Careful what U wish for!

[Horse]

Originally posted by westernxer

If the nice guy's a fool, he'll take you back.

 

 

Word.

 

 

You can't trust CM because he cheated and lied to you and his ex. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you can't trust your partner? If he hasn't been given a reason to change there isn't much stoppoing him from doing it again.

 

The nice guy shouldn't trust you because he gave his all and you dropped him like a hot potato to run back to a cheater. Can he ever be sure you won't second guess your decision and kick him to the curb again? It sounds like the other guy is persistant and you fall for his line, so this is a possibility.

 

 

I guess the question is who do you want to make a fool of yourself or the nice guy?

[kkat]

I give you alot of credit for posting honestly and openly about your situation.

 

Unfortunately, not all of us are as perfect as some of the other posters. You are not a bad person. You are a human being in a bad situation, that granted, like most of us, you had a big hand in creating. Sounds to me you are trying again to find your way out of it. Good for you!

 

You sound like you may suffer from issues connected to love addiction, in which the addict is typically consciously afraid of being abandoned and subconsciously afraid of intimacy (e.g. commitment, a real relationship).

 

I go to therapy, I read alot about love addiction and related topics - I keep my books and read them again when I am having backslides, and I keep my hopes up.

 

I think you know the obvious - it's not good for you to be with the CM and it would be great if things could work out with sweet guy. But you have to work through this by working on yourself first.

 

Your next step could be to go to the bookstore and look through some books on this topic and see if anything resonates. If therapy is an option, consider that as well.

 

And by the way, good on you for not buying into the negative responses you received.

 

Good luck.

[shygurl]

You seriously need some immediate professional help, and I mean that with all sincerity. A stable, well-balanced, self-respecting women wouldn't give a 'committed man' - (that's a laugh - he's been committed to nobody) - after he's been diddling around with his poor girlfriend for 4 yrs................a last ditch plea to his mistress (you) to give him another * 6 months * to end his relationship. What on earth were you thinking? Were you thinking? Do you not realize how short life is? That just floors me that you would sit around and let a cheater have another 6 months of your life. My heart goes out to the Nice Guy......and if you have even just a shred of dignity or honor left in you, you'll tell Nice Guy to move on with his life because he deserves someone of equal integrity. Seems to me you just used him to fill the gap while you waited around for Mr (not) Committed to grow some testicles (albeit peanut-sized ones) and end his farce of a relationship with his girlfriend. I shudder to think how this whole soap opera is affecting your child, too. Some kind of role model, men in and out of your life, no consistency in terms of partners......what a mess.

[confused4awhile]

Originally posted by Miffy

So are you still 'with' both people emotionally and/or physically? Which relationship do you want to concentrate on - if you have not done so already you will have to decide whether any of the relationships suit you or whether you are better off on your own for a while?

 

Just curious!

 

Emotionally I am still very attached to both...for different reasons. Physically I am only involved with my "boyfriend" (the "cm")

I have thought about just being alone for a while and have been for months at a time without ANYONE in my life in a relationship way. I have thought about it trust me...but it doesn't make it any easier

 

 

Originally posted by westernxer

If the nice guy's a fool, he'll take you back.

 

 

Originally posted by newbby

 

 

or if he loves you and is understanding enough

 

 

I have NEVER asked for the nice guy to take me back...he has been aware of this whole thing since day one!!!! I have told him to move on many..many times...going so far as to not answer ANY of his phone calls for WEEKS on end....He and I were friends nothing more .....when I decided to move on with my life he and I started spending more time together JUST AS FRIENDS!!! He fell in love with me- says he's always loved me...I did not discover that I may have VERY real feelings for him until recently. I felt I could be falling for him back when the CM asked for me to come back but I put it on hold. BUT he( the ice guy) IS NOT being Mislead by me in ANY way I've been completely HONEST with him about the relationship both he and I have/had and te relationship with the CM! He has always been one of the people to tell me I deserve more than what I'm getting or have gotten

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by shygurl

I shudder to think how this whole soap opera is affecting your child, too. Some kind of role model, men in and out of your life, no consistency in terms of partners......what a mess.

 

 

Now on to my daughter...please pardon me for saying so but you people are very quick to think the worst of everyone....My daughter has only ever known the "cm" as a friend of mine that has been in our lives for 4 years. She has NEVER seen anything that would make her think differently..no public display of affection andhe has spent VERY little time around her period BY MY CHOICE!!!!!! I AM VERY CAREFUL ABOUT WH IS INTRODUCED TO MY DAUGHTER and by what measure!

