teenyfish Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. There were a lot of things that went into play, but we started growing apart. He got a little bit of "fame" in the entertainment industry and made friends with a woman who did the same job as him. I was uncomfortable with their friendship, long story short, she came to an event in our city, they go out to industry parties with friends, he doesn't come home until 6 am. He lies to me about her, I see texts on his phone, find her hair in the back of our car that "fell off his sweatshirt that she wore" and he talks with her about our relationship problems behind my back. I asked him if he cheated and he said "no", but I'm pretty sure he did. I'm devastated, we were together 3 years. We were going to go ring shopping within the next few months. The breakup was mutual, and was due to our "differing lifestyles", I never brought up the other girl after we fought about it the first time because I was just tired of it all. He thinks I believe him about everything and told me "I'm the love of his life" and "He's going to find me again in the future & marry me because there aren't that many girls out there like me." I'm so over it & him. For about 95% of our relationship he was an awesome guy and I NEVER thought he would do anything like this. But here I am. I've looked around reddit & other forums and it seems like so many people experience infidelity in their relationships. I'm so discouraged about moving on and finding others to only have the same thing happen again. Please tell me that there are still great relationships to be had without this kind of thing happening and that my ex was just a jerk. I feel like I'll have trust issues for a while. How can I move on and heal? Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 Trust concerns are ok as long as you don't let them become issues. As to moving on, you'll do it in time whether you really want to or not, but it usually takes longer than 3 weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 Monogamy is a social construct which is not adapted to every mind. The norm is polygamy. The real problem is that people are so bad at hiding their affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 I've looked around reddit & other forums and it seems like so many people experience infidelity in their relationships. I'm so discouraged about moving on and finding others to only have the same thing happen again. Please tell me that there are still great relationships to be had without this kind of thing happening and that my ex was just a jerk. I feel like I'll have trust issues for a while. How can I move on and heal? By remembering that people are individuals. The other woman messed around with a guy who has a girlfriend; you wouldn't. Likewise, you can meet a future boyfriend who won't behave the way your former one did. Don't punish new men for the mistakes of the old. Also remember that vulnerability is essential to falling in love. At some point, you're going to have to open up and take a chance. The alternative is to put up walls and never let anyone in again. One exposes you to risk, the other ensures loneliness. Which is the worse choice for you? Link to post Share on other sites
sorano Posted May 31, 2016 Share Posted May 31, 2016 The answer is time. Many of us on here got screwed over. Sometimes the events just play in your mind over and over. The pain sucks and everything setter to seem like a domino effect. From not trusting people to having a wall. Let the body and time do it's magic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teenyfish Posted June 2, 2016 Author Share Posted June 2, 2016 Thanks everyone. He was my first love and I'm surprised at how much he changed in 6 months or so. I know I'll get back up on the horse, but it's exhausting to think about ever being that close to someone again. 1 month down, hopefully not that many more to go! I'm still struggling with the idea that someone I was in love with for 3 years, who supposedly loved me back would hurt me this badly and feel no remorse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author teenyfish Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 UPDATE: one month after the break up he's dating the girl he told me was just a friend. Lots of posts of social media about how happy they are. What a loser. I'm so done. Time to move on for real, I deserve so much better! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Your ex is a jerky mcjerkerton from Jerksville. By "fame" you mean he does magic and dresses as spider man at kid's birthdays? Walk tall. remember you dodged a bullet with such a "famous" guy and remember the 5% jerk you saw in the relationship was the tip of the iceberg probably. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author teenyfish Posted June 18, 2016 Author Share Posted June 18, 2016 Your ex is a jerky mcjerkerton from Jerksville. By "fame" you mean he does magic and dresses as spider man at kid's birthdays? Walk tall. remember you dodged a bullet with such a "famous" guy and remember the 5% jerk you saw in the relationship was the tip of the iceberg probably. He's an "internet celebrity" dating another more "famous one". God I just feel like such a fool that I let him play me like that. Makes me feel like I meant nothing to him. Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Get mad at him. Feel sad for losing him. accept he's gone. But don't make yourself feel bad. You did nothing wrong and changed in both your lives will open new doors. You're a beautiful intelligent woman and your relationship ended. You get to find someone more compatible and nice now. be positive! Link to post Share on other sites
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