Getting her back

[Bigredcasey]

Hello All,

I met my first true love and soulmate when i was 18 and she was 17 We were together for 7.5 years. I was still in high school and she was just starting her freshman year at college. My cousin was going to the same college. One day my friend came to my house and asked if i wanted to visit my cousin and i said no because i do not like to meet new people. I finally caved and im so glade i did because that is where i would meet my true love. When we met i looked in her eyes and fell in love right there. I know i know you don't believe in love at first sight but i didn't believe either until then. We hit it off right away. I wasn't shy around her for some reason.

 

We started to date maybe two weeks after. We had so much in common. She didn't have a real relations before and neither did i. We both had the same kind of father in our lives that wasn't there for us and was a bad influence ironically had the same name as well. We both had a family member who had cerebral palsy. We both wanted to major in History. I told her i loved her one month into the relationship. She told me the next day i said it. I told her i wanted to marry her three months into the relationship and she told me the same. We spent every second of every day together. We moved in together with some friends three years into the relationship.

 

About two years ago that is when things went down hill. We finally got a place of our own. We both graduated school together. She graduated as a hair stylist and i working IT. We decided i would pay rent $790 and she would pay the other bills which would come close to rent. She got her dream job after graduating. I on the other hand had a entry level job at a call center. She wasn't making money for about a 1.5 year because her job relied on clients and when your new you don't have any so you have to build them up. I was bringing home $720 every two weeks. The first year living in the building was getting worse and worse. We were far behind on cable electric and our cell. Our cell was turned off for a entire year. I had to pay for the elctric and cable and rent and she would pay for the food. In june my car broke down so we relied on her car. Her car was breaking down so i had to help pay for the repairs. Then she wanted a cat and i said yes which now brought our bill to $830.

 

Those two years living on our own changed me as a person. I ignored her, we didnt go out at all. I would play videogames and hang out with my friends. She said she would go to bed crying every night. I started to get angry and yelling all the time. When we fought i would say we need a break or we are done and hurt her feelings. I hated my job because i was taking 60 calls a day and getting yelled at by the callers about %80 of the time. I was really stressed and extremly depressed. I never really told her how i was feeling. She knew i hated my job but not as much as i was really feeling.

 

Then December her mother was struggling with bills. My gf asked if we could move in with her mother becuase it would help her mom out with the bills and also us. I didnt want to but I wanted to marry this woman and she wanted the same so i could not say know. We moved in and her mom would yell all the time. Made me stay in my room the whole time and play videogames all the time. Feb i had about $1,800 saved and was going to buy a ring for her but decided i would get a car first then get a better job then ask her to marry me. She knew i was deciding on that. In march we were going to Florida for her family reunion. She couldnt afford the plane ticket or rent a car so i bought both. 400 for her and 400 of me. Then i had to pay rent and the phone bill and Valentines day. Left me with no money. We would go to work together and then come home and eat dinner then i would ignore her again and play videogames.

 

I ended up not going to work for a week and they fired me. two weeks later she left me said i was lazy and not motivate and said she didnt trust me because i say im going to do things and dont do them. I moved back to my mothers. The first three weeks i kept calling and crying and begging her to come back. Said i would change.

 

I got a better job paying me double what i made. They promise to give me raises 6 months from now. I finally have my dream job. I just bought a new 2016 car. I am saving money. Going out with friends. Going to the gym. Lost 10lbs. One week i checked my phone bill because i was paying her bill this was May2nd. Saw she was texting this number all day that day. I checked facebook and saw she was talking to this guy. I freaked out and called her. She said they were friends and she asked me how i knew. i told the truth. she said she couldnt trust me and i crossed the line. I told her i only did it once and would not do it again. last week she changed her phone number.

 

I have been doing NC for 1 week.. it has been 1 month and two weeks since we broke up. My last message said i would always love her and told her we are meant to be together and said she knew the same but was to hurt to see. I told her i would give her space and told her to be happy and enjoy life. I do not think she is talking to that guy anymore but i do think she is talking to another guy.

 

I want to marry this woman. im doing so much better. I have everything we talked about and im ready to prove to her i am the man she fell in love with. I am not going to contact her but people say wait 1 month then contact her others say wait 2 months then contact her. A lot of people say dont contact her at all until she contacts you. Im afraid that she will move on. I was thinking waiting 2 months. I would like some advise.

Edited May 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Bigredcasey]

Her mother and sister and her cousins think im the worst person in the world. They are telling her to get over me and to move on saying she can do better. My ex keeps saying i have hurt her and cannot trust me. They make it seem like i have done so much worse. She said she needs time to heal and space. Found out from my cousin she is on Tinder a week after the break up.

 

I am hoping she has GIGS. No other guy will love her like i do. I know what i did wrong. I have fixed a lot of the issues. I know if i had that one chance i could show her. I understand NC is the best option but for how long.

[deadparrot]

I'm sorry, but she sounds like she has no interest in getting back together with you, and I can't say I blame her. Especially once you broke up, your behavior was completely unacceptable, going through her phone records, harassing her for doing what she was well within her rights to do, and generally being controlling. If she were my friend, I'd fully endorse her decision to run the other way and cut all contact with you.

 

Rather than focusing on getting her back, I'd suggest seeing a counselor and working through the issues that caused this relationship to end.