 

The nice guy has been around my daughter as he has a small child as well and we have done many "play dates" - he was seen as the "boyfriend" in my daughters eyes and she adores him- which is one of the things that have made this all the more difficult.

 

I came here in search of support and maye a little advice...I DO NOT suffer from any mental illness or addiction. GEEZ! I'm a woman who found herself in a bad situation PERIOD!

[shygurl]

" I'm a woman who found herself in a bad situation PERIOD!

 

Um, to say "found" implies that you just totally ended up in this sordid affair by something other than your own will and choice. You PUT yourself into this situation - by disrespecting a fellow woman's relationship and being a mistress for 4 yrs, bringing some poor nice guy into the mix. You must be so desperate to have a man in your life.

[confused4awhile]

Originally posted by shygurl

Um, to say "found" implies that you just totally ended up in this sordid affair by something other than your own will and choice. You PUT yourself into this situation - by disrespecting a fellow woman's relationship and being a mistress for 4 yrs, bringing some poor nice guy into the mix. You must be so desperate to have a man in your life.

 

Shy maybe you didn't read some of the earlier post..I do use a bad term in sayig "found" YES it is my own making- YES I put myself into this mess. I was not a mistress for 4 yrs though. Read alittle closer next time. And I DID NOT BRING ANYONE INTO a situation. I LEFT the situation before starting the "dating" relationship with the nice guy and BROKE UP with him when the "cm" came back.

 

And I'm not desperate to have a man- I seem to not be having a problem finding- having - or keeping one ...desperation is losing all hope and I have not...that's why I'm here so see you're not too perfect chosing your words either.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

BUT he( the ice guy) IS NOT being Mislead by me in ANY way I've been completely HONEST with him about the relationship both he and I have/had and te relationship with the CM! He has always been one of the people to tell me I deserve more than what I'm getting or have gotten...

 

Good for you... but he's still a fool for putting up with it, because you don't like him.

[confused4awhile]

I'm not sure I'd consider him a fool ...he's just a man that THINKS HE can can make it all better..which not the case.The only person that can make MY life better is ME...but for his support and understanding I truly am grateful...besides not often do you find a person that will love you no matter what faults you have.

 

This is one of the things I've grown to appericate about him- he's not just that way with me but EVERYONE in his life...he's a very positive person

[westernxer]

Of course you wouldn't consider him a fool... after all, he is a great boost to your morale and such.

 

It's his fault if he doesn't see the writing on the wall; you better make sure he doesn't come across LoveShack anytime soon.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

Some of you may remember me..I've been here lurking close to 4 years but I used to post about 2 years ago about being the OW. I will make this as short as possible....

 

 

I was in a relationship with a committed man for 2 years until I put the breaks on after years of waiting and broken promises. I moved on and found a wonderful man- he was/is everything a woman could want.

 

 

After a year the committed guy comes back into my life begging for one last chance to make it right. I was well on my way to being completely over him. He asked me to give him just 6 months to end it with his girlfriend of 10 years but that he realized that after the year of me not being there how foolish he'd been and that he did love me and didn't want to lose me...All the things that us gals in these relationships LONG to hear and after close to 4 years I was floored and emotionally distraught.

 

 

After all these years how could I just walk away now...maybe he had gotten it... finally....So I agreed. I gave him his 6 months and slowly pulled away form the man that had treated me like a queen for the last year. And I'm not talking in gifts I'm talking in the REAL sense...EMOTIONALLY. He was the one I could depend on for whatever and whenever.

 

Anyway...time comes for the Committed guy to get it right...he tells me he's ended it with her just to find out he didn't (she contacted me) I confessed everything to her ..... I told her EVERYTHING that had happened in the last three years I told her I tried to move on and he chased me ETC ETC ETC

 

So now it's truly over with them.....2 more months pass.....I am contacted by her again....he had tried to get back with her for weeks while telling me everything would be OK that we were on our way to a loving future together. She almost agreed to take him back until oopppsss she finds an email I had sent to him and realizes once again that he was lying to her about it being over with me....so she tells me this time that we're both being played by this guy

 

So again its truly over...this time SHE tells me it is.. thats she's done... So I win by "default" if i want him

 

Make things more complex...in all this time now a span of 6 months...the nice guy- the prince is still vowing his undying love. He is still asking me to please come back to him. That despite EVERYTHING that has happened that he loves me enough to make this work. He wants to be with me- help me raise my daughter - be there for me- that I make his life complete- that he'd do everything and anything under the sun to make me happy- sends me letters and love songs and all the things that make you melt to be honest.

