Extreme views on infidelity?

[Furious]

I have several friends in RL who have been touched by infidelity, and I have been aswell. None of our conversations about this in RL are ever as extreme as what I read online. I have seen WS compared to murderers, and even once a pedophile. When people compare it to the pain of losing a child I cannot relate. Watching my mother go through the pain of losing my sibling was horrific and my pain as a BS could in no way compare. When my friends and I discuss the infidelity in our lives it isn't to the extremes that I read about. My H affair was very painful and hard and still hurts sometimes but I can't say it's the worst thing I have ever been through. I also don't believe that all people who cheat are horrible people, I think we are all human and being human comes with lessons and mistakes(yes I know cheating is a choice). In RL the people I know believe As are terrible but they continue on mostly together. Do you find the people in RL you know have similar stances on infedelity as those online? Or is it just easier to voice when one is anonymous?

 

Curious, where online did you read that WS's were compared to murderers and pedophiles?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, after having read quite a few posts including the original one by Red, I offer the following opinion which of course is my own and may not gel with everyone. I think that the two events discussed hete are two very different things. Something like the love one has for a spouse which encompasses romantic and sexual feelings and the love for one's children which is a nurturing one. Infidelity can be devastating especially if a person is emotionally not as strong as another person. It can lead to severe depression or an emotional breakdown from which the person affected may never fully recover. It can also lead to suicide or in some cases violent reaction as in physically harming and maybe murdering the WS dueto the uncontrollable emotions let loose.

A murderer or a paedophile is a psychologically sick person and his or her acts are abhorrent in the extreme. However the two are not comparable as the fall into two different realms. When people compare a cheater to a murderer or paedophile, they are simply reaction.g from a place of great pain and may not be thinking with their right and logical minds. Thus one HSS to judge their statements from a different perspective and not from a purely logical point of view as probably Red has done here. I may be wrong. I know she has been a victim of infidelity but she may be one of those who is optionally stronger than those who made such comments and wad able to weather the storm of infidelity better than those people. As I have said before I may ne completely wrong in my assessment but this is what I think.

[Red123]

Curious, where online did you read that WS's were compared to murderers and pedophiles?

 

Here and on a pro leave cheaters site I visited early on in my reconciliation. In the early days I was using LS as a sounding board for all of my mixed up feelings. I had comments like you know he is capable of cheating and crossing lines, how do you know your kids are safe with him, or how do you know he won't turn on you and hurt you. References about crossing lines with cheating and that leading to being able to do anything. Referring to cheaters as being the lowest of the low and on par with pediphiles and murderers. I feel statements like that are extreme because I don't feel they are in the same level. I think I may be misunderstood in this thread. I am not comparing others pain at all. I am only stating my own experience and the actual point of the thread was RL vs online forums and whether or not people find that they see the same types of views in RL as they do here.

[Furious]

Here and on a pro leave cheaters site I visited early on in my reconciliation. In the early days I was using LS as a sounding board for all of my mixed up feelings. I had comments like you know he is capable of cheating and crossing lines, how do you know your kids are safe with him, or how do you know he won't turn on you and hurt you. References about crossing lines with cheating and that leading to being able to do anything. Referring to cheaters as being the lowest of the low and on par with pediphiles and murderers. I feel statements like that are extreme because I don't feel they are in the same level. I think I may be misunderstood in this thread. I am not comparing others pain at all. I am only stating my own experience and the actual point of the thread was RL vs online forums and whether or not people find that they see the same types of views in RL as they do here.

 

I took a look a your thread history, nothing there about WS's being compared to murderers or pedophiles.

 

As for being advised to question trust, and being advised to question true remorse here at LS , it's disheartening that you've given the impression that those horrible statements are from this site.

 

I understand your intent was not to malign the people here in the infidelity forum but the lack of clarity seems to paint a different picture.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Furious

[Red123]

I took a look a your thread history, nothing there about WS's being compared to murderers or pedophiles.

