Year seven lull

[Everglow_1]

So we've been married seven years this summer. I got married super young and he is 13 years older than me. We get on really well, joke & laugh, spend the evenings together. But we've lost that spark. We stopped having regular sex about 4 years ago. In the last couple of years it got to the point where I was the only one that wanted it & he used to turn me down a lot, because he was tired or had a long work day the following day. And finally this year I decided to just stop trying because it was all one sided, I was the only one wanting it. But we haven't had sex! & it's kinda driving me crazy! ....Is it bad that I've kind of given up?

 

I don't really know what to do now.

 

I guess I'm on here to vent

[BettyDraper]

Have you spoken to your husband about your frustration?

[Everglow_1]

Have you spoken to your husband about your frustration?

 

Not as much as I should have. I find it beyond difficult to talk a lot about it.

[BettyDraper]

No marital problem can be solved without clear and respectful communication.

 

I'm wondering if your husband is experiencing low testosterone levels.

[Everglow_1]

No marital problem can be solved without clear and respectful communication.

 

I'm wondering if your husband is experiencing low testosterone levels.

 

Maybe I need to bring it up again, I was waiting to see if he would even notice. Low testosterone...could be??

[SomethingToSay]

Ugh that sucks. I know exactly how you feel. I definitely initiate more than my H. Its usually me initiating, or mutual initiating i guess. It used to be more him initiatinh and I think he enjoyed me initiating so much more, that he just stopped initiating. Or his drive went down. Its infuriating bc every woman wants to feel desired. Sometimes i just fantasize about him coming home and throwing me up on the counter for a quickie.

 

Men esp older ones can get real lazy when it comes to sex. But yeah its very hard for me to bring it up with him.

[ShatteredLady]

In my experience "giving-up" on anything that's important to you is a huge mistake. How is anything ever going to get better if you take your ball away & refuse to play?

 

I've made this mistake on several things in my marriage in the past & it's very wrong!

 

If something is important to you, you need to suck it up & have the hard conversations or things will just stagnate & the resentment will build & that's the beginning of the end often.

 

There are many 'health issues' that could be causing these problems. I'm English. Believe me I know how mortifyingly embarrassingly these things can be.

 

My advise? Talk, really TALK about it. Docs appointment to check his hormones & general health. Talk some more.

 

Best of luck.

[xxoo]

Not as much as I should have. I find it beyond difficult to talk a lot about it.

 

Don't you think he also remembers back nostalgically about having a hot sex life?

 

Just make it about that: how you remember how hot it once was, and how much you miss that. How much you want that. Make it about the both of you together and not him. See if he feels the same.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Ugh that sucks. I know exactly how you feel. I definitely initiate more than my H. Its usually me initiating, or mutual initiating i guess. It used to be more him initiatinh and I think he enjoyed me initiating so much more, that he just stopped initiating. Or his drive went down. Its infuriating bc every woman wants to feel desired. Sometimes i just fantasize about him coming home and throwing me up on the counter for a quickie.

 

Men esp older ones can get real lazy when it comes to sex. But yeah its very hard for me to bring it up with him.

 

Ummmm... everyone wants to feel desired, not just women. Plenty of women become disinterested in sex when older and also lazy about it. I dont think anything you are describing is a gender thing. Lets be fair about this now.