 

For the last 4 months I have been with the committed guy...now committed to me (I use that term loosely ...trust me) and i'm not happy. I keep thinking about what a special thing had started with the nice guy. It really did feel special with him...That for the first time in my life he was a person who would hurt themselves before hurting me and I choose person that I can't trust now, has hurt me over and over, and is kinda mean to me sometimes. I've asked myself why am I staying..and all I can come back to now is I feel guilty because I helped break up a relationship of 10 years and now I'm not sure I even wanted him anymore.

 

OK - let it fly---advice or criticism...believe ya'll can't be any harder on me than I've already been on myself

 

I am truly sorry for you. Really, I am.

 

I treated my Ex like a Queen and she dumped me the second something she thought was "better" came around. I used to think that treating a woman like she is special was my problem...now I see it's always been my asset and that I should be with someone who recognizes how wonderful I am.

 

I am truly sorry you learned the hard way.

 

Pray, pray, pray.

[newbby]

so you CAN still have a r with the nice guy if you so desire.

you can also keep his friendship for as long as his feelings arent too much for him to handle it.

the cm, you have a r with, and he is not abusive or a monster.

you do not suffer from any love addiction or other (may i say non-insulting and quite common) psychological issues.

what advice do you want, i'm a bit confused?

 

i would like to add though, that having been in a very abusive relationship myself, and really believing that i had no hangover issues, i have found myself going from one unavailable man to another, i begun to see a pattern emerging and ultimating in my current situation with xmm. whenever i go on dates with the same person, i spread them out to once a month. i have had so many lovely offers and i put them all off. i have kicked myself so many times when they finally give up on me. i am finally really starting to deal with this and i am forcing myself to continue seeing a really, really lovely guy, everytime i go to put him off, i take a deep breath and just say yes.

i am certainly not suggesting you have similar issues, however it may be food for thought.

[joodee]

that sucks that your CM did those things, and I can relate, I have practically cut off all communication with the now ex-MM, he stills gets to me emotionally, even though he did the exact same things to me that your CM did to you (read my past posts anytime, I started posting in August of 2004).

 

My therapist said over and over again that my ex-MM is a player, I think someone used that word in your situation. And it is some form of addiction, and I'm not saying that to be mean or rude. I'm saying that cause I think that I could easily fall for ex-MM at the drop of a hat, and I have been talking to new honest guys! And I think from what I read this is what you are struggling with.

 

I hope this makes sense, and that it helps. And don't let some of the other posters bother you.

[confused4awhile]

Originally posted by westernxer

Of course you wouldn't consider him a fool... after all, he is a great boost to your morale and such.

 

It's his fault if he doesn't see the writing on the wall; you better make sure he doesn't come across LoveShack anytime soon.

 

If he did then he would see nothing here that he doesn't already have knowledge of.

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

 

 

I am truly sorry for you. Really, I am.

 

I treated my Ex like a Queen and she dumped me the second something she thought was "better" came around. I used to think that treating a woman like she is special was my problem...now I see it's always been my asset and that I should be with someone who recognizes how wonderful I am.

 

I am truly sorry you learned the hard way.

 

Pray, pray, pray.

 

Thank you for your words- and you re right we ALL deserve to be with people who can see the good and bad in all f us and love us wholeheartedly

 

 

Originally posted by newbby

so you CAN still have a r with the nice guy if you so desire.

you can also keep his friendship for as long as his feelings arent too much for him to handle it.

the cm, you have a r with, and he is not abusive or a monster.

you do not suffer from any love addiction or other (may i say non-insulting and quite common) psychological issues.

what advice do you want, i'm a bit confused?

 

i would like to add though, that having been in a very abusive relationship myself, and really believing that i had no hangover issues, i have found myself going from one unavailable man to another, i begun to see a pattern emerging and ultimating in my current situation with xmm. whenever i go on dates with the same person, i spread them out to once a month. i have had so many lovely offers and i put them all off. i have kicked myself so many times when they finally give up on me. i am finally really starting to deal with this and i am forcing myself to continue seeing a really, really lovely guy, everytime i go to put him off, i take a deep breath and just say yes.

i am certainly not suggesting you have similar issues, however it may be food for thought.

 

It is food for thought and thank you so much for sharing. I'm not saying I have NO issues- because I think EVERYONE for the most part has at least one what I was saying was I am coming here I guess for support. This is very hard. I KNOW in my heart what I want I'm just scared Iwon't have the willpower to follow through.