 

As for being advised to question trust, and being advised to question true remorse here at LS , it's disheartening that you've given the impression that those horrible statements are from this site.

 

I understand your intent was not to malign the people here in the infidelity forum but the lack of clarity seems to paint a different picture.

 

Wow. Ok. Well I stand by reading them on this site maybe they were removed, not sure. Not sure what picture you feel I'm painting? In this thread alone there is a poster stating that pediphiles and rapists don't break vows like cheaters do so there's an example. I have met lots of great people on this forum and have received tons of support, I don't attack and I usually try to see things from all points of view. If you actually read my posts on this thread I am referring to my own views when it came to pain of my Hs infidelity and my experience with friends in RL going through it. The question was do people see the same types of reactions to infidelity in RL as they do here, or do people think it's easier to voice those views anonymously. The rest of the post was my experience. That's all.

[Liam1]

I have several friends in RL who have been touched by infidelity, and I have been aswell. None of our conversations about this in RL are ever as extreme as what I read online. I have seen WS compared to murderers, and even once a pedophile. When people compare it to the pain of losing a child I cannot relate. Watching my mother go through the pain of losing my sibling was horrific and my pain as a BS could in no way compare. When my friends and I discuss the infidelity in our lives it isn't to the extremes that I read about. My H affair was very painful and hard and still hurts sometimes but I can't say it's the worst thing I have ever been through. I also don't believe that all people who cheat are horrible people, I think we are all human and being human comes with lessons and mistakes(yes I know cheating is a choice). In RL the people I know believe As are terrible but they continue on mostly together. Do you find the people in RL you know have similar stances on infedelity as those online? Or is it just easier to voice when one is anonymous?

 

Hi Red:

 

Thank you for your insightful post. You sound like loving person who can see all sides of an issue. Obviously, too, you love your spouse and are not willing to let the affair destroy your relationship.

 

As a former wayward spouse my wife has access to all the sites I visit. She has come to this site a number of times to read, but will not join or post here because she her sentiments are similar to yours.

 

Particularly in the infidelity forum, there appears to be a lot of generalizing and opining about people and situations even thought they do not have the full picture of what the relationship is or was like.

 

I think the people who are posting in this forum most likely have a lot of baggage from their own situation and sometimes they vent that on to other WSs who post here by attacking them and saying things to them they wish they had said to their spouses or would like to say to their spouses, but they perhaps know that doing so would permanently destroy their reconciliation..

 

I also think the anonymity has a lot to do with it

 

My wife also feels that infidelity is not the worst thing to happen in a marriage.

 

Our marriage counselor also holds that opinion and has expressed it many times during a session.

 

My wife is the type of person who was willing to own some responsibility in the break down of our marriage.

 

Other BSs, although they truly may have done nothing overtly wrong in the marriage, are able to attribute the affair to outside stress or other issues and to put it into a less personal context and without taking it as affront to their ego.

 

My wife's ability to look at her own issues, is why our reconciliation is going well, in my opinion as well in the opinion of our marriage counselor.

 

I also in my 20s had a fiance who had an affair while we were engaged, and it was not really the worst thing that had ever happened to me. In fact, when she explained her reasons why, they made sense to me. I forgave her and we moved on as a couple.

 

I loved her and her affair did not change that.

 

We broke up later for a very different reason and we are still friends today. My wife and I socialize with her and her husband and children.

 

For me her affair did not define her in my eyes. It was just a blip that we moved past.

 

If my wife were not able to stop beating me over the head with the affair, I would have simply left and moved on. There would be no incentive for me to stay married to someone who appeared to hate me and hold the affair over my head for the rest of my life.

 

She could certainly find someone new, and so could I. IMO, if a spouse can not forgive an infidelity, there are likely too many other issues destroying their love, beyond the affair.

[Liam1]

But if you get divorced you're breaking vows too. So now are people who file for divorce worse than child molesters and murderers? Same vows, same God, one party is almost inevitably going to fight it because they don't want it when the other does... It makes no logical sense to say if you break the vow by cheating it's different than breaking the vow via divorce.

