hope of him succeeding long term. The first year is the hardest!

 

It was a very difficult and painful breakup because we both still loved each other deeply. Intellectually I understood why he had to do what he did and respected it but emotionally I was devastated. After everything we had been through, all the ups and downs, the fact that we broke up for his sobriety's sake was painfully ironic. We are still in contact and maybe we'll get back together some day but maybe not. Our paths have taken a different turn and the distance is now our biggest obstacle in any future we have together.

 

As for your comment about not being able to go to rehab, I call bullsh*t. My ex had the same hundred excuses. There are countless ways to get sober that are affordable and doable. You might not get to recover in a spa-like setting with private rooms and private bathrooms with tiny toiletries but you'll get the help you need to set you on the path.

 

Again, CALL THE AA HOTLINE! They are a fountain of knowledge and are so willing and able and will go to huge lengths to get you the help you need. It truly is an AMAZING support system. Even if you don't end up in rehab straight away, attend a meeting.

 

The first step is making that call.

[Tayla]

put the drink down, pick up the phone. Get help.

 

put down the drink, pick up yourself. Get help

 

put down the drink, pick up support. Get help

[kasop]

BTW, admitting you are powerless over Alcohol is the first step and it is a tough one to do.

 

 

Hell thats the easy part

[kasop]

I mean all this just makes it sound like getting sober is worse and more difficult then just being drunk.

[Art_Critic]

I mean all this just makes it sound like getting sober is worse and more difficult then just being drunk.

 

I won't lie to you.. yeah at times facing reality can be harder..

When I quit I had to face a failing relationship I had with my Father who had passed away months previous to me sobering up. Like you I also had to face a failing personal relationship with a girl I lived with and was engaged to, she threw me out thusly beginning my bottom and subsequent eye peeling face slap.

 

That said, there is nothing in life better than living it sober, my humor came back and my love for life and myself came back also.

 

Today at 53, married with an 8 year old boy.. mostly happy in the marriage and couldn't be happier as a Father..

Business owner, been working here about 37 or so years and well respected by the people who work here.

 

I like who I am today and all the above would have never happened if I had NOT sobered up.. including dealing with the baggage over my Dad and losing my then Fiancée.

 

Chin up.. go find a meeting and ask for a sponsor..

 

Keep on Keeping On...

[Art_Critic]

Hell thats the easy part

 

Actually.. it isn't easy.. saying it to the world is one thing, saying it to YOURSELF and then believing it are different animals, when you can say it to yourself then the first step in breaking down the system of denial that Alcoholism creates begins...

[S2B]

Welcome!

 

Just to clarify AA is not a religious cult. Each person has the ability to choose what does it doesn't work for them.

 

It's suggestions - and some of those suggestions in the book have worked for me...for 8-1/2 years.

 

I hope you will find a way that works for you - to be the best you can be.

[Dork Vader]

Start going to Alcoholics Anonymous. Just google AA and your city. You should be able to find a list of meetings.

 

Introduce yourself to people at the meetings, especially to men that have longer amounts of sobriety. You'll find all the answers you need at AA. If you're an atheist or agnostic don't get put off by prayer or the mention of God. It's entirely different then what you currently think it is and all religions are welcome. The AA book even has a chapter dedicated to Atheist and Agnostics.

 

I have 19 months sober and AA is the entire reason I am sober. Do this for YOU and no one else... I let my alcoholism go until I was nearly 31, by the time I got into rehab I was drinking north of 4 gallons of vodka a week and beer during the day.

 

The hardest part is going to be your first 60 days, the next year or so is difficult as well but you can do it with help.

[Grumpybutfun]

I mean all this just makes it sound like getting sober is worse and more difficult then just being drunk.

 

Well, being in a state of spiraling out of control and losing your relationships, your self respect and eventually your livelihood (because this only gets worse) or reclaiming yourself from the bottle and making sobriety and your life your focus....both is going to be hard, so pick your hard. I think logically I would rather pick the path that gave me hope for a future rather than one where I'm riding along on a wave of self destruction.

Get help....you won't be able to do this alone. Fix your focus on getting well, forget the girl for right now, you are no good for her like this.

Best,

Grumps

[Satu]

That pain in the lower right part of your chest is a warning. Its your body sending you a distress signal.

 

Go and talk to your doctor and get checked over.

 

Tell your doctor about your drinking, and ask him/her for help, or a referral to someone else.

 

Don't think that you can deal with your drink problem alone.

People spend their lives saying that, and 99% get nowhere.

 

You can overcome this problem, but you can't do it alone.

 

 

Take care.

[S2B]

Nothing is worse than when I was drinking at the end of my drinking days - that's a special kind of hell no one should experience.

 

Get a good trauma counselor to help you process the pain that you've been avoiding - so much that you'd need to get numb.

 

Face those fears and walk to the other side = freedom!

 

No more reasons to get numb since I faced all those fears! But it does take contrary action and having a voice/willingness to speak my truth.

[RedPurpleOrange]

You're at the point where you understand you have a problem. That is the starting block of your recovery. You're not SUPER alcoholic right now. It's doable. You can do it. Don't turn it into the insurmountable demon beast because that will make it tougher.

 

 

When you're down, alcohol is a VERY destructive force. It feels like a 'blocker' at times but it can ruin relationships, and breakups when full of booze are THE worst, you'll just wanna die, commit suicide, you'll be crying, you'll be a loose cannon. And then upon waking, and for most of the day, you'll have the anxiety, depression, fear and shame of bad behaviour that a bad hangover brings. You can never recover or live a good life in that state. Mark my words, I know.