 

Originally posted by joodee

that sucks that your CM did those things, and I can relate, I have practically cut off all communication with the now ex-MM, he stills gets to me emotionally, even though he did the exact same things to me that your CM did to you (read my past posts anytime, I started posting in August of 2004).

 

My therapist said over and over again that my ex-MM is a player, I think someone used that word in your situation. And it is some form of addiction, and I'm not saying that to be mean or rude. I'm saying that cause I think that I could easily fall for ex-MM at the drop of a hat, and I have been talking to new honest guys! And I think from what I read this is what you are struggling with.

 

I hope this makes sense, and that it helps. And don't let some of the other posters bother you.

 

Thank you I do not let it bother me because I know everyone is here for one reason or another. NONE of us are perfect.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

If he did then he would see nothing here that he doesn't already have knowledge of.

 

I doubt it, but that's another story.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

Thank you for your words- and you re right we ALL deserve to be with people who can see the good and bad in all f us and love us wholeheartedly

 

Unfortunately for some, it takes being with a loser for them to appreciate the good man they had....

[confused4awhile]

Originally posted by westernxer

 

 

I doubt it, but that's another story.

 

 

Considering he is one of the only people I've had to talk to about all this to you can rest assured he damn sake knows a hell of a lot more than you do- as i said in an earlier post- everyone is soooo quick to think the worst of others here. find me one person on this board that is or has been an OW/OM who doesn't have some remorse about what they've done- people do things sometimes they aren't proud of they even do things that they've condemed others for - until YOU personally live each persons life no one has the abilty to sit in judgemet. God will do that

[westernxer]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

... until YOU personally live each persons life no one has the abilty to sit in judgemet. God will do that

 

I doubt it.

 

(lighten up, will you?)

[ggallin13]

There have been some wise posts on this thread, for sure. I feel for you, as the whole relationship thing is weird and it's easy to act like an idiot and behave in a way that is out of character, hurt people and all the rest--not that you have done all of those things per se, just illustrating...

 

That said, whatever you do do NOT go back to the nice guy, if you care about him. He has some issues, too, as instead of cutting you loose for what you did he wants you back. Trust me, as I have been that guy in many ways, all you'll do is hurt him and mess with his mind and take years away from his life that he could be using to find someone worthwhile.

 

That is not to say that you aren't worthwhile, just not for him. If you go back to him, it's only as matter of time before you hurt him again, and he'll let you. Over and over and over. It'll suck for both of you until one of you finally moves on. Do him a favor and let it be you who moves on. He will thank you years from now, believe me.

 

Think about it: The whole time you were with him getting treated like a queen it wasn't enough to keep you from going back with a douchebag. A douchebag who was already in a relationship and lied to her and you all the time. I have not always made the healthy emotional choice either, but that pretty much sucks. And you'll do it again until you figure out what it is in your head that makes you seek out mistreatment. The nice guy has the same problem.

 

Again, I feel for you, the whole thing is a drag. I hope that you find the strength to do the right thing.

[newbby]

That said, whatever you do do NOT go back to the nice guy, if you care about him. He has some issues, too, as instead of cutting you loose for what you did he wants you back. Trust me, as I have been that guy in many ways, all you'll do is hurt him and mess with his mind and take years away from his life that he could be using to find someone worthwhile.

 

That is not to say that you aren't worthwhile, just not for him. If you go back to him, it's only as matter of time before you hurt him again, and he'll let you. Over and over and over. It'll suck for both of you until one of you finally moves on. Do him a favor and let it be you who moves on. He will thank you years from now, believe me.

 

Think about it: The whole time you were with him getting treated like a queen it wasn't enough to keep you from going back with a douchebag. A douchebag who was already in a relationship and lied to her and you all the time. I have not always made the healthy emotional choice either, but that pretty much sucks. And you'll do it again until you figure out what it is in your head that makes you seek out mistreatment. The nice guy has the same problem.

