JuneJulySeptember Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 (edited) So, I posted a first OLD update when I first started, roughly 18 months ago and it was ugly. I was messaging women that I thought I had a pretty good chance of getting a date with (cute to kinda cute, bachelors, 50-100K, drinks beer, and likes the Wire and Radiohead, yada yada, generic, yada) and getting shot down at a high rate. I stuck with it and here are the results over an 18 month period (mostly 14 months as I have been mostly inactive over the past several months). -I cannot recall exactly how many women I messaged, but it was somewhere on the order of 150 to 200 women or so. I would message in waves of 5 to 15 women. -I think 5 or 6 women (genuine women, not Match.com bots) favorited me or winked at me first. One woman messaged me first. -All told, out of the women that I messaged who responded and the women who contacted/favorited me, I corresponded with I would say 25 to 30 or so women. However, a lot of them were short conversations that went nowhere. I was NEVER the one to stop the conversation, so that is how that went. -I had a dating professional change my profile, and a poster here took a crack at it. Neither changed my results for the better or worse. The net result was about 10 women who went out on a various number of dates with me (usually 2 or less). Anybody who has ever read any of my posts knows that looks aren't that important to me. I messaged women accordingly based on that principle. To cut to the chase, I'm essentially dating a woman now who is the most attractive woman I corresponded with. I would further say that only a few women that I even messaged in total were more OBJECTIVELY attractive and a few of those I messaged as a goof as I had nothing to lose. She is sexy as all hell. It's hard for me to keep my hands off her. Ironic considering my take on looks. She is very down to Earth, non-pretentious, and thoughtful. She has actually set up almost half of the dates. :eek: and she pays And she favorited me first! There are some long term compatibility flags, but so have there been with every woman I have dated. I'm not going to get into the long term ramifications because almost every struggling guy here is first and foremost looking for an attractive woman who is cool, and likes them, and she is that. So, here's the moral of this story. Be yourself and keep taking swings. Dating and life itself is only as much of a competition as you make it. There's some women who log on to OLD occassionally and message guys they think seem like good, down to Earth guys, or have a quality they personally seek, possibly even largely intangible that comes through when you are just yourself. If you spend your hours trying to turn yourself into a paragon of dating and male perfection that appeals to the masses, you probably turn of the very thing that makes you ... YOU. And life is short. You want to be ... you. Edited May 28, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 28, 2016 Share Posted May 28, 2016 Great stuff. I am glad to read this bro! Before you get "seriously" involved though, I'd say make sure the long term compatibility flags brought up are indeed something you can live with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) Great stuff. I am glad to read this bro! Before you get "seriously" involved though, I'd say make sure the long term compatibility flags brought up are indeed something you can live with. Thanks man! I appreciate it. This thread was a real hit, huh? Maybe I should post about how miserable I am and how women suck? Those threads of mine seemed to draw all the attention. Lol. Good 'ole Loveshack... Edited May 30, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Hey, JJS, great news. Congrats, and just keep being yourself! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) Happy for you JJS! I haven't followed all your story but the last paragraph of your OP makes me think you're well on your way . Enjoy the happy feelings! Edited May 30, 2016 by PrettyEmily77 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Congratulations!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 Yay! Great news! Thanks man! I appreciate it. This thread was a real hit, huh? Maybe I should post about how miserable I am and how women suck? Those threads of mine seemed to draw all the attention. Lol. Good 'ole Loveshack... There's not much to say when things are going well, is there? But I do have something to say, haha.... To cut to the chase, I'm essentially dating a woman now who is the most attractive woman I corresponded with. I would further say that only a few women that I even messaged in total were more OBJECTIVELY attractive and a few of those I messaged as a goof as I had nothing to lose. She is sexy as all hell. It's hard for me to keep my hands off her. Ironic considering my take on looks. Can you say now that attraction is still unimportant? I've never lumped attraction solidly with looks, but it's amazing to be with someone you're so attracted to, isn't it? It just feels so good, like the best drug. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 Thanks man! I appreciate it. This thread was a real hit, huh? Maybe I should post about how miserable I am and how women suck? Those threads of mine seemed to draw all the attention. Lol. Good 'ole Loveshack... Yeah, misery loves company. Good luck! Hopefully you can sort things out long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 That's great! I was very reluctant to try online dating but I've really been loving it and have met quite a few great people that way. My experience has been very different than yours, but I think that's because I'm a woman. I think it's a lot easier for women to tobget first dates. (I'm gonna take credit for all the second dates, those are because I'm really fun to hang out with! ?) Just recently I started seeing someone who I think is similar to me as your girl is to you. I'm really enjoying him and I'm toying with the idea of trying to get a little more serious with him, but there are red flags. At any rate, I seem to not meet a lot of people IRL. I'm pretty grateful for online dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) Can you say now that attraction is still unimportant? I've never lumped attraction solidly with looks, but it's amazing to be with someone you're so attracted to, isn't it? It just feels so good, like the best drug. Every woman I have dated has been physically attractive to me upon first glance. I guess that's just good luck. Through the years, I have messaged and talked to many women that I have found both marginally attractive and flat out unattractive physically and tried to get to