**Update to "Another Wayward Wife

[Majormisstep]

Oh boy, she is damaged and has a long recovery ahead - should she choose to go down this road.

 

Firstly, her cop friend will dump her like yesterday's trash once the heat is on. She may not be prepared for this. Then when this happens (and it will) she will likely come back to you as the fallback guy.

 

You've moved out and her life will soon become a train wreck. Time to pick up your toys and leave the sandbox.

 

The end.

[autumnnight]

Usually the WS returns because they have no other easily accessed solutions, you're the fallback plan. Don't confuse that with returning because they love you, miss you and can't live without you...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

This. Do you really want to be her fallback? You deserve more than that.

[calbguy]

Hi Everyone. I do know that she is keeping me as a back-up plan. She has never really lived on her own; she went from living with her parents to moving in with me.

 

 

Redheaded Mistress: I don't think that she is ugly, I was just pointing out that she isn't as beautiful as his wife. I am not making a jab at her. I am not as handsome or successful as he is. These are just facts. Also, I don't have any gripes about her being molested. I bring it up as a possible reason as to why she can't develop healthy relationships. I am going to admit that I wasn't the best husband. There were times where I didn't provide her support in our relationship nor treat her like I should have.

[happyman64]

calbguy

 

 

You can either wait a long time for her to stop her nonsense or you can be proactive.

 

 

1. Server her D papers.

2. Notify the OMW of the affair and that you have moved out and served your W D papers.

3. Contact the OM and let him know your W is moving in with him and his W.

 

 

That is how you get everyone off the fence.

 

 

Then sit back. Protect the kids. Work out a fair custody.

 

 

HM

[DivorcedDad123]

If you want at least 50/50 with the kids, you need to move back into the home. Else, she'll play the "abandonment" card and you could be stuck with seeing you're kids on minimum time while paying the mortgage/rent for her and her bf to have a place to hide their affair.

First thing I'd do is,move back (telling her you forgive her,understand,you're sorry,blah,blah,blah...whatever she needs to hear)

Then, I'd sit on this info for 6 months,all while you're getting your ducks in a row and documenting your time with the kids,teachers meetings,doctors,etc.,, while she's out with her bf. (Get a PI to gather evidence for use in court)

Finally, when you decide to pull the plug and the day you have her served, send everything to his wife at the same time.

[calbguy]

Hi DivorcedDad,

 

 

I live in California, so it is a no fault state. It doesn't matter what she did with whom and where. Having evidence of her affair is a big "so what" in court.

 

 

I actually met with a lawyer the day after I discovered the affair (she is still mad about that). The lawyer said it would not be abandonment if I leave and he gave me some other solid advice.

 

 

I think I can expect my stbxw to get a big dose of reality when I file.

[qubist]

Hi DivorcedDad,

 

 

I live in California, so it is a no fault state. It doesn't matter what she did with whom and where. Having evidence of her affair is a big "so what" in court.

 

 

I actually met with a lawyer the day after I discovered the affair (she is still mad about that). The lawyer said it would not be abandonment if I leave and he gave me some other solid advice.

 

 

I think I can expect my stbxw to get a big dose of reality when I file.

You are doing the right thing, you story is sad though. good luck for all of you

[turnera]

I actually met with a lawyer the day after I discovered the affair (she is still mad about that).

Wait. Your wife cheated, and she tells you that she is mad at YOU for seeing a lawyer after SHE cheated?

 

Wow, she is nowhere NEAR remorseful. Expose the affair today. Tell her family why you are divorcing her.

[calbguy]

Wait. Your wife cheated, and she tells you that she is mad at YOU for seeing a lawyer after SHE cheated?

 

Wow, she is nowhere NEAR remorseful. Expose the affair today. Tell her family why you are divorcing her.

 

 

 

Yeah, she was mad I went because "it meant that I wanted to end our marriage". She is sooooo caught up with her fantasy and she is afraid of losing me as her back up.

 

 

When this first began, I thought that what she was doing was something so unique. Turns out, she is following the script almost word for word. Actually, this whole thing; her actions towards me, her and his relationship, things he tells her. It is almost a classic example of a cheating spouse's adventure. Like he tells her that he wants her in his life "forever" and he wants to run away and have it just be him and her. He gives her so many crumbs. It's obvious to everyone that knows that situation what his intentions are but she is so stuck in the fog.

Edited August 13, 2015 by calbguy

[ladydesigner]

Wait. Your wife cheated, and she tells you that she is mad at YOU for seeing a lawyer after SHE cheated?

 

Wow, she is nowhere NEAR remorseful. Expose the affair today. Tell her family why you are divorcing her.

 

^It's time to pop her bubble

[m.snow]

I moved out in March of this year, she is still seeing him

 

did you check this with your lawyer?

 

-moving out before the divorce is final?

