I'm having trouble with our open marriage

[elaine567]

Part of the reason I want to (attempt) a sexual relationship with him is because I feel like there is a higher possibility of it working right now. When I'm vulnerable and while he feels so perfect. I just want to get it over with in hopes that it would be easier later. I'm also scared that the inner feelings of physically wanting him will fade and I won't feel that again, like with my husband. There is a part of me that thinks if I can have some sort of physical intimacy with him I'll "get over" my issues and be able to do it with anyone else.

I think that really overrules anything else.

YOU need to get over your issues here and this I can see is a perfect opportunity to do just that.

Does it matter if he is NOT the one or this is a fleeting "affair"? Everyone eventually gets past "normal" romantic hurt and disappointment, you will too.

BUT

The chance that you may be able to have intimate relations with this man is far too good a chance to miss IMO

The Gods seem to have conspired to give you a huge opportunity here to leave the past behind.

[stillafool]

I don't think it is not wise to start a relationship with another man at this point in your life. You aren't even divorced yet. If you are lonely maybe get a roommate or move in with someone but starting a relationship with someone elses husband is not wise. If you do have sex or not you will end up falling for him and he is still in love with his wife. You will compound your pain. You don't NEED a man.

[anna121]

I think it's very unwise for JRP to be encouraged to think that she can escape the complications and damage that go along with almost any affair. If anything, the unusual circumstances create even more risk for her.

[BaileyB]

1. Please listen to your lawyer. You are in a very bad state to see your husband. At any rate, do not see your husband alone.

 

2. A therapist worth his or her salt is not going to tell you everything is your fault. Where are you getting this from? A therapist will help you sort out some important things that clearly have been obstacles to your leading a happy life.

 

3. I am simply suggesting that you treat him less like a romantic partner right now and more like a good friend.

 

4. As you might expect, I think it would better not to go away for the weekend, but I can understand the temptation. If you do it, do yourself a favour and get separate rooms. That's alot of pressure/intimacy and one or both of you will appreciate having the option.

 

Reposted because this is excellent advice.

[Orlan]

I think you should go on the weekend getaway with him and get intimate with him. You clearly want to and your marriage isn't going to stop you. Have your weekend getaway and pretend like the real world isn't out there. He can solve all your problems. No need for separate rooms, you know you will end up together.

[BaileyB]

I think that really overrules anything else.

YOU need to get over your issues here and this I can see is a perfect opportunity to do just that.

Does it matter if he is NOT the one or this is a fleeting "affair"? Everyone eventually gets past "normal" romantic hurt and disappointment, you will too.

BUT

The chance that you may be able to have intimate relations with this man is far too good a chance to miss IMO

The Gods seem to have conspired to give you a huge opportunity here to leave the past behind.

 

Respectfully, in many ways, it does seem like the perfect situation to overcome past trauma. In other ways, it seems like a disaster waiting to happen...

 

However, one month after leaving her husband - when he is attempting to contact JRP and she is dealing with the worst of the divorce and the recent trauma experienced at the end of her marriage - this is not the time to begin healing long standing wounds from past sexual abuse.

 

JRP, you can continue to search for the answer in a relationship and put more bandaids on the problem... but like a bull in a china shop, in your attempt to "find the answer," it is more likely that you will only end up causing more trauma and more damage...

 

The answer will not be found with a man, but in you. Time and counselling will heal your wounds. It will wait, until you are ready to deal with it. But, you can't rush it, and you can't heal by continuing to avoid dealing with the difficult things and searching for your healing in another relationship with a man... because that is just putting another bandaid on the problem.

[stillafool]

Having sex with the MM may make her fall in love with him where he may decide the experience was nice but still wants his wife as his partner. Then where will OP be? Hurt and rejected once more all for a one night stand. She needs to learn to stand on her own for now. I also wonder if the desire to hook up with MM is a way to instill jealousy from her husband as a way to get back at him. If so that too is not healthy because he will still want to be witht the OW.

[Aperill]

The dude is impotent. How intimate do y'all really expect them to get? Intercourse is out. Her giving him oral is out. At most they will make out, fondle each other, maybe she'll get a little tongue action, and pass out.

[BettyDraper]

The dude is impotent. How intimate do y'all really expect them to get? Intercourse is out. Her giving him oral is out. At most they will make out, fondle each other, maybe she'll get a little tongue action, and pass out.

