i need some prespective

[Uselessaccount1111]

I am out of a terrible relationship that lasted 9 years, she cheated on me and this whole situation is still hurting me like it is yesterday although it been 4 months since break up.I am an idiot as somedays i stalk her even though i blocked her on every social media i found a way to do it and she posts pictures being happy with the other guy, even common friend are wondering what is wrong with her. I know i should stop but sometimes i am just weak

i have been through lonely phases of my life due to Long distance relationship, and my friends who helped me through this situation are miles away from me as i moved to a different country since february. I know they are there but i feel alone. I wake up every morning and drag my body out of bed. At the job i am happy i have a social job so i interact with people. But as soon as i get home i am lonely again. Since the break up i hit the gym i can see difference in my body, i even started Latin dance lessons but it seems that i dont really have someone to go out with or call so we can spend time together.

In terms of sex i havent had sex for like 16 months (past year of relationship was sexless) now and i am 25. as long as i think about it i get very sad. I want to but i feel like i cant attract any woman and even if i do i am afraid that i will not stop thinking my ex while i have sex. I dont want a relationship yet i dont know how to have casual sex.I have never had a one night stand and dont know how to approach a woman for that. i feel so terrible, i feel like life is going away and i am wasting it.

i have witnessed my seld whisperring i want to die and that terrifies me. this is not me... i want to find joy of life again, but i am afraid . WOuld a new relationship be that bad for me? i dont want to hurt anyone because i had a past relationship that destroyed me. please any advice is acceptable,

**tl;dr need some advice, how to stop draught period and stop being alone

[d0nnivain]

Part of it is you are still grieving. You are sad over the break up which is to be expected. It's a loss. You have to go through this process.

 

 

Have you tried asking anyone out on a date? Have you invited friends from home to come visit you so you are not alone? Would you consider a roommate or a pet?

[seamos]

You do realize, I imagine, that in order to move on you're going to have to let go of her. You may not be ready to do that yet, as D0nnivain said, it sounds like you're still grieving.

 

But as long as you allow yourself to cling to what you had you can't really expect to move ahead.

 

It doesn't sound like you are really the type of person to enjoy the 'one night stand lifestyle', I'm not either, and I've found that they can just complicate things for me.

 

I think going to the gym and dance lessons are a good start. For myself, I began rock climbing and whitewater rafting. These activities didn't directly lead me to meet women that were available but did allow me to get my life back to being single and well balanced and that seemed to make me desirable for dating. (at least I began to meet women that were interested in dating me)

 

The impact of a 9 year relationship ending is huge so it will take time for you to get thru this transition but you'll make it I'm sure.

 

The best you can do is learn from this hard time and use all the lessons to make the rest of your life better.

 

Good luck.

[juniorrocha]

First thing is: you should go full NC, that means no stalking. Stop seeing anything from her, get rid of everything... it's hard, but it will help. At least it's LDR, so you don't have to be afraid she will appear out of nowhere. Since you work with people, you could try to hang out with your mates sometimes, maybe a beer or something. Continue working on yourself, don't give up on working out, start going out more often even if alone. Eventually things will start getting better, I'm sure. If that doesn't happen, maybe you should try to see a psychologist. That could be helpful. Be cool, you'll get through it.

[Uselessaccount1111]

Part of it is you are still grieving. You are sad over the break up which is to be expected. It's a loss. You have to go through this process.

 

 

Have you tried asking anyone out on a date? Have you invited friends from home to come visit you so you are not alone? Would you consider a roommate or a pet?

 

Thank you, probably I am still going over the loss. Not her. It's the process that hurt me . I need time I think . I will try a bit more being a loner as I think independence is what I need yet if it fails I will try for those solutions

[Uselessaccount1111]

You do realize, I imagine, that in order to move on you're going to have to let go of her. You may not be ready to do that yet, as D0nnivain said, it sounds like you're still grieving.

 

But as long as you allow yourself to cling to what you had you can't really expect to move ahead.

 

It doesn't sound like you are really the type of person to enjoy the 'one night stand lifestyle', I'm not either, and I've found that they can just complicate things for me.

 

I think going to the gym and dance lessons are a good start. For myself, I began rock climbing and whitewater rafting. These activities didn't directly lead me to meet women that were available but did allow me to get my life back to being single and well balanced and that seemed to make me desirable for dating. (at least I began to meet women that were interested in dating me)

 

The impact of a 9 year relationship ending is huge so it will take time for you to get thru this transition but you'll make it I'm sure.

 

The best you can do is learn from this hard time and use all the lessons to make the rest of your life better.

 

Good luck.

You are right , I feel bad beacause I let my self feel bad. It's time to pick up my pieces.i will try to be the best edition of me before going out there, hope it will worth it

[Uselessaccount1111]

First thing is: you should go full NC, that means no stalking. Stop seeing anything from her, get rid of everything... it's hard, but it will help. At least it's LDR, so you don't have to be afraid she will appear out of nowhere. Since you work with people, you could try to hang out with your mates sometimes, maybe a beer or something. Continue working on yourself, don't give up on working out, start going out more often even if alone. Eventually things will start getting better, I'm sure. If that doesn't happen, maybe you should try to see a psychologist. That could be helpful. Be cool, you'll get through it.

 

After the last insistent I felt disgusted with my self that I let her control me yet .so I totally enforced Nc. I shouldn't caring anymore she is not part of my future and I shouldn't be hoping for a better past. It's time to build a better fUture . Thank you for you reply

[Satu]

If you take good care of yourself, you'll get through this quicker than you might think.

 

If you don't take good care of yourself, it will take longer and be a rougher ride.

 

Make a list of things that will make you feel good, and do them.

 

 

Here are some very basic examples:

 

 

Improve my diet

Drink more water

Buy a couple of good books

Listen to some new music

Get to bed earlier

Learn to meditate

Write in a journal

Be kind to a stranger

 

 

You can think of your own, I'm sure.

 

 

Take care

[Satu]

You are right , I feel bad beacause I let my self feel bad. *It's time to pick up my pieces.i will try to be the best edition of me before going out there, hope it will worth it

 

 

From my journal:

 

 

When will the sadness stop?

 

 

The sadness stops when you stop 'sadding.'

 

Thoughts and feelings are behaviours, not something you can't change, like the weather.

 

When you finally decide that you've been through enough, you'll stop.

 

 

Take care.