 

I was thinking about this last night. So I was surprised today to find your comment here that addresses my thinking, exactly.

 

Many people are relentlessly attacked on this forum for one incident of infidelity, yet it is deemed okay to divorce a spouse. It is not only deemed okay it is vociferously encourage.

 

Personally, I think divorcing is actually a breaking of the vow to "forsake all others." The definition of forsake has nothing to do with sex.

 

The definition of forsake is to abandon. When a person has an affair they are not abandoning their spouse. They may be doing something the spouse would not approve of but they are not abandoning their spouse and family. In fact, many times, they are seeking a solution to a marital dilemma through the affair, that will keep the marriage in tact rather than destroy it.

 

On the other hand, a divorce is a total abandonment and it often destroys the lives of their children.

 

So when people say they would rather divorce than cheat, it amazes me that they do not see the irony in that statement. Do they really think abandoning (forsaking) their spouse gives them the moral high ground as compared to a sexual "fling"?

 

Now there are some types of infidelity in which the wayward is very cruel and that is totally different from a spouse who simply has a sexual fling.

 

for·sake

fərˈsāk/

verbliterary

 

verb: forsake; 3rd person present: forsakes; past tense: forsook; gerund or present participle: forsaking; past participle: forsaken

abandon (someone or something).

"he would never forsake Tara"

synonyms:abandon, desert, leave, leave high and dry, turn one's back on, cast aside, break (up) with; jilt, strand, leave stranded, leave in the lurch, throw over;

informalwalk out on, run out on, dump, ditch, can

"he forsook his wife"

 

 

 

 

 

But if you get divorced you're breaking vows too. So now are people who file for divorce worse than child molesters and murderers? Same vows, same God, one party is almost inevitably going to fight it because they don't want it when the other does... It makes no logical sense to say if you break the vow by cheating it's different than breaking the vow via divorce.

 

At the end of the day, life isn't a cult. This isn't the Masons, the Stonecutters, or the Skulls. Marriage vows aren't slave papers. Personal vows are made as much for the person who made them as the person they're made to. If they decide they don't want to follow it anymore via divorce, separation, adultety, then that is their right. You may have some recourse and protections against it should it happen to you but ultimately it is the right of somebody to exit the oath they self-constructed and entered into at any point they are now unwilling to honor it. There are worse things in the world than somebody who decides a vow they made they don't want to honor anymore.

 

And I might add that when it comes to rape, murder, molestation, torture, we do live in a world where there is an implied acknowledgement (legally and socially) that you aren't going to do things that violate people's personal sanctity. It is very much a violation, again, socially and legally, if somebody commits a crime against you. Who cares that specific person never promised you as a specific person that they'd never specifically physically harm you? The implied protection of it is laid out in basic human rights allowances granted by a functional modern society. It's almost more of a violation to break an implied inherent right that is bestowed on everybody for simply existing than it is to break a direct and intangible vow that you only have to follow per your own choice. The loss of an inaliable right is way different and way worse than the loss of a personal vow that is designed be exited at any time.

 

Honestly, I think this is one of those shock value statements and not a true statement of belief anyway. You come home to find your wife and kids murdered, something tells me that you wouldn't look at the person who did it and say "but at least you're not an adulterer so you can take the sin high road over that segment of the population."

[Whoknew30]

Hi Folks, after having read quite a few posts including the original one by Red, I offer the following opinion which of course is my own and may not gel with everyone. I think that the two events discussed hete are two very different things. Something like the love one has for a spouse which encompasses romantic and sexual feelings and the love for one's children which is a nurturing one. Infidelity can be devastating especially if a person is emotionally not as strong as another person. It can lead to severe depression or an emotional breakdown from which the person affected may never fully recover. It can also lead to suicide or in some cases violent reaction as in physically harming and maybe murdering the WS dueto the uncontrollable emotions let loose.

