How do you grow to genuinely love your self?

[Lolita_Sky]

I'm not sure I really love myself. I mean I don't think I know how to. I've tried over the years but... I've struggled with it miserably.

 

The issue is that it stems back from when I was a child. I grew up with no one ever really accepting me. I've never...ever in my entire life been close to anyone. I don't even know what it means to be close to someone.

 

I've had to deal with things all by myself. No one to confide in and give me support.

 

I've never connected with anyone. I truly feel like a broken individual. Like my life started out with a small crack that has continued to expand and grow...creating this ugly jagged line across the span of my life time.

 

I feel at some point its just going to reach a point where it completely shatters and... I dunno. I feel it weighing down on me. I'm afraid because I don't know how much of this loneliness I can take.

 

I look at others and see how well they connect with one another and I just feel so so lonely.

 

A perfect example is when I first started at my current job I saw how everyone in my training group wwas connecting so well. They all had their friends that they were cool and had gotten close with. I was just that one person who didn't have anyone I connected with.

 

I feel like I'm lacking in some way and that's why I'm not able to connect with others. Like something about me is uninteresting or off putting.

 

I just don't get it.

 

I'm so lost and have no idea how to fix this. I want to connect with someone so badly.

 

I just want to know how it feels to be genuinely wanted.

[Veniz]

I'll admit, I feel the same way you are. It sucks, especially when it is something you have dealt with your entire life.

 

My question to you: Have you lived in the same place your whole life?

 

The reason I ask this is because college was the best time of my life. My entire life up until then, I was an outcast and it was very hard for me to make friends. People judged me my junior and senior year of high school because of decisions I had made in middle school and earlier. I was constantly labeled as a geek, a nerd, etc.

 

When I went to college, and a whole new location, I wasn't held back by any of that. I didn't know anyone, and nobody knew me. It really helped me start over and I found that I was much more confident than I had ever been, and people started taking much more interest in me than ever before in my life.

 

I guess what I would suggest is try socializing with different groups of people who do not know you or your past, and stay confident. I know it can be hard, especially when you have thoughts such as "Why should I bother? They will just brush me aside anyway." I've been struggling with that myself, so it is advice I need to follow myself.

 

If you have lived in the same place your whole life, a change of location may help you tremendously, especially if you plan on going to school or anything.

 

Just stay positive. Everyone has something interesting about them and something that makes them unique. People like different things, and some people are bound to not care about what you are into, but you will find something at some point.

 

I don't know. Just my two cents.

[ForeverAlone2016]

I am exploring this concept myself.

 

Its harder than it looks, but I figured that it is doing things that make you happy.

 

Personally I love interior decor so I would go and buy some new things for the house or go to a new cafe.

 

I have turned off all the buzzy notifications on my phone and check up on social media less frequently.

 

I tried meditation yesterday...safe to say that was not for me. It may be for you though. Give it a go.

[TaraMaiden2]

Could I say that before 'love' must come acceptance?

Warts and all.

 

I think the whole point of loving one's self is to confirm first of all that there has to be complete and unconditional acceptance.

 

Even of the bits we would like to change - and whether we change them or not.

 

I heard a lovely saying some time ago:

"We should all be like the weather; it really doesn't care what anyone thinks of it."

 

Part of self-acceptance is the question of our desire to be validated by others. To be thought of as important or significant.

 

Until we realise we must do this for ourselves, and not rely on others to do it for us - and consequently accept ourselves whole-heartedly, and embrace that whole, then, and only then, can we begin the releasing quality of loving ourselves.

[Lolita_Sky]

I'll admit, I feel the same way you are. It sucks, especially when it is something you have dealt with your entire life.

 

My question to you: Have you lived in the same place your whole life?

 

The reason I ask this is because college was the best time of my life. My entire life up until then, I was an outcast and it was very hard for me to make friends. People judged me my junior and senior year of high school because of decisions I had made in middle school and earlier. I was constantly labeled as a geek, a nerd, etc.

 

When I went to college, and a whole new location, I wasn't held back by any of that. I didn't know anyone, and nobody knew me. It really helped me start over and I found that I was much more confident than I had ever been, and people started taking much more interest in me than ever before in my life.

 

I guess what I would suggest is try socializing with different groups of people who do not know you or your past, and stay confident. I know it can be hard, especially when you have thoughts such as "Why should I bother? They will just brush me aside anyway." I've been struggling with that myself, so it is advice I need to follow myself.

 

If you have lived in the same place your whole life, a change of location may help you tremendously, especially if you plan on going to school or anything.

 

Just stay positive. Everyone has something interesting about them and something that makes them unique. People like different things, and some people are bound to not care about what you are into, but you will find something at some point.