 

This is a very good point. I can't believe that nobody else remembered that the OW's husband is impotent.

 

My main concern is whether or not he is just pretending to be kind until he has the OP in a more vulnerable position.

Being away from home puts you in a more precarious situation.

 

Even though I think spending time with the OW's husband could be helpful and healing, I think it is far too early to be going on weekend getaways with him. That's not something that platonic opposite sex friends do.

[grays]

I havent gone thru anything like what youre going thru, OP, but I did have a heartbreaking end to a 25 year marriage. And I think it is such a godsend that youve got this new guy friend. He sounds like just what you need right now. That doesnt mean that he is the one or that at some time in the future it might not be nice to take a break from him. But right now youre hurting and hes treating you with compassion and doesnt seem to be taking advantage of you in any way. It seems, from what youve told us, that the two of you genuinely care for one another. I think its a small miracle. I dont think you should snuff it out because conventional wisdom says you have to be alone for x amount of time before dating.

[Mumbles]

The dude is impotent. How intimate do y'all really expect them to get? Intercourse is out. Her giving him oral is out. At most they will make out, fondle each other, maybe she'll get a little tongue action, and pass out.

 

Exactly this.

 

Life is a mess right now - grasp the good things you can find and have some experiences that you might not otherwise because you would 'think too much'

 

The OM is starving for companionship, I don't see anything fake or player like in his behaviour at all despite what other posters seem to be inferring. The OP is using him as a rock to lean on at an extremely difficult time in her life ... and why not?

[sandylee1]

[]

 

 

JRP,

 

I'm glad you updated us and I'm sorry to hear it's been a struggle, but it was never going to be easy.

 

Don't meet with your STBXH. That won't do you any good and will set you back. There's been no word of apology for his behaviour in Amsterdam since he returned, so listen to your lawyer.

 

You have good restraint, as I don't think I could have the letter he sent through your lawyer and not read it. I'd be dying of curiosity.

 

The only other person who could have sent that message to you is the OW and it sounds like she's capable of doing so. Well done for ignoring it. After what he said to you in Amsterdam, your marriage is over and if I were you, I wouldn't see myself as a cheater.

 

Your STBXH wasn't really a cheater either and as you know, the whole marriage should have never happened, because it was doomed to fail.

 

As far as OW's H is concerned, it's clear that it is a complicated situation, but I understand how you find it easy to lean on him.

 

I don't think even if you developed a relationship while he's still married, that you'd be the standard OW, because of the whole set up. How many MM can spend days with the OW with no issue. We're talking about a marriage where there is no intimacy and the only reason they haven't divorced, is because of money.

 

I also get you just wanting to 'do it' 3 and get it over, but you won't get that with him, because he's incapable of it. You might end up feeling deflated and disappointed, after getting all worked up because he's not in full working order down there.

 

He might be able to use other body parts (hands/tongue) on you, enabling you to feel pleasure, but full intercourse isn't going to happen, unless he makes a miraculous recovery with you and can get and sustain an erection.

 

I'm not going to say not to go away, I think you'll go regardless and I don't totally think it's a bad thing.

 

You do need a break after the stress you've been under, so the ski resort sounds lovely, but you should channel your mind to see O as means /therapy and not get emotionally attached.

 

Enjoy the weekend! ☺️

Edited February 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted quote of deleted post ~6

[oldshirt]

The fact that the OM is impotent is what is giving the OP the confidence and comfort to become involved with him. it is a 'plus' in her book and one of the major things that is drawing her to him. She is comfortable with her because she knows he won't try to have intercourse with her or try to make her go down on him.

 

And he is being drawn to her but she is accepting him and attracted to him in spite of his impotence as opposed to be rejected and ridiculed and disparaged for it by his W. He is being drawn to her because of her sexual dysfunction and because she won't ask anything of him sexually.

 

They are two damaged and compromised individuals being drawn to each other due to their dysfunctions.

 

At this point I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

 

Yes, when you have severe traumas and dysfunctions, bad things can happen. But neither of these two are going to be able to get with fully functioning people that will want to have normal sexual relations, so maybe this is a match made in Heaven.

 

Earlier in the thread she did say that he could be treated with an implant but that his wife did not want him to.

 

Who knows, maybe he will be supportive and compassionate enough to be with her and not pressure her and not further traumatize her while she gets treatment for her hang ups and issues; and she could support him in getting an implant and treatment for his condition and at some point down the road, they could be sexual and such.