A murderer or a paedophile is a psychologically sick person and his or her acts are abhorrent in the extreme. However the two are not comparable as the fall into two different realms. When people compare a cheater to a murderer or paedophile, they are simply reaction.g from a place of great pain and may not be thinking with their right and logical minds. Thus one HSS to judge their statements from a different perspective and not from a purely logical point of view as probably Red has done here. I may be wrong. I know she has been a victim of infidelity but she may be one of those who is optionally stronger than those who made such comments and wad able to weather the storm of infidelity better than those people. As I have said before I may ne completely wrong in my assessment but this is what I think.

 

 

I agree with you but I do think people can struggle with certain things mentally & keep it to themselves, then when something like infidelity occurs it can bring out those underlining issues.

[Whoknew30]

Hi Red:

 

Thank you for your insightful post. You sound like loving person who can see all sides of an issue. Obviously, too, you love your spouse and are not willing to let the affair destroy your relationship.

 

As a former wayward spouse my wife has access to all the sites I visit. She has come to this site a number of times to read, but will not join or post here because she her sentiments are similar to yours.

 

Particularly in the infidelity forum, there appears to be a lot of generalizing and opining about people and situations even thought they do not have the full picture of what the relationship is or was like.

 

I think the people who are posting in this forum most likely have a lot of baggage from their own situation and sometimes they vent that on to other WSs who post here by attacking them and saying things to them they wish they had said to their spouses or would like to say to their spouses, but they perhaps know that doing so would permanently destroy their reconciliation..

 

I also think the anonymity has a lot to do with it

 

My wife also feels that infidelity is not the worst thing to happen in a marriage.

 

Our marriage counselor also holds that opinion and has expressed it many times during a session.

 

My wife is the type of person who was willing to own some responsibility in the break down of our marriage.

 

Other BSs, although they truly may have done nothing overtly wrong in the marriage, are able to attribute the affair to outside stress or other issues and to put it into a less personal context and without taking it as affront to their ego.

 

My wife's ability to look at her own issues, is why our reconciliation is going well, in my opinion as well in the opinion of our marriage counselor.

 

I also in my 20s had a fiance who had an affair while we were engaged, and it was not really the worst thing that had ever happened to me. In fact, when she explained her reasons why, they made sense to me. I forgave her and we moved on as a couple.

 

I loved her and her affair did not change that.

 

We broke up later for a very different reason and we are still friends today. My wife and I socialize with her and her husband and children.

 

For me her affair did not define her in my eyes. It was just a blip that we moved past.

 

If my wife were not able to stop beating me over the head with the affair, I would have simply left and moved on. There would be no incentive for me to stay married to someone who appeared to hate me and hold the affair over my head for the rest of my life.

 

She could certainly find someone new, and so could I. IMO, if a spouse can not forgive an infidelity, there are likely too many other issues destroying their love, beyond the affair.

 

 

I completely agree with this! Most people just focus on the cheating itself & not the bigger picture of what the problem is...my H & I could never have fixed it if we just kept talking about the "actual" cheating part of it. I'm glad you & your wife are doing well .

[Furious]

Wow. Ok. Well I stand by reading them on this site maybe they were removed, not sure. Not sure what picture you feel I'm painting? In this thread alone there is a poster stating that pediphiles and rapists don't break vows like cheaters do so there's an example. I have met lots of great people on this forum and have received tons of support, I don't attack and I usually try to see things from all points of view. If you actually read my posts on this thread I am referring to my own views when it came to pain of my Hs infidelity and my experience with friends in RL going through it. The question was do people see the same types of reactions to infidelity in RL as they do here, or do people think it's easier to voice those views anonymously. The rest of the post was my experience. That's all.

 

 

I did take the time to read your previous threads and you did receive support and kindness and no where was there someone being rude to you or calling out WS's as murderers and pedophiles. I do believe it was not intentional but you did give the impression that it was here in your previous thread history you got those horrible comments.

