ChickiePops Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I'm pretty sure she is using this as an expression, her H isn't going to physically harm her. I assumed as much but I want to confirm just in case... Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I thought you told your husband you wanted a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 I did tell my husband I wanted a divorce. But long story short we just can't afford it. I'm back in the house. I'm not telling husband AP name. If I do he will know how long this has been going on. I don't know what to do right now. Husband is not answering my calls. I don't know what he's doing or what he's going to do. I'm not in physical danger. AP called me so I was able to give him a heads up. All it takes is my husband to call these numbers instead of text and we will be toast. I'm scared for all of us. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I see. Well now she knows, the game might be up. Won't it be better he hears about it from you and not his wife? Even if his wife didn't find out now.... what does the future hold for you and your AP? Even if you can't afford a divorce, as you aren't happy why not live in house coparenting but able to see other people. Then your husband could have a relationship of his own too. It's all unfair to him right now. I apologise in advance if your marriage is open or these discussions have taken place already. Link to post Share on other sites
malvern99 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I did tell my husband I wanted a divorce. But long story short we just can't afford it. I'm back in the house. I'm not telling husband AP name. If I do he will know how long this has been going on. I don't know what to do right now. Husband is not answering my calls. I don't know what he's doing or what he's going to do. I'm not in physical danger. AP called me so I was able to give him a heads up. All it takes is my husband to call these numbers instead of text and we will be toast. I'm scared for all of us. OP, I know you didn't find my posts in your initial thread helpful, but hopefully this time will be different. You have now put yourself in a situation without any real options (at least any credible ones). If you play this situation out in your head to completion, it always ends the same way. By that, I mean your BH will eventually find out the truth. By playing these little games of not telling him who AP is and continuing to lie to him, you are only turning an already difficult situation into something much worse. You need to sit your BH down, tell it all and tell it true. Better he hears it from you than from other sources. You may not love him any more and that is fine, but as the father of your children, he is at least owed a tiny bit of respect. Treating him like an adult will show him that respect. There is no dignified way to do this, so just bite the bullet and get it over and done with. You clearly no longer want to be with your BH, so I would suggest you find a way to get divorced or at the very least find somewhere else to live. Living together in the same house at this juncture is a terrible idea for both of you. I wish you the best of luck OP. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Will you just at least admit you wanted tk be caught and it is no coincidence you and he had a dday one day apart? Thats rather coincidental after months og hiding it. I think you want to go through the fallout together and run to eachother. This was your exit affair no? Link to post Share on other sites
Sabella Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 You need to sit your BH down, tell it all and tell it true. Better he hears it from you than from other sources. You may not love him any more and that is fine, but as the father of your children, he is at least owed a tiny bit of respect. Treating him like an adult will show him that respect. There is no dignified way to do this, so just bite the bullet and get it over and done with. You clearly no longer want to be with your BH, so I would suggest you find a way to get divorced or at the very least find somewhere else to live. Living together in the same house at this juncture is a terrible idea for both of you. I wish you the best of luck OP. ^this^ If nothing else, even if you don't want to stay with him, he deserves to hear the details from you. Forcing him to go all Sherlock Holmes about this isn't fair. He is still the father of your children, he already knows, it's time to have a grown up conversation about it. I hope you find the strength to do this for him and for your family. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 It's time to take some responsibility here. Your marriage is in shambles and it's best to look at a future apart from each other and coparent together. Be clear that you don't love him and feel for him what you do for the other man. Don't string this out any more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amillionpieces Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 I absolutely did not want to get caught. His dday freaked me out and I was talking to my friend about it. Husband grabs my phone while I'm asleep to use it as a light. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 You posted yesterday that you spent the night with MOW and returned the next day. How did you explain this to your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I did tell my husband I wanted a divorce. But long story short we just can't afford it. I'm back in the house. I'm not telling husband AP name. If I do he will know how long this has been going on. I don't know what to do right now. Husband is not answering my calls. I don't know what he's doing or what he's going to do. I'm not in physical danger. AP called me so I was able to give him a heads up. All it takes is my husband to call these numbers instead of text and we will be toast. I'm scared for all of us. Scared of what exactly? Now you and your cowardly Prince Charming can ditch your families and ride off into the sunset. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Can we please stop with the "Hugs for you", "Feel for you". These are grow a$$ people who are willing to throw their spouses and kids under the bus for a what? A cheap thrill. To the OP, tell him the truth right now and your life might come back to a sense of normalcy in a few years. Or keep lying and you will fear the wrath of a crushed soul. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Can we please stop with the "Hugs for you", "Feel for you". These are grow a$$ people who are willing to throw their spouses and kids under the bus for a what? A cheap thrill. To the OP, tell him the truth right now and your life might come back to a sense of normalcy in a few years. Or keep lying and you will fear the wrath of a crushed soul. AGREE!! She read here...was fully AWARE of the risk and downfall and continued on. Time to face the music. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Can we please stop with the "Hugs for you", "Feel for you". These are grow a$$ people who are willing to throw their spouses and kids under the bus for a what? A cheap thrill. To the OP, tell him the truth right now and your life might come back to a sense of normalcy in a few years. Or keep lying and you will fear the wrath of a crushed soul. I agree. It's a much better scenario for all involved if there is full disclosure. It's like the lesser of two evils! Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) While his wifes broken heart hung in the balance with his devastated wife fleeing with their CHILDREN .....and the OP leaving her husband and children overnight to stay with her AP....Shows where her priorities lie... Op you arent afraid...you arent cautious...you arent worried his wife will tell your husband. You risk it all to comfort HIM (your MM) and so whats coming next....you earn. How can you SLEEP when your actions just destroyed a family...then your husband finds out by your careless disclosure to a friend and you say "Im dead" but not....my husband will be so hurt. Its all about you and your AP still. While your spouses are devastated you worry for your own needs. Edited June 5, 2016 by privategal 5 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Can we please stop with the "Hugs for you", "Feel for you". These are grow a$$ people who are willing to throw their spouses and kids under the bus for a what? A cheap thrill. To the OP, tell him the truth right now and your life might come back to a sense of normalcy in a few years. Or keep lying and you will fear the wrath of a crushed soul. To be fair this is the OW/OM SUPPORT forum. She's here for SUPPORT 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sabella Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) Can we please stop with the "Hugs for you", "Feel for you". These are grow a$$ people who are willing to throw their spouses and kids under the bus for a what? A cheap thrill. To the OP, tell him the truth right now and your life might come back to a sense of normalcy in a few years. Or keep lying and you will fear the wrath of a crushed soul. With respect "No" I understand that being in these forums for any length of time can cause some to be jaded. Seeing similar stories play out, with similar thoughts and mistakes can be frustrating. But for each new poster that lays themselves bare, it's new to them, their fresh hell. Yes created by them, and a mistake. This is a support forum. Sometimes a little tough love and strong words are required, sometimes you need to take a softer approach. When I first posted I was met with only "disclose all, stop lying" with no regard to possible back story. That could have been horrid advise if my spouse was physically abusive. I simply needed acknowledgment and understanding at first...the rest is falling into place. I think if you can't be supportive, it's best to step away from the post and the boards for a bit. Edited June 5, 2016 by Sabella 2 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 why is honesty not support rather than soothing her as both spouses and kids are crushed? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 With respect "No" I understand that being in these forums for any length of time can cause some to be jaded. Seeing similar stories play out, with similar thoughts and mistakes can be frustrating. But for each new poster that lays themselves bare, it's new to them, their fresh hell. Yes created by them, and a mistake. This is a support forum. Sometimes a little tough love and strong words are required, sometimes you need to take a softer approach. When I first posted I was met with only "disclose all, stop lying" with no regard to possible back story. That could have been horrid advise if my spouse was physically abusive. I simply needed acknowledgment and understanding at first...the rest is falling into place. I think if you can't be supportive, it's best to step away from the post and the boards for a bit. Huge difference between giving advice and being negative. I gave the OP advice. I also said to stop giving out these virtual hugs which implies "It's Ok. What you did is not all that bad". There are instances where some real advice is necessary. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sabella Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 (edited) For me I think it comes down to how it's dispensed with regards to how well it will be received. I'm talking in generalities of these threads here, and not specific to this one per say. But even in my short time here, I've seen some pretty harsh words and advise sent at OW's. Edited June 5, 2016 by Sabella Typos make me crazy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
malvern99 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Sometimes reading people's stories here is like watching them play with gasoline and matches inside their house. You want to scream at them that they are fixing to burn their lives to the ground for nothing... that their selfish behaviors will forever alter the lives of their loved ones who asked for none of this... that yes, the pain they feel is real, but it can't be compared to being on the other end of the affair equation... that they are still in a position to start respecting themselves and stop living a double life. It's tempting to do that, but I think it can be done in a way that is not overly harsh. Yes, sometimes the truth is harsh and I am not suggesting altering the truth, but truth delivered in gentler terms may be better received than naked truth laid bare. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I did tell my husband I wanted a divorce. But long story short we just can't afford it. I'm back in the house. I'm not telling husband AP name. If I do he will know how long this has been going on. I don't know what to do right now. Husband is not answering my calls. I don't know what he's doing or what he's going to do. I'm not in physical danger. AP called me so I was able to give him a heads up. All it takes is my husband to call these numbers instead of text and we will be toast. I'm scared for all of us. You're toast NOW. You're still in denial and in an affair fog. Of course your husband will find out who your AP is. Stop being scared and confess to him. Anything short of that just will make this worse. Come clean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Sometimes reading people's stories here is like watching them play with gasoline and matches inside their house. You want to scream at them that they are fixing to burn their lives to the ground for nothing... that their selfish behaviors will forever alter the lives of their loved ones who asked for none of this... that yes, the pain they feel is real, but it can't be compared to being on the other end of the affair equation... that they are still in a position to start respecting themselves and stop living a double life. It's tempting to do that, but I think it can be done in a way that is not overly harsh. Yes, sometimes the truth is harsh and I am not suggesting altering the truth, but truth delivered in gentler terms may be better received than naked truth laid bare. Sorry but...you are not on point. Op posted here in January...6 months ago with the thread "how did you get caught" seeking advice how not to get caught....shes read here for 6 months noe her and her AP are both....."CAUGHT" and both spouses, both APs and children are paying. Should people have been kinder and more sugar coated witnessing the results? She didnt listen. The consequences for all involved will be devastating so sorry if people arent gentle with her feelings while innocent people are now devastated and suffering. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Hugs are as much for the person giving them as the person giving them. Many of the OW/OM, thanks to experience, see the train wreck that is coming which, at this point, can't be stopped. I think they get that, at this point, that's all you can really say. It's too late to change outcomes so now people are identifying it is the time to start supporting in the way their experience and this particular situation dictates. If some find the show of sympathy is upsetting, I'm sure that's not the point. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Mollycoddling isn't helpful at all, even in this forum. OWs need a dose of reality. If the so called 'harsh ' advice in the first thread was taken.... We wouldn't have had this thread. OMs child saw some texting months ago. Yet he was made out to be a liar to save OMs a**. The mini dday was a warning...... but in spite of the that and the police last time it's continued. Your mental health is in a state yet you insist on continuing with the A.... maybe this is your chance to be with your partner in crime forever. Link to post Share on other sites
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