 

Yeah this 60 1/2 shades of messed up and convoluted, but maybe they are a perfect match for each other.

[stillafool]

 

My husband sent an email this morning and he said that he wants to meet for coffee and talk, and sort out the divorce on our own, and clear things up. There is a huge part of me that wants to do it. Maybe he'd agree to an uncontested divorce rather than annulment and it would go by faster. I don't want him to try and talk me out of the divorce, though... I don't know if he could. My lawyer said any meeting between me and him needs to be in front of lawyers but sometimes I just want to go back to the familiarity of just talking to him.

 

Definitely do not meet with your STBXH he will try to talk you into the divorce/annulment that best suits him. Make sure you follow your attorneys instructions to the tee or you'll regret it later.

[oldshirt]

Definitely do not meet with your STBXH he will try to talk you into the divorce/annulment that best suits him. Make sure you follow your attorneys instructions to the tee or you'll regret it later.

 

Yes, this is actually a very simple process if you follow these two steps -

 

Step # 1. Hire a good divorce attorney.

 

Step #2. Do what attorney says and don't do anything without the attorneys guidance and direction.

 

 

 

That's it. That's all you have to do to get through the divorce process with as few snags and bombshells and pitfalls as possible.

 

Yes, you will pay attorney fees and yes they will bill you for time.

 

But they are the ones that have gone to law school, they are the ones that have studied family and divorce in your jurisdiction and they are the ones that work with divorces day in and day out every day for years and years and have been involved in hundreds of if not thousands of divorce cases.

 

You have never divorced before and you haven't said anything about your STBX having a prior marriage so we can assume that he has never divorced before, and you haven't said anything about you going to law school or being a divorce attorney, so why would you and your STBX think that you would know more all the ins and outs and fine print and subtle nuances of the divorce process than a competent, experienced divorce attorney?

 

"Have your lawyer contact my lawyer"-CLICK' is a perfectly appropriate response to a STBX wanting to meet with you to discuss the terms of the divorce.

[oldshirt]

 

"Have your lawyer contact my lawyer"-CLICK' is a perfectly appropriate response to a STBX wanting to meet with you to discuss the terms of the divorce.

 

Let me elaborate on this a little further. I am going to talk in general concepts here and not really on the specifics of your case.

 

It is in both parties interests to hire competent legal counsel to represent their best interests in the divorce process and it is in both parties best interests to follow their attorneys recommendations.

 

So in other words, it is also in your STBX's best interests to hire counsel and follow that person's guidance.

 

It is also in each parties best interest that communications be conducted through their respective attorneys.

 

There for if one party is trying to backdoor the legal process and do some backroom negotiations under the table - they have an agenda and they are going to try to get something in their favor out of the deal.

 

Yes, every interaction through lawyers is going to add on to the final bill, but there is such as thing as being penny wise and dollar foolish. The lawyers job is to make sure all the "T"s are crossed and the "I"s dotted and to insure that their client is not being manipulated or fooled or not getting their fair entitlement.

 

If a STBX is telling you that you can save some money and expense by negotiating with them and making a backroom deal with them without the attorneys being involved - it means that they have some kind of agenda that in the end is going to benefit them and usually at your expense, even though it may have saved you a few dollars in attorney fees.

 

There is an exception I'll discuss in the next post....

[oldshirt]

The possible exception is where both spouses have mutually come to the conclusion that neither wants to remain married and they have a low-conflict and no-drama relationship with very few mutually owned assets, properties, joint accounts or minor children.

 

If those people are able to divvy up the furniture and DVD collection and square away the lease with the landlord on their own and then each have an attorney look over their "DIY" divorce packet from the courthouse to make sure everything is in order and filled out correctly, then that is probably adequate.

 

But anything involving joint assets/property of any significance, minor children or anything involving high-conflict, disparity in agreement to divorce, maltreatment, manipulation or exploitation of either party etc etc, then getting an attorney and following that attorney's guidance to the letter is imperative.

 

As your relationship with your STBX has involved high-conflict, abuse, manipulation, mistreatment and it is unclear as to your STBX's willingness and motives to divorce, you absolutely need an attorney and to work strictly through your attorneys guidance without any contact or back-alley negotiating with your STBX at all.