 

I do believe you may have heard horrible comments on other sites but the impression you've given was that it was here. I just feel you may have been clearer about it and a little more sensitive to the vast majority here who do not say or would ever say the outrageous and ignorant descriptions you brought up.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Furious

[Liam1]

I guess it depends on what you think of vows. Some people take the concept seriously. Others just toss them out there with very little intention of honoring them. C'est la vie.

 

 

Which vows are you talking about?

 

Here are the gist of the typical Vows:

 

I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

 

So if a person divorces a spouse for an affair, then they are breaking the vow "till death do us part" and also the vow of "for better and for worse? And sometimes the vow of in "sickness and in health"

 

Often people have an affair due to stresses in life that cause a mini mental breakdown.

 

So, divorce is also breaking many vows.

 

If one is going to take their vows seriously does that not include ALL THE VOWS? Or do only the vows that fit a specific agenda apply?

[Whoknew30]

I did take the time to read your previous threads and you did receive support and kindness and no where was there someone being rude to you or calling out WS's as murderers and pedophiles. I do believe it was not intentional but you did give the impression that it was here in your previous thread history you got those horrible comments.

 

I do believe you may have heard horrible comments on other sites but the impression you've given was that it was here. I just feel you may have been clearer about it and a little more sensitive to the vast majority here who do not say or would ever say the outrageous and ignorant descriptions you brought up.

 

Disagree, I've read some pretty crazy comments on here, they just erase the one's that are that bad.

[Liam1]

I completely agree with this! Most people just focus on the cheating itself & not the bigger picture of what the problem is...my H & I could never have fixed it if we just kept talking about the "actual" cheating part of it. I'm glad you & your wife are doing well .

 

WhoKnew30:

 

Thank you.

 

I am glad you and your hubbie are doing well, too.

 

I agree about the "crazy comments" When someone is too obnoxious I resort to the block function. It helps a lot. I no longer even see their posts.

[drifter777]

For me there would be no survival from loss of one of my children. Compared to that reconciling from infidelity is a fun, exciting vacation.

[NTV]

With regards to the two topics on this thread, my opinion is:

 

 

1. WS compared to whatever.... I think is more about the devil you know being worse than the devil you don't. For me, as a BH, I don't know the names of anyone I hate more in the world than AP1 & AP2. In fact, I don't think I had truly felt the emotion hate before this. If I were to compare them to other sort of criminals, it would be only as a metaphor to my emotions towards them at this time. Emotions that are probably double what they should because it's a lot harder to deal with the twisted mixture of hating someone you love.... so it gets redirected at an easier target.

 

 

To me, these two guys that would sleep with my wife are the scum of the earth. Anyone, my wife included, that would try to hurt my family is my enemy---those are the thoughts I suppress. I suppress because I know feelings change over time. So I give it time, and my kids stability instead of acting as rashly as I would otherwise like to.

 

 

2. With regards to the speaking more freely in online forums versus real life. Who wants to see someone else's pain in real life? I don't know anyone whom I would want to see me a blubbering mess. For months after dday I was a puddle on the floor. Even now, years later, the pain hits at odd times. I overreact in anger more than a situation warrants. Scenes in movies that shouldn't effect me make me want to bawl like a child. I fear being unattractive to others in a way I never did before. My sense of inner strength and self-discipline has all but vanished.

 

 

Do I want any of my family, friends or coworkers to know these things about me? Hell no. Because, again, I hope that I will get better in time. So I act. Like a professional freaking actor. I can spin charm and jokes now like a comedian. I can grin as someone at work tells me of a new task that amounts to poop flowing downhill and tell them that I'm happy to take it on. Because that's who I want them to see, not who I am.

 

 

So am I more honest here than there? oh yeah. by a metric s***ton and a half.

 

 

 

 

Furious,

 

 

Do I know you? =)

[Furious]

It does seems as though the minuscule negative comments are given a spotlight and the vast majority of respectful and thoughtful responses are not recognized.