 

 

possibly, however if they both have issues and are honest about it and get some healing therapy, perhaps it could be a beautiful relationship

[newbby]

also, what did she do???

she didnt even have a relationship with the guy, they developed feelings for each other, at the same time this other guy cm, came back into her life. its likely that she would still have feelings there and want to try it.

confused for awhile.

are you scared of leaving the cm in case you cannot see it through? is that your concern?

i know these relationships make you feel almost powerless and weak where the mm/cm is concerned but that was then. this is now, and you tried it out, whats wrong with that, you saw something through. how were you to know it was or wasnt going to satisfy your needs? you werent. it was him that decided to be unfaithful to his ex, it was him that pursued you, you cant take responsibility for what he did. as you already stated you kind of won by default, thats not really a very good way to start a successful relationship, for either of you. keep him as your friend if you feel that you owe him something for helping you out, and return the favour if he ever needs your help, but as for owing him to stay with him, you dont.

as for the single guy, he sounds nice, you were not already in an actual relationship with him were you? i dont see how people can say he is weak for hanging around and wanting you back, after all were we not in the same positions ourselves during our relationships with cm/mm. we were not necessarily weak people, i can speak for myself i am not, but however in a temporary stage of weakness and vunerability. people go through things and feel these temporary states, it doesnt make them THAT kind of PERSON.

he has a young son right? then he has probably just come out of his own emotional situation, in which case he may be feeling a little weak himself, irt doesnt mean s*** about him as a person.

perhaps the two of you can support each other in supporting yourselves, definetly i would say take things slow, and make sure you are working on yourselves individually, but then that is a must in any relationship.

good luck ((hugs))

[confused4awhile]

thank you newby for your understanding and support. The nice guy and I were friends- like i said when i decided to move on with my life the nice guy and i started dating- but when the cm came back with his "euphony" and told me all the things i wanted to hear I pulled back from the nice in a romantic way and told him i had to see this through. he was VERY hurt but said that i had to do what i had to do. He has repeatedly told me that this guy is NOT going to be able to give me all the things he knows i need and really want deep down. Love and a sense of security and family. On the flip side the "CM" is aware that I talk to the nice guy still- as friends. I think I make the mistake of telling him(the cm) too much sometimes.

 

 

The "Cm" tells me the nice guy is really just a psyhco - obessed with me. There are times that even I have "bought" into this and then I try to remember that the "CM" is not the most objective person in this whole thing. He wouldn't want me to think any differently. I feel bad because I love the "CM" and I know I have these trust issues and if he were talking to his "EX" I would be flipping out. Then I think that with him I'd have good reason to. Maybe the problem is that I've been way too honest with both of them and I'm not being honest with myself at all.

 

 

If I thought that things would turn out for the "CM" and I ---I would not even be here- I would not be having these feelings of regret or questioing about the nice guy. But I'm soooo afraid of opening up again to the "CM"---EVERYTIME I've done that I've been shattered and I just can't live through that again. HOW DO YOU TRUST?????? I've tried to talk to him about this but he gets so defensive saying I'm living in the past- the past wasn't that long ago (6 months) and it was a long sorted past full of hurt FOR ME that I've never been able to resolve - with the only person ever being there to really listen being the nice guy for the last year and a half of it.

 

 

With the nice guy----he's NEVER done anything that would make me not trust him, and I honestly believe in my heart he would hurt himself before he'd ever think of hurting me.

 

 

I just feel like I've been drowning here and there's no end in sight. I'm so scared of making the wrong decision here. How can you love someone(the CM) so much and be so scared of them at the same time? I've asked myself that over and over and over ....I just want to know- have some assurance that this time is different. But my gut says it's not and that it's only a matter of time before he does it again. In the meantime there's this guy that I'd NEVER have to have that worry with because as he says "YOU are the only woman I want- yeah I could have plenty of women---but its you I love and its you I want to grow with and spend my life with- i would do whatever i could in my power to see you happy because with you i feel comfortable and more complete than i've ever felt in my life" And even though I HATE to admit it a special bond was created with him. He has done so much for me - not so say the "cm" hasn't but the hurt that the "cm" has caused me too outways the other most of the time.

 

 

Thats another HUGE difference between these two men-----one (the cm) is VERY reserved about sharing his feelings. Sometimes you never really know where you stand with him and sometimes he makes me feel like I'm begging for his attention so to speak. It is not uncommon for him to go a week without seeing me and that doesn't seem to bother him in the least, and almost makes me feel bad for complaining about it

 

 

The

'nice guy" on the other hand has been VERY open about his feelings- he says and does things that I never knew men do in REAL life. He's cried in front of me- which shows me a lot- I think the other would die first before he did anything like that. He's told me EXACTALLY how he feels good and bad alike. And he was ALWAYS wanting to spend time together. To him the more the better. Which at times, when we dated, I found almost unbearable. Not because I didn't enjoy the time but because sometimes I just wanted some ALONE time and he always wanted to be together.

 

 

So it's weird ....like I've said two completly different people. I know after reading so many other postings we as women tend to repeat patterns and go with the same type of guys- but these two are as different as night and day...