 

At best he will try to dissuade you from getting the divorce so that he can continue to have a live-in cook and maid while he has his love affair with OM. At worst you will be at risk for the emotions and anger to explode again and you will be at a very realistic risk of a physical assault and even another sexual assault.

 

He has shown himself as abusive and a potential rapist so there is absolutely no sense in you have any form of direct contact with him whatsoever during this period of conflict, upheaval and high emotions.

 

Any and all contact and discussion should be strictly through each party's attorneys.

[sandylee1]

I reiterate what OS said. *Do not meet your STBXH without your lawyer.*

 

He knows he can manipulate you to accept what you don't want to.

 

Everything goes through your lawyer.

[JRP]

I took the weekend trip with him. I'm just trying to get my thoughts out of my head.

 

I thought it would be the same as being at home. He's stayed overnight with me and I've been to that ski resort before so it wasn't going to be a totally new experience. It was different though. Not bad different. More... real. I wanted to get away and not think about anything that is going on at home but that didn't happen. Being there with the OM made me miss my husband. It felt wrong to be there and have a life/experiences with another man. Maybe that is normal and I'm just not use to having another man in my life like that. I couldn't stop thinking about my husband. The first night was the worst and I ended up pathetically crying myself to sleep. It was extremely hard not to call him and talk to him. I ended up texting him... for hours. I wish everything in our marriage was just a bad dream and I could just wake up and be happy with him. It's not fair that I can have feelings and urges to be intimate with another man but not my husband. I genuinely wanted that with my husband and I tried hard to get to that point. Then a new man comes along and almost immediately I'm ready to theoretically jump in bed with him. It's not fair and it's not right. It shouldn't even be on my mind, let alone taking a weekend getaway with a new man. I wanted to call my husband so badly and I managed not to... but I unblocked his number and texted him. A stupid, stupid text and of course he responded right away and we had a conversation that went on for hours. It’s embarrassing that I sent what I did. I didn’t want to tell OM about it because it felt like I was betraying him… The feelings of betrayal just keep going back and forth. I don’t know how people have affairs, either in secret or an open-marriage… We’re done, our marriage is done and I still feel horrible, to both men.

 

I don’t want to have a full-blown relationship with someone else right now. He (OM) knows that. For him, his marriage has been dead for a long time and there is no emotional attachment anymore. Assets are the only thing keeping them together and he’s pulled the plug on that now. He understands where I’m coming from and has never tried to push or rush anything. If anything, he holds back more than I do and stops things from progressing. We’ve talked about it. For him it’s partly because he has his own physical limitations and insecurities. And partly because he wants to respect my boundaries and doesn’t want to rush it with me. He wants to go as slowly as I need to, which might be slower than I want to.

 

When I was with my husband I wanted to be intimate with him but the idea of it terrified me and the act seemed unreachable. When we would try anything – just touching – I would have panic attacks to the point of needing to go to the hospital. That, and the OW, caused him to stop initiating intimacy on all levels. My husband use to jump at every opportunity to get intimate. Owen doesn’t, he (very gently) shuts or slows it down. Every time he doesn’t try to start something makes me feel more comfortable with him and trust him more. He always makes sure I’m comfortable and moves slowly. Even when he just has his hand on me somewhere, like my leg, he tells me before he moves. It helps a lot. When I get nervous it’s hard to break, but he tries hard to prevent it all together. He doesn’t want me to think that he needs sex, so he wants to go slow and unlike my husband, can go slow. My husband has never seen me naked, but yesterday I was ready to let the OM.

 

We had separate rooms, it was his suggestion. They were conjoined so we could easily go across if we wanted to but had the option of solidary and escape. Friday night, when I was an emotional mess, we slept in separate rooms. Saturday, we slept in the same room and Sunday we slept in the same bed. We talked a lot on Saturday about his problems and mine, and it helped us both feel a lot more comfortable and understand each other better. It has always been hard to talk about my “issues” but it was a bit easier with him because he always had something to say back. I didn’t feel like I was a burden. We’ve talked about it before but not in as much detail and it was just sharing common experiences. This time it was more talking about “us”. More serious and “if we” rather than in general talking…

 

We kissed/made out yesterday, when I got nervous and he stopped immediately. I think I initiated it, I wanted him to kiss me and he asked first. It was okay at first but when it started getting more intense I got nervous. We didn’t do anything else. As much as I feel like it would be easier to get it all out of the way, it really wouldn’t. When I said “do it” in a previous I didn’t mean intercourse, which is slightly more of a possibility than I originally thought. Slightly. Still not on the radar. I wasn’t even comfortable touching my husband sexually, so doing almost anything is going to further than I previously have.