 

To imply that one bad apple is representative of the vast majority only creates division.

 

I see this site as a positive site and the vast majority here are thoughtful and respectful members.

 

I don't see WS's comparable to murderers or pedophiles and I do believe that the 99.999% here feel the same.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

 

 

you left out this part liamWill you love him/her, comfort and keep him/her, and forsaking all others remain true to him/her as long as you both shall live?" (I will)

 

NO where in the marriage vow do you find...and I promise to have sex with you every day.

 

You constantly tell us that your wife broke her vows to you because she did not want to have sex...therefore...you had several sexual affairs.

 

A marriage is a lawful contract...if one party breaks the contract...the contract becomes null and void...and the injured party is no longer bound by that contract.

 

I broke that vow...and according to the bible....marital unfaithfulness is the ONLY reason that warrants God's permission for divorce and remarriage.

 

So...if a wayward spouse commits adultery ....and the betrayed spouse wants a divorce....the betrayed spouse is NOT breaking a vow.

 

 

 

 

The marriage contract was broken by the wayward.

[Moxie Lady]

I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

 

 

you left out this part liamWill you love him/her, comfort and keep him/her, and forsaking all others remain true to him/her as long as you both shall live?" (I will)

 

NO where in the marriage vow do you find...and I promise to have sex with you every day.

 

You constantly tell us that your wife broke her vows to you because she did not want to have sex...therefore...you had several sexual affairs.

 

A marriage is a lawful contract...if one party breaks the contract...the contract becomes null and void...and the injured party is no longer bound by that contract.

 

I broke that vow...and according to the bible....marital unfaithfulness is the ONLY reason that warrants God's permission for divorce and remarriage.

 

So...if a wayward spouse commits adultery ....and the betrayed spouse wants a divorce....the betrayed spouse is NOT breaking a vow.

 

 

 

 

The marriage contract was broken by the wayward.

 

Can I 'like' this 1000 times?

[Moxie Lady]

Personally, I think divorcing is actually a breaking of the vow to "forsake all others." The definition of forsake has nothing to do with sex.

 

The definition of forsake is to abandon. When a person has an affair they are not abandoning their spouse. They may be doing something the spouse would not approve of but they are not abandoning their spouse and family.

 

I think you're missing a few things. First, courtesy of Mrs. A, this part of the vows: "...and forsaking all others, remain true to him/her". Without getting into the nitty gritty details of defining "true", I would suggest that having a sexual "fling" as you put it, is not remaining "true to him/her".

 

By your logic a sexual fling is allowed (the Bible states differently as Mrs. A pointed out). But if we go with that (a sexual fling is allowed), then it should be allowed more than once. Correct? Therefore you can continue to have sexual flings multiple times (and your wife can) without breaking your marriage vows. Do you honestly think that makes sense?

 

Its really not rocket science, but people can justify their behavior in all kinds of ways.

 

Im guessing I'm on your 'block' list so you wont read this and I'm talking to air, another effective way of not having to deal with differing opinions. But I said it anyway.

[Red123]

I did take the time to read your previous threads and you did receive support and kindness and no where was there someone being rude to you or calling out WS's as murderers and pedophiles. I do believe it was not intentional but you did give the impression that it was here in your previous thread history you got those horrible comments.

 

I do believe you may have heard horrible comments on other sites but the impression you've given was that it was here. I just feel you may have been clearer about it and a little more sensitive to the vast majority here who do not say or would ever say the outrageous and ignorant descriptions you brought up.

 

I did read some here. But nowhere in my post did I say that's all I read here and that it is everyone on this forum. I am never insulting to anyone on here and I never generalize, I was speaking specifically to the things I read not the entire forum. If you can't see that I'm sorry, but it really feels like you are nit picking.

