tiff0102 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 8 months now and I've been troubled by this for a while now; Whenever I tell him how I feel or when I'm upset, he doesn't try to help me, he just gets mad or moody himself because of me which obviously makes me feel worse. Also, when I'm not happy about something and try to tell him about it, he gets mad and over exaggerates everything, for example, I asked him not to do something so much, once in a while is ok... And then he would proceed to saying how he would never ever do it again (sarcastically of course) and speaks about it as if it's my fault for feeling this way. Another thing that upset me was when he asked about what I'm scared of, I said 'cats, flying and needles'.. I know they're very illogical I guess but my boyfriend calls me dumb and illogical all the time for it. He is a very sweet guy and I do love him a lot but these things makes me feel like I am dumb and not good enough. 1
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 What a douche. Dump him, he is emotionally immature and insensitive. 8 months in, you should still be in the honeymoon phase. This will only get worse with time. 5
central Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 IMO, he's really not that sweet if he can't listen to your feelings and concerns without belittling you or dismissing you. He can't be bothered with any problems you may have now and then - he is happy with you as long as he doesn't have to do anything or change anything. In other words, he only wants you as long as it's easy and convenient for him! IMO, it's time to ditch this guy - I'm pretty sure you CAN do better! 4
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Yeah, sweet ppl don't call their partners dumb and illogical. 11
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 8 months now and I've been troubled by this for a while now; Whenever I tell him how I feel or when I'm upset, he doesn't try to help me, he just gets mad or moody himself because of me which obviously makes me feel worse. Also, when I'm not happy about something and try to tell him about it, he gets mad and over exaggerates everything, for example, I asked him not to do something so much, once in a while is ok... And then he would proceed to saying how he would never ever do it again (sarcastically of course) and speaks about it as if it's my fault for feeling this way. Another thing that upset me was when he asked about what I'm scared of, I said 'cats, flying and needles'.. I know they're very illogical I guess but my boyfriend calls me dumb and illogical all the time for it. He is a very sweet guy and I do love him a lot but these things makes me feel like I am dumb and not good enough. Okay...LADIES...(and Men)...listen up! For the love of God...STOP DEFENDING DOUCHEY BEHAVIOR!!! I'm so tired of reading thread after thread of people in pain and being mistreated by their partners and then adding a disclaimer of how wonderful they really are blah blah blah! This is NOT the actions of someone who truly cares, respects or even loves you. The fact that you can't tell the difference means you need to work on your own self esteem and self worth. Good luck. 17
mikeylo Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 If this is sweet , I wonder what would be douche:laugh: 5
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Okay...LADIES...(and Men)...listen up! For the love of God...STOP DEFENDING DOUCHEY BEHAVIOR!!! I'm so tired of reading thread after thread of people in pain and being mistreated by their partners and then adding a disclaimer of how wonderful they really are blah blah blah! This is NOT the actions of someone who truly cares, respects or even loves you. The fact that you can't tell the difference means you need to work on your own self esteem and self worth. Good luck. Preach it sister. Ban the bargaining! 6
NTV Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 I vote for super gluing sparkles with the words 'we're through' to his chest, and then breaking up with him. Does it make sense? Not really, but he clearly doesn't expect you to make sense anyways so why disappoint? 4
Author tiff0102 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Thank you lovely people for your advice! It really helps a lot considering I thought I was in the wrong. By sweet, I mean how he would compliment me often and how he would treat me (when out) etc.. It's really those problems that's affecting me, still, enough of a reason I think? I FORGOT TO ADD; I am moving away in August.. I'm moving to the UK, we both currently live in Tenerife (same time zone and only four and half hours away by plane etc) so not as bad as other LDR however with this problem, we argue enough as it is! 1
hasaquestion Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Yeah, sweet ppl don't call their partners dumb and illogical. But what if they are doing something dumb and illogical?
angel.eyes Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Yeah, sweet ppl don't call their partners dumb and illogical. Agreed! Raise your standards and rethink your definition of nice. Any guy who regularly calls you illogical and dumb and makes you feel inadequate is not nice, and quite frankly, is not even dateable. I think you deserve better than this. 3
angel.eyes Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 But what if they are doing something dumb and illogical? Like not enjoying injections?
