He wanna give up

[tinythemini]

Hi everyone, so here's my story. I met this guy online and we’ve been talking for more than 2 years now. I know that he didn’t date anyone and so am I because we got so serious about each other. We basically did all long-distance couples would do to keep the spark of the relationship.

 

However, we were never really in a “relationship” as we never really met and we live halfway across the world. We were supposed to meet last year but he got relocated due to his job. We have another chance to meet up next month but he refused to let me stay at his place this time saying it’d be a short of a tease and he’d miss me terribly after I leave. He said I should stay at my friends and he wouldn’t mind meeting up when I’m there but he doesn’t want me to think it’ll be a relationship if we kick it off because at the end of the day we still live so far apart. He said we shouldn’t have gotten so serious in the first place and this relationship won’t work till we live near each other. I’m actually planning to move there, not because of him but for my studies.

 

He said he really likes me and it hurts him so much for him to call this off. He doesn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship as physical affections may be important to him. He told me he’d love to explore his opportunities to get together with me when I eventually move there. So he wants to remain friends and keep in touch like how we used to but I just can’t be friends with him, at least for now, so I said I need time to sort out my feelings and will contact him once I’m ready. Deep in my heart, I care so much for this guy and I don’t want him to give up on us

[JuiceBox]

Sounds to me like he never thought anything serious was going to come of it. A person that wants you will never make you doubt that. Being friends with him would only allow him to think he can continue to build you up and bring you back down. Don't meet him unless you are prepared for nothing to come out of it.

[hippychick3]

He's probably married or at the least in a relationship with someone else. He won't take the risk of getting caught once you're there.

[JuiceBox]

This person is not for you. At least not right now.

[tinythemini]

I don't think it's either of that. We talked a lot. He's an introvert and he even introduced me to his close friends.

[tinythemini]

Thing is idk should I keep in touch with him. Idk if I can stand knowing he eventually know someone new and get that "physical affections" he wants. He once said it's sad that he didn't have sex for more than a year which kinda indicates that after he met me he didn't have sex since and it's sad it hurts me so much hearing him said that. Like am I experiencing the same thing? I didn't date, meet or have sex with anyone after I met him because I like him so much

[JuiceBox]

Idk if I can stand knowing he eventually know someone new and get that "physical affections" he wants.

 

Most likely he already has and you don't know about it.

[tinythemini]

maybe I shouldn't even go figure out. I'll just keep not talking to him OmG it hurts

[Lois_Griffin]

Yeah. He's married.

 

That's about the LAMEST bunch of excuses I've ever heard for not wanting you stay with him if you were to travel ALL that way just to see him - that 'it would be a tease' and he'll 'miss you terribly when you leave."

 

OMG what a pile of manure.

 

These feeble excuses don't even make any SENSE. So he WON'T miss you when you leave if you stay somewhere else? LOL. What a con artist.

 

This guy can't let you stay at his place because he's married or his girlfriend lives there. Period.

[Lois_Griffin]

Thing is idk should I keep in touch with him. Idk if I can stand knowing he eventually know someone new and get that "physical affections" he wants. He once said it's sad that he didn't have sex for more than a year which kinda indicates that after he met me he didn't have sex since and it's sad it hurts me so much hearing him said that. Like am I experiencing the same thing? I didn't date, meet or have sex with anyone after I met him because I like him so much

Yeah. About that.

 

Look. All you know is what this con artist TOLD you. You never even met him.

 

And if you honestly think he's been celibate for two years due to some kind of quasi 'loyalty' to a computer relationship you're having, then he's really pulled the wool over your eyes.

 

Don't waste your life investing in some keyboard Romeo. Meet a real flesh and blood person you can actually invest in.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yeah. About that.

 

Look. All you know is what this con artist TOLD you. You never even met him.

 

And if you honestly think he's been celibate for two years due to some kind of quasi 'loyalty' to a computer relationship you're having, then he's really pulled the wool over your eyes.

Don't waste your life investing in some keyboard Romeo. Meet a real flesh and blood person you can actually invest in.

 

Yup. I wouldn't believe for one moment he's been totally abstinent and has had zero romantic contact with a girl these last two years. Yeah, right. Why wouldn't he? You're not his girlfriend and he doesn't owe you that type of commitment. Please don't fall for that.

 

OP, you need to forget this guy. A relationship isn't going to happen. He's dodging you for a reason and keeping your connection strictly online. I know it hurts, but it's not healthy for you to have become so attached to a person you've never met. You cannot even verify much of what he's told you. Meet local guys you can actually spend time with in person.

[smackie9]

I know the pain of letting go is a terrible thing to be going through but, this can be a good thing. There's a whole world just waiting outside your door and available guys to meet. This two year thing has left you in emotional shackles which has robbed you of a true relationship.

 

Push yourself away from the computer and get involved with something, like making new friends, hang out with co-workers, visit family, etc.

 

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have someone to hold hands, kiss you,....???? It's out there trust me. So get a make over, find some pretty dresses, be flirty and have fun.

[coolheadal]

I understand how deep can get I've been there myself but not no 2 years. That's too long and sounds like he's dragging you along with him. How about finding someone local SDR = short distance relationship. Why would you put up with this so long 2 years out of your life is gone over him and what do you have to show for it?

[tinythemini]

I'm not trying to defend him but I'm pretty certain he wasn't dating anyone or married. He introduced me to his friends and coworkers, of course virtually. We talk, text and Skype pretty often so if he's dating or married, I'm sure his other half would know. But I do agree it's not healthy to get so emotionally attached to someone I haven't even met. It's not that I don't wanna date local guys I just seem to have a hard time finding ppl I like here. Either they like me and I don't like them back or I just don't find them attractive to me. of course I've dated local guys in my past relationships but it was like really long time ago when I was still in high school. Maybe I found ppl from somewhere else are more interesting than the ppl that live around me. I'm planning to move so I hope everything will get better.

Edited May 30, 2016 by tinythemini

[TMichaels]

I'm planning to move so I hope everything will get better.

 

Move somewhere that doesn't have Internet access and no doubt the odds will astronomically improve...

 

Best,

TMichaels

[tinythemini]

Hmm idk maybe that's not a bad idea. I actually travel pretty often and I interact with people personally a lot when I'm at a foreign place. I basically didn't use the internet as often as I'm here right now.

[justwhoiam]

Were you free to call him on his phone any time of day or night?

Monday to Sunday?

Were there times when he'd disappear for days?

He never had a vacation in two years?

 

He doesn't want you to invade his private space, that means:

1) his house

2) his neighborhood

 

He clearly told you that if you travel from the other side of the world to meet him, he'll probably make you happy by meeting you briefly coming to the area you'll be in. Am I wrong? And I'm not sure how you could accept that.

Do you really need crumbs from this guy?

 

He's uninterested, when until the other day he was, and just because you were not anywhere near him. So yes, something doesn't add up. When did you talk to his friends on cam last time? Coworkers?

[coolheadal]

I'm not trying to defend him but I'm pretty certain he wasn't dating anyone or married. He introduced me to his friends and coworkers, of course virtually. We talk, text and Skype pretty often so if he's dating or married, I'm sure his other half would know. But I do agree it's not healthy to get so emotionally attached to someone I haven't even met. It's not that I don't wanna date local guys I just seem to have a hard time finding ppl I like here. Either they like me and I don't like them back or I just don't find them attractive to me. of course I've dated local guys in my past relationships but it was like really long time ago when I was still in high school. Maybe I found ppl from somewhere else are more interesting than the ppl that live around me. I'm planning to move so I hope everything will get better.

 

I understand what your saying and I am in the same boat that is getting crowded move over.. LOL But tough for some people like us to find the right person locally. Can't if it doesn't happen. Online world easier because so many are looking also in other countries the only problem is whose doing the talking to on the other of of the keyboard. That's the hard part. But I say local but it doesn't have to be in the same city could be surrounding towns or cities say 50 miles apart. When it happen? You'll know he is the right one for you.