[Moxie Lady]

I did read some here. But nowhere in my post did I say that's all I read here and that it is everyone on this forum. I am never insulting to anyone on here and I never generalize, I was speaking specifically to the things I read not the entire forum. If you can't see that I'm sorry, but it really feels like you are nit picking.

 

Im not sure why you are getting sort of bashed on this either. I havent been here long but I have done a ton of reading on this forum very recently and I have come across posts comparing adulterers to murderers and also posts that say cheating hurts worse than the death of a child.

[Raena]

 

The definition of forsake is to abandon. When a person has an affair they are not abandoning their spouse. They may be doing something the spouse would not approve of but they are not abandoning their spouse and family. In fact, many times, they are seeking a solution to a marital dilemma through the affair, that will keep the marriage in tact rather than destroy it.

 

On the other hand, a divorce is a total abandonment and it often destroys the lives of their children.

 

So when people say they would rather divorce than cheat, it amazes me that they do not see the irony in that statement. Do they really think abandoning (forsaking) their spouse gives them the moral high ground as compared to a sexual "fling"?

 

Now there are some types of infidelity in which the wayward is very cruel and that is totally different from a spouse who simply has a sexual fling.

 

The bolded portion of your statement is what I am responding to. I can't speak for everyone but looking back on my situation, my ex most certainly DID abandon his family when he cheated on me. His head was so far in the clouds with his AP that he wasn't paying any attention whatsoever to me or our son. He basically walked out on us a year and a half before DDAY... which is precisely how long the affair was happening.

 

My point is, if you are cheating on your spouse then you are taking attention away from your family and essentially abandoning them.

 

IMO if you cheat on your spouse... YOU are the one who broke the vows. It's already broken. Blaming the BS for breaking vows when they choose to walk away from someone who hurts them is just wrong. No where in the vows does it say you must keep a partner who has chosen to break the vow you made together.

[Furious]

I did read some here. But nowhere in my post did I say that's all I read here and that it is everyone on this forum. I am never insulting to anyone on here and I never generalize, I was speaking specifically to the things I read not the entire forum. If you can't see that I'm sorry, but it really feels like you are nit picking.

 

Respectfully, you made a claim and the impression, since it was your thread it iluded to having been said that WS's are comparable to murderers and pedophiles. It was a shocking statement and I looked through your thread history and found nothing close to your claim. If anthing your threads are filled with compassion and support.

 

To not clarify your claims suggests that members in the Infidelity Forum are guilty of such claims.

 

I did say I don't believe it was your intention but if you consider that nit picking I think you misunderstood how you came across.

[Red123]

Im not sure why you are getting sort of bashed on this either. I havent been here long but I have done a ton of reading on this forum very recently and I have come across posts comparing adulterers to murderers and also posts that say cheating hurts worse than the death of a child.

 

Thanks, I probably read the same posts. I had some on one of my threads in the past but has probably been removed as happens if others report the posts. I'm done defending it, it's a waste of time. I read the posts on the thread and wanted to participate more but kept feeling like I had to defend myself so I didn't comment on the other posts I wanted to. I think there is good and bad on every forum so my rule is usually take what applies and leave the rest.

[Red123]

Respectfully, you made a claim and the impression, since it was your thread it iluded to having been said that WS's are comparable to murderers and pedophiles. It was a shocking statement and I looked through your thread history and found nothing close to your claim. If anthing your threads are filled with compassion and support.

 

To not clarify your claims suggests that members in the Infidelity Forum are guilty of such claims.

 

I did say I don't believe it was your intention but if you consider that nit picking I think you misunderstood how you came across.

 

Ok. Last time I'm responding. I don't think I come across in an offensive way, maybe you are reading into it. I will say it again that I did receive posts on a thread that may have been removed, I'm not sure because I posted a lot at first and I have many threads that I don't want to take the time to re read all of, if you have that kind of time great I hope you enjoyed my threads. I come in this forum because I like it, I have never said that everyone is negative in fact as I said I have received a lot of support here. But I have also seen people make comments that I FEEL are extreme. That's all.