Is he stringing me along?

[inis]

So, I'm a bit confused.

I started talking to this guy on an internett dating site about a year ago.

It went really well and we had lots of common interests. After talking online during the summer, we finally met up in August for a movie date. It was a really good date, or at least I thought so. I am extremely introverted and I take a long time to warm up to people and small talk is really hard for me. So a movie date was perfect. We met up an hour before the film and just chatted. It all went really well and we had lots to talk about and we met up again a couple of weeks later for a dinner. Again things went well. We were probably a bit reserved both of us and he has a very young son so we were taking things slow.

 

On our 3rd date he invited me over to his. I ended up spending six hours just talking to him and we talk very easily with each other.

This was in mid-November. I felt everything was going okay though I'd like to have moved things along a little faster. Even by third date we had not kissed. But I felt a connection to him and I really started to like him.

We planned for a forth date but he cancelled saying he was sick. Then suddenly he just fell off the face of the earth. I asked him to meet up again and he just said he was super busy and would be for a long time, I got the hint that he didn't want to continue seeing each other anymore. I kept wondering what the hell happened and after two weeks I sent him a text. I know I probably shouldn't have but I just needed to know what went wrong. I told him I liked him and that I spend a lot of time getting to know a person but that I felt we had a good thing going. He did reply (I didn't think he would) and said that he enjoyed the time we spent together but that he also felt we were both a little shy and that there maybe wasn't that great spark there. He also said he was really busy with work and his kid.

 

It was a blow as I really liked him and over the next few months I did wonder what went wrong and I thought of him now and then. Even when I had the opportunity to go on a date again, I decided to decline. I didn't feel the connection and thought it was a cruel thing to accept a date when I wasn't ready.

 

Then completely out of the blue last week, about six months after we last spoke he texted med again. Asking about how I was. I told him I was really surprised to hear from him again and that I was doing well.

He replied with saying "Yeah, I know. But I was thinking about you the other day and how you were doing. And I wanted to hear if you wanted to meet me for a coffee or something?"

I still really liked him and I had thought about him so I accepted. He texted quickly back that he was happy about that. He then told me it was my turn to invite him to my place since the last time had been at his. So I did. I invited him over the same weekend. He told me he had plans. But then later the same day he said those plans were scrapped and he'd like to come that weekend.

He showed up on Saturday with a couple of bottles of champagne and we had a lovely night, where we talked for hours. I still felt the connection from before and I felt more comfortable around him now. He left in the night and left his car at my house since we had been drinking. The next morning he was over to pick up his car, he then left his bike. A few days later he picked up his bike. We haven't spoken since he picked up his bike, which was only like two days ago.

 

BUT on Saturday there was a parade in town and everyone, literarily, was out. I saw him with his ex-girlfriend (the mother of his son) and he didn't even acknowledge me (I am sure he saw me). I know that he probably has not told his ex about me, but it was like he didn't know me at all. I was with my family (my brother, his wife and their kids). It was just a surreal situation.

 

I just need advice in what to do. Right now I'm thinking I should wait for him to make contact. But I can't shake the feeling in my gut that he isn't going to contact me. That he is just, again, going to let this pan out like the last time (when he just stopped communicating), I really, really like him and I just think it's strange if he contacted me again after all these months and then just seize contact after such a short time.

 

HELP! What to do??

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If I was in this position I would not reach out to him at all. I would also be wary about his intentions. There are a couple of red flags that you need to consider.

 

First red flag, he said he wasn't that interested and then contacts you six months later. I understand that this may have been quite flattering at first, but have you stopped to consider why he would do this? I mean it wasn't like he realized that he made a huge mistake after a couple of weeks and contacted you. It has been six months, why the sudden interest?

 

Second red flag, he completely ignored you when he was with his ex(?) when you saw each other. Why would he not even say hi? Think about it, not even a smile out of politeness.. guilt, fear?

 

These two red flags may not be related, but it wouldn't surprise me if they were. Regardless, I think you need to be careful about trusting this guy.

 

If you don't hear from him again try not to feel bad about it, you may have dodged a bullet.

[angel.eyes]

It took three months (August-November) to get to date#3. We're now at ten months since you first made contact, and you've only had four dates, at least one of which wasn't really a date, just hanging out at your place and drinking champagne.

 

I'm sorry, but you've invested in a fantasy. There's really nothing there. You don't have a relationship ten months in and you've barely even dated in that time. So you don't know him. Four dates in ten months simply reinforces what he told you last year--that he didn't feel a connection. No connection and little/no interest in dating you on a regular basis = no future. Unfortunately, it's time to let go of your hope that this is going to turn into something. It's not.

 

Don't contact him.

[d0nnivain]

You are the back up plan. Nothing more.

 

 

I get being introverted but if you want to build a relationship with anybody you will have to go faster then this. One date per month is too slow.