know them. Sometimes, there was no mutual click, but even more times, that person had no interest in getting to know me. That still ... and will always stick in my craw. That, there is somebody out there for me who gets along with me like I do my best guy bud, but because of the color of our skin, length of our bones, shape of our faces, we will never meet or consider each other. But I'm an idealist, and life is not ideal. Sometimes you have to go with the hand that life deals you. That's what I was saying part of the irony was. Relative to other guys, I don't care about looks (at least from reading this forum, lol), yet I end up with pretty decent looking women. Edited May 31, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 But I'm an idealist, and life is not ideal. Sometimes you have to go with the hand that life deals you. That's what I was saying part of the irony was. Relative to other guys, I don't care about looks (at least from reading this forum, lol), yet I end up with pretty decent looking women. The irony to me is that (of course) you enjoy feeling that you are so attracted you can't keep your hands off a woman, but you don't understand that women seek the same? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) The irony to me is that (of course) you enjoy feeling that you are so attracted you can't keep your hands off a woman, but you don't understand that women seek the same? First off. I understand EVERY requirement a woman has for a man. Whether it be him being 6'2" even though she is under 5 foot or making $200,000, or being purple skinned, or whatever. Whatever a woman's requirement, I understand and if I don't fit it, I don't care. What I was saying is that I am disappointed more people don't think like ME. If even 10% of people, or even 5%. But anyway, this is a particular circular argument that has been going on for years between me and other posters. I'm trying to stay away because thinking about dating too much impairs my ability to enjoy ... dating. Edited May 31, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) What I was saying is that I am disappointed more people don't think like ME. If even 10% of people, or even 5%. Huh? We're just like you. We enjoy feeling like we can't keep our hands off them. And we all want to be wanted in that way, which may explain why women you don't find attractive don't date you. Edited May 31, 2016 by xxoo Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted May 31, 2016 Author Share Posted May 31, 2016 Huh? We're just like you. We want enjoy feeling like we can't keep our hands off them. And we all want to be wanted in that way, which may explain why women you don't find attractive don't date you. Give it a rest, X. We've had this discussion literally 100 times. There will be no end to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 (edited) Attraction may not be "fair" (someone may be a terrific person whom we have a lot in common but we aren't feeling the attraction), but for most people, it is necessary for dating. If (say) it doesn't work out w you and this girl, could you go back to dating someone w/o feeling attraction? That mutual feeling about being excited about the other person, about not being able to keep your hands off each other, is awesome. If only one of you is feeling it though, then it is painful (one feels rejection and the other may feel guilt), and if NEITHER of you is feeling it, then why not just be friends. And you don't want 10% or 5% of people to think like you, so much as you just want to meet ONE (as it sounds that you already have). BUT, I don't think you wrote this thread to have a debate on this, but, this is LS after all. I will drop this. I am really happy to read that you are now dating someone you are excited about. You always seemed to be good-hearted person and you deserve to be enjoying this feeling. Edited May 31, 2016 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 If (say) it doesn't work out w you and this girl, could you go back to dating someone w/o feeling attraction? I'm curious about that, too. I couldn't. If you could, we truly are different. Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 I'm curious about that, too. I couldn't. If you could, we truly are different. Yeah, I think if a guy had dated some relatively attractive women, that guy would probably set the bar right there for future prospects, unless some set of circumstances would deem it otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 (edited) Attraction may not be "fair" (someone may be a terrific person whom we have a lot in common but we aren't feeling the attraction), but for most people, it is necessary for dating. If (say) it doesn't work out w you and this girl, could you go back to dating someone w/o feeling attraction? That mutual feeling about being excited about the other person, about not being able to keep your hands off each other, is awesome. If only one of you is feeling it though, then it is painful (one feels rejection and the other may feel guilt), and if NEITHER of you is feeling it, then why not just be friends. In response to your question ... "Yes I could". Because I already had said that my former girlfriends were physically attractive. Yet, during this go around of being single and looking, a number of the women I messaged were marginally attractive to me. Edited June 1, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 In response to your question ... "Yes I could". Because I already had said that my former girlfriends were physically attractive. Yet, during this go around of being single and looking, a number of the women I messaged were marginally attractive to me. So previously, you thought, "She's kinda cute, I'll message her" vs. "Woah, what a knock out, what a bonus and she actually WANTS me!" lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Well I am glad it worked out JJS. I hope it continues to do so. It really is not just about looks. There are some guys I have met who are so unbelievably handsome and I have just ended up thinking "nah". Yet some are not so much and their personalities are just out of this world and made me want to rip their clothes off with my teeth. Attraction is a weird thing. Confidence and belief in who you are and actually liking the person that you are is so important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted June 1, 2016 Author Share Posted June 1, 2016 So previously, you thought, "She's kinda cute, I'll message her" vs. "Woah, what a knock out, what a bonus and she actually WANTS me!" lol! She contacted me first guy! Wrap your head around that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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