-recent trend in that people who move out first tend to loose a lot more in the divorce

-judges these days tend to favor the spouse that stayed in the family home, regardless of cheating.

[m.snow]

Let her go. You're no better for her than the guy she's cheating with is. And vice versa. And why you'd want somebody back who you think is ugly, bald, terrible, and a crap mother is beyond me. The fact you sneak in there that she was molested from age 9 to what sounds like maturity as another of your gripes with her is utterly shocking.

 

I'd ask if this attitude was ever conveyed to her during your marriage and if that played a part in the decay of your marriage, but I suspect your answer will be that you treated this woman like a queen and never did her wrong...

 

what do cheating women expect? to "praised" after cheating?

 

(after i cheated he screamed at me and called me name's?)

-cheaters believe this is wrong? wtf.

-so what are you expecting cheaters to praised?

-and cheated to sob and cry and just live with it. wtf

 

if you cheat and in such a horrific manner expect to be hit with everything including the kitchen sink.

 

she tattooed the OM's initials on her that's a death sentence.

[Redheaded Mistress]

what do cheating women expect? to "praised" after cheating?

 

(after i cheated he screamed at me and called me name's?)

-cheaters believe this is wrong? wtf.

-so what are you expecting cheaters to praised?

-and cheated to sob and cry and just live with it. wtf

 

if you cheat and in such a horrific manner expect to be hit with everything including the kitchen sink.

 

she tattooed the OM's initials on her that's a death sentence.

 

I don't expect her to be praised, but this isn't a case of being pissed after the affair. Thinking she's a balding, unattractive, lazy whatnot are feelings and observations he'd have before her affair. It means pre-affair, they were in a toxic relationship themselves.

[Itwasntme]

I don't expect her to be praised, but this isn't a case of being pissed after the affair. Thinking she's a balding, unattractive, lazy whatnot are feelings and observations he'd have before her affair. It means pre-affair, they were in a toxic relationship themselves.

No I think you are just blowing it way out of proportion! First off even if he did feel that way about her honestly, it still doesn't make what she did any less worse. Second he has already explained he doesn't think she's unattractive or lazy he was just pointing out that the OBS was better looking and said his wife was acting out of character by wanting to clean and get tats. If he actually had a problem with all those things he list I doubt he would be on this site wondering if he should wait for her. He clearly did love her and wanted it to work but she went out and ruined it all.

[beatcuff]

she has been dating a MARRIED COP

 

OP think long and hard about 'outing' him. do you really need that potential headache. and it will not be him that will make your life difficult. let that piece go. don't listen to me: google cop v ex stories.

[Bryanp]

Wow. She was screwing this guy in your home and in your bed putting your health at risk for STD's. That says it all how little respect she has for you. Disgusting. Glad that you are seeing an attorney.

[calbguy]

Itwasntme. Exactly. I never had a problem with her looks or her as a person. I've always felt that she is beautiful, sexy and a great person to be with. A clinical view of her points out all the realistic "flaws" the same that could be said about me.

 

 

There were 2 main problems that I had with her. The first was that I never felt that she really loved me and wanted to be with me. The second issue was that I always felt like I was second in her life; to her wants, her family, etc.

 

 

beatcuff: I've thought long about it and I believe that if exposed, he will drop my stbxw like a hot rock and move on with his life. It is too big of a risk for him to lose his lifestyle to keep her.

 

 

Deep down, she knows that this thing with him will not last and is destructive. BUT, she is still in the fog and has "hope" that he will drop everything in his life and be with her. That's why she is considering sending a letter to his wife, so that they will get a divorce and my ex and him can live happily ever after. The truth is that they are completely different and would not form anything more than FWB's.

 

 

I read a text where she sent him a link to a song that expressed how she felt about him. His response was something like, "that's not my idea of music, its just noise" and " I stopped playing it because it woke the baby". Not what I would expect from someone that wants to be with her. Most of their texts are along the lines of her dumping her emotions on him and telling how much she wants to be with him, and then him saying how he can't wait to be inside of her. Nothing else from him.

Edited August 14, 2015 by calbguy

[sandylee1]

Hi Everyone. I do know that she is keeping me as a back-up plan. She has never really lived on her own; she went from living with her parents to moving in with me.

 

 

Redheaded Mistress: I don't think that she is ugly, I was just pointing out that she isn't as beautiful as his wife. I am not making a jab at her. I am not as handsome or successful as he is. These are just facts. Also, I don't have any gripes about her being molested. I bring it up as a possible reason as to why she can't develop healthy relationships. I am going to admit that I wasn't the best husband. There were times where I didn't provide her support in our relationship nor treat her like I should have.

 

OP

 

You've done no wrong here.

I understood the context in which you raised the abuse.

 

I find those who have been OWs like to defend other OWS. Of course when someone behaves badly their bad traits are highlighted.

You deserve better than a woman like this.