NTV Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 I FORGOT TO ADD; I am moving away in August.. I'm moving to the UK, we both currently live in Tenerife (same time zone and only four and half hours away by plane etc) so not as bad as other LDR however with this problem, we argue enough as it is! So you only have until August to superglue glitter to his sleeping chest as words that will let me know he no longer has a GF? You better get your supplies soon! 2
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 But what if they are doing something dumb and illogical? They still don't call them dumb and illogical, and they're less likely to think they're being that way to begin with bc they're less egocentric and more tolerant of different mentalities. 1
Emilia Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Thank you lovely people for your advice! It really helps a lot considering I thought I was in the wrong. By sweet, I mean how he would compliment me often and how he would treat me (when out) etc.. It's really those problems that's affecting me, still, enough of a reason I think? I FORGOT TO ADD; I am moving away in August.. I'm moving to the UK, we both currently live in Tenerife (same time zone and only four and half hours away by plane etc) so not as bad as other LDR however with this problem, we argue enough as it is! Not another LDR! What's wrong with letting things go and finding someone in the UK? Why bother with LDR when you are moving to a country that has 65 million people? I'll never understand this. 3
hasaquestion Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Like not enjoying injections? OP never specified what they argue about. My point is that you shouldn't throw away your better judgement to please a partner. If this guy were tossing everything aside and saying "aww honey" does that suddenly make this relationship a better one? Hell no. If they consistently disagree on what constitutes rational discourse, then yeah they shouldn't be together. They're gonna argue about everything. But without knowing the situation personally it does NOT mean he's a bad dude. Not at all. The real tragedy would be that they stay together because he feels the need to muzzle his mind and please her, when she could find someone whose natural state matches hers. She should appreciate his honesty and the fact that this is clear now. 1
hasaquestion Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 They still don't call them dumb and illogical, and they're less likely to think they're being that way to begin with bc they're less egocentric and more tolerant of different mentalities. It sounds nice in theory. But in practice its a pain in the a** to have to discuss everything from first principles forward. Some people are on different worldview wavelengths. Yeah, the guy isn't a teddy bear, but acting like he's a horrible person and not just a bad fit for this particular one is unwarranted if you ask me.
Satu Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 He's emotionally abusive. He belittles you and makes you feel humiliated. It will get worse. You might not believe this now, but you will, soon enough. Take care. 5
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 It sounds nice in theory. But in practice its a pain in the a** to have to discuss everything from first principles forward. Some people are on different worldview wavelengths. Yeah, the guy isn't a teddy bear, but acting like he's a horrible person and not just a bad fit for this particular one is unwarranted if you ask me. Finding significant, actionable fault with someone who openly calls their partner dumb and irrational is unwarranted to you?
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Calling one's partner dumb is a big No No. Saying that person is illogical is acceptable. Failing to listen & empathize when the partner is upset makes them a bad partner. My husband is as stoic as they come. He doesn't "do" emotions according to him. But when I am upset I explained to him that he doesn't have to understand, he doesn't have to fix it, all he has to do is hug & tell me it's going to be OK. He should also offer wine or ice cream. He was thrilled that I gave him specific instructions. He still doesn't always understand why something that he thinks is dumb reduces me to tears but he never calls me dumb, he just offers comfort. OP do you see the difference between my husband & your soon to be EX BF? Dump him now. Enjoy the summer before you move. Then go with a clean slate. 3
hasaquestion Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Finding significant, actionable fault with someone who openly calls their partner dumb and irrational is unwarranted to you? I think it's unwarranted to assume he is at fault without knowing the situation. It seems clear they don't belong together. But I'm not going to vilify the guy either.
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 I think it's unwarranted to assume he is at fault without knowing the situation. It seems clear they don't belong together. But I'm not going to vilify the guy either. He's not at fault for calling his partner dumb? In what sort of healthy relationship is that acceptable?
Gaeta Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 By sweet, I mean how he would compliment me often and how he would treat me (when out) etc.. It's really those problems that's affecting me, still, enough of a reason I think? Tiff: if your mom had a new boyfriend and her new boyfriend called her dumb and illogical, would it make you feel better that he pays for her restaurant? No it would not. You would want to kick him in the nuts. Hon, if it's not good enough for your mom or your little sister than it's not good enough for you. Your boyfriend is an abuser. A boyfriend is suppose to elevate you not be-little you. 1
NTV Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Here's the thing: She's young. He's young. She going to a new place and he's staying. It doesn't matter if he's abusive or the best man on earth. She's too young to think about all that right now and needs to just live life and learn. If it's meant to be they'll come back to each other after they frolic among the other sex for a while. 1
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