[kasop]

 

When you're down, alcohol is a VERY destructive force. It feels like a 'blocker' at times but it can ruin relationships, and breakups when full of booze are THE worst, you'll just wanna die, commit suicide, you'll be crying, you'll be a loose cannon. And then upon waking, and for most of the day, you'll have the anxiety, depression, fear and shame of bad behaviour that a bad hangover brings. You can never recover or live a good life in that state. Mark my words, I know.

 

 

 

I have been going through this so much. After work balling in my car til i get home and get a few drinks in me. my ex and i have broken up and gotten back together at least 6-7 times. each time its been less painful but still i just have this undying devotion to her. Im even dating a new girl and still all i can think of is my ex.

 

 

The depression is hitting me really hard this morning so ive allready bought a six pack and started. Ive never understood the whole numbing part until now because it makes sense. Now that ive decided that im an alcoholic the whole idea behind alcoholism has literally consumed my thought process. So now i blame myself for everything. I used to blame others for what happened but now that im an "alcoholic" everything is my fault. i can't even come home and have a cold beer without feeling bad for myself. I dont understand how others do it. Almost everyone i know drinks. They have successful marriages, jobs, kids you name it. My whole hockey team drinks. My father who raised me drinks a 6 pack of icehouse a night for the last 30 years and hes healthy as an ox.

 

Im sorry for the long reply. I just start venting when i get on here.

[Tayla]

Alcohol is a depressant . Look it up. Thus the country songs on "There is a tear in my beer."

 

Yes, you are accountable for getting well, and that includes accepting that you have a disease. It'a your life, stay sick or get well? Which would you like to do?

[RedPurpleOrange]

I have been going through this so much. After work balling in my car til i get home and get a few drinks in me. my ex and i have broken up and gotten back together at least 6-7 times. each time its been less painful but still i just have this undying devotion to her. Im even dating a new girl and still all i can think of is my ex.

 

 

The depression is hitting me really hard this morning so ive allready bought a six pack and started. Ive never understood the whole numbing part until now because it makes sense. Now that ive decided that im an alcoholic the whole idea behind alcoholism has literally consumed my thought process. So now i blame myself for everything. I used to blame others for what happened but now that im an "alcoholic" everything is my fault. i can't even come home and have a cold beer without feeling bad for myself. I dont understand how others do it. Almost everyone i know drinks. They have successful marriages, jobs, kids you name it. My whole hockey team drinks. My father who raised me drinks a 6 pack of icehouse a night for the last 30 years and hes healthy as an ox.

 

Im sorry for the long reply. I just start venting when i get on here.

 

 

Me too, fella, me too. Same boat as you and I have to say I'm on the red tonight. But I cut off tomorrow. No more booze this week. I know I'll feel crap at work but it's Bank Holiday Monday in England tomoz and I'm getting double time, a lieu day and it's gonna be quiet and it's nothing a couple of co-codamol and an ibuprofen won't sort out. It sucks when you love a woman so hard it kills you constantly inside. I feel that pain, man.

 

 

Don't label yourself 'alcoholic', though. Label yourself 'Problem Drinker'. 'Alcoholic' relieves you of responsibility and makes you a victim of a 'disease'. 'Problem Drinker' means you know it's able to be beaten. It can.

[Art_Critic]

Alcoholism is a disease that tells you it's okay to continue to drink...they call it denial and admitting you are an alcoholic is the first step to stopping your drinking.. IMO you passed problem drinker a while ago.. get yourself in a meeting and don't think you can just quit while you are like this... you need peers who have been thru it to help you

[RedPurpleOrange]

Alcoholism is not a disease. Alcoholism is a manifestation of one's pain through the eye of a bottle. Alcoholism is what you do when the pain gets too much and you get weak.

 

 

Alcohol can become an addiction. Alcohol can become a problem. Alcohol is a drug.

 

 

I drank solid for six years, every day, was on a litre of vodka a night at one point. I did not need 'them' to tell me I was 'diseased'. I stopped by myself.

 

 

'They' tell me that Miley Cyrus is an 'artist'. 'They' tell me that Muslims are all terrorists while 'they' bomb their countries and rape their lands of natural resources so 'they' can drive their two big cars. 'They' tell us that kids have hyperactivity disorders and need medication to cure their 'problems'. 'They'...

 

 

The OP needs help from a doctor. If the OP wants to go to AA, he can. I'm sure it'll help. But with AA, you get a thorough dose of brainwashing mixed with Christianity. Brainwashing that tells you you are weak, in denial, diseased. When you're basically a drinker who can quit.

 

 

What did this former 'alcoholic' do last night? He had three glasses of red, cooked a big, juicy ribeye steak, had three cups of tea and went to bed feeling A-OK and dreamt a sexy dream.

Edited May 30, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[S2B]

Alcoholism is certainly classified as a disease.

[Emilia]

Alcoholism is a disease.

[RedPurpleOrange]

No. It's not. There is a 'theory of disease' because 'they' want it to be one. But it is not a disease. Meningitis is a disease. Alcoholism is a choice.

 

 

It is a disorder, an addiction, maybe even a mental illness.

 

 

But it is not a disease.

[Art_Critic]

Thanks for making my point about denial...

 

The OP isn't going to be helped by telling him that he needs to continue to drink and he just needs to cut back.. even in your own postings it shows you are still addicted to the drink.

 

Just stop it and try to help the man rather than push your own agenda.