 

I don't know. Just my two cents.

 

Your response seemed to apply to me the most.

 

Its not that I even pulled attention to myself. I was so insignificant in school that no one really... NOTICED me.

 

I haven't lived in the same place my whole life. I moved however I was surrounded by the very same people that didn't accept me... Which is my own family.

 

I've really suffered as far as rejection goes. Romantically, professionally and just in many other aspects of my life. No matter my attempts to connect with others I've been rejected miserably.

 

I'm just afraid to try anymore. It gets really....really, hard once you've been burned time and time again.

 

I mean I don't put up with how others treat me but even still when I have stood up for myself in the past no one has ever apologized or realized their wrong doing. Instead they just dislike me intensely and want nothing to do with me.

 

I don't know I really wonder if I'm just meant to be this way my entire life.

[Buddhist]

No idea. When you find out PM me.

[Veniz]

Your response seemed to apply to me the most.

 

Its not that I even pulled attention to myself. I was so insignificant in school that no one really... NOTICED me.

 

I haven't lived in the same place my whole life. I moved however I was surrounded by the very same people that didn't accept me... Which is my own family.

 

I've really suffered as far as rejection goes. Romantically, professionally and just in many other aspects of my life. No matter my attempts to connect with others I've been rejected miserably.

 

I'm just afraid to try anymore. It gets really....really, hard once you've been burned time and time again.

 

I mean I don't put up with how others treat me but even still when I have stood up for myself in the past no one has ever apologized or realized their wrong doing. Instead they just dislike me intensely and want nothing to do with me.

 

I don't know I really wonder if I'm just meant to be this way my entire life.

 

I feel you about the family thing. Whenever I am around my family, I constantly get a sense of "I am not good enough" from them and it just shuts my confidence down. When I moved out during college, I felt a huge surge of confidence and it was great. At the end of 2015 I made the decision to quit my career and never go back, and then at the beginning of 2016 my ex-fiance and I fell out of love and broke up, so I ended up moving back in with my family and I hate it. My sense of confidence is gone, I am back to thinking I am not good enough, I no longer have any sense of individuality.

 

How old are you? Do you still live with family? Do you have a job that is sufficient enough to pay bills? Depending on your answers to those questions, moving out and getting your own place with a friend might really help you out.

 

Also, I do not believe in destiny. I do not believe in fate. Nothing is set in stone, and I feel that those things are a crutch that people use to take responsibility away from themselves.

 

So no, I wouldn't say you are meant to be alone. Some just have a harder time than others finding people to connect with.

[DanlT]

Are you content to sit at home and do a hobby?

Can you concentrate on it without thoughts of lost loves, issues, etc?

 

Do you pamper yourself?

Do you talk to yourself in your mind like you would talk to a dear friend?

 

Do you take risks? Or do you take care of yourself?

 

Are you independent, Strong, Self Assured?

 

Does it bother you what others think?

 

Loving yourself is just like loving someone else. Only this time it's you. Get preoccupied with yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Buy yourself a gift, do something special for yourself. Learn all about yourself. Do something you have never done, go somewhere you have never gone, all by yourself. Take an adventure!

 

You will answer your own quest of how to love yourself if you answer these questions and do these things.

 

May the Universe give you the answers you seek, and the time to pursue them..

.

[Satu]

Re self-acceptance:

 

“The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.”

 

― Paul Tillich

[Lolita_Sky]

Are you content to sit at home and do a hobby?

Can you concentrate on it without thoughts of lost loves, issues, etc?

 

Do you pamper yourself?

Do you talk to yourself in your mind like you would talk to a dear friend?

 

Do you take risks? Or do you take care of yourself?

 

Are you independent, Strong, Self Assured?

 

Does it bother you what others think?

 

Loving yourself is just like loving someone else. Only this time it's you. Get preoccupied with yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Buy yourself a gift, do something special for yourself. Learn all about yourself. Do something you have never done, go somewhere you have never gone, all by yourself. Take an adventure!

 

You will answer your own quest of how to love yourself if you answer these questions and do these things.

 

May the Universe give you the answers you seek, and the time to pursue them..

.

 

I used to do all of those things actually. I was a lot happier for it.

 

I should get back into the habit of it.

[RedPurpleOrange]

It's a tough process. Especially if you've felt so damn low a lot of the time. It's taken me many years but I'm getting there.

 

 

I think it's how I've dealt with my numerous battles with adversity. I have made so many mistakes and failed so badly and humiliatingly yet I always come out of them feeling full of love. And now I realise...I love being this person who I am. He's cracked and damaged and silly but he's full of love and humour and keeps on going. He will not get bitter. I am that person. I love that person. I made that person, I am innately that person.