queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 So a little update, I saw my ex bf yesterday and he gave me my things back, we didnt talk much, he just asked me where i went on vacation etc... then today i saw him in the gym and we actually had a conversation, he told me he was moving downtown, then told me about some of his plans for this weekend and stuff.... not sure why he wanted to tell me that but oh well. We talked a bit, i have to admit it was quite weird since we havent talked in 8 weeks... then after the gym we actually emailed a bit. I found out hes not dating anyone but i didnt offer up any information about my dating status. I am at a loss as to what to do here tho, do i continue emailing with him or just cut it off... I still care about him soooo much and would love for us to get back together but its already been 2 months and he hasnt tried to get me back. Do you think its worse if your bf breaks up with you for someone else or breaks up with for no reason and isnt even dating anyone? Any advice on what I should do here? Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Hey Queenie... I'm sorry to hear that you're still sad! You know what I'm gonna say though- Cut him off babe! You deserve better than to have someone leave you wondering what they are feeling... I think he needs time to think through his shlt...let him have his time- he may come back or he may not- either way he's making a decision...and right now he's makingthe decision (every day) not to be with you...and it's his loss... Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 Thanks for the reply Erin, I almost wish i hadnt talked to him today and emailed because now my feelings are back and i was doing awesome. I had no contact for like a month and didnt see him at all either, i avoided him like the plague. I guess now that i made myself available for conversation it was probably bad. I was the one who sent the last email and he didnt even respond...guess he had nothing more to say! Whatever i wish he didnt respond at all and i dont know why he had to offer up the information that hes not dating anyone and hes moving downtown etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 lol o boii.. im going thru almost the same thing mayb you can help me on this also... well i saw my ex over the weekend. he called me and told me he hadnt seen me in a while and i havent talked to him for a while so he asked me if i could go out because he was here where i live visiting his cousin.. so i went and we went to eat and then we went to sit somewhere and talked and there was a lot of flirting... like before.. wel neways he kept grabing me from my waist and kind of hugged me alot becasue we were playing alot.. and then we got to this wall and he pushed me there and...we stayed quiet and we looked at each others eyes and i looked down but he was still looking at me and when i turned my bottom lip touched his... we seperated and then he came back and had me against the wall and this time i stayed looking straight at him and we got closer and closer and ....we kissed.... ...i grabbed him around the neck and him around my waist...and then i stopped it.. then he just started staring at the wall and we were quiet for a while then we sat down and he was like that wasnt supposed to happen..and i apoligized and said it was my fault that i shouldnt have gone to see him...and then he smiled at me... then he he layed on the stairs where we were at and i just sat there.. i was looking at the cars go by and he stared at me for a while and i looked at him then turned back to look at the cars..he said you better cheer up .. i was feeling gulty because he has a girlfriend...i felt like i made him do something that he regret doing...he asked me if i was going to tell his girlfriend and i said no..and he told me to do him a favor to not tell anyone about the kiss...and i said ok.. when we were saying good bye he asked me for a hug and i gave it to him and he picked me up and swung me ... ...he held me tight like he didnt want to let go.. then i said bye and he said bye and we looked at each other like when you look at a person before kissing them.. and i walked back home....when i went home he called me and i didnt talk to him after that.. i dont go online anymore because im doing NC..and he asks me where i have been that he doesnt see me anymore online.. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?.... WHY DID I HAVE TO GO AND SEE HIM I WAS FINE I WAS DOING GREAT BEFORE I SAW HIM.. WHY DID I HAVE TO SEE HIM!!! WHY.. CAN SOME ONE TELL ME WHY...I FEEL SO BAD BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AD I KNOW HES HAPPY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND ..I DONT WANT TO F*CK UP ANYTHING BETWEEN THEM...I WANT THE BEST FOR HIM AND I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY....I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM.. it just hurts to see that i will never be with hm ever agin.. it hurst to see that it was never meant to be... does anyome have any advice for me.....i really need it can you help me?... Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 I think no contact is probably your best bet, especially since he has a girlfriend, hes not worthy of your time seriously! I am mad at myself for even talking to and emailing my ex today...super mad at myself...because guess what, now the ball is in his court again especially since he didnt even bother to respond to my last email... Im so sick of it..seriously, why even bother to tell me about your life. Go get a life and tell someone who cares.. I was happy at first that we talked but after he blew off my last email i have to begin no contact again, also because i wont fully get over him unless i do. Unfortunately i have to see him everyday...ugh!! Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 See why we were saying do no contact?? Now you feel worse, and you were doing so well! Don't email him again. If he emails you, either reply back after 24 hours, or don't reply back. Don't reply back to every email. Keep focusing on your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 Thanks for the good advice, you are so right...i was doing awesome and now after talking to him today i feel like crap! Only thing i feel somewhat relieved about is that he isnt dating anyone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 But it shouldn't matter. You two are broken up. You need to get to a place where you're strong enough and happy enough on your own that you won't care if he finds someone else! Make that your focus, not getting him back. If he ever decides to get back with you, you'll be all the more strong and confident for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 You are right again...luckily i have shown no signs of weakness around him so thats a good thing i think. Just makes me so mad that he just stops responding to the emails when he was responding all day... forget him im not emailing him anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 queenie-stop contact. The more you do and the more he ignores your attempt, the more it hurts. If youstop contact, he cannot hurt you anymore. If it is meant to be, he will come back in time. Then you make the choice whether you want HIM or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 well its very frustrating that the ball is once again in his court...but im the only one to blame. I dont understand why he felt the need to offer me so much information about his life... Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 23, 2005 Share Posted June 23, 2005 Did I miss something? Does he have a girlfriend now? The info offered may just be to make you jealous? COuld he not be responding becasue he is at work or busy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Share Posted June 23, 2005 No he told me freely that he was not dating anyone...but i didnt tell him anything about my dating status. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Hey Girls! I am (was) going thru the same thing as you guys- ex whom I loved giving me mixed signals after we were broken up... But I HAD to take the advice that others here had given me and have absolutely NO NO NO Contact with the Baslard! Like you guys, I would be getting over him and then we'd have contact and I was right back to square one in trying to get over him! It was bringing me down all the time and he was always on my mind. I finally decided that I had to stop thinking that there was a chance because it was his decision EVERY DAY for us not to be together! He was the one who knew everything about me, yet still decided that he could do without my company...Kinda makes you wonder and have more respect for yourself!!! So please girls...try to not let these guys get to you...We deserve someone so much better who doesn't leave us wondering about our feelings... And Queenie- my ex did the same thing telling me about how he wasn't dating anyone...it leaves the possibility still there, but until he's begging at your door, then don't think anything more of it! YOU deserve better! You're obviously a sweet girl with lots of love to give! Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 Thanks Erin, that was so sweet of you.. and you are so right!! They resurface just so we cant get over them... well i did a lot of thinking last nite and was actually mad at myself for giving him the time of day...he doesnt deserve it. Basically he is getting best of both worlds right now and that is not fair to me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Exactly Queenie- remember me complaining that the second I got over the loser, he started to show up everywhere and call me etc...but he didn't want to get back together...he would just leave me with hopes saying, "One day we'll be together!"... They just want to string us along while they are finding themselves, which is totally unacceptable! We are loving people and getting taken advantage of because of it! These guys deserve to lose us and realize that they were stupid. I have been on a few dates since the break up but I am not really ready to trust again so fast...It takes time and we need to spend it on ourselves! You may not be ready to move on, and I'm not really either. I am slowly getting over the ex, but I always have good memories and get sad. But then I remember the time when he broke up with me and how he looked me right in the eyes (I was balling at this point) and told me how he didn't want to be with me anymore. He took full stock of everything I am and everything I had done for and with him and broke my heart. He gave me no chance of redemption...NOW do we really want to be with someone who is so capable of hurting us?????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 yea omg well i have no contact with hes the one who appears all of a sudden and it just makes me mad. ugh.. i hate it.. i was doing great as well as queenie but then he just had to come again.. ugh.. .. i seriously dont call him dont talk to him online (cuz i dont get on anymore) and i dont try to see him or anything.. ugh but w/e hes a loser lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 Yeah I hear you...mine must be the same way...he just wants to rub it in my face that his life is going SOOO great...i wonder if it really is? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Exactly they are getting the best of both worlds. I did a lot of thinking too and basically, I feel strongly for him and he knows this. He loves me and is coming for me when his life is on order, but the more I thought about it......him calling me was just to make sure he had me back on the fishing line to reel me in!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 You got it...thats all they want to do it real us in far enough and then they do the same crap! Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 it is so funny because he is being so sweet and the moment I get weak and be sweet back(my old self) he will stop. It seems so wrong that I have to hold back feelings to get him to be sweet! I know that it will sound so dumb to all of you who have been listening to me for the last month about how Iwanted him back and wanted him to contact me, but now that he has, I cannot believe I was so upset over him! Maybe becasue now I have the control?I am not even sure if we can be friends when we are still in love w/ each other. I know me, and I will not date if I still have him as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Share Posted June 24, 2005 Well i know I cant handle being friends with mine. I honestly think my ex is going thru some sort of an early mid life crisis...he is turning 26 and all his friends are in serious relationships or getting married, he only has a few single friends... One day poof, he breaks up with me and then yesterday tells me he is moving downtown..in a million years he would not have moved downtown, hes not a fan at all, not to mention he is going to rent an apt with 2 guy friends while when we were dating he was going to buy a townhouse and he even wanted me to eventualy move in. Talk about a turn of events... Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted June 24, 2005 Share Posted June 24, 2005 Ya know what I hate most! I have no idea what he is doing at this moment and during NC, I got to the point where I DID NOT CARE. This sux. Maybe your ex is going thru some type of crisis. 26 is young though. Is there anything else going on in his life that maybe be on his mind and then break did not have anything to do w/ you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Share Posted June 27, 2005 Well honestly he has HUGE trust and insecurity issues that stem from his childhood....I am almost lead to believe he is a slight commitmentphobic person. i have read several books on the situation and it describes him to a tee...pretty scary actually. Like how they just break up with you for no reason and your relationship was awesome, no warning signs, thats what happneed with us and the only reason he could give me was "somethings missing" thats bs if you ask me... regardless of how much i still care I have to move on, its obvious to me that he is starting a new life by moving downtown and stuff, he basically did a 180 from where he was going....kinda shocking to me and thats what leads me to believe he may be going thru some sort of a crisis. They say some guys go thru a quarter life crisis at 25, especially since this is when you should be leaving your party stage and starting to mature...in my eyes he is going backwards. who knows? All I know is that i still love him with all my heart but dont think he will ever come back, its been 2 months already. Link to post Share on other sites
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