Should I Unblock My Ex?

[towardthefuture]

Not sure which forum I should put this in, it's not really about coping or breaking up. I guess it's closest to second chance?

 

She dumped me 8 months ago. We're both dating other people. Truth be told I still have feelings for her, I blocked her and deleted her number after the breakup but I've been thinking about her lately. Since she dumped me I don't want to contact her and look twice the fool -- but should I unblock her so she can contact me if she wants? I know she could get my number from a mutual friend etc etc, but I mean more as a signal that I'd be open to her contacting me (I said "Never talk to me again" a few days after the breakup).

 

The downside is I might start FB stalking her and get stuck.

[PegNosePete]

What does your new girlfriend think about this?

 

You did ask her, right? And you told her you still have feelings for your ex?

 

I think this is a bigger issue than whether you unblock your ex, tbh. You need to choose whether to stick with your current gf, or try to get your ex back. Yes it might fail and you lose both. But it's not fair on anyone to monkey swing.

Edited May 26, 2016 by PegNosePete

[privategal]

Just because you are thinking of her doesnt mean anything has changed or been fixed. Its the same old problems, same broken relationship.

Girls usually ignore "dont talk to me again" and find a way to reach out if they want to.

She is probably WELL moved on.

This was clearly a rebound relationship you jumped into to help distract you and get over your ex.

That never works.

You need to breakup and be single.

You never healed and accepted and greived the end. You pushed it all down and didnt deal with your emotions on the breakup. A new partner cant fix you.

And now the feelings you pushed down have come back up.

Break up with your gf.

Stay away from your ex.

Make a new start and some new goals and stay single a bit and find yourself.

A girlfriend cant do that for you.

[towardthefuture]

You did ask her, right? And you told her you still have feelings for your ex?

 

We're not 'official', haven't had any kind of exclusivity/relationship talk and yes I told her from the start

[PegNosePete]

Well, the path seems clear then. Ask your ex if she wants to try again. If she says no, block her forever and concentrate on your new unofficial gf. If she says yes, tell your new unofficial gf that you're going back to your ex and you can't see her any more. Simples.

[towardthefuture]

Well, the path seems clear then. Ask your ex if she wants to try again. If she says no, block her forever and concentrate on your new unofficial gf. If she says yes, tell your new unofficial gf that you're going back to your ex and you can't see her any more. Simples.

 

Even though she's recently started seeing someone and she was the dumper?

[deadparrot]

If you still have feelings and interest in rekindling things with your ex, then you need to break up with you GF (assuming she is unaware of this fact), and focus on healing.

 

Regarding the ex, could you? Yes. Should you? No. She hasn't made any attempt to reach out to you--and if she had wanted to, she would have, be it through e-mail, phone/text, a physical letter, mutual friends, or some other means. She's in a relationship. I think there are some here (mostly guys) who think that swooping in on a committed relationship is some macho show of strength and brawn, but I see it as extremely disrespectful of her choices and an impediment to your getting over the relationship for good.

[towardthefuture]

If you still have feelings and interest in rekindling things with your ex, then you need to break up with you GF (assuming she is unaware of this fact), and focus on healing.

 

Regarding the ex, could you? Yes. Should you? No. She hasn't made any attempt to reach out to you--and if she had wanted to, she would have, be it through e-mail, phone/text, a physical letter, mutual friends, or some other means. She's in a relationship. I think there are some here (mostly guys) who think that swooping in on a committed relationship is some macho show of strength and brawn, but I see it as extremely disrespectful of her choices and an impediment to your getting over the relationship for good.

 

I don't want to swoop in on a committed relationship. To be honest I don't know what's going on in her life, what the deal is or whatever, some guy I used to work with posted some pictures of them together on a date.

 

My thinking is maybe life's too short and she doesn't have all the information? I mean, after the breakup I blocked her and went super cold. I'm not saying I want to reach out, but what if she's rebounding also? I'm saying should I leave the door open?

