Broken

[katielee]

Missy - this is why I told - my husband deserved to know the kind of person he was married to.

[wmacbride]

Personally, If he does somehow find out, you can deal with it at that time.

 

I seriously doubt that he will make a difference.

 

Also please find a good infidelity counselor with a lot of experience with infidelity, rather that a simple marriage counselor or psychologist.

 

In addition, if you do decide to tell him, you might want to carefully examine your motivation.

 

if she doesn't plan on telling him, then why bother with an infidelity counselor? in fact, that would be a rotten idea, as one of the first questions may well will be if either one of them has cheated.

[SummerDreams]

Missy - this is why I told - my husband deserved to know the kind of person he was married to.

 

You make it sound like a cheater is a criminal or something.

[Mrs. John Adams]

You make it sound like a cheater is a criminal or something.

 

Not a criminal...but certainly a deceitful, conniving, lying selfish person.

 

You do not pursue an affair on line and continue in that affair for a year without being extremely selfish and lying, deceiving, and conniving.

 

Your actions were intentional...and you had to plan to do so.

 

A spouse has a right to know that you do not have their best interest at heart...that you are capable of putting your marriage and your spouse at risk.

 

No ...not a criminal....but certainly a very bad spouse.

[katielee]

You make it sound like a cheater is a criminal or something.

 

in my head it was a criminal act. I may not be that person all the time, but I was once.

[Mrs. John Adams]

in my head it was a criminal act. I may not be that person all the time, but I was once.

 

Well you can view your own infidelity however you choose...but most people do not view infidelity as a criminal act. There is another thread discussing this very issue...that some folks equate waywards to criminals....and how unfair that viewpoint really is.

 

I don't think Missey has done anything criminal...nor do I think you have done anything criminal or I have done anything criminal.

 

We all made very bad selfish choices. It is dramatic enough on its own merit..we don't have to blow it out of proportion.

[katielee]

I disagree Mrs. JA. My husband would have been way less hurt had I robbed a bank.

 

but someone else first referred to me as thinking it was criminal. my post said my husband deserved to know who he was married to; A person who could cheat.

[JohnAdams]

I guess that it depends on the state that you live in, adultery can be considered a criminal act.

 

 

Per Wiki:

 

 

Adultery remains a criminal offense in 21 states, although prosecutions are rare. Massachusetts , Idaho, Oklahoma, Michigan, and Wisconsin consider adultery a felony, while in the other states it is a misdemeanor. It is a Class B misdemeanor in New York and Utah, and a Class I felony in Wisconsin. Penalties vary from a $10 fine (Maryland) to four years in prison (Michigan). In South Carolina, the fine for adultery is up to $500 and/or imprisonment for no more than one year [south Carolina code 16-15-60], and South Carolina divorce laws deny alimony to the adulterous spouse.

 

 

Many countries also consider adultery a criminal act.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I guess that it depends on the state that you live in, adultery can be considered a criminal act.

 

 

Per Wiki:

 

 

Adultery remains a criminal offense in 21 states, although prosecutions are rare. Massachusetts , Idaho, Oklahoma, Michigan, and Wisconsin consider adultery a felony, while in the other states it is a misdemeanor. It is a Class B misdemeanor in New York and Utah, and a Class I felony in Wisconsin. Penalties vary from a $10 fine (Maryland) to four years in prison (Michigan). In South Carolina, the fine for adultery is up to $500 and/or imprisonment for no more than one year [south Carolina code 16-15-60], and South Carolina divorce laws deny alimony to the adulterous spouse.

 

 

Many countries also consider adultery a criminal act.

 

well then i stand corrected Mr. Adams and all of us...who have committed adultery are criminals. I guess that's why in biblical times they stoned women like me to death.

[Liam1]

I guess that it depends on the state that you live in, adultery can be considered a criminal act.

 

 

Per Wiki:

 

 

Adultery remains a criminal offense in 21 states, although prosecutions are rare. Massachusetts , Idaho, Oklahoma, Michigan, and Wisconsin consider adultery a felony, while in the other states it is a misdemeanor. It is a Class B misdemeanor in New York and Utah, and a Class I felony in Wisconsin. Penalties vary from a $10 fine (Maryland) to four years in prison (Michigan). In South Carolina, the fine for adultery is up to $500 and/or imprisonment for no more than one year [south Carolina code 16-15-60], and South Carolina divorce laws deny alimony to the adulterous spouse.

 

 

Many countries also consider adultery a criminal act.

 

John:

 

You do realize that in some US counties it is still a crime to have oral sex with your spouse.

 

Also, the countries where infidelity is a crime that is actually actionable, those countries often only make it a crime for the woman.

[Liam1]

I guess that it depends on the state that you live in, adultery can be considered a criminal act.