 

There is a part of me that wants him in my life now, because I want him in my life later and I don’t want to lose him to someone else. I know that is so wrong to think. We’ve talked about it, I’m trying to be as open with him as possible. He wants to go slowly and understands where I’m coming from. He doesn’t want to push me or me to push myself. He said we can take a step back if I’d be more comfortable with that.

 

When I texted my husband Friday night he responded right away. He said if I go back to him he’ll let me keep seeing OM and have a totally open marriage. Even if that means having sex with OM first. And to postpone the divorce process so we can try and work on our marriage, move back home. And if we must divorce to go to a mediator and settle that way. Earlier my lawyer said mediators are there to push the weaker person to agree to the settlement and didn’t recommend it in our situation. My husband said he was sorry for what he said and did to me and that he thought I needed a push but he was wrong and stopped himself. Later he said he would stop seeing the OW if I’ll go back to him and we work on our marriage and intimacy one last time. Even that I can still see OM and be intimate with him if I think it will help. Or that we have a trial separation first, I can do my own thing, then get back together and see if we can rebuild our marriage.

 

In my head, I know it’s all BS. But I can’t get it out of my head. I never should have texted him. I deleted his contact info from my phone, but I know his number by heart so that doesn’t prevent anything. I want to see him so badly and just go home where everything is familiar. I HATE him, and I love him. I never want to see him again, and I just want to go home. I miss my husband and I feel horrible for having this OM in my life and not giving us another chance. And yet here I am making out with another man and discussing our potential intimacy together. A month ago I thought I’d never jump from my marriage to a new man. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. My pathetically short marriage isn’t even legally over yet. Sometimes I just want to go home and be with him again, one more time, so I know it’s the last time. I miss him and I just want to hear his voice.

 

OM handles it so much better than I do. My marriage has been open longer than his has, but his lasted 15 years compared to my measly 2 years. He married young, younger than I did, and he has only been intimate with her. Even though their marriage has been open for the last few years he hasn’t acted on it.

 

On Sunday, I started getting texts from a random number. Must be either my husband or the OM’s wife, but my husband said it’s not. The texts have been things like “he’s still intimate with his wife”, “he’s never going to leave his wife, he’s just playing you”, “we had sex before he went to see you”, “he’s lying about his injury”, “he’s just after your youth, when he’s had his fun he’ll drop you like the last one”, “you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last, he plays young girls all the time”, “he’s raped before he can do it again”. I know it is lies but it still makes me second guess everything, including myself.

 

His wife didn’t care about us spending time together because she was under the impression that no one would want to be intimate with him, and I sure as heck wouldn’t. She has asked him many times now if we’re intimate and he won’t give her an answer, they barely talk at all. So, she’s assumed that we are intimate, because he won’t give an answer. Those texts could be coming from her.

 

I hate the OW. More than I hate my husband. I hate my husband for betraying me. I hate the OW for being everything that I couldn’t. I hate that she took my husband from me. I hate that as soon as she walked into my husband’s life he started walking out of mine. I hate that she could do things for my husband that I never could and she was better than me. I hate that I have a new man in my life and he’s still hers. I hate that they had a life together and like with my husband, she did things for/with him that I can’t and maybe will never. Both him and my husband love(d) being with her. I feel so inferior.

 

I don’t want to share another man. I don’t want him to give up the same way my husband did. He, just like my husband, is aware of my dysfunctions. I always felt like I was giving away parts of my husband. It’s the same with OM, his wife still has parts of him.

 

The feelings of inadequacy still surface. I hate my husband. When he was flying home I kept wishing his plane would crash and everyone would be okay but him. Yet I’m jealous that he’s with someone else, and that she’s been in my house, living the life I was supposed to have. Yet, I just spent the weekend with her husband. I start thinking that I’m hurting her the way she is hurting me, then realize he’s inhuman and doesn’t care at all. My husband is jealous; I could tell based on the conversation we had. To be honest that makes me a little bit happy. I want him to hurt, he hurt me for so long. I want him to feel as inadequate as I did/do. Then sometimes I feel bad because I don’t want to hurt him and I know me being with another man does hurt him.

 

Rambling over… I could go on for days.

