itfigures Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Hello. have been reading from this site for a while and decided to join..... Question: is my bf trying on purpose to make me jealous? Or is he just clueless, a blockhead or a black jacker of the worst kind??? I am a possesive, jealous person. I know this. No, I dont want help with that. Yes, I am working on it BUT.....in the interim, bf is sending me strange confusing signals....and I keep falling into fits of extreme jealousy like a deranged twit. It is eating away at him ( so he claims ) but more importantly, I dont want to act like this and need a way to win this war...Because I believe it is a war... Here is the issue in brief: I have been with him for almost 2 years. We live together, no kids. Last nite he asked me to go to the dept store to pick up some clothes for his aunt and 2 little nephews. (never mind why) So I went. We started off looking at kids clothes and then he makes a HUGE beeline towards the bra/pantie/nitegown section where there just happens to be 3 chicks wearing boobie shirts, big earings, painted on peddle pushers with high heels (ew) and of course they are making a big production in a true "look at me" fashion. Well, he stands there, in the nitegown isle seemingly VERY intrigued with this shirt and pants pajama set that is at least a size too small. I have got my anteneas up...and finally after 5 minutes when I could bear it no more... I walked up to him and he was staring intently at this same pajama thingie apparently trying to change it to a different color or make it bigger with his mind....i mean come on, 5 minutes??? so I walked up to him (meanwhile, boobie chicks are milling about in a true come hither fashion) and proceeded to wrench the keys out of his hands to which he struggled....and then gave in. I walked out side, when I calmed down a bit, I went back in, 10 mins later and he was in a diff sect. I told him to take me home.....i was not going to stand for this nonsense from him....he took me home, proclaiming i am jealous and i really need to stop with the jealousy because he is getting sick of it, and maybe in the future we wont be together because of it...blah blah blah.... HOWEVER...... Apparently he wasnt so sick of it that he was all over me and we ended up between the sheets..... He seems to delight in pissing me off, making me jealous...I THINK.... OOOOOORRRRRRRR Was I just delusional? Might I mention that he has blown up at me more than once over percieved looking at men (though rarely as much as me, he still does it) SOOOOOOO Here are my questions: does it seem like he was doing that on purpose? Was he trying to pick a fight? Was my reaction out of line? How would YOU feel if the shoes were on your feet? How would you react, how do you hold it in? How do I show him it does not matter and I could care less (even thought I do) and lastly, HOW do I get back at him? Trust me, this is WAR, we are constantly back and forth with each other in some way or form When I try to make him jealous, it works alright but it never fails because just when I am at the height of my revenge and enjoying my sweet victory a herd of tittie chicks walk in and end up striking poses all night, bending and pirouetting and so my revenge tactic goes right out the door...... YES i realize this is probably a really unhealthy message of love and good cheer in a relationship...but .....no one is perfect Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by itfigures does it seem like he was doing that on purpose? Yes Was he trying to pick a fight? Probably. It sounds like your relationship is based on this kind of game. Was my reaction out of line? In a normal relationship, probably not. It depends on the tone of voice, etc. In yours, which seems full of revenge and lots of immature games, it is a little. It sounds like you might be doing things to egg him on. How would YOU feel if the shoes were on your feet? How would you react, how do you hold it in? I would feel very insulted and upset. I would react by asking him not to do it and explain why I don't like it. If he continued, I would get out of the relationship because he'd be showing he has little respect for me. How do I show him it does not matter and I could care less (even thought I do) You can't. No matter what you do, he'll see right through it. You have to be honest about your feelings, and if he doesn't respect them, then you have to think about why you really want to be with him. HOW do I get back at him? You stop lowering yourself to his level, move on, and find a guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve. And you make sure to treat that guy with the respect he deserves. this is WAR This statement in itself pretty much says that the relationship is incredibly unhealthy, and you should either get some counseling or get out of it. YES i realize this is probably a really unhealthy message of love and good cheer in a relationship...but .....no one is perfect Yeah, no one is perfect, but a lot of people come a lot closer than this. If you want a relationship that's all about revenge and struggling for control, then be prepared for a life full of exactly what you've got right now. No matter how many victories you get or how jealous you make him, you're not going to change anything. A relationship should not be adversarial. It should be two people working together to make each other happy and support each other. It should not be about two people finding ways to tear the other down and make them bend to their will. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by itfigures It is eating away at him ( so he claims ) but more importantly, I dont want to act like this and need a way to win this war...Because I believe it is a war... I think this line says it all. If a relationship is war, then truly what type of relationship is it. It should be two people seeking way to best the other. I think the two of you need to discuss if this relationship is worth it, and try to save it, and base it on more than a tit for tat mission statement. Link to post Share on other sites
outdated Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Do you always end up between the sheets after an argument? Maybe that's his way of getting laid. He pushes the right buttons and you respond. I'm a man and I know, we do what works, as demented as that sounds. We are dogs and respond to certain stimuli, and in a sense, commands. Just a theory... Plus make up sex is always the hottest. Sounds like a dysfunctional relationship, but hey, sometimes they're the most fun. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Outdated is dead on. Words of wisdom from the recliner! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by outdated Do you always end up between the sheets after an argument? Maybe that's his way of getting laid. He pushes the right buttons and you respond. I'm a man and I know, we do what works, as demented as that sounds. We are dogs and respond to certain stimuli, and in a sense, commands. Just a theory... I thought that much was obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author itfigures Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 Yes, pretty much every time we fight we do it.... However, to me, his actions seems to be saying A LOT more than what his words are..... SOMEONE PLEASE!!! Answer this question: What are the signals that guys put out to show that they are "available"? and what if the bf seems to put out these signals whenever there are chicks milling about, yet he has a girlfriend? IS it POSSIBLE for said bf to still be in love or love his gf yet give out these "available"signals with no intention of following through???????// And a really important additional question to come... Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by itfigures What are the signals that guys put out to show that they are "available"? Its whatever YOU think they are, because its your feelings that are being drawn upon. IS it POSSIBLE for said bf to still be in love or love his gf yet give out these "available"signals with no intention of following through???????// If it it was possible, would you find it acceptable? Does this behaviour make you feel uncomfortable? Then you need to do something about it regardless if he still loves you. If its unacceptable, then its unacceptable. If you express your feelings (without ultimatums) and that it hurts when he does thigns like that, and either ingores or deminishes you feelings then that answers your own question. Link to post Share on other sites
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