 

 

I just feel like I'm all over the place emotionally and its taking its toll. I'm exhausted and I'm just ready for something to happen one way or another. I know I have control of this situation so why do I feel so completely out of control?

[westernxer]

If the nice guy wasn't so forthcoming, I'm sure you'd be into him. There's no mystery to him...

 

Friend for life, what else can I say?

 

(I think I see your point now.)

[confused4awhile]

Originally posted by westernxer

If the nice guy wasn't so forthcoming, I'm sure you'd be into him. There's no mystery to him...

 

Friend for life, what else can I say?

 

(I think I see your point now.)

 

wow you know I never thought of it in that way....you know we women always say we want the forthcoming guy but maybe there's something to it...as a guy how do you see it? Are you man that shares his feelings or do you withhold? and isn't it better to be a person who is open and honest about their feelings then to have it all bottled up? I mean I think thats kinda the way the term "player" got started. As I've always thought of it ...is not what they say it what they DON'T say ...leaving just enough room for interpretation so that way they can "play" it either way when it all comes down to it

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

If I thought that things would turn out for the "CM" and I ---I would not even be here- I would not be having these feelings of regret or questioing about the nice guy. But I'm soooo afraid of opening up again to the "CM"---EVERYTIME I've done that I've been shattered and I just can't live through that again. HOW DO YOU TRUST?????? I've tried to talk to him about this but he gets so defensive saying I'm living in the past- the past wasn't that long ago (6 months) and it was a long sorted past full of hurt FOR ME that I've never been able to resolve - with the only person ever being there to really listen being the nice guy for the last year and a half of it.

 

Because the CM is exciting....

 

 

'nice guy" on the other hand has been VERY open about his feelings- he says and does things that I never knew men do in REAL life. He's cried in front of me- which shows me a lot- I think the other would die first before he did anything like that. He's told me EXACTALLY how he feels good and bad alike. And he was ALWAYS wanting to spend time together. To him the more the better. Which at times, when we dated, I found almost unbearable. Not because I didn't enjoy the time but because sometimes I just wanted some ALONE time and he always wanted to be together.

 

And this to you is boring.....

 

 

So it's weird ....like I've said two completly different people. I know after reading so many other postings we as women tend to repeat patterns and go with the same type of guys- but these two are as different as night and day...

 

Right. The CM excites you, dark with intrigue and mystery. The "nice guy" lays all his cards out of the table, like a smorgasborg. You can pick and choose or take it all. But it's boring to you because nothing about him is a mystery and he's pursuing you, not the other way around.

 

Unfortunately for women, they tend to choose men who are mysterious and pay little attention to them because they are the ones who like to chase. There's nothing to chase with the nice guy. Nothing intriguing. Nothing mysterious.

 

The sad part about chasing men like your CM is that once he is caught, you realize he's not all he's cracked up to be. He's a liar and a cheat. If he'll cheat on his GF, he'll cheat on you. He's mysterious because he's selfish and only cares about himself and his interest. He's UNPREDICTABLE.

 

The nice guy is chivalrous, kind and -- a doormat. He needs to have some balance in his life -- and you can help him there, by giving him a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy." There's nothing appealing about the nice guy to you other than how kind and nice he is. He doesn't leave you guessing, keep you on your toes and fill you with anticipation of what is to come next. He's PREDICTABLE.

 

IMHO, neither of these men are right for you nor you for them.

 

Cheers.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

wow you know I never thought of it in that way....you know we women always say we want the forthcoming guy but maybe there's something to it...as a guy how do you see it? Are you man that shares his feelings or do you withhold? and isn't it better to be a person who is open and honest about their feelings then to have it all bottled up? I mean I think thats kinda the way the term "player" got started. As I've always thought of it ...is not what they say it what they DON'T say ...leaving just enough room for interpretation so that way they can "play" it either way when it all comes down to it

 

I can tell you this much... it doesn't pay to wear your heart on your sleeve so early on. I learned from experience that doing this will kill you, and I cringe when I see guys who just don't get it (it happens at work A LOT). Eventually I'll open up, but only when I know there's a return on my investment, so to speak. Until then, I'm gonna enjoy the sexual tension for all its worth.

 

Although your friend is trustworthy and a complete gentleman, he's got no mojo to compensate. But hey, that's the way he is, and if he can't see that you aren't into him, tough. He's a sucker for putting up with it, but you get a great friend out of it, so more power to you. Survival of the fittest... those who refuse to learn, burn.