[BaileyB]

JRP,

 

You are such a tangled mess of thoughts and emotions right now. I can appreciate how it helps to get your thoughts and feeling out.

 

You are rebounding right now. Any person would struggle to jump from one relationship to another in a month. Never mind, someone who has had the trauma and the experiences you have had in your life.

 

What your husband has done would be unforgivable for me. I wouldn't contact him again and I definitely wouldn't consider continuing your relationship and open in it further to include the OM. That's just way too complicated and it will only cause you more pain. If you plan to divorce, you should contact him only through your lawyer.

 

I must say, some of these decisions seem self destructive to me. You are doing what you think you need to do to find comfort and avoid the pain that you are feeling. Some will say that this is the perfect opportunity... but with much love and respect, you are not an emotionally healthy person right now. I wish you would take a step back, give yourself time to breath, and learn to take care of yourself. Your comfort and healing will not be found with another man or in another relationship... It can only be found in you. It's a journey and I hope, someday you find peace.

Edited February 20, 2017 by BaileyB

[startingagain15]

You really need to take some time alone. This OM is just you throwing yourself into another destructive relationship. As kind and caring as he is/seems to be, he is just using you to get over and maybe even get even with his wife. Just as you are using him to get over and maybe even get even with your husband and his wife. It's not and can't ever be a healthy relationship.

 

Get a counselor, go stay with family or friends. Do not entangle yourself in another unhealthy relationship. It's just such a train wreck what you are doing to yourself. You deserve better, you deserve healing and happiness.

[BaileyB]

It is a train wreck, what you are doing to yourself right now.

 

Of course, you were upset at the ski resort that you visited with your husband. I can't imagine how you could return to a place that was special to you and your husband, with another man, so soon after the separation from your husband. Hindsight is 20/20, but can you not appreciate how this was not a good plan.

 

We lost my mom five years ago. There are meals that we had not made, places we have not visited, and things that we have not done in the past five years because they were too painful - they hurt too much! Just this summer, we are considering returning as a family to stay at a resort that we used to visit every year, as a family. Five years later, we are only now feeling like we are ready to revisit these memories and create new memories, in loving remembrance of my mom.

 

It's different, but it's the same. It's grief, and loss, and pain... all things that you will feel with the end of your marriage. You can push these feelings aside, but they will always return.

 

You have much that you need to heal. But, you are definitely getting in your own way... don't waste your life because you are afraid to deal with the pain. When you are ready, please find a counsellor that you can trust and do what you need to do to be healthy. You deserve to be happy and healthy in your life.

[stillafool]

You really need to be alone at this point and seek independent counseling. You are all over the place not knowing what you really want. I don't know how you can feel so guilty when your husband felt nothing for you while having wild sex with the OW. I don't think OM is as in as you think he is either. He needs the touch of a woman and a woman who is functioning healthy regards to sex would not want him so you are a good solution. Your husband may say he's going to stop seeing the OW but how long is that going to last considering he is a healthy man and the sex he had with her will always be on his mind. He probably doesn't want to divorce because it will cost him and he will lose his cook and maid. You really need to seek counseling to get over your problems; not another man. As a matter of fact I think you need to lay off men for a while. I don't see how you could cry your self to sleep feeling guilty and then sleep in the bed with OM in his room. You really need some help.

[anna121]

I was afraid something like would happen.

 

You need to be ruthless about your decisions right now. It would be best if you had a hard-headed friend who could browbeat you into doing sensible things and avoiding emotionally damaging ones. If there is no one whom you can trust then I suggest you (a) leave all legal decisions to your lawyer and (b) resolve that, for the next month, you will behave as though your H and OH do not exist. Both will still be there after that time period but right now you are not able to interact with either of them. I am sure that if you explain this to Owen he will understand. In fact, I would regard it as a sort of litmus test for whether he is safe to be around.

[BettyDraper]

Your husband is only telling you what he thinks you want to hear. Rest assured that if you go back to him, your marriage will continue down the destructive path except now there is the trauma of attempted rape. Please don't go back to your husband, JRP.

 

I didn't know that you were going to the same ski resort which you visited with your husband. If I was aware of the sentimentality of the resort, I would have advised you not to go in the first place. I agree with other forum members that you need to take time for yourself now. The trip was a disaster for obvious reasons and you are still very confused. I was hoping that the weekend getaway would be healing but that wasn't the case.