 

I can see the OM bringing your wife to tears when he dumps her. I've seen it before and even if his wife dumps him, he won't want your wife full time.

 

He probably say "look at you and look at my wife, why would I leave her for you". A classic case of the OM going for an inferior OW in every way.

 

She's had no problem being the OW twice that you know off. Her morals are pretty low and she needs help, but she hasto be adult enough to get help.

Don't be her plan B.

Edited August 14, 2015 by sandylee1

[Buckeye2]

I've thought long about it and I believe that if exposed, he will drop my stbxw like a hot rock and move on with his life. It is too big of a risk for him to lose his lifestyle to keep her.

 

Deep down, she knows that this thing with him will not last and is destructive. BUT, she is still in the fog and has "hope" that he will drop everything in his life and be with her. That's why she is considering sending a letter to his wife, so that they will get a divorce and my ex and him can live happily ever after. The truth is that they are completely different and would not form anything more than FWB's.

 

Most of their texts are along the lines of her dumping her emotions on him and telling how much she wants to be with him, and then him saying how he can't wait to be inside of her. Nothing else from him.

 

Do not expose. Move fast on the divorce while she's still in the fog. Tell her that you just want her to be happy.

[Try]

My wife is total opposite of his wife. Mine is not that attractive, and is balding, not very good house keeper, or cook. She is also kind of bitchy.

Add to this that she is an lying cheater with no moral compass, and you have all the reasons that you need to move on and not look back.

[turnera]

What is it that you want? Do you want her back? Then expose. Are you ready to move on? Give her to give you everything just to get divorced from you.

[Redheaded Mistress]

No I think you are just blowing it way out of proportion! First off even if he did feel that way about her honestly, it still doesn't make what she did any less worse. Second he has already explained he doesn't think she's unattractive or lazy he was just pointing out that the OBS was better looking and said his wife was acting out of character by wanting to clean and get tats. If he actually had a problem with all those things he list I doubt he would be on this site wondering if he should wait for her. He clearly did love her and wanted it to work but she went out and ruined it all.

 

I didn't say that it excused anything, only that this woman is in the unenviable position of exiting one toxic relationship for another one. If he loved her or not only he can answer, but in his posts he describes her like a pain in the butt that failed to lI've up to his expectations from looks to past to homelife... And he expressed it in a rather dismissive way. I'm saying that they're both seemingly acting in each others best interests to not be together.

 

And he certainly did take cheap shots on her looks. Does sharing that she's balding have anything to do with anything? No.

[m.snow]

I didn't say that it excused anything, only that this woman is in the unenviable position of exiting one toxic relationship for another one. If he loved her or not only he can answer, but in his posts he describes her like a pain in the butt that failed to lI've up to his expectations from looks to past to homelife... And he expressed it in a rather dismissive way. I'm saying that they're both seemingly acting in each others best interests to not be together.

 

And he certainly did take cheap shots on her looks. Does sharing that she's balding have anything to do with anything? No.

 

this woman is very toxic. she made her situation toxic. by having that affair in the first place.

 

the problem is not with the bh thats trying to move on. from a bad relationship with this woman.

 

cheap shots... what did you expect if a spouse cheated? crying? self loathing? begging her wife to comeback? ... of course there would be anger, there would be demeaning words, there would be shouting.

 

what are you saying that anger is inexcusable. come back to the real world.

there is always some words that will be tossed there will always be anger.

 

a cheating wife and now your saying the husband is toxic wow. you have more sympathy for the cheating wife who tattooed the MM's name on her like some tramp stamp.

 

somethings that you just dont understand in this world;

wayward spouse don't want to be demeaned. what you expect crying and self blaming?

Edited August 15, 2015 by m.snow

[sandylee1]

I've heard LE officers can be very nasty if the affair is exposed by the OBS. You don't want anything planted on you or a gun accidently going off in your direction.

 

Either expose anonymously or leave them to it, but his wife deserves to know, so I suggest doing it anonymously. Let her get std tested, Lord knows who else her H is sleeping with.

[Itwasntme]

I didn't say that it excused anything, only that this woman is in the unenviable position of exiting one toxic relationship for another one. If he loved her or not only he can answer, but in his posts he describes her like a pain in the butt that failed to lI've up to his expectations from looks to past to homelife... And he expressed it in a rather dismissive way. I'm saying that they're both seemingly acting in each others best interests to not be together.

 

And he certainly did take cheap shots on her looks. Does sharing that she's balding have anything to do with anything? No.

yes, he was giving a example of how the OW was more attractive! That's equivalent to a women saying the OM was more fit while her husband has let himself go. I doubt he was criticizing her daily about it just giving a fact.

 

So I'm asking was he suppose to lie and give her compliments when she betrayed him? All he said was the truth and pointed out things he noticed. hell I'm pretty sure he even said the OM was more attractive then him, so does that mean he has a toxic view of his self?