 

 

Here's the moving parts to this thing:

- She dumped me when her ex came back and proposed to her. But not over that, there was a lot more to it than that. Last I heard 8 months ago she was engaged to the guy, but that's clearly no longer happening.

 

- After breaking up she couldn't be in the same room as me or look me in the eye, tried to flirt with guys in front of me, could go semi-catatonic super-cold if she had to be around me, all sorts of weird behaviors that indicated guilt and remaining feelings.

 

- These pictures showed up in social media the weekend after I posted picture of my rebound. This could be nothing, but after I did that all of her friends that I'm still friends with were suddenly 'online' all the time to chat and her sister and best friend started showing up in my suggested friends list.

 

There are lots of reasons not to, I don't really want to get into what the relationship itself was like, but that's the story regarding what happened after the breakup.

[PegNosePete]

Even though she's recently started seeing someone and she was the dumper?

So if you already know that she would say no, why are you even asking this question?

 

I don't want to swoop in on a committed relationship.

So don't! Block her and move on.

[deadparrot]

I don't want to swoop in on a committed relationship. To be honest I don't know what's going on in her life, what the deal is or whatever, some guy I used to work with posted some pictures of them together on a date.

 

My thinking is maybe life's too short and she doesn't have all the information? I mean, after the breakup I blocked her and went super cold. I'm not saying I want to reach out, but what if she's rebounding also? I'm saying should I leave the door open?

 

 

Here's the moving parts to this thing:

- She dumped me when her ex came back and proposed to her. But not over that, there was a lot more to it than that. Last I heard 8 months ago she was engaged to the guy, but that's clearly no longer happening.

 

- After breaking up she couldn't be in the same room as me or look me in the eye, tried to flirt with guys in front of me, could go semi-catatonic super-cold if she had to be around me, all sorts of weird behaviors that indicated guilt and remaining feelings.

 

- These pictures showed up in social media the weekend after I posted picture of my rebound. This could be nothing, but after I did that all of her friends that I'm still friends with were suddenly 'online' all the time to chat and her sister and best friend started showing up in my suggested friends list.

 

There are lots of reasons not to, I don't really want to get into what the relationship itself was like, but that's the story regarding what happened after the breakup.

 

If you don't want to swoop in, then why are you thinking of unblocking her? It seems like you're hoping she'll contact you and disrupt her current relationship.

 

I think deep down you know what the deal is with this other guy. Generally you don't take "date night" pictures with someone and post them on social media unless the relationship is reasonably serious. If you've blocked her (at least on FB), that means she doesn't see updates to your page, so it sounds like the upload was simply a coincidence.

 

And honestly, you telling me she dumped you to get back with her ex tells me that you were probably a rebound. Her behavior indicates that she feels guilt and that she wants you to be very clear that she's moved on.

 

I think you're seeing what you want to see in her behavior, but as an impartial observer, she hasn't given me any reason to think she's stuck yearning for you.

[privategal]

You need to delete your social media and move on.

She isnt available period.

Its over. Exes have no business seeing whats going on in the others lives.

Who your dating is not her concern and vice versa.

Someone wanting to reconcile and missing you isnt pursuing others and making sure you see.

She was engaged, not engaged...theres alot of baggage but either way...she isnt single. FB is hurting you. Get off of it and go live your life.

Edited May 26, 2016 by privategal

[juniorrocha]

Dude, you want to unblock your ex just so you can stalk her and wait for her to message you. You shouldn't live your life waiting for that. Be a honest guy, break up with your current gf if you're using her as a rebound, and contact your ex if you wish to do so, but don't keep on waiting, you'll just suffer more. Also, let's say you unblock your ex. Then she talks to you as you wish. In case she wants to get back together with you, are you gonna dump your current girlfriend then? That means you don't love her. Set her free if that's the case. No one deserves to be lied to.