 

 

John:

 

Here are some other things that are crimes in some states. But I do not know anyone who would take these laws seriously.

 

Alaska

Moose are banned from having sex on city streets (in Fairbanks).

Arizona

You may not have more than two dildos in the same house.

Arkansas

Flirtation and "lascivious banter" between men and women on the streets may result in a 30-day jailterm. (in Little Rock.)

 

 

California

It's illegal to sell stuffed items resembling breasts ("boobie pillows") within 1000 feet of a highway.

No man shall dress as a woman without the written permission of the sheriff. (In Walnut, CA)

 

Colorado

Male massage parlor workers must wear all white clothing. (In Adams County).

Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited.

 

 

Georgia

The term "sadomasochistic abuse" is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.

All sex toys are banned.

 

Illinois

If you sell a reptile, you must give a written warning not to "nuzzle or kiss" them.

It's prohibited by law to "suffer any bitch or slut" (referring to dogs) (in Minooka.)

 

Indiana

It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.

 

 

Iowa

Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

 

Kansas

Illegal "sodomy" includes oral sex, but anal penetration with a finger is allowed under specified circumstances.

 

Kentucky

Dogs must not molest property or people.

Until 1975, people wearing bathing suits on any city street were required have a police escort.

 

 

Massachusetts

Making noise in a public library is a crime against "chastity, morality, decency and good order."

Michigan

A man who seduces or corrupts an unmarried woman faces five years in prison.

Low-riding pants that expose underwear are a Class B offense. But if they expose butt cleavage, they're a Class A offense. (In Flint.)

Mississippi

It's illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

Adultery or premarital sex results in a fine of $500 or 6 months in prison.

Montana

Prostitution is a "crime against the family."

Nebraska

You can't get married if you have gonorrhea

Nevada

Sale of sex toys is illegal.

New Hampshire

Lingerie must not be hung on a clothesline at the airport, unless there's a screen concealing it. (In Kidderville.)

New Jersey

Flirting is illegal. (In Haddon Township, NJ)

New Mexico

Nudity is allowed as long as genitals and female nipples are covered.

New York

Adultery is illegal.

North Carolina

Adultery is illegal. And so is pretending to be married in order to share a hotel room.

North Dakota

It was illegal to swim naked in the Red River between 8 AM and 8 PM. (In Fargo.)

It's against the law to fail to confine a dog or cat in heat. (In Grand Forks.)

Ohio

No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person.

Oklahoma

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to engage in "acts, or simulated acts, of sexual intercourse, masturbation, sodomy, bestiality, oral copulation, flagellation, or any sexual acts which are otherwise prohibited by law." So, no simulated intercourse or animal sex.

Oregon

It's illegal to lie down in a public restroom, or for two people to share a stall meant for one.

 

Pennsylvania

Oral and anal sex are illegal. You cannot cohabit with an "ancestor or descendant."

 

South Carolina

If a man promises to marry a woman and she sleeps with him, the marriage must take place.

 

Tennessee

Students may not hold hands in school.

 

Texas

It's illegal to own more than six dildos.

 

Utah

It's illegal to marry your first cousin before the age of 65 — or 55 if you can prove both parties are infertile.

An adult cannot show sex paraphernalia to a minor, unless they're your own child. (In Salt Lake City.)

 

Virginia

Adultery is a misdemeanor.

Obscenity is a bigger crime if you use a computer.

 

Washington

If you give a sex worker a ride to work, your car can be confiscated.

 

West Virginia

An unmarried couple who lived together and "lewdly associated" could face up to a year in jail. (Recently repealed.)

[JohnAdams]

While I agree there are many ridiculous laws on the books, until removed, it is a crime.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I disagree Mrs. JA. My husband would have been way less hurt had I robbed a bank.

 

but someone else first referred to me as thinking it was criminal. my post said my husband deserved to know who he was married to; A person who could cheat.

 

Robbing a bank is not a crime against your husband ... Adultery is

 

Of course he would rather you rob a bank

[Liam1]

While I agree there are many ridiculous laws on the books, until removed, it is a crime.

 

Well, then how come there are no people in jail for having and affair, even in the states where it is a crime on the books?

 

Here's why?

 

Defunct Crimes statutes like that only remain on the books because it cost far too much money to legislate their removal.

[katielee]

Robbing a bank is not a crime against your husband ... Adultery is

 

Of course he would rather you rob a bank

 

Well yeah so the criminal word kinda fits

[missy6six]

This thread has gotten a bit extreme.

Although I know I have done something terrible and deceitful, I am not a criminal.

I thought posting in this forum would help me work through my thoughts and what i have done, but it seems more that it is more so just a chance for people to tell me how awful I am

[Mrs. John Adams]

Well yeah so the criminal word kinda fits

 

Yes my husband has proven it does.. So now what? Does it change anything?

[Mrs. John Adams]

This thread has gotten a bit extreme.

Although I know I have done something terrible and deceitful, I am not a criminal.

I thought posting in this forum would help me work through my thoughts and what i have done, but it seems more that it is more so just a chance for people to tell me how awful I am

 

Welcome to the world of a cheater...

 

Don't worry... You finally get used to it

[Maddieandtae]

If you choose to keep coming back at this point in time than yes the remarks you read will sting. Having an affair will taint how some people view you. It's going to take ALOT of hard work to retrain your brain from tempting thoughts to how you were before the affair to think morally. You won't ever be the same and at the same time you don't have to be who you were during the affair. Growth is important and I suppose reading what you think is hard to read can be used for self reflection. I didn't think you were ready for the onslaught of views, you keep coming back so I'm now thinking you are retaining somethings you have read and have found benefits as well. It's an tough world filled with so many views at least here nobody knows you so you can be more vocal! Could you imagine having this type of exchange with a friend who thought very poorly of people who had affairs and for some reason you didn't know this before you shared what you did with the best friend? You and the best friend would have a whole new set of problems to add on to the pretty big one you are currently trying to deal with:(

[66Charger]

Adultery is a crime punishable by jail time in all 50 states.

 

The unknowing BS who thinks he is a WS forgot the one institution that still relies on Honor.

 

The United States Military.

 

Yes, you will go to the brig for adultery with another servicemans/womans spouse. And if you are incountry and under fire, its going to be hard to ask someone to have your back, when you had his snack. Best to watch your back, when you are unworthy of trust.

 

Of course, there are some who could never understand that.

Edited June 2, 2016 by 66Charger

[JohnAdams]

Yes, infidelity is called out in the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) as well as the law in many states.

 

However, I think the law is almost a moot point. It is about integrity, morality, and respect.

 

I do not think it even takes a person of high moral standards to recognize that betrayal is betrayal. If the very person who you think has your back does not, who do you trust?

[66Charger]

If you have had no sex with your spouse for 10 years, what are the chances that the "denying" spouse has had NO sex at all?

 

No EA, no PA. For 10 years. Really? Anyway....

 

So the guy cheats because of no sex (wink, wink) and confesses to his wife and thinks the marriage is saved.

 

The wife is just glad that he didnt divorce her because of "no sex" for 10 years. (Weird reaction) The marriage is saved.

 

But wait, there is more. It s up to ONCE A MONTH!!! What a stud!!!.

 

Would you buy that?

 

Did this guy have a RA and not even know it?

 

Many think he confessed, BUT SHE DIDN'T.

 

But hey, since he doesnt think one has to confess, no harm no foul.. This isnt a dig. Just something a few find odd and believe this guy is really a deluded BS

Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

Folks, while forays into criminal law and other equally off-topic meta-discussion can be quite enlightening, let's save them for their own threads and get back to that stated below in this thread and assist the thread starter in their relationship:

 

My affair partner was no good for me and yet I feel lost and broken now that it's over.

Will I ever be ok again?

I haven't spoken to a single person about this and sometimes I feel like it is eating me alive.

Now that it's over will I ever feel normal again?

Will my marriage survive?

Will I?

 

Defunct or not, that's the law of LoveShack.org and we expect members to adhere to it or face the consequences, apparently some here have already faced. I'd prefer that to be as limited as possible so seek to enlist member's assistance in compliance with this directive. Thanks!

[wmacbride]

This thread has gotten a bit extreme.

Although I know I have done something terrible and deceitful, I am not a criminal.

I thought posting in this forum would help me work through my thoughts and what i have done, but it seems more that it is more so just a chance for people to tell me how awful I am

 

You're not awful, but you have lost your way and some of your actions are certainly really bad.

 

Time to take a look at your life and decide what sort of person you want to be from this day out, and begin taking the steps you need to to get there. Seeking counseling for yourself will help you with this.

 

You say you love your husband? What do you need to do to be the type of wife he can be proud of, and, just as importantly, what do you need to do to be proud of the person you see looking back at you in the mirror every day? You likely have many wonderful qualities, so build on those.

 

If I can give you one piece of advice, it would be that reconciliation is a marathon,not a sprint. It can take a long time to get there, but the rewards can be well worth it.

[66Charger]

MJA, We assumed you and the Mr were watching Fixer Upper reruns (nice house move!)

 

To stay on point, often when a WS post on the infidlety side, there is often a initial barrage of 2x4s. OP, if you can withstand that, someone may post something and the tide will turn. You may never confess, but if these harsh words can assist to truly end the affair (and dont assume it is over) then perhaps that may be the best a forum can do.

Edited June 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator