Ex Girlfriend Unblocked me on Facebook

[Gemini_jo]

I’m going to try and make this as short as possible, while providing as much back story as possible.

 

Ex-Girlfriend:

 

1) Together 3 years

2) First love high school sweetheart

3) Ended horribly 2 years ago

4) She started dating somebody completely different a month later

5) She ended all contact, blocked me on everything and I have not spoken to her in two years

6) It was her 23rd birthday 2 days ago

 

I just had this curious feeling yesterday if I typed her name into facebook that she would pop up (even though I’ve been blocked for so long) and BOOM. There she was.

 

She’s not with the guy she left me for any longer and she found a job where we are both from.

 

Me:

 

1) I still dream about her

2) When I hook up and fool around with girls I think, “This would be so much better if it was her”

3) I’m not in love or yearning for her, but I am interested in seeing her again

4) Unblocking on FB means nothing right?

 

I think I already know the answer to this in that these feelings are normal and I need to just keep on keeping on with life, right?

 

Why do I feel there is unfinished business between the two of us?

[daredoj]

If she unblocked you and didn't send a message it sounds like she's wanting attention now she's single.

 

That could be a good or a bad thing, but sounds like she wants an ego boost because she feels down and knows you'll be good for it

 

Not been on Facebook for years but if there is still the "poke" option i'd give her one, see if she responds/adds you as a friend

[Gemini_jo]

You can only poke on FB if you are friends.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Before you go 'poking' her, let's try to remember why you broke up...in your words it "ended horribly".

 

Care to share that story with us?

Edited May 25, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle

[keiji]

Maybe she simply was going through her blocked persons list and decided it was no longer necessary to keep you there? Don't look for hidden meanings in such gestures. If she were interested in contacting you, she would have done so. What prevents her from doing it? Absolutely nothing.

[Gemini_jo]

Before you go 'poking' her, let's try to remember why you broke up...in your words it "ended horribly".

 

Care to share that story with us?

 

Keiji, what prevents her from doing so is this break up story that I am about to share. (Also, she unblocked me about 4 months ago and then I blocked her cause it freaked me out..when I unblocked her again..she blocked me again)

 

And sure Michelle, thanks for asking – This is long and complicated, because quite frankly this was long and complicated.

 

Please keep in mind while reading this story that I was 20 years old and this was my first love, first breakup experience ever and I had no idea how to handle it (and I handled it extremely poorly). I’m not proud of any of this, I was an extremely needy young college kid.

 

There's basically 3 stages to this breakup.

 

Stage 1:

1) October 2013, I was smoking a lot of marijuana and we were in a rut in our relationship and she was acting extremely distant so I broke up with her.

2) I immediately regretted this decision and started begging and pleading for another chance (all on the same phone call as the breakup) I was incoherently crying over facetime

3) She said she wanted time and space and I was too pushy to accept this but I did . I was soooo needy (SMH)

4) I got in contact with her mom so that I could send her flowers, and I told her mom that I was smoking marijuana and I vowed to quit in order to get her back

5) 3 weeks later we were back together after the most romantic date night (literally have never heard another date experience where someone did what I did for her that night)

 

Stage 2:

1) I continued to smoke marijuana behind her back

2) She caught me and decided to break up with me December 2013

3) We didn’t talk at all for a few weeks

 

Stage 3:

1) I badly wanted to get back together with her and she lead me on bigtime promising me that we would for sure get back together

2) I was psycho

--- a) Writing letters to her parents

--- b) Texting her everyday multiple times a day

--- c) Following her Instagram, twitter, snapchat religiously

--- d) I cried constantly and was super depressed

--- e) I started failing my college classes (keep in mind I had a 3.9 GPA in Math at this point)

--- f) She would not respond for hours, days, weeks at a time

3) She would see me sometimes, but only on her convenience.

--- a) Every time we would be sexual with each other

--- b) Then I’d have to leave and she would start ghosting me again

4) She stopped talking to me for a month Feb. 2014 – Spring break march

--- a) I noticed she unblocked me and sent her a long facebook message

--- b) She replied and we decided to meet up on that Sunday

5) She came over and it was really weird cause she went into the bathroom and when she came back out she was completely naked

--- a) We had sex and she said she didn’t feel anything (like love I suppose)

--- b) She left and the last words we spoke to each other in person were “I love you”

6) She ghosted me again

--- a) 2 days later I see on Facebook (through someone else’s cause mine was blocked) that she has been dating a guy since the beginning of February

--- b) Posting kissing pictures and there spring break together and he was her “Man crush Monday” the day after we had sex

------------- Finding this out literally crushed my insides

7) She changes her phone number the next day and tells me it’s over for good this time (she is bawling)

8) The emotions I then experienced during this time was the worst emotions I could ever imagine and I wouldn’t wish these emotions on my worst enemy

--- a) Suicidal threats

--- b) Calling her horrible names all over emails

-------------- I created like 3 or 4 different emails to do this

9) She goes to the police to put a possible restraining order

--- a) This is 4 days after she slept with me

--- b) She misinformed the police so they couldn’t do anything cause I had just slept with her

--- c) After a few more, “How could you do this to me emails” I tried to cut off contact

10) I went to rehab

--- a) I was checked into rehab for a week with suicidal ideation

----------- I had at least 100 pills in my hand I was going to swallow but I called my dad before doing so and I got checked into rehab shortly after

----------- I met one of my best friends in Rehab and he has said that he has never seen anyone as Sad as I was during that time

11) After I got out:

--- a) Continued to check her Instagram, pinterest, facebook in any means I could for probably 3 months every day

--- b) She looked to be having the time of her life with this new guy

 

Aftermath:

1) Please understand I’m a different person now

--- a) I quit dipping tobacco

--- b) I graduated college and have been working at a professional company in a major city for a year and a half

--- c) I volunteer at the local children’s hospital

--- d) I lost 25 lbs and am now in the best shape of my life

--- e) I’ve created more friends

--- f) I’ve read help books and learned how to cope

--- g)Have dated and slept with many other girls, but no one compares to my first love

--- h) Stopped smoking marijuana religiously. I still do it on occasion though

 

Everything happened with no closure and with extreme manipulative emotions that I wish I could take back. I wish I could change how I acted and be more mature and have the experience to handle the situation differently, but I can’t go back. I know a lot of the advice is going to tell me “Why would you want to put yourself through that again” or “STAY AWAY What are you thinking”, but if you read my initial post to this thread again. You’ll see I haven’t forgotten her and I think about her over any other girl.

 

I don’t want to bring up the past. I don’t want closure or anything, I just want to reconnect and see how she’s doing.

[Reels]

It will be a good idea to remain friends with her if you want to try that.

[Kelsy]

Like agree with Keiji.

I dont know... maybe its not a very good idea to contact her. She should do it.

I mean you pursued her heavily last time. Let her see you are changed man now and dont need her. Girls like when guys pursuing them but a little mystery is good aswell.

[Gemini_jo]

So I decided to go ahead and send a feeler message,

 

"Hey ______, I saw you pop up under one of ______ post and noticed you graduated and landed a job. Just wanted to say congratulations, I know how hard you worked. Hope you’re well!"

 

I think it was okay for me to send this message.

 

If she doesn't respond or straight up blocks me again then I'll have my answer.

 

I'm not trying to pursue her, just checking up and seeing if she'll talk to me now after 2 years.

[keiji]

What if she replies with an inane message, a typical "thanks! I hope you're doing fine?". That could be even worse than being blocked again

[Gemini_jo]

Then I won't respond, but I'll also learn that she's indifferent about me now.

 

Which will help knowing she's 100% moved on. I know I'm at like 90% moved on.

[Phanpooh]

You ain't moved on )

She ain't the girl who was with you years ago anymore

I would hope the best for you

But I saw you didn't move on, not about 90% or 100%

You could talk with her but there is always something between you 2, and that "something" will be your own problem, she might still have feeling for you too. But in the end, you should try over, make it clear and hope for some magic called "love" do things itself, and yes, don't ask for any advise, just do whatever you want and you will get what you deserves...

Ps: but I'm so sure you didn't move on, and you ain't know what exactly how you feel for her... She ain't the girl you knew, if you still want to give it a shot, make it like an oldfriend

[Gemini_jo]

So she replied and we had a good conversation yesterday. I don't really know how I feel about her, but it was like we picked up just where we left off with our conversation.

 

NEVER in a million years would I have thought we would have a conversation like we did last night.

[Davidcee]

I'm going thru a similar situation and I was reading your post and I was just wondering what you guys talked about? How does a conversation go so well after not talking for a long time?

[Gemini_jo]

Now I've gotten her phone number and we are texting each other pretty often. I am planning on meeting up with her Thursday night.

 

We talked about school and her new job and then it was my birthday and we talked about that. We were talking about some random stuff this morning, and we're picking at each other. Like flirty banter.

 

I just don't want to be a rebound from the guy she dated for 2 years after leaving me. They just broke up.

 

The more I'm talking to her, the more I've craving speaking to each other and I really am noticing how much I want her sexually and emotionally again. It's crazy cause I genuinely miss her now. I hope we kiss on Thursday.

[JollyDays]

Welp...I hope everything works out between you and her, because if she has another man (or men) in the wings, and she's just talking to you out of boredom, that would seem devastating and humiliating in many respects.

[Kelsy]

I am glad it makes you happy. But please be careful and take it slowly. Do you know why they broke up? Who did the dumping? Usually it takes times to get over someone. I really do hope she is sincere.

[Gemini_jo]

I am glad it makes you happy. But please be careful and take it slowly. Do you know why they broke up? Who did the dumping? Usually it takes times to get over someone. I really do hope she is sincere.

 

I have no idea why/how they broke up and if I had to guess I would say she's probably not over it. I definitely am treading lightly, but I can't help myself that I'm feeling all butterflyee again, because I've thought about this day for over the past 2 years.

 

How do I go about figuring out if she is sincere? Should I just wait till we catch up on Thursday?

 

I'm not 100% sure how to handle this situation and I'm afraid I'm becoming too invested again.

[Kelsy]

Its not easy but try to think rationally. Dont contact her so often. Let her see you have a life outside your friendship. Be polite and friendly but let her pursue you too. At least I like it when a guy is not too available in dating period. But dont be rude. It makes me think of a guy (what he is doing etc?). Men should be pursuers most of the time but after a break up its a little different. Dumpers should pursue a little more. Just wait till the catch up.

[Gemini_jo]

Its not easy but try to think rationally. Dont contact her so often. Let her see you have a life outside your friendship. Be polite and friendly but let her pursue you too. At least I like it when a guy is not too available in dating period. But dont be rude. It makes me think of a guy (what he is doing etc?). Men should be pursuers most of the time but after a break up its a little different. Dumpers should pursue a little more. Just wait till the catch up.

 

I like this mindset. I am a rational logical thinker, but I'm also extremely emotional when it comes to relationships. I'm going to try my hardest to leave my emotions out of it.

 

I am also going to make her pursue me if it comes to that, I'll just wait till the catch up which is actually happening tomorrow now because I'm busy thursday.