Partner left me for OW and I'm pregnant

[dreamingoftigers]

LOL...right?

 

Everyone HAS to have a 'why' for the low-life behavior of their spouse. What most don't get is that their spouse is simply a self-entitled a*sshole and just acting the way a self-entitled a*sshole ACTS.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

That funny, another site I visit blames Cluster B disorders for infidelity as almost blanket statement.

 

Yet, in my marriage, I was diagnosed with a Cluster B disorder, sought therapy, and didn't cheat on anyone.

 

My husband who isn't Cluster B cheated.

 

My serious recommendation to people is to think of your ex as a Grade A Arsehole instead of a diagnosis. But if you REALLY think they are Cluster B, RUN. Whether or not they cheat.

[dreamingoftigers]

So he was a 22 year old kid when you met him, which basically means he never had the chance to sew his wild oats but got involved in a committed relationship way too early in life. Sorry, 22 year old guys are way too young to be committed for life and they're GOING to act out, which is EXACTLY what he's done over the years. That's what happens when you take a 22 year old guy and put him in captivity and expect him to be happy for the rest of his life. Sorry, but it's just biology.

 

It's not bi-polar. It's a young guy continually fighting against being tied down when he wasn't ready.

 

It's not captivity. It's an adult person, who is probably immature still, CHOOSING to be in a relationship / committing etc.

 

He might have been immature, but his "freedom" was not the OP's choice to make

 

And now he's 34. (I turn 34 tomorrow). That's old enough to figure out how to parent and leave a relationship with dignity.

 

If he couldn't figure out how to do it by his widdle self, there's a big internet out there to look things up on. Including how and when to introduce a new relationship to a child

[Downtown]

I am aware that if it is bipolar that there is 50/50 chance of my kids having it too.

No, Louloul, the risk is not nearly that high. When only one parent has bipolar disorder, his children have a 10% of developing it. For an explanation, see the discussion by a CNN health expert (a psychiatrist at Emory Univ.) at "Will My Baby Inherit Bipolar Disorder?"

 

The 50% figure you read about does not apply to your children. Rather, it applies only to the risk facing a person whose identical twin has already developed bipolar. Generally, bipolar disorder and other major psychiatric conditions are only partly genetic. If they were completely genetic, then if one identical twin had the condition, the other would always be certain to have it. But most studies of identical twins put the risk to the other twin somewhere just above 50%. And I've seen one 2003 study estimating that risk to be 85%.

 

I just wish the ex would get a diagnosis, so I can be aware of what to look for.

With respect to bipolar, you already know the symptoms to look for. Granted, you aren't qualified to determine whether someone is exhibiting "full-blown bipolar" symptoms. Only a professional makes that determination. But you would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind to not spot strong occurrences of those symptoms. There is nothing subtle or nuanced about strong mania and depression. There likely is no need, however, to start looking for symptoms in your children anytime soon. The average age of onset is 25 and the usual range for onset is 18 to 30.

 

As to BPD symptoms, you also are capable of spotting them too. There is nothing subtle about an adult exhibiting strong occurrences of temper tantrums, punching himself in the eye, suicide threats, and always being "The Victim." The typical age of onset is the early- or mid-teens. As with bipolar studies, the identical twin studies for BPD suggest that the role of heritability explains a bit more than 50% of occurrences and environment explains the remainder. See, e.g., the 2013 JAMA study.

 

As to the risk of a child developing BPD when one parent is a BPDer, I've not seen any convincing figures because the few studies done are all based on very small sample sizes. I nonetheless would be surprised if that risk were above the 10% figure cited for bipolar. One psychologist, however, reports that the risk (when having a first-degree relative who is a BPDer) has ranged in studies from about 9% (Bandelow et al. 2005) to 25% (Zanarini et al. 1988). See TJ Trull 2008 Handout.

[goodyblue]

On Loveshack everyone's ex has Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder......

 

Jesus I know, right?. I get so sick of all the layman diagnoses.

 

If they don't have an official diagnosis don't throw it out there. It is a cop out.