adna89 Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I first want to start with that i realize my mistakes and that i am changing them,i used to overreact and create drama .Anyway my husband is a good man ,but has been manipulated by his mom.At first he respected and protected me,and we used to have common interests that we put together to others.Ever since he has been more alone with his mom he is changing towards me,it can be about how my cleaning is not good enough,how i do not make good food.Now he is doing everything she says,and she plays her victim card very well,,starts crying every now and then and she is the poor victim in his eyes,and i am the unrealistic daughter in law.Today we had one more fight,and it was about something bizarre as how to clean the kitchen,,,his mom does not like my ways and he claims now he does not like it as well.This time i had enough and i made a huge fight from it,and i got it my way,,,but during our fight i realized how much he lost respect for me!! I personally think it is my fault...every time we had a fight i am the first one to go to him kiss him,hug him or try to make peace...i am just like that,if i love someone i can not be not to talk.So this has in my opinion made him loose respect for me as he now seems to think he can do whatever he wants i will forgive him,if he really messes up he will be the first to ask for forgiveness and i will accept. What i wonder is there a way to change things to the way they have been ? what can i do to stop this behavior from him and to make him realize he can not take me for granted? i came to the conclusion i should be more like him,he can go days without talking,so should i try that(it would be the first time)? talking wont work,as he does not accept anything is his fault and the main problem is his mom,from day one(we lived with her for a year,and have 2 months left of this community living with her) Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I would advice to wait till you start living separately. Then make a change. You may not even have to, since it will only be two of you. It's likely he is a mommas boy and once not under the same roof , he might change, though unlikely. Couples counseling might be helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 I would advice to wait till you start living separately. Then make a change. You may not even have to, since it will only be two of you. It's likely he is a mommas boy and once not under the same roof , he might change, though unlikely. Couples counseling might be helpful. no he is not a mommas boy,he argues with her when he feels she is wrong and does whatever he wants,and he also used to be supportive and protect me,this here is new...that is what is so shocking for me Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 was there a trust broken between you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author adna89 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 was there a trust broken between you two? how do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 I mean, is there something done in their relationship to strain it other than his mother? Cheating? Gambling? Drugs? Addiction or abuse? Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 If he hasn't been like this always , then something is happening behind the scenes. You've got to do some snooping unfortunately Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 My view may differs from that of others. He only motivation for him to start criticizing housecleaning and cooking is to please his dear mother. Most men I know, including myself, do not particularly notice housecleaning techniques of others. Does he eat the food you cook? If so, no room for complaint. Unless you have gone tofu and brown rice wild. However with two months of a year remaining on your sentence, you may just choose to go along to get along. Assuming you want to remain married. Is it her house? If so, I recommend the easy way out described above. Or, just use Dr Bufo's copyrighted one size fits all rejoinder to accusations of such mortal sins as hanging the dish towel wrong: "I'm sorry you feel that way." He will quickly tire of one-sided arguments with you. He will argue,,you'll reply as stated above. I remember an early housekeeping dispute with my bride. It was stupid. I put drinking glasses in the cupboard upside down. She put them open end up. And tried to convert me. I explained that upside down meant no dust, etc., in the otherwise clean glasses. She eventually saw the light. No fights, however. As to laundry, I merely succumbed to her wishes. If he exhibits continued mamasboyism post move, invite him to take over the tasks Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 I first want to start with that i realize my mistakes and that i am changing them,i used to overreact and create drama .Anyway my husband is a good man ,but has been manipulated by his mom.At first he respected and protected me,and we used to have common interests that we put together to others.Ever since he has been more alone with his mom he is changing towards me,it can be about how my cleaning is not good enough,how i do not make good food.Now he is doing everything she says,and she plays her victim card very well,,starts crying every now and then and she is the poor victim in his eyes,and i am the unrealistic daughter in law.Today we had one more fight,and it was about something bizarre as how to clean the kitchen,,,his mom does not like my ways and he claims now he does not like it as well.This time i had enough and i made a huge fight from it,and i got it my way,,,but during our fight i realized how much he lost respect for me!! I personally think it is my fault...every time we had a fight i am the first one to go to him kiss him,hug him or try to make peace...i am just like that,if i love someone i can not be not to talk.So this has in my opinion made him loose respect for me as he now seems to think he can do whatever he wants i will forgive him,if he really messes up he will be the first to ask for forgiveness and i will accept. What i wonder is there a way to change things to the way they have been ? what can i do to stop this behavior from him and to make him realize he can not take me for granted? i came to the conclusion i should be more like him,he can go days without talking,so should i try that(it would be the first time)? talking wont work,as he does not accept anything is his fault and the main problem is his mom,from day one(we lived with her for a year,and have 2 months left of this community living with her) Dump his ass and tell him to go back to his first wife, aka, mother. He can go **** her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Is living with his parents a culture requirement. My brother has a good friend who is Korean. The first year of his marriage they lived with his parents so his mother could "train" the wife. He claimed it was common in wealthy